"Baby Fever" - I've got it bad.

I'm 22 and recently married, and I want to admit that I've got the baby bug. I can't help reading all about pregnancy and babies and already know the birth center I want to give birth at, and I tear up reading birth stories... Problem is, my husband isn't ready - at all. He wants to buy a house and pay off our college loans first.

While this is PERFECTLY rational, and I completely agree that we should be in a better financial situation before we have a baby if possible, I can't help these maternal feelings from bursting out! I've got it bad, and I want a little bundle to love!

Anyone else got the baby bug who can sympathize? :-) 

Like you, I was 22 when I got married and almost 24 when I had my first child.  If I had to do it over again, I would wait a few years, and enjoy my marriage a little first.  I would travel, and do the things that are not as easy to do when you have a baby to tote along...give your marriage some time to enjoy your husband.  You are so young and have nearly 20 years to have a baby!

That being said, my sister in law had a baby shortly after I married, and being around her gave me baby fever.  I do not regret starting so young, but if I had to do it again, knowing what I know now, I would of waited.

Babies are a blessing from above and you never know what love really is until you have a child.  It is amazing that as much as you love your husband, a child can show you what true love really is all about.  Whatever you decide will be the right choice for you.  Good luck!

ps-I have a 15 yr old, 12 yr old and an 18 month old baby.  I did not plan to have a baby at 37, but what joy she has brought to our lives!

I totally understand.  I started dating my husband 2 days before my 19th birthday.  We were married when I was one month shy of turning 24.  I wanted a baby so badly!  It got to a point where it was just too depressing to be around all of our friends.  They were all either expecting, had tiny babies, or had cute little toddlers.  I remember tearing up one time after a particular outing where it seemed like everyone had a baby with them. 

That said, I would encourage you to wait a little longer to have a baby.  I was lucky enough to come into our marriage with no debt whatsoever.  My husband had credit card debt, and even though neither of us made great money, I budgeted and was able to pay off all of his credit cards, and we closed the ones he no longer needed.  I'm really glad we did that because it would've been difficult to do with the added expense of a baby.  Think about all the new expenses a baby will create.  If you choose to go back to work, you'll have to pay for daycare-which is very expensive for young babies.  You'll have the expense of babysitters (as needed), clothes, formula (if you go that route), diapers, food, etc.  It all adds up fast!  In my case, I chose to stay home with our son, and that creates it's own financial burden.  I don't have to pay daycare anymore, or the high price of gas getting to and from work, but without my check, my husband has had to take on two part-time jobs in addition to his regular job (he only works 9 days/month, 24hrs at a time at his regular job).  Unfortunately, it has gotten harder to pay the bills, so I'm am so glad that I paid off all of our debt before having a child.  Of course, I had friends that told me if I waited until we could afford it, I'd never have kids.  I really don't believe that's true.

Another thing to consider...I haven't been "out" since before my son was born.  He's my responsibility now, so I don't ask anyone to watch him for us so we can go out.  Sometimes I miss going to concerts, bars, etc., but you can't do that when you've got a baby.  Sometimes I wish I'd waited a little longer to have a child just because I think of all these fun things to do that we can't do with a toddler.  Just going out of town for the day is hard when you have to pack the entire house and plan around nap time. :) 

Sorry this is so long.  I just wanted to give you a few things to think about.  I've been in your shoes, but now that I'm a parent, I can see things from your husband's point of view, too.  Good luck with whatever you decide!!!

Thanks for the thoughts, guys. That helps a lot, actually, so no need to apologize about it being too long. :-)

If I can get the "Wow, babies are expensive" and "Babies mean you can't do certain other things" into my head, it'll help push out some of the other "Babies are cuddly!" thoughts that are unhelpful right now.

I'm making a Things to Do Before Kids list, and I'll try to get my hubby to contribute. That will give me things to plan for and look forward to, which is a big part of the baby bug, I think.

Thanks again for the advice. 

Get a puppy! Seeing how much work it is will definately cure your baby bug for a little bit. Also, you will have fun and get lots of loving from a little puppy!

Haha, that is true, I would LOVE a puppy. Maybe when we move into a house/condo it will be an option. :-)

Original Post by aaltizer:

Get a puppy! Seeing how much work it is will definitely cure your baby bug for a little bit. Also, you will have fun and get lots of loving from a little puppy!

