"Baby Fever" - I've got it bad.

I'm 22 and recently married, and I want to admit that I've got the baby bug. I can't help reading all about pregnancy and babies and already know the birth center I want to give birth at, and I tear up reading birth stories... Problem is, my husband isn't ready - at all. He wants to buy a house and pay off our college loans first.

While this is PERFECTLY rational, and I completely agree that we should be in a better financial situation before we have a baby if possible, I can't help these maternal feelings from bursting out! I've got it bad, and I want a little bundle to love!

Anyone else got the baby bug who can sympathize? :-) 

Wow it's like reading my own story!! I too am 22 and I too have the baby bug! And, guess what? My husband isn't ready either! He loves babies so much and he's the one that gets teary eyed when we see a little one pitter past at the store, but he gulps and goes silent at the thought. He has said that he at least wants to own a house before we get pregnant, but would also love to get me a better car.

While i agree that is it rational to wait, these feelings aren't at all rational so it's hard to compare them to anything that is logical, methodical, and rational. I tried to explain to him that me trying to wait to have a baby for a few years is like him holding off on all sex for a few years. He immediately became more sympathetic and has begun to try to get himself more ready. While he works harder I am able to be more logical and patient in the process! That's why I joined calorie-count. I've set myself out to get as ready as possible for when the right time comes for both of us. I'm loosing weight, being more healthy, and saving money. My husband and I together are dropping vices that will be hard to continue with a baby that needs health and nutrition. It's a good way to distract yourself for someday. It's a win/win! However I still avoid the baby section while shopping... :)

I've always wanted children but it hasn't happened yet, but I'm not trying lol. Atleast you have part one of the equation, a husband lol. I'm 26 and I don't have any potentials lined up but I know God will come through for me right on time.

My older sister just moved down here (atlanta) and I get to play with my 3 month old nephew so that hits the spot for me right now.

I think I've seen every episode of a Baby Story, Bringing Home Baby and everything else I can watch lol.

Rational thoughts: Get married, get more financially stable, have some time with my husband before we have kids, etc

Irrational thought: Who has good sperm, and is in good health? LOL 

I'm 23 and have a 4 year old little boy! I've been with my boyfriend now for 3 years and sometimes get the twinge to have another one, however there are a lot of things I want to do before the second baby arrives!! Like...finish school, buy a house, get back in shape, get a super awesome job, get married, travel a little, etc. Because with a second child, I won't be able to do all of that as easily as I manage it with one child. My advice to you, borrow someone else's baby for an evening, my boyfriend's sister has a baby and we babysit on monday nights, some nights she's an angel and I really really want another one, but some nights she won't stop crying because she's teething and I'm reminded of how extremely time-consuming and needy a small baby is! Trust me, get all of your eggs in your basket, enjoy your husband because the family dynamic takes a lot of focus off of your relationship and onto that child. You're so young, so be young, don't rush it and you surely won't regret being financially stable because you don't need the stress of uncertainty or instability on top of being pregnant or a new mom!!! Good luck!

Jen

I am 22 to and its soooo hard to deal with it lol!! All my girlfriends are getting married and having children and all my older friends already have one and I am still waiting for my bf to get done school so we can get married and get a house. Seems like it will be years upon years before we can be ready to have a child but I want one NOW lol.. I'll live..

I'm a husband and I've had the baby bug for a while now... it get's really bad at times too. So it's not just something you women have to fight us men are afflicted occasionally with the overwhelming desire for a little bundle!

Original Post by petra2201:

I'm a husband and I've had the baby bug for a while now... it get's really bad at times too. So it's not just something you women have to fight us men are afflicted occasionally with the overwhelming desire for a little bundle!

 That's true enough, my boyfriend often talks about children and it freaks me out. We've been together two years but I've no idea if/when we'll get married. We are constantly broke and that's not likely to change any time soon. My mom had me when she was 23 - and oh gee, I'm 23. My grandma says "you have to have children because I want great grandchildren." I...hate babies. I don't have a shred of maternal instinct. Maybe that'll change in ten years but until then - I don't know what I would do if I got pregnant. Probably cry a lot. I'm too much of a kid still, I like my freedom, and I hate the idea of taking care of anyone - I can barely take care of myself! I do have two cats, but you can leave them alone all day and come home and they love you - but they grow up a hell of a lot faster than a baby and they stay cute their whole lives! (Not that I particularly think babies are cute.)

