Attitude problem...

Greetings all, I'm posting today because I think I have an attitude problem.  Let me explain:

- I tend to see thin people (especially naturally thin people) as 'the enemy.'

- I want to slap people who are doingwhat I consider "whining and obsessing" about losing 15 lbs to lose.

- I have an 'all or nothing' attitide.  I will go for a week being 100% 'on,' but as soon as I eat a brownie or miss a workout, my brain says, 'screw it, you've messed up' and I'm 100% off.

Obvisously, I have a lot of weight to lose here (over 100 lbs) so I need to get my attitude right!  Anyone else out there ever experienced any of these mind-set problems?  Am I crazy!?

Thanks in advance for your replies!

I tend to be very jealous of thin women - aka people I want to be like. I think once you recognize it for jealousy you'll be able to get over it.

Believe me - you'll be whining when you get down to having 15 pounds left. Those last few pounds really are the hardest!

I too have an all or nothing attitude. Sometimes the best thing to do is recognize your bad day for being bad and just start fresh the next morning. Try not to give up completely. Also, if you eat a brownie - so what? It's just a brownie! Log the calories and then go for a walk. At least it will keep you out of the kitchen :)

Best wishes! Try not to be too hard on yourself.

i feel you, i use to have the attitude basically if i feel off the wagon i messed up forget it, im now relizing that even though i mess up sometimes that im NOT perfect an it happens whats important is to get right back to doing it, ive only been doing this a month an granted ive messed up,not so far as going to mcdonalds etc, but as in eating like 200-300 calories over my suggested amount, but when i look back now ive lost almost 14lbs in a month so yea i messed up but im losing either way an thats why im here.

with the skinner ppl, i guess in all ,honestly , deep down im jelous i wish i could have the body some of them do, i wish i didnt have to count every calorie, sodium, fat intake, as some skinner ppl dont, but i have to relize i do have to do those things to lose weight an you cant hate other ppl cause ur not them.

I had a very sad relization the other day, there was a post on here about losing sympathy for over weight ppl, or something like that an i took a lil offense to it, then i was at the store the other day, frustrated, there was a girl in front of me overweight not huge just say like 20lb over maybe, stuffing mcdonalds frys in her mouth, not moving out of my way which she was blocking and sadly enough the first thought in my head was" damn move ya fat B%^&h"  i truly was like OMG did i really just think that, an im NOT skinny but i was thinking what right do i have to judge ppl like that, especially when i have such a long way to go. I guess we all need some attitude ajustments. :(

Thanks for your good wishes, uno, but you'll never convince me that the last 15 lbs. are the hardest.  That's something that someone who's never looked at themself with 100+ pounds to lose would say.  I don't think anyone who's not been in this position can understand it (or else they wouldn't assert things like that last 15 lbs is so hard - heck, who couldn't live with an extra 15 lbs!?  Try morbid obesity and see if you can live with that!)

I don't mean to sound insensitive to those out there who are struggling to get themselves into literally perfect shape by losing 15 or 10 pounds - I applaud your efforts and am glad for you that you've not had to go through  such a huge weight loss, OR that you've already completed that weight loss successfully, but I think it's ridiculous to assert that it's 'so hard' to worry with 15 lbs. when currently, each and every activity of my day is extremely hindered by 100+lbs. 

Does that make any sense?

It does make sense, and I don't take offense - even though I still have 20 to go.

I had a very good friend who had over 50 to lose and we started dieting together. Her body was so ready to lose that weight that when she really stuck to her program it went more quickly for her than it did for me. That's all I meant. I think our bodies fight us a little more when we get close to our goals.

Even for me, the first 5 went really fast and now it's starting to slow down and become more of a struggle. I know it's hard for everyone, please don't think that I meant this was a breeze for larger people!

I'm not trying to put myself in your shoes. Everyone is different and feels differently about their weight. Your emotions are valid and your own. Nobody can feel what you feel. I hope you have a great day and keep trying!

Thanks uno, you're obviously a nice person and I don't mean any of the things I say to be against you personally and I hope you don't take it that way.  This kind of thing is exactly what forums are for, right - for everyone to share their personal experiences - which are different for each of us.

Thank you for the encouragement, I appreciate that so much!

I have this 'attitude' problem, or 'jealousy' issue too...

The best thing I ever did was start going to the gym occassionally. It sounds funny, but the women I noticed I *most* wanted to look like really worked at looking like that. Which is something that I am only just starting to do.

It's hard for me to be jealous when I think of how long I've made the choice that I'd rather relax for half-an-hour than lift weights, or just gave in to eating a hamburger and fries rather than heaping my plate full of veggies.

Maybe I'll feel differently if I never see any progress, but right now I do. And those 'thin' women give me hope that my work will pay off.

Hi Amber,

This is actually my first post, as I tend to be more of a lurker, but I really can sympathize with you, so I thought I'd respond with my experiences. 

