so when do I become attractive?

Hey, I've really started to get into these posts, but this is the first one I've ever tried to start. I've lost about 50 pounds in the last year, pretty proud of myself, and am continuing to lose (hoping to lose another 40 to 50). I'm 5'3", and around 175 lbs, so still a fairly big girl, but over the past year I've not only lost weight but learned how to dress better, put makeup on (properly), and just keep myself well groomed. I think I look attractive (big lips and eyes, smooth brown skin, short hair), but I'm a bit frustrated because I don't know if I should approach guys who seem interested or not. Girls who've been overweight and in a relationship, what's the deal? Do most guys really shun the chubby girl? Do I have a chance?

Boy that is some topic to start out with! And will be so much fun to follow.

I think everything in life is about your attitude. Confidence is key. You should absolutely be approaching anyone you want. If you are not used to being the instigator it may take a few runs before you can fall into conversation easily but by then your phone will be ringing off the hook. I happen to know real live men who adore a girl with some meat on their bones and anyone worth your time is going to look past your appearance and see you for you. I mean that in all ways. Those thin little things out there can be trapped by their appearance too.

And congratulations on your success.

As soon as I posted I noticed that you had added a picture. You are a gorgeous girl with an amazing smile. Remember that!

I agree.. confidence is everything.. so if u like a guy.. give him the :look:, smile.. and if u are drinking some good martinis head over and say hello! lol

Well in your original post you said you think you look attractive...therefore I assert you are attractive =)....just like the other two posters have said...it's all about self-image/self-confidence.

And no, not all guys shun the chubby girls, in fact from what I've heard from my guy friends is that they like a litte 'cushion for the pushin' (sorry if that was inapropriate >_<).  My boyfriend actually likes that I'm a little chubby and always says he doesn't want me to lose too much weight.  I just always remind him that I'm doing this be be healthier, not to be stick thin.

Just go up to them and tell them they're cute. Be foreward. :)

Give yourself and the guy an easy out if you're just going to start blurting out "you're cute"...be prepared to follow it up with something like what's your favorite team?  If they look awkward or like they're trying to avoid you, let them give you a team and then just smile and say "too bad" and walk away.  If they're interested, they'll follow up with you.

CONFIDENCE.

My attitude was always 'their loss' if i got turned down. I've never been afraid to approach the opposite sex, I've always had the attitude that if you don't ask you don't get.

Keep a mysterious air about you, so he's curious, he wants to know more.

Go for it! and keep us all updated too!

I lost a bit of weight and started to get lots of guys after me (sorry it sounds big headed), but i had no confidence at all so a ran, from them all.
Im only with my boyfriend now thanks to a mate, he went along as her friend.
 I didn't make any moves , but i fancyed him so i tried to be myself around him and he did all the work of trying to see me again, cuz i didn't want to met him again cuz i was scared...but i did.
HE liked me dispite the fact i had no confidence, still wasn't sure of my body as i was losing weight and didn't know how to act around guys.
NOW, im confident (thanks to him), sure enough of my body to dress up for him and i know how to get my way with men lol

Sometimes, what im saying is.. you need a males helping hand to find out you are attractive, you dont need to be the in your face IM SINGLE! type to make love happen!

well, I'm so out of this range b/c I am 40 and have been married for 17 years ...but....the thread name caught my eye b/c I think all of us that are overweight or have been overweight truly lack that self confidence thing!  (most anyway)

However, when I saw your picture!  You are a beautiful lady!  Honey, go for it!  I hope you will see what I  see.   

Good luck!

"I agree.. confidence is everything.. so if u like a guy.. give him the :look:, smile.. and if u are drinking some good martinis head over and say hello! lol"

Man I can't point this out enough: No man will understand "the smile" NO! Men can not, simply because they can't feel or see the difference between a friendly and a "more wanting" smile! Impossible, trust me, i have to know lol...

If you really love someone go to him and tell him straight, yeah it sounds unbelievable mad and sure not romantic but that is how simple men brains work.


As for the thread question:

You're attractive the moment you feel attractive. Sounds easy but it isn't. If you feel (like me) still stuck in a body that isn't really you, then you can't be happy or attractive at all. 

However it is true, some men like slim women, none like underweights and some like bigger women. The vast majority just likes "normal" women, no beauty queen needed like the commercials might suggest...

I think it comes down to meeting the right people. I met my fiance last year at my highest weight, 203, and he told me (and still does) every day that I'm beautiful. I've lost 16lbs so far, working on another 40, and he's happy for me that I'm doing it for myself, but told me he fell in love with me the way I was, and wouldn't care if I never lost a pound.