That made me laugh!!!  I am a mom of two beautiful kids 15 and 8.  Well in October we got a 8 wk old puppy.  The first 2 weeks I was EXAUSTED.  I said to my hubby ~ OMG This is just like having a newborn!! 

So I couldn't agree more.

seriously babies dont poop on the floor or chew your shoes... id rather have a baby than a puppy.   puppies are so much worse!

True ~ but you have to get up and let them out every couple of hours. 

Original Post by aaltizer:

Get a puppy! Seeing how much work it is will definately cure your baby bug for a little bit. Also, you will have fun and get lots of loving from a little puppy!

Oh, I don't know about that.....my son has made a habit of pooping in the bathtub every night!!!!  Yuck!  And just yesterday, he was chewing on Daddy's shoelaces.  I think he's worse than a puppy!

I concur with Cecily.  My 18 month old poops in the tub all the time...ewww...and just this morning I forgot to put the seat down, and she was splashing around in the toilet!  That being said, when we got our dog, who is now 11, it was just like a newborn.  I had to get up every two hours to let her out to housebreak her!  However, once we got past the first 3 months, she was much easier to deal with than a baby.

Babies need stability. So if you still are repaying debts and in a brand new marriage, I'd advise you to wait till you know everything is smooth.

I agreed with most of the advice given, and to the injuction to get a puppy if you want something you can cuddle. Puppies are a microcosm of what babies can put you through minus the heartbreak. Babies are cuddly and cute, and they teach you what true love is. But they also take all of your time and energy - and worry - for the next 20+ years, and can bring you the greatest pain too. I raised countless puppies and still have to find one who can bring me as much anguish and tears as any of my children...

Babies grow up to become teenagers with their own mind (or so they think) and their own capacity to get what they want when they want it. A teenager doesn't know the meaning of playing dirty.

I have raised three children to adulthood. My children are all healthy, stable, pleasant young people who never smoked, never did drugs and are affectionate and grateful for the life we gave them. I still can tell you a few things about the difficulties of reaching that goal. So, unless you can't do otherwise (accidents do happen, but babies are what I call happy accidents), just wait. You won't be 22 forever, and once your kids are grown and out of the house - some never reach that stage, mind you, or only episodically =( - there are things you won't be able to do anymore, because you'll be too old for them.

I met my husband when we were both 20, we married at 26 and had our 1st child at almost 29. If I had a choice to do it again, that's exactly how I would do it!!!

Good luck! 

 

 

I was married at 20 and had my first baby boy soon after, we had no money and lived in a tiny one room home for 8 wonderful years.  Waiting to have a baby would have been the right thing to do but honestly the majority of people will always have a reason to wait.  I did wait 6 1/2 years to have my second baby boy and you know something hubby and I weren't doing any better financially.  

I'm going on 50 and to be honest I think about babies a lot...I miss having children at home and would love to have another baby but I also know it's not going to happen.  Babies grow up so fast and children before you know it are independent and making their way in the world....for me it's time to look forward to grand children, I can't wait!!

Take care and I do hope your wait will not be to long ~Linda

Hi I'm 25 and have been married a year and one month. I have baby fever too. I ogle babies everywhere we go. Watch baby shows. Read parenting magizines. The works. But we plan to wait until we can buy a house. Most apartment walls are so thin, and I'd worry about the baby keeping the neighbors up not to mention my husband. Plus, I don't think I could help painting the baby's room & many apartments don't allow that. And, both of us had to move allot as kids, and we think it would be healthier for the kid not to have to.

Not that I think what feels right to us personally applies to everyone, just thought I'd share why we're waiting a while.

I'm 28 and have been married for over 6 years.  My husband never really wanted to have kids, but I've worked on him ALOT.  I was doing it all...watching baby shows, reading parenting magazines, ordering free baby things online (they will send you anything!).  I even went as far as buying a crib!  I have definitely been bit...HARD. 

When my husband and I finally really started to try we found out I had some problems...it's been about 5 years of trying to find out I can't have my baby (without medical help). If you're worried about bills...i'm still paying my college loans off.  Now we have our house, and we've got all of that to worry about too.  Plus, with all the fertility treatments (which is an arm and a leg), the money worries never stop.