I also have over 100 pounds to lose, and I can agree with everything you have to say.  I think I have been sabotaging my success with my bad attitude for years now.  I too have the all or nothing attitude, and I use every little mistake as an excuse to give up completely.  I am not trying to accuse you of making excuses, because it is different for every one of us.  But for me, this is a big confession.  In order to achieve successful weight loss, I have to quit focusing on everyone else and focus on myself.  Yes, my sisters are skinny and can eat whatever they want.  Yes, every time I talk to my mother about losing weight, she says she understands because she needs to lose about 15 pounds (when I need to lose 115), and it drives me nuts. 

So my suggestion is, when you start getting angry at someone who is obsessing over 15 pounds, try to ignore it.  When you mess up and eat something you shouldn't, realize that you have hit a speed bump and not a brick wall.  I know that I will never lose all the weight I need to without changing my attitude, so that is what I am working on first this time, rather than trying to overcome it on the way.  I applaud you for being honest with yourself and admitting that you need to get your attitude in check.  That's a really difficult first step!  Believe me, I know! 

So that was a looooong post.  Sorry, but I hope it helps!

Why hello my frend Amber!

No, you're not the only person who has felt that way.  1 year ago, I was ~250lbs and probably eating my way higher.  1 year ago, I hated skinny girls, or even girls who were of a healthy weight.  I'd look at them and scoff and say comforting things to myself like "boys don't like hugging a bag of sticks."  I would make disparaging remarks under my breath to my friends (also obese) like "oh someone doesn't need just a sandwich, she needs the whole buffet."  Called them 'chippies' and imagined them as vacuous anorexics more concerned with showing off their belly button piercings than with common sense.  Okay, I have no sympathy for the ones who walk around in the middle of winter in Upstate New York with their bellies exposed and their coats open and then complain about being cold. 

But I digress.  I know that feeling.  I know the feeling of hating people who 'only have 15 lbs to lose'.  I know the feeling of giving up because oops you had ice cream. 

Mid-june my thinking changed.  I saw pictures of me from Thanksgiving 2005 and I was SHOCKED.  I went looking for information in how many calories were in something and I found here, so I started and I scared myself with what I was eating.  I was heading to get even larger. 

My thinking changed.  Skinny girls were not 'the enemy'.  It was the goal.  It wasn't a "diet" it is "eating healthy" with the right proportions and better nutrition.  And man, everything my mom said to me was right.   Curses!  :) 

So since June, I've worked my butt off (literally).  I've lost 70lbs.  I only have 30lbs left to lose, and yes, it's gotten harder and harder to lose the weight.  You can bet when I get to 15lbs left to lose, I'm going to be whining and cheering every single pound as I inch closer to my goal. 

My advice is when you see a skinny girl running outside, still your first urge to label her the enemy and use it as a motivation to one day become that skinny girl that someone your current size with 'hate' for being small.  Who knows, that skinny girl may have started out your size.  You're not crazy, but I fear that your current mind set will lead to self-sabatoge instead of success. 

Amber, I am so with you on #2 and #3.  I have 40 to lose, although some charts say I should lose 50 - 60 pounds, but I know my body well enough to know that I won't/don't want to be THAT skinny.  I don't need to be a size 4.  People that want to then more power to them.  My mom, who is skinnier than me would almost daily complain about how fat she was.  Finally I told her how much that hurt my feelings and she stopped bringing it up, that helped.  Now I just don't bring up weight.

I so have an all or nothing, but this site is really helping me overcome that.  So I eat a brownie (or 2) I log it in my food journal and I see how many calories it is, about 250, which isn't going to make me gain a pound, I would have to eat 14 brownies to gain a pound. SO with the extra 500 calories, I know I should just try harder the next day.  Once I visit the site the next day I feel better about myself.  I always visit right after I check my email even if I don't have food to log just to remind myself that I have this tool and to read the forums for motivation!

Good luck!

I know what you mean, but I'm kind of the opposite with my attitude problem though. Most of my friends are either skinny or just voluptuous but very healthy and active, so I look to the healthy ones as inspiration. I have over 100 lbs to loose too, but I've always been pretty active, and not what *I* consider lazy. I've worked out on and off for the past 5 years (not as religiously as needed to to lose weight though). But I know a woman who is my size, and she talks about how unhappy healthy people are for dieting all the time, and how she doesn't have to watch her sugar because she has glucose tablets that she can take if she has a diabetic episode from eating 1/2 a cake. She's so negative and bitchy anyhow, and she gets on my last damn nerve! I find myself looking at her and thinking "she makes me sick," but we're the same size!!! How messed up is that?

