Just had a bad binge......feeling guilty and upset

Ok so I joined this website about a week ago. All was going fairly well. I had 2 smaller binges Sat. and Mon. but I worked out and ended up only being like 100-300 calories from my maintenance. Then today I went nuts. I just came home from class and had my bagel and cream cheese. And then it began. I had tastee cakes and milk, cereal and milk, 1/2 pbj, 3 crackers with some nutella and some extra spoonfuls of nutell, some sunchips, a fiber one bar, a mini twix and mini bag of peanut m&ms, sour patch kids and there I was at about 2000. Then as if that wasn't enough, I decided to go out and get ice cream, 2 pop tarts and some wheat thins and had them with cheese. I am so disgusting. How long will it take for my stomach to shrink to the point that I physcially cannot eat this much food anymore? I wasn't undereating, mostly keeping a 500 cal/day deficit, and I still binged. why? I don't get it. I just want this to stop so badly. I have tried to buy a "how to stop bingeing" book and was recording everything I ate the time the place and how I felt, but it didn't get ridof the problem so I stopped that. I just don't know what to do. Has anyone overcome this? And if you did please tell me how. I'm at healthy weight but want to lose a few lbs, and I feel like if I stopped bingeing they would go away. I have just been doing this for like 2 years now and I don't know how to stop. I've stopped for about a month or so before but always came back. I don't have any deep emotional issues. Please help me if you can :(

Hi.  You're not alone.  I just joined this group today b/c I'm going through the same thing.  Saturday morning I weighed 157.2...today is Monday morning and I weigh 161.4.  How did I gain 5 lbs in 1 day you might ask?  1 word. Binging!!!

I spend all weekend with my boyfriend, and then when I come home on Sunday nights I go wild!  Last night I had 2 pieces of pizza, some Ben n' Jerry's ice cream, 2 reeses peanut butter cups, some chocolate covered nuts, and some sugary candy ropes thingies.  Mind you, this is after eating my days worth of calories, breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, etc.  Disgusting.  I definitely ate over 1000 calories in 1 sitting.

In the old days, I would have purged this all.  I can't do that anymore b/c my teeth are loosing their enamel.  Plus I know that behavior is crazy amounts of unhealthy and I need to knock it off.  My bf and I are moving in together soon also, so there is no way I can continue w my bulemic tendencies.

The real question is this:

WHY DO YOU DO IT?  WHY DO I DO IT?????????????????

I truly thought about this for the 1st time a few days ago.  There is an emotional reason for this behavior whether we want to admit it or not.  I'm still trying to figure this out, but I have some ideas.  I'm so busy trying to control my portions and what I eat in front of my bf due to my constant struggle to loose these last 15 lbs.  When I get home on Sunday night it feels like such a relief to eat my face off..it is relaxing and there's no one there to judge me.  I tell myself, it's just 1 night...can it really mess up my diet that fast?  Yes, absolutely.  I don't know why I feel the need to do this...why can't I unwind in a different way?  I don't need to eat a plethora of **** food in order to feel better or in control.

Does any of this sound familiar to you?

Oh yes. Especially the part about constantly trying to control portions to lose the last few lbs. That is me pretty much all of the time, trying to lose the last 5-10 lbs. It is complete vanity weight yet I am constantly trying to do it. And then after I'm doing well for a little while I just go crazy. I kind of binged yesterday too, but I was only about 200-300 over maintenance (I worked out kind of alot) so I'm kind of ignoring it. I really don't think mine is emotional, except for when I have a test and am stressed, but most of the time it isn't. I'm actually really hungry. Like last night after I had my dinner, I was still really hungry. It is really hard though. Everytime my binge is smaller (like last night) I'm considering it a success until I finally stop doing it. Also, I haven't really been counting over these past few days and it is actually helping me (I did count up last night just to see how bad the damage was). So maybe that will help you too. I don't want to always have to think about calories and all of that, I think the added pressure makes me do worse actually. I used to restrict really badly after binges, but I've stopped that. My goal is to just make it a full week without binging. Its so ridiculous that it is hard to do that. My goal this week is to make it to November 1st without a binge. Maybe we can help each other out though. I am determined to stop this time.

That sounds like a plan!!!  I know it is screwing w my metabolism to keep up this habit.  My weight chart on calorie count looks ridiculous...up, down, up, down..on a weekly basis!  It would keep going down if I didn't binge on Sunday nights.

If you find yourself binging from hunger, that's no good.  It's a lot easier to not binge when you keep yourself consistantly full of healthy foods...fiber is really filling for example.  Otherwise, if you're starving it's a lot harder to say no to all that crap food!  Make sure you're eating the appropriate calories too...you need a little more on work out days.

