Attitudes to weight you've lost

I read a really interesting question on a forum here in November about weight loss and the differences in cultures.  It spurred a great discussion and was fascinating.

I had an operation a couple of months ago and had a lap band inserted.  For those who don't know, it is a gentler alternative to gastric bypass.  I've lost 25 pounds so far and am pleased, but was wondering if anyone had experiences with friends, family or acquaintances not accepting the "new you"?  I know that I have used my weight as a barrier to the world in a way, or a protection against things and wonder how people have coped as they've lost weight.  I'm up for the challenge, but wondered if other people had experienced any negativity to their lost weight?  Someone unhelpfully said "if your friends aren't happy with your new weight, then they aren't your friends".  But that isn't really true.  And in the case of family, it would be more helpful to find a way to help them accept the new me, rather than fighting it or being upset by it.

My weight has been an issue with me for most of my life, and I am excited about seeing a time when I will be an acceptable size.  Going on holidays, warm weather, sitting in restaurants and meeting new people will be so much more fun and less time taken up with worry.  But I remember when I was in my 20's, I lost a lot of weight and did lose a couple of friends who weren't accepting of the new confident me.

I'd love to hear other people's experiences on this subject.

women get b***** and men get friendly.

lol

I dont get that because if anyone loses I get very happy for them and like to talk about what they are doing and watch thier faces light up.

So what does that band feel like?

Down sixty pounds, my old high school gang think I'm more "stuck up" even though they have yet to speak to me.  They figured since I got all adorable and all, I'd turn into one of those self-absorb jerks.

Haha, I really didn't.  I just like to kid around sometimes.

My family, though, asks me how long until I lose the rest or how long until I gain it back. 

Thanks for the replies.  I wonder if it is jealousy?

 A band makes it feel like you are full after only a small bit of food.  It's hard to get used to at first because you are used to a larger plate of food, but it is also good because I had trouble losing weight because I was always hungry!

 

I've lost alot of weight suprisingly my family has been very supportative my friends. . well a few of them didnt like it and would make snide remarks i sat them down and let them know how it made me feel a few walked away and a few opened up and we had long talks. . a few were jelous and one was scared that i would loose so much i wouldnt want to be her friend anymore. . the only negative war the guy i was dating he walked away. . his loss

The only thing I ever get from people who haven't seen me in a long time is: "Well you certainly look healthy!". That's a plus, I know what they mean and it doesn't drag my past weight issues out into the open.

Family is more awkward:

"So how many have you lost so far? Uh-huh. How long do you think you'll keep it off?"

"If you become anorexic I WILL be checking you into a clinic whether you like it or not."

"I don't know why you have such trouble with this. You look fine. Always have. Go eat a sandwich."

For those who think those comments mean I have ED-ish behavior, I don't. I exercise about an hour a day and eat ~1500 calories (1200 drives me up a wall!). My family is just a little paranoid because they see me weighing food.

But for the most part people are fine with it. My friends don't mention it and 90% of the time my immediate family doesn't say a word.  

Funny you should mention it. My family is endlessly supportive, and my coworkers joke about being jealous, but truely, they have also been supportive and all. Most of my friends say I look wonderful, and are pleased as I am and say I am inspiring. However, about a month ago a close college friend (who is SUPRISE a heavy girl) came to my house and first thing from her was "You are so thin you scare me (5'2, small frame 120 lbs, attained by eating veggies and working out... hardly starving to death, here). Thinking I am at my goal weight, I patiently explain to her how I've lost the weight, show her BMI charts, bone structure, and the weight watchers definition of what I should weigh. I thought that would cover it and allay her 'fears'. No. The whole weekend I was subjected to scrutiny of my plate, beratement over not having cinnamon rolls (they were the canned ones that taste like crap) and the comment that she never thought I'd be one of THOSE people, who think they are fat when they are not. When she left I asked the husband if I was too skinny and he reaffirmed no, I am not, and if I am hapy that is what matters. And I am happy with my weight and my body's new shape. However, I mourn the loss of a friend who was willing to let 15 lbs get in the way of what she's known of me for 20 years. It was very hard to have a girlfriend I trust snipe me like that. But I figure she's not happy with herself (and other than her commentary on my weight, I am not unhappy with her), so we just keep weight commentary to ourselves now.

people drop their jaws & stare at me like 10 seconds then say OMG YOU LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT!

even though ive only lost 30 pounds total =/

Most of my friends (except 1) didn't even notice when I gained the weight (a total of 30lbs), so I'm not expecting them to notice when I finish losing it either. They went so far as to ask me where the 'supposed extra weight' was. I was too busy to notice my own weight gain so I couldn't be too mad at them, but needless to say I wasn't thrilled. But then I wasn't thrilled when my dad looked at me one day and said "You're getting fat" as if he'd just had an epiphany.

I moved states. So, I haven't really had to deal with all that yet. It's weird seeing people I just meet and them probably thinking I've always looked the way I do. I definetely notice that I get treated a LOT better now than I did when I had all the weight.

I think most of my friends will be supportive when I go back and visit. I don't know though. I have a feeling I might run into some of what you guys have experienced as far as the "not so supportive" experiences too.

 

 

I got told behind my back that after I lost a little over 100 pounds half way through my loss, that I was "cocky" and thought I was "all that" But one of my best girlfriends RIPPED into the 2 girls right in front of me, telling them they were jealous and wish they had the will power to do it...it was amazing.

Thanks for all the replies.

 Don't you think that a theme of jealousy is being seen here?  And people feel safer when they can pigeon hole us, so when we change they are insecure?  I'm nowhere near being thinner enough for people to really notice (although a woman I met in a shop said I was looking a lot less "puffy" in my face.  She just didn't want to say fat!) but I'm wondering if I'll get the cocky and stuck up labels too?  I think I will be more confident and that will translate into not allowing myself to be so much of a doormat.

 Thanks again everyone for commenting!

I think its funny that the mean people that liked the doormat status will call you cocky...But people you just met will act normal.

Thats how you know they are full of BS and green with envy.

Another funny thing: If you have some chunk and keep your head down you are shy. But if you are put together and thin doing the same thing you are stuck up. LOL

Everyone is nice about it... i havnt found one mean person yet.  Everyone just asks what i did/do.

ha, chop_chop, you are right on! :  ) But, I'm going to enjoy it all anyway! Let them bring da attitude on!

as I initially lost weight and people noticed both my friends and family were VERY suportive...but when I actually got thinner than them, that was hardly the case...I either got "are you ill/sick" "you are losing way too much stop now" and my favorite "you know the vast majority of people gain it back"....just pay no mind to it and do what you have to do