The comments given are all great and theres not much I can add to them other than I understand what you are saying and to share a bit about myself. 6 years ago I was hovering around 300 lbs. I managed to lose about 50 lbs over a period of 5 years and in November 2006 I was 251 lbs and found this site. I had been unhappy for ever. Had been over 200 lbs since I was 18. My knees hurt, my back hurt, but worst of all I hated what I seen in the mirror. I had hated it all of my life. I tried to cover it by telling myself I was beautiful inside. Like you, I hated everyone that was thin, everyone that looked like the person I wanted to be. There were times that Im sure I was green with jealousy. Since joining CC I have lost 36 lbs. Thats a total of about 86 lbs. lost. I am going to my daughter university graduation in June and I am going to be someone I want to be. Its not been easy and its not going to be easy as I have at least another 40 lbs to go. But I am worth it and I realize that I cant love myself if I am puting all my energies into hating someone else. Take all that anger, all that hate and channel it into yourself. Channel it into educating yourself about healthy living so that you can love yourself again. Trust me, most of those people you are wasting your energies on dont even know you exist.

CC is a great place for support and information. Use the tools and read all that you can. Staying active on the site is excellent motivation. Listen to those that have reached their goals, those that have lost pounds because those are the people you want to be like. Good Luck my friend and hang in there. You Are Worth It!

Im editing this because I forgot to mention something that fellow CC members taught me and that I find really helpful in my quest for thinness. Try breaking your 100 lbs into smaller amounts. Break your untimate goal into a number of mini goals. Maybe start with 10 lbs. And no matter what you do, DONT forget to reward yourself. Buy yourself a little gift, a new haircut, dye job, new lipstick. Just something to say "self, you are doing a great job and I love you". Sounds silly? Maybe it is, but it works.

I can definitely relate to seeing thin people as the enemy. Not just thin girls, but even guys. I always try to "fatten" up my thinner guy (and girl) friends by encouraging them to eat unhealthy foods.  Honestly, in my head, it's almost like a war between those who are naturally thin and those who have to work hard to get thin.

Oh and by thin I mean a 5'4 girl in the 100-110 pound range, since I know many people would classify me as thin, but really I mean "underweight" thin.

I felt the need to respond to your anger at those of us with "only" 15 pounds to lose.  15 pounds is not an insignificant amount of weight, especially if you have a debilitating condition like myself--arthritis in my hip.  I originally lost 25 pounds, and put 15 back on.  For me, 15 pounds is the difference between walking without a cane and moderate chronic pain, to hobbling around in more pain than I let my friends know about.  I am not striving for a perfect body--I like the way I look--but I am in pain with this extra 15 pounds.  I'm doing this to go a little longer before I have my hip replaced--I am only 37 years old. 

All I wish to do is allow you to walk in my shoes for a moment--because we should all have the same goal--to get healthy.  Good luck to you--and to everyone working hard to be healthier.

Hey, you are right that 15 pounds is not alot of weight to lose, but it is the hardest and I say that bc of the fact that it is not alot to lose. When you lose so much weight and you get to the last bit, you almost want to give up bc its NOT easy and you have accomplished so much that you could be happy. Take this from someone who is trying to reach an 80 pound loss and worked her a$$ off for the last year. I am down to the last 12, and still struggle. One month, Jan?, I even saw a gain. I never saw that last year. Remember that the skinny girl you hate could be someone like you who had to struggle to get there. How can you tell by looking?

That said, you 100% have a right to feel the way you do. I did when I came here. I completely ignored people who were like 20 pounds over weight like ha- that is nothing. When you lose, your attitude will change somewhat. I still dont like to hear about someone who is 110 and wants to lose 5-10 pounds. I will never be 110 pounds without looking ill, I think. It is still frustrating, but more tolerable than before. Nothing is said to be offensive, please dont take it that way. Just keep on keepin' on and you will succeed. Make friends with those like you and use them as your support system. Recognize that all your problems are human nature and there are many people just like you.

As far as all or nothing, keep in mind permanent loss is going to require a lifestyle change. Do it as slowly as you need. Each choice takes you one step closer. Just make you the healthiest you possible. Eat a brownie? So what, nobody is perfect all the time, I fell off the "wagon" more than a few times. The last time PMS was around I think I ate 600 calories worth of brownies. A bad day every once in a awhile lets your body know that you are not starving. Keeps the metabolism going. Dont beat yourself up, okay?

Just wanted you to consider having someone heavier than you, tell you not to bother losing the weight because you are thinner than them.

It's all about perspective.

I'd find that really discouraging, reguardless of the amount of lbs to lose.

I'm not upset or anything, but yeah if someone said that to me, I'd have a hard time.

You're not crazy but you may drive yourself there buy comparing yourself to others. There will always be someone thinner, prettier, smarter, wealthier, ect.  This struggle is about you and no one else. You gained it and you alone have to lose it. That's irrespective of anything or anyone else.  You can and you will do it. Attitude adjustment complete. :)

Iam struggling with attitude too....even though I have 30 pounds to lose... My dear husband who is VERY supportive, is 6' 1" and thin at 145# dang him! and he eats and eats and eats! and I do get jelouse!

nan