I cruise parenting forums sometimes because I think it might be better to develop some of that maternal instinct I'm apparently supposed to have. My boyfriend says he wants kids before he's thirty - I can't see myself with children in the next five years...oh dear.

I'm a 15 year old who is nowhere near being a parent, and I wandered into the Pregnancy/Parenting forum because I'm, well, bored, so by replying I'll either offer a fresh, new perspective, or come across as an irritating teenager. Let's see which!

My opinion is that you should wait to have a baby. You have PLENTY of time to have a baby, what's the rush? I think that 22 is a little too young to even be married, but it depends on the people involved I suppose.

Yes, babies are cute and cuddly, but they're also loud, smelly, they leak many different fluids, make a mess of everything, and are REALLY expensive. They're a huge responsibility (which I'm sure you've thought of already).

You should enjoy life first, not to mention getting all your ducks in a row. Paying off your college loans, getting a house, and making sure you and your husband have stable careers all sound like good things to do before having a baby.

I pretty much agree with happyfish22. You're still so young, it wasn't so long ago you were a teenager! Wait a little bit and enjoy life. The option to have a baby will still be there 5 or so years from now. I personally don't want to have kids, or maybe even get married before I'm 30.

Good luck!

Wow, where are you all finding these husbands who don't want kids?? My husband wants kids, and I really, really don't! I made that clear from DAY ONE, and he said that was okay, but it turns out he just assumed I'd change my mind as time went on. Well, now I'm 25 and the thought of having a baby actually turns me off; I really don't foresee ever wanting one. Everyone keeps saying 'you're so young, you can't say you don't want a baby because you're too young to know what you want.' But 25 ain't that young, folks! That's like halfway through my fertility window if I don't want to be in a higher risk category.

I have tried and tried to get bitten by the baby bug, but to no avail. I just don't like babies and I don't like the way my life would change if I had one! Everyone keeps asking me when I'm going to have a baby, and it's upsetting. I don't know when or how but suddenly I am no longer Renee, I am Renee-wife-of-Petar-who-should-be-breeding-so metime-soon-so-lets-ask-all-the-time.

Hmm, I wish I had a partner who did want kids. I'm 22 and recently became pregnant - while taking the pill. He wasn't thrilled with my decision to keep the baby, but he is slowly warming to the idea and has been talking about how we're going to raise it and even that it might be kind of cool.

Not exactly resounding enthusiasm, but it's a start.

I'll trade with you! lol

Haha, well if we can keep the partners and just swap the attitudes, it's a deal!

Hi!

I'm 28, just got married 3 months ago and I am so baby hungry, it's not even funny!  My husband is 2 years younger than me, and he's wanted kids for years - he was just waiting for the right person to come along.  Enter ... moi!  He's told me that it's pretty much up to me when we have children, because I'm the one who has to carry it for 9 months! 

I've been married twice before - when I was 21, then again when I was 25.  When I was with the other two (for lack of better reference) I knew I wanted to be a mom, but it didn't feel right.  I didn't have that urge.  Yet, now that I'm with someone who loves me, that I'm am truly in love with and have an amazing relationship with - I'm throwing out all of my preaching about waiting a few years, enjoying marriage, having a career, etc.  I'm trying to keep a level head and not let the irrationality take over good sense, but sometimes that urge is the only thing that matters! 

You may or may not be able to party, or travel, or do everything you have lined up in your mind right now if you decide to have children soon.  But I've never heard a mother tell me they regret the experiences that come from having children, despite all the other things they could have done.

Perhaps they wish they had waited a little longer, or lived a little more before hand.  But I believe there is nothing like having a little face looking up at you that has your eyes, and his smile :)... and that nothing makes you grow more as a person.

