Baby, I'm ready for a baby!!!

I'll try to keep this short but a little background first.  I am 25 yrs old and married almost 2 years, but my husband and I are high school sweethearts and have been together almost 9 years.  I never thought I would want children but for the past 6 months I can't stop thinking about it.  It all started when I saw my husband with my girlfriend's daughter for the first time....she was sleeping in his arms and the sight of it took my breath away.  I have tried to discuss it with him but he always jumps to the reasons why he thinks we aren't ready: he works 2nd shift, we don't have family support near by, what about day care and the credit card balances...see where I'm going with this?

I don't want to pressure him in to this but how do I let him know that I am really serious about this without freaking him out?

Sounds like my hubby :P 

I told him how we would never feel completely ready and how it would probably be almost 2yrs away before we had a baby if we started trying now since it takes on average 6 - 12 months to conceive.  Not to mention we have a couple of friends who are having troubles conceiving even though they are young.  He wasn't totally convinced but he stopped using condoms so I took that as he was on board... back counting the dates a bit 8 days later I was pregnant lol

Someone once told me, "If you wait to have a baby until you can afford it, you'll never have kids." So true! We can never really 'afford' to provide/give everything to our children that we'd like but all they really need is food on the table, clothes on their back, a roof over their head and the love of their family.

It's a tough time economically to consider having kids but as berryblue points out, it would be approximately two years before you'd have a baby in your arms. Hopefully we'll be out of the slump we're in now.

Do you work full time? There's always the option of starting an in-home daycare so you can stay at home with your baby while watching others. I'm sure it would be difficult especially having a newborn while having a house full of other kids but it's possible. I have a friend who did this after the birth of her first child almost 8 years ago and she's still doing it today.

My first pregnancy was not planned but my husband on board with trying for our second child. The hard part will be convincing him to have a third! I'm interested to see what other advice is offered so I, too, can use it in the future!

This is from a man's perspective.  I have two kids, BTW.

He's not ready for kids.  Right now, he doesn't want them.  He may never want them.  He's coming up with excuses to give you so he can avoid the subject, stop an argument, and avoid hurting your feelings.  Right now, your emotions are kicking in because you saw him with a kid.  So, now, you think you want one.  He's thinking a bit more practical, with the reasons he's giving you.  You're only 25, the economy's terrible, and emotionally he's not ready.

I can only assume you're both working and working different shifts by the way you phrased it.  So you don't really get to see each other as much as you should.  If you have a baby, then the time you are together will be about the baby and not you two. Not necessarily a bad thing, but also not that good for a marriage. Now, if he's the only one working, that's a bit different.  But you mentioned daycare, so that probably isn't the case.  Also, if you're both working, you'll be doing most of the work taking care of the baby in the evening and he won't see it that much except on his days off, unless you avoid daycare.  Also not a good thing.

Financially, if you don't count daycare, babies aren't much more expensive than having, say, two large dogs as pets.  The amount of money you spend on food and vet bills for the dogs will be about what you'll spend for formula and diapers on a baby.  The first year will be the most expensive, due to what I mentioned.  Years 2-5 will be pretty cheap, relatively speaking, until he/she starts school.  About the only expense then will be clothes.  Best to get old clothes from friends with kids or thrift stores.  One thing to consider is doctor visits.  My daughter was always sick, so one of us was at the dr's office at least twice a month for the first couple of years.  Will your job give you that much time off to handle the little emergencies that come up?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to talk you out of having a baby.  It was the best thing to ever happen to me.  But, sometimes, timing is everything and this probably isn't the right time for him emotionally and financially.

One last thing to think about.  This happened to us.  If you decide to try for a baby, check with your insurance company to make sure it's covered in your policy.  I know it sounds crazy, but a lot of companies don't add it to their group policies, especially smaller companies.  You have to check BEFORE you get pregnant, because it's considered a pre-existing condition and they won't let you add the coverage if you're already pregnant.  With the economy the way it is, a lot of companies are looking for ways to save money.  Dropping things like pregnancy coverage from their insurance policies is one way they do it.

Hope this helps to put things in perspective a little.

I agree with all the above and than have some to add!!!  I got pregnant when I was 24!  One thing to consider your body is young and will have an easier time to recover after pregnancy.  Your nerves are stornger and you will deal with a baby easier!  That is a pro :)!!!!

My husband worked second shift we didn't pay for daycare, but it was a big challenge to push him to do everythin in the morning for the kids after he didn't have enough sleep!  I also want to mention that daycare is insanley expensive...I never knew it could cost $240 per week to have one child in daycare....we had twins...we could not afford even $150 per week!!!  Having said that daycare is the worst care for your child possible....you end up spending more time out of work than at work because your kids are sick all the time...first couple of years almost every two weeks...co-pays...baby tylenol...no sleep all that adds up!

Our marriage went down the drain....it got better after they were about 3 years old.  Now its not as hard at all...but we will never be where we were! So if he is not ready you should not push!!  Having kids is the best thing tha happened to me!! I loved it...but its not that simple and its not like having DOGS at least for the moms!!! (I have a dog too!!)  They are always on my mind, the guild when you work, they require attention, quality time, extra activities, stimulation...that is if you want normal kids when they grow up with not to many psych issues!!!!

I hope this helps and it didn't scare you too much!!  Good luck!

In response to sadikajubo:

I was going to add more stuff similar to what you said, but it was already long enough and I didn't want it to sound like a sermon.  But you are right.

As for the dog reference, I only put that in to give some perspective as to the cost of things.  I was in no way comparing having kids to taking care of pets.  It's DEFINITELY two different things.

Blaskowskij,  the most important thing is to talk to your husband and find out how he really feels about this subject.  It has to be something you both are unanimous on because, in the end, you're both in it for the rest of your lives.  Its NOT a decision that should be taken lightly.