I have an autism headache

I have three children:  my beautiful, smart 10-year old daughter, my handsome, smart, autistic 8-year-old son, and my cute, cuddly and smart 2.5-year-old son. (Seriously, they really are all very smart and adorable.  I'd say that even if they weren't mine.  I'm not biased, really.)

My 8-year-old has Asperger's Syndrome, which is an autism spectrum disorder.  My headache comes not just from my son's challenging behaviors, but from people's lack of understanding of the disorder.  My son LOOKS normal, and so therefore he's just a brat.  Makes sense to me...  We were at a park today and my son was having one of his more challenging days.  We were getting looks like you would not believe.  For the most part, I've learned to ignore it, but sometimes I just need to vent.  Thank heaven for the Lounge.

We were in Culvers about a month ago, and my son had one of his meltdowns, and this woman starts yelling at him to be quiet.  This had the effect of turning my attention to her, rather than my son (our wonderful nanny was with us, and so managed to get him settled).  I told her that he has autism, and asked her to be patient with him (although admittedly those might not have been my exact words.  I didn't curse or say anything rude, though, I do know that)   At that point, anyone with half a brain would have shut up.  She replied that he  didn't have the right to disturb everyone else.  I said he has just as much right to be here as her or anyone else.  She CONTINUED by saying righteously, that SHE wasn't disturbing everyone.  I said, "You don't have autism.  Count your blessings."  And I turned and walked away.

Then I ate about 4000 calories worth of ice cream.  I'm still trying to burn off those calories.  Stress eater?  Not me...

Later, another woman approached me and said, "That was AWESOME."  She was so fantastic to come up to me and tell me that.  (I only wish it was before the ice cream).

What is really amazing is that later that day, I asked my son if he remembered going to Culvers.  He said yes.  Then I asked him if anything unusual happened there.  He thought about it and said, "Nope."  He was so in his own little world that he didn't even notice his mother yelling at this perfect stranger in a restaurant.  Autism can be a blessing at times, I suppose.

Anyway, I think I'm done venting.  Thanks for listening.

Hi, I have acouple students I work with that are autistis and one that has Asperger. I just finish a enrichment program on the subject.  I know that when they are having a meltdown (rage) they usually don't remember.  I have one student that just went to middle school - He is the most beautiful little boy I've ever seen. Hope your day settled down. by now.  I can't believe that women wouldn't shut up. It was nice of the other women to say that to you - but agree wish it was before the ice cream but we've all been there. Take care.

Wow...does that bring back memories!   I have a 35 year old son with Asperger's.  He was diagnosed at age 18 months back in 1974.  Very few people were aware of autism then.  I had the same thing happen once in a restaurant when he was 5 years old. .  What I find strange is now my son talks about those meltdowns.  He even can laugh a little now remembering them.  His fetish was using string for self stimulation.  We were once in a museum and he darn near unraveled an ancient Persian rug just to get the string, (luckily that went unnoticed....lol).  Kinda weird, but this is one of his fondest memories and could explain his obsession with ancient civilizations. Keep up the positive attitude.  My heart is with you and all the other parents of autistic children.  They are a challenging blessing and will make you stronger thatn you can ever imagine.

Peace

Dona

I feel for you. I have a son that has mild cerebral palsy and also sensory integration disorder. He is 3 years old and he too appears "normal" and Im sure is easily stereo-typed as "just being a spoiled brat". We deal with those type of people a lot and everywhere - you know the type that conveniently forget the days their children "disturbed" everyone! During one of those "meltdowns" our patience is being tested enough, you think that would be a warning sign! It has been over a year since my son was diagnosed. I have almost had to train myself to not look around to see if anyone notices my sons behavior. I almost always before was searching for someone to say something or give a wrong look in our way. It was a stage of "acceptance" for me. I felt good when I lashed out on someone, weird I know but it passed, thankfully!  

Another Autism mom  here... 7 years old, just diagnosed in January when he was 6.5..  We do have our days don't we?  Im glad you stood up to that lady, I wish people would be more understanding and less judgemental.. *sigh*

My little brother has Asperger's. It's so hard for people to even notice that he has it--when he was little it was a little more obvious, but now that he's almost 18 people who haven't grown up with him don't realize he isn't 100% normal. Even my husband has a hard time believing that my brother has Asperger's, because to him, Nick seems normal. I know my brother's teachers are probably thinking the same thing--Nick is so high functional that it is truly difficult for one to tell. His biggest challenge right now is school, but I know he will find a way to overcome that.