My husband did get me a puppy after about a year of marriage, and I will say she's definitely my baby.   I love her so much, but that lasted only so long.  The feeling for my own 'human' baby is back stronger than ever.  Especially after seeing so many young girls do it so effortlessly.

I married my now hubby when I was 25 and immediately got the baby bug. We started trying soon after we married to find that we couldn't have children. It broke our hearts. Now, four years later, it still feels like the day we got the news that we couldn't have children. What makes it easier though is that we are madly in love and he is my big baby .. hehe.. My advice is to go for it if you really want it. Don't wait coz things have a way of working themselves out. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck.

hmmm... i can't relate. I waited until i was 35 to have my first and I am glad i did!  I got to explore hobbies and interests that turned into life long knowledge and experience that i can pass onto my kids.  That is VERY important!  You might want to ask yourself why you want to have a baby now....maternal feelings aside.  You may also want to ask yourself, how involved will my husband be once a baby is here, what kind of role will he take.  That is a factor i think a lot of women don't think about.  Some men take right to it like it was second nature but there are many that step back, freeze up and say, wow wait a minute, what do i do now.  This is not abnormal or anything but when the time comes it could be added stress for you both if not talked about ahead of time.  The third thing is, and i agree with your husband here, be as financially stable as possible before considering having a baby.  They are expensive and more over, if there are complications either with the pregnancy or with the health of the baby after he or she is born it can equal a lot of added, uneccessary stress if you are not prepared as much as possible.  Once you have a baby you have a whole new appreciation for your husband's and/or your paycheck and insurance coverage!  You really have to ask these questions because you literally go from being pregnant to being very busy with a newborn all hours of the day overnight! You should make it the very happiest it can be for the present time and future!   I love my son and daughter and i just look at them and see the familiar lightbulbs go on everyday they understand something new! But i am speaking from experience as i have had some of these bumps in the road, that thankfully i was mostly ready for.  Good luck in deciding!

We adopted because a baby fell into our laps 8 months after we were married and then we had our second 22 months later.  I was all wonderful and I wouldn't change a thing but.......

I would definitely say we could have benefited from some extra time as a married couple without kids for awhile longer.  Luckily for us it all worked out. 

I'm with you, I'm 22 and I want to have a baby. I have been with my significant other for about 2 years now, and am not in a rush to get married, but do want to be a young parent, always have I do not want to loose touch with how life is at a young age, and I want to really raise grow with my  children I need advice we have been trying to get pregnant for a couple of month's we are very comfortable financially and have plenty of time to raise children---any advice meaning foods to eat vitamins to take (too much excersise not enough calories) if you ask I'll tell my daily excersise and caloric intake I just need help/advice as well

I got married at 19 after having dated my husband for 4 years.  I had the baby bug very bad when we first got married.  We decided to wait until we were both out of school.  I'm 23 now, and I'm starting to get the baby bug very badly again.  :-).  My husband is 27, and he is still wanting to wait a while longer.  He is very financial minded and wants us to wait and save for a year so I can stay home more comfortably the first year.  I know this is a very rational and responsible thing to do, but I'm so ready now to get pregnant!  :-)

Well, dearie, let me tell you...I am 26 and have 5 kids, all within 7 years of each other. I was married at 18. Like 3 days after my birthday, and had my first little darling 1 year 1 month later. It was kind of addicting. Then my first husband and I split up, which was SOOO tough, and now I am just getting over the birth of my littlest ( remarried). I love being a mom. It is the most wonderful thing in the world, but having started early I feel I should warn you: your life will NEVER be truly yours again. You cannot spontaneously go on a weekend trip (with only one child you might i guess), just hop in the car and head to the mall, out to eat? the last time I ate at a sit down restaurant it was Fazoli's. There are many sacrifices that parents make. Are they worth it? i think so, but if you have the opportunity to do other things in the mean time, go for it! And about that bug... I bet you must know someone who has a cute baby or toddler. Offer to care for the baby/toddler so they can maybe get out and do something, or have a nice chat with their other half with out any one asking for a drink between sentences