Just decide what's right for you!  That's what I'm trying to do.  I think planning ahead is a great thing!  However, don't get caught up in thinking that you lose so much by having children - it's about everything you gain! 

(My problem is - now that I have the choice to have children, I'm actually scared to make that choice.  I'm so excited for it, but once you make that decision there is no turning back!  Lol! So, if someone has advice for getting past that, I'd love to hear it!)

Original Post by edamame3:

Wow, where are you all finding these husbands who don't want kids?? My husband wants kids, and I really, really don't! I made that clear from DAY ONE, and he said that was okay, but it turns out he just assumed I'd change my mind as time went on. Well, now I'm 25 and the thought of having a baby actually turns me off; I really don't foresee ever wanting one. Everyone keeps saying 'you're so young, you can't say you don't want a baby because you're too young to know what you want.' But 25 ain't that young, folks! That's like halfway through my fertility window if I don't want to be in a higher risk category.

I have tried and tried to get bitten by the baby bug, but to no avail. I just don't like babies and I don't like the way my life would change if I had one! Everyone keeps asking me when I'm going to have a baby, and it's upsetting. I don't know when or how but suddenly I am no longer Renee, I am Renee-wife-of-Petar-who-should-be-breeding-so metime-soon-so-lets-ask-all-the-time.

 I always get extremely irritated when people have that little knowing smile (usually my mother or grandmother) and they say, "Oh, you'll want one." That makes me want children much, much less, because a part of me just wants to prove them wrong so I can blow a big giant raspberry at life.

Maybe I will want one. Not now, not any time in the next several years, maybe never. Don't pretend to know everything, ugh. I think I'd make a terrible mother, I never babysat -- because I despised the idea -- so what would I do with a kid? I don't know the first thing about them. I don't like that they don't understand what you're telling them. I can't deal with that. They're little people and it's weird. And people get all funny and mushy around them, yuck.

I wish people wouldn't shove it in my face. Just because I'm a female doesn't mean I'm going to be a mommy.

I really admire people who are mothers and who want to become mothers. I think that's wonderful. Obviously I am glad that my mother had me, or I would not be here! Some people are born to be mothers.

omigod totally, I HATE the 'knowing smile'. People seriously bother me about having kids ALL THE TIME, even people at work are always asking me 'why don't you want kids?' Or customers will tell me, after I talk about my dreams to go back to school and get a degree, or get involved in activism, or do something that matters, 'you know what you need? 2.5 children to keep you busy.'

If I was a man talking about my aspirations, would they say that to me? It's really angering.

And once, I was talking about how I wanted to adopt, and this one lady told me this story about a woman who adopted a child who later grew up to murder her. She said sternly, 'and THAT'S why you shouldn't adopt. Who knows what kinds of genes you will get.' <---seriously!!

I'm just curious... (and I'm seriously not trying to be a pain in the ass!)...

Why do you say you don't want children, but you've considered adopting?

(I respect anyone's decision or whether or not they have kids.  Personally, I wish more people would make that a concious decision, instead of doing irresponsible things like having 5 different kids with 5 different people, or getting pregnant from a one-night-stand.  But that's another rant! ;) )

Original Post by edamame3:

omigod totally, I HATE the 'knowing smile'. People seriously bother me about having kids ALL THE TIME, even people at work are always asking me 'why don't you want kids?' Or customers will tell me, after I talk about my dreams to go back to school and get a degree, or get involved in activism, or do something that matters, 'you know what you need? 2.5 children to keep you busy.'

If I was a man talking about my aspirations, would they say that to me? It's really angering.

And once, I was talking about how I wanted to adopt, and this one lady told me this story about a woman who adopted a child who later grew up to murder her. She said sternly, 'and THAT'S why you shouldn't adopt. Who knows what kinds of genes you will get.' <---seriously!!

 I'm okay with adoption. If you want children. Your own flesh and blood could grow up to murder you, who knows. I wouldn't know how to raise a child in this world...violent video games apparently wreck havoc on children who don't know how to tell fantasy from reality. I love playing violent video games. I don't go out and murder anybody. *shrug*

May I friend you, fellow baby-hater?

