I ate a normal number of calories today...

Nevermind. Mods, please delete.  I just read another post of someone's who is sick of seeing people with eating disillusions posting on here.  So I will just continue to go about holding it all in.  Because no one else ever understands, and people on here do.

if you truly wanted the post deleted and not read then when you edited it you would have deleted the initial message, which you did not do...therefore you want it to be read.

answer this question...what does another pound gain mean to you, heck what does another 10 pounds gained really mean? you're ugly? fat? lazy? normal? 

what do you derive out of being sick? underweight? emaciated? 

I'm not asking these questions to be mean but to shed light on the irrational mindset that perpetuates this illness. You are unwell, you starve yourself, and i am just going to guess that YOU ARE MISERABLE!! am i right?

so clearly being thin, well beyond thin, is not providing you with a life full of contentment and happiness. so, is it worth it in the end to risk killing yourself, not having children, being irritable, worrying your family/friends/spouse and anyone who's important to you? it is really a selfish and time consuming waste of life...I figured this out during recovery and looking back at my distorted thoughts I can't believe that was me. I feel so much better now not worrying about being stared at if I order a salad because I know that i'm healthy whereas before they saw me as a very ill girl who is sick and obsessed with her weight so she chooses the salad. I don't have to worry about taking of my sweater and having people stare because my arms look like toothpicks. I can run now...I can eat good food...I can be around my family without worrying about what they're thinking of me. I'm finally dating again and it feels great. I can be me because my life isn't absorbed in an eating disorder.

You make the choice each and every day to eat or not eat...you just have to find a greater reason to do what you know is right. If you love your family and yourself then you'll eat...who cares if you gain 10 pounds...are these people going to love you less? are you going to love your self less? is everyone in the world "fat" if they are in fact at a normal, healthy weight? no, right? well, what makes you any different?

Just try to be rational and logical. If you want to truly live and be happy then stop focusing on the number on the scale. don't define yourself by your weight but by the internal characteristics that cannot be changed...everyone deserves that!

chrissy1988, everything you said is spot on and I really appreciate it.  I have some reflecting to do.  When I see my doctor later on this month, I will try to ask for some help.

Sorry for the short reply.  Just fairly overwhelmed with thought and emotion now.  I'll perhaps reply again with a more indepth response.

Thank you for that bit of an eye opener.
I deleted my post this time, though.  I didn't initially because I thought, perhaps, it was against a rule of some sort.  I apologize.

I just want to say...don't give yourself and option of "try to ask for some help."  bring someone along that will basically blurt it out for you if you won't say it yourself.  sometimes your disorder overwhelms you so you need someone else to take the first step with you.  sorry if i'm being too blunt, because i'm not trying to hurt you in any way.  its just that the reality is:  if you really wanted help, you'd ask your doctor for it.