The same thing goes with men. I'm sure you have been attracted to a guy, and maybe your friends didn't understand why. Who cares what they think? My point is attractiveness is relative. Not everyone is going to be attracted to you, but a lot of guys will. ANd guys DEFINITLY don't think the way women do. If a women is rejected, she wonders what's wrong with her. If a guy is rejected, he shrugs it off and moves on to the next target. (this applies to first impressions, not established relationships).

Ssethi, I feel similarly on this topic.  I have been single for a long time (like 5 years!) and always attributed it to my weight, but then I realized that I put up this huge wall, and even when guys are interested in me, I shoot them down.  Maybe cause I was hurt once or twice before.  And lacking self-confidence.  I also tend to be very picky.  I'm going on 26 now and starting to feel a little lonely.  But I go through phases where I really don't care and enjoy being single, and then phases where it bums me out (like wedding season or the holidays!)

All we can do is continue to keep a positive attitude, love ourselves and things should fall into place.  At least that's what they say!  lol ;)

edit:  by the way, you ARE attractive!

Guess what?  My hubby has love handles and always has and I was attracted to him.  My Sister in-law is chubby and always has been and has a husband and two kids.  My Brother-in law is skinny and is very happily married to a chubby women and has two wonderful kids.

If you stop looking for 'Love' and start looking for nice people you'd like to be friends with, and BE YOURSELF not matter what size, love will come.  Because in the end we all fall in love with the personality not the body.  Don't mistake Lust for Love, which takes longer to develop.

If you are a beautiful person on the inside and you look for other beautiful people on the inside (so not just the hunky pretty boys) you'll find someone wonderful who thinks you're wonderful too and you'll stay together for a long, long time.  I've been with my husband for 20 years and we'll grow old and cranky together.   Wouldn't have it any other way. 

 Good Luck.

I really agree with what an earlier poster said about attractiveness being relative. Yes, some people may be more attractive than others at first glance but to me what I really find attractive about someone is his or her personality. My husband and I have both gained and lost weight in our 9 years together and we have always found each other attractive because we love each other. Also, we were friends first and then the romantic attraction came later.

I think you look very pretty in your picture and I agree that you have a beautiful smile. So I agree with the previous posters, be yourself, have confidence, and don't be afraid to approach a guy you like. I did, and it worked for me! Good luck.

Call me an old-fashioned nutball and hopeless romantic .... but I think what is important in a person is what is on the inside, and not what is on the outside. What attracted me most to my husband was that he was a friendly, thoughtful, kind, considerate, intelligent, honest, straightforward, solid christian who was active in his faith, dedicated in his career, and a wonderful listener.

The fact that he was a handsome, dashing fighter pilot was just an added bonus! (grin)

We have been married 4.5 years ... and to this day I can't for the life of me figure out how I managed to end up married to such a wonderful man. I was fat when we met, I was fat when we courted, I was fat when we were engaged, I was fat when we got married, and .... ummmm.... I am STILL fat! (But working actively on getting "less fat.") I asked him recently what attracted him to me and he smiled and said that he loved my sense of humor, he loved my smile, he loved how fun I was, he loved how caring and friendly I was, and he loved how serious I was about my faith and growing in it. "Oh, and you were very cute, too!")

The point to all of this?  You are beautiful and attractive now .... from the inside as well as the outside. And the right guy for you will see that ..... don't worry.

________

=^..^= MOLLY  (cuter than the average bear)

I just wanted to say thank you to all the people who've offered such encouraging words on my post. I think it'll take me a while to feel comfortable in my skin, but every day it gets a little bit easier. I think you guys are right, it's not something to worry about. Thank you!

This is a perfect post for the weekend that I just had. I went to New Orleans for the weekend for the NBA all star game. I was hoping to see some nice thick girls from the south and to my suprise every damn girl down there was super thick. I was in hogg heaven. I seriously had to call friends back home because I could not even handle the amount of thick women there were. I love women that look like women, and women are supposed to have some thickness to them. So I just wanted to share because I have never been so excited about so many thick women in my life. Lots of girls here in denver stay real athletic and tight and that I just not my thing. So to answer your question there are PLENTY of dudes out there that like their women like you. I ran into at least 100 dudes that were in shock just like me about all the thick women. By the way to give you an idea of what kind of thickness we are talking about 5'3" and 175 is good, 5'8" and 210 is real good. Just my thoughts

You have to keep some of that THICKNESS. Good work so far !!!