My 7-year-old son, Ben has Asperger's / Autism.  He looks normal, but hates to wear anything but pajamas and short sleeved shirts.  When he is having a bad day, we try to do whatever it takes to get him through or we leave the situation.  (His doctor recently recommended an emotional tool box,  things that might help him cope or distract him. )  I think what I hate most is that people think that he is spoiled, or we let him have his own way, or that they can control the situation better than we can.  Before he was diagnosed, we were in Borders book store.  He wanted this giant sticky bun to eat, but I thought he wanted jelly beans.  I purchased the jelly beans and he had a melt down.  It was too late to buy the sticky bun...So we leave and some lady follows us out of the store, trying to make the situation better.  She's yelling to Ben..."Can I have a jelly bean?  I like jelly beans.  Little boy...can I have a jelly bean?"  Ben then took the jelly beans, threw them on the ground and smashed them with his feet....

I actually look back at that day and chuckle.  I hope he taught her a lesson, never to butt into other people's business. 

Have you ever read about the effects glutamic acid has on autism (and obesity and other stuff). Their claims on these sites proved to be TRUE for me.

Anyway, do a lil bit of research. :) Might help your children feel more clear minded. I know it helps me to avoid glutamic acid.

http://www.truthinlabeling.org
http://www.msgmyth.com
http://www.msgtruth.org

My best friends son is autistic. She has cut out all gluten and dairy from his diet and his frequency/intensity of tantrums has reduced considerably, except when he wants ice cream and isn't allowed to have it.

Original Post by wannabe_thinagain:

I have almost had to train myself to not look around to see if anyone notices my sons behavior. 

It takes some practice, but it's important that you never feel like you have to consult strangers on how to handle your own child.  Nobody knows him better than you.

I occasionally notice those stares when my 5 year old (diagnosed as autistic at 3) makes his squeals of excitement, or doesn't respond when spoken to because he's non-verbal, and I just remind myself that they don't know what's going on. 

To the OP:  I'm sorry you had to experience that.  We haven't had anyone blatantly approach us like that, and I don't know if I could have handled it any better.  Even if your son wasn't autistic, a random stranger still doesn't have the right to yell at someone else's child - what made her think that adding more noise to the situation would actually help?  I'm glad you got some public support, and hope you encounter more in the future.

I understand where you are coming from, a member of my family has a 5yr old who has just been diagnosed with it, and the number of people who say it's just bad parenting is unreal and hurts them too. I don't know what the answer would be.

I had one of these today.. My son is fairly high functioning and can usually be talked out of having a meltdown but today after his swimming lesson I let him stay in the water for another half hour almost and he just did NOT want to leave.. I had to give him an additional 5 minutes for another pre-warning then he still had a fit.. I had to carry him, a large 7 year old, out of the pool kicking and yelling while trying to keep  my daughter in-line and watching to see who was staring at me, as discussed above.... Ahhhhhhh.. 

Im gonna add some of you to my list, I lost all my friends fro before when I switched to CC+

I just got done babysitting my 6 year old nephew who has autistic tendencies (3 days with his 9 year old brother)...this may explain the inexplicable yelling "I can't" followed by running off to watch TV, go to his room, wherever. I just retrieved him back to the situation and worked it out step by step so that he could, but I can see where that wouldn't work for everyone.  I hadn't realized that this might be due to autism, I just figured it was rough being 6 with an older brother who can do everything.

Just wondering how all the ASD kids are doing for back to school/preschool etc

 

We are adjusting ok, everyday it seems to get better day by day.. We had his IRP already and he now has a half day TA which he didn't have last year..

 

How are you guys?  Or ladies I should say..

Autism moms

 

http://www.autismspeaks.org/inthenews/toni_br axton_dancing_with_the_stars.php

Phylbean - have you read the book "The Curious Tale of the Dog in the Night Time" by Mark Haddon? It's a brilliant book about a teenage boy with Aspergers- really gets into their mindset. I know three people (a family friend and two of her friends) with Aspergers and so many little details sounded very very familar! Compassionately but not pityingly written - I'd highly recommend it.