I wish men could also bear children. It would please me.

Original Post by edamame3:

omigod totally, I HATE the 'knowing smile'. People seriously bother me about having kids ALL THE TIME, even people at work are always asking me 'why don't you want kids?' Or customers will tell me, after I talk about my dreams to go back to school and get a degree, or get involved in activism, or do something that matters, 'you know what you need? 2.5 children to keep you busy.'

If I was a man talking about my aspirations, would they say that to me? It's really angering.

Yeah, that would seriously piss me off if I were you - and you are so right that they would never say that if you were a guy!

On the other hand, it would also annoy me if someone were to assume I would no longer have any aspirations post-children. I'm looking forward to being a mamma, but if it were the only thing I had to look forward to for the rest of my life, I'd be running for the hills.

I respect your wish not to have children - it does seem an odd assumption that all women should be maternal. Again, it's not like that assumption is made about men.

GRRR double standards...

haha, please do friend me, happyfish~ I'll friend you back. "I wish men could also bear children. It would please me." lmao I'm totally with you there.

Samantha, there are a variety of reasons I don't want children. Number one, I am a late bloomer in life. I feel like I am still in my teenage years, in a way. I'm just now going to college and getting all that started, and I'm 25 already. I feel like by the time I would feel 'maternal' and 'at that point' in my life, I'd probably be 40ish. By then, I've lost my 'window' for kids, but the window for adoption is still open.

Also, I have a heart condition, and I have gone to numerous doctors to try and figure out what is wrong, and essentially they say I need to like have an episode and end up in the hospital for them to be able to tell what's going on. I don't feel strong enough to carry a child to term. ALSO, I know for a fact I'm predisposed to post partum depression, just because I know myself and I have trouble coping with life as it is. I feel like if I just had a kid handed to me, I'd be a better, more available mother than I would if I had just gone through 9 months of psychotic hormonal hell (in my case), at least at first.

Also, the way the world is, I would feel like I was helping the world more by taking in somebody who needs adoption than by having my own; there are SO MANY children in this world who need a good family to grow up in, and since my husband and I could love an adopted child, we probably should; at least that's the way I feel about it. I'm glad I don't have the baby bug because I don't feel I'd be neglecting my instincts by adopting. I realize not everyone can do it, but since I can, I feel as if it is my duty to the world to do that, if I ever do get baby feelings one day (which, for clarification, I don't have yet).

So yeah, all that. That's why I can say I have considered adoption but I don't want kids ;-)

That all makes sense!  And I was just wondering, not judging :)

There were definitely a few years for me where I was positive I didn't want children, but not for nearly as good of reasoning as you have!  If I were in your position, especially with an undiagnosed heart condition, I'd feel the same way!

I definitely agree with adoption, though.  There are so many children out there who need good, strong homes and I definitely have a respect for anyone who does it.  I've considered it myself, along with having my own - so we'll see!

So, kudos to you!!

Hi All,

I just turned 25 and have been happily married for a little over a year now.  About 6 months ago, I was actually worried that I wouldn't want kids for a long time.  Now, recently my friend is 7 months prego with her 2nd child and I almost feel jealous!  I found this forum and lately I feel like I would love to have a baby!  I can't believe I have these thoughts and feelings and just 6 months ago I thought I would wait at least 5 yrs or more before I would even think about kids!  My husband and I always talk about the kid situation and we "both" planned on waiting at least 3-5 years to get some debt payed off (like my student loans, etc).  Also, he would like to travel and have some years together with just the 2 of us (although we have been together for 8 yrs now! high school sweethearts)  He LOVES babies and I know if I ask him to have a baby, he would definelty give in.

My question.....I know that once we have a baby, I will probably not return to work.  We wouldn't stuggle financially, but I know that having some debt paid off before we have kids would be REALLY helpful.  So, should I just go with our "plan" and forget about having kids for a few more years?  Do I just have a temporary baby bug that will go away, if I stop hanging around my pregnant friend?  Should I tell my husband I have these feelings?