Getting back on the wagon....

I am 38 and weight approximately 105 pds. at 5'4.  I have a very long history of an ED (anorexia) but have been doing very well in terms of being able to function, work, stay out of hospitals since 2001 - during my bad times my weight was as low as 65pds. and I was on a feeding tube.  I came here months ago trying to gain to where I should be (110, I think??) once and for all.  I was doing fine but then I gradually saw myself get into ruts with my meals (only certain foods for breakfast and lunch) and slowly decreasing the calories.  I did not lose a lot, just a few pounds.  I just was wondering what others do to get back on the wagon if they slipped a bit.  I am really mad at myself as I have 2 young daughters and a son, the oldest starting to comment on how skinny I am.  Thanks.

First thing's first: don't beat yourself up. To slip and err is perfectly normal, acceptable, and human. What makes things better is that you recognise you've slipped and falled off the wagon and want to fix that. So! Try looking here: The Aim is to Gain: Advice on Weight Gain, Whatever Your Reason

There's a lot of food ideas there that might help you, but the thing you mention about getting stuck in a rut can be fixed to a degree if you tell yourself: "okay, if I'm having oatmeal today, I have to have a different topping." And do that with all your meals. Change a food group each day, even if you have the same protein and fats you did the day before. So if you had salmon, potatoes and a bed of dressed spinach and tomatoes yesterday, have salmon, brown rice and dressed broccoli and carrots the next.

I have no idea if that example made sense, but I hope it did. D:

If you find yourself losing momentum again think not just of doing this for you but your kids. They just want a happy, healthy mum, and a happy healthy mum isn't happy or healthy at a 17.5 BMI. As you're recovering from anorexia you should be aiming for a BMI of 20 at least - that's about 118lbs. And remember how vital your team is, too. I'm presuming you've still got contacts with some of your former carers in inpatient, if not bare minimum your doctor.

So, chin up, dust yourself off and get your calories up to at least 2500 if not more - and more than 2500 if you're not sedentary. It's a new year, and time for a new you. Good luck!

Thanks so much for responding.  This has been such a long road I don't like burdening any of my loved ones with this anymore.  If things were really severe, as they had been, I most certainly would need to.  My weight goals have always been on the lower end of what is healthy but I do realize I need to be closer to 115 not 110 to be safe.  That is just so scary to me, not sure why, just is.  I am aiming for 2500 now, mostly for my kids - I can not bear the idea that one of my girls would see my body and think that it is normal. 

I know I need to start varying - what I used to do was not allow the same meal 2 days in a row.  I've been having oatmeal everyday for so long I know that is something I must address (even though oatmeal is awesome and so good for me). 

As for lunch I get so stuck.  I work 2 jobs and at lunch switch from one to the other so I must eat in the car.  I can't have anything that needs to be prepared on the spot.  I've been in the rut of a yogurt, 10 pretzels and an apple.  I was also having a 1/2 sandwich before I started cutting back (usually 1 piece of whole wheat bread with 1 tbsp. soybean butter).  Any suggestions for lunch would be greatly appreciated.  Thanks again.