Back Again.....

Well, I'm back.

Used to post here quite a lot, if there's any other oldies out there, it's me, Theo.  Anyway.  I did it.  I grit my teeth and I "recovered".  I'm 5"11/6 ft, and I gained from my lowest weight at 45 kilos to 62, giving me a bmi of 18.5, never my finishing point, but a pausing point.  Anyway, In July I managed it, and got to 62.  I managed to maintain it for two weeks.  And then I made the decision to move to London to do a masters.  Problem is, my masters doesn't start until October, I don't know anyone, and I find myself slipping back into my old ways.  Not only am I doing circuit training for an hour a day, I'm walking everywhere and cycling everywhere, and I also have a job as a full time waitress, on my feet for a busy 6 hours every day.  The job is problematic: I don't feel like I'm doing exercise - my heart never beatbeatbeats, and it's not in a formal exercise context, so I discount it.  My job also means I work from 6pm to midnight, completely screwing up my eating schedule, because I don't eat lunch until 2ish because my circuit training finishes at 2.  I'm not as bad as I was, I'm eating approx 1800 calories a day, but that is  a REAL struggle, and its mostly in tequila, during my shift, or crammed in after my shift, when I'm ravenous.  I've lost back down to 57.5 kilos again, and its so tempting to keep going, because I look at all these stunning women in the street, andthink, well, they're thinner than me, so I don't have to gain weight.

I don't know what to do, I can't tell my parents, because of all the rows it caused last time, and I don't have anyone else to talk to, even if I did, would it make a difference?  I don't believe people when they tell me I'm not fat, I still look in the mirror and see a less cute adipose with big hair....

Obviously this can't go on, but I don't know what to do.

I'm struggling guys, I'm really flagging right now, and I suppose I just needed to reach out, so I'm sorry for the downer.

But god, this can't go on, I can't live my life like this.  But the problem is, part of me really, really wants to.....

i know how you feel. it's hard knowing you can lose weight so much faster than you can gain it. it's tempting knowing that you can get sick again so fast. but what keeps me in check is remembering the looks on everyone's faces when i was at my lowest weight. it's about all the medical conditions you can get from such a short amount of time. it's not worth it. you deserve a normal, happy life. i really do wish you the best and hope you can find the strength to talk to someone about this.

hi theo, remember me?

sorry ur back in this predicament, how about some accountablility?  idk what bmi youre at right now + how critical it is but im guessing w/ ur stats 1800 is not enough, ESPECIALLY w how active you r, u know that i know.

start w/ reducing the excercising, increasing food, and maybe posting what ur doing for accountability.  also, tell a friend, someone that actually sees you for more accountability.  nip it in the bud now, u did it once u can do it again!

Theo, i am right there with you babe. New job, a move, everything. But the difference now is that we know what needs to be done now AND we know how to do it better than anyone! The trick is to just let go and eat, know your body wants it and honor that. Also, its a reson to put on that little 'cushion' just to make sure something like this doesnt happen again. You know im gonna want you at full strength when i come up to london and sweep you off your feet!

Also... how was the trip to Mcdonalds? I was thinking about going recently but i dont think they agree with the vegan diet all to well, lol. Stay strong Theo, know that im here if you ever want to message me or anything else like that ;)