Let's make it to November w/o binging and see what happens to our bodies!

wannahotbod, valoria44:

this all sounds SO familiar to me.  valoria - i remember spending weekends at my parents' house (about an hour away), and driving home and spending sunday nights binging.  sometimes i've ever done it IN the car, on the way!  i can completely relate.

there is something about not being comfortable with yourself.  feeling embarrased about yourself and your weight in front of other people... so that you restrict because you don't want them to judge you or think you're gluttonous.

then you've spent the whole weekend feeling ashamed of yourself, feeling like you aren't good enough, that you don't deserve food... and you get home and just say SCREW IT, i'm already fat, i'm hungry, i don't care.  and once you've started... just allowed yourself to do this thing... it's hard to stop.

i have stopped purging recently (have gone for about a month and a half) and i'm now working towards eliminating the binges, as well.   i'd like to see if i can go to november as well, following my meal plan (EVEN ON WEEKENDS) and seeing what happens with my body and weight. 

let's do this!

Totally!  I feel like my bf is always analyzing what I'm eating, but I know that rationally I am just being paranoid, and that he's not really doing that.

That's exactly how I feel too though.  It's like a relief/surrender.  "Ah, who cares?"  I'm alone and going to indulge.  The guilt really sucks tho.  And so does putting on the pounds I lost during the work week when I'm always so good.  It does stem from feelings of inadequacy. And I definitely let my meal plan slip on the weekends.  It's what ruins me every time.

I haven't purged for a couple months now I think.  I just can't do it anymore.  I'm seeing years of wear and tear on me now and I've got to stop.  So we're in the same spot.

Nov, ladies.  We CAN do it.  It's just 12 days away.  Let's see where we are :-)

Hi!!! Just wishing you girls luck into the weekend!  It's been a good work week for me, and I know (personally) weekends are usually the hardest, when I'm out of my element and lose my routine a bit... just going to stay positive, take things slowly, forgive myself and remember what I really want! <3<3 

Hope you both are doing OK!

Hiya!!!  I also have done wonderful this work week.  I've gone to the gym 3 x this week and I plan on going this evening as well to make it 4 x.  I've lost 3 lbs since last weekend.  I have not gone nuts stuffing my face. 

Like you said...we gotta stay strong this weekend.  I get thrown off too.  I'm drinking tonight, and I budgeted my calories to fit in 4 Miller Lites :-) Hee hee  We can make it through this.  Check in here if you're feeling weak at any point this weekend!!!!!  I know I'll be logging my calories

Best wishes!

Hey! I've had a good week too, the best in awhile! Just doing well for a little while motivates me to keep doing well because I don't want to mess it up! haha. Yes the weekends are always a challenge, especially since at least one of the days I have to spend doing homework all day-meaning I'm usually just hanging out in my apartment, stressed, with lots of food haha. I think I'm going to try to go somewhere else to get my work done though, that way I can't just get up and go to the kitchen to procrastinate! I think I'm going to be drinking tonight too, I plan on only having 3-4 which is definitely enough haha. good to hear that everyone is doing well!

Keep it up!  Man, am I tempted to go nuts on Sunday night.  But I swear I won't this time!  I was so happy with the scale this AM.  Yeah, I procrastinate w hmwrk in my apt too in the kitchen ;-)  You could always go to the library or something!

Today was ugly. I hope everyone else did better than me. I'm really upset with myself. I was doing so well too. I was looking so much better and I know now I'm going to be fat and puffy tomorrow. :( So read this and remember that horribel feeling and DON'T BINGE like I did!

Ok I am going to have a good week, and this little binge won't be a big deal. Ok big binge.

I had a decent weekend... I definitely felt a binge coming yesterday morning and I managed to come out of it without doing too much damage.  It was a combination of being kind of hungover, and not sleeping very much the night before.  When I'm tired and hungover I just want to eat a lot of salty things.

Leaving the house helped me, yesterday.  I went for a run, did some errands, and took a long bath/gave myself a manicure.  Nothing like wet polish to keep you from reaching into bags of crap!

Ok, just really quick I want to throw this there.  I've really been trying to listen to my body cues more lately rather than counting. And yesterday I was really hungry, and while I definitely did eat too much, the damage is not nearly as bad as I was expecting (how it has been previously after a binge). I feel like the consistency is the most important thing-since I've been doing pretty well lately, that one day won't affect me too much. I feel good today and am looking forward to working out later and eating well! So I'm just going to continue on as usual, make sure I get my workouts in and don't binge for the rest of the week! Good luck everyone!

Well, girls.  I am proud to say I did not binge.  Although I sure as hell wanted to Sunday night.   The only thing was on Sat I got caught in the rain and ended up eating an unexpected meal of pizza with some friends, which threw off my calorie count for that day.  I gained 1.6 lbs over the weekend, but that's not nearly as drastic as it usually is.  So I am still hopeful and proud.

Kickingbutt,  great idea with the wet nails stopping you.  I've done that before!

Wannahotbod, don't feel hard on yourself.  I see you bounced back from it though.  When you feel that desire coming on, jump on here instead!  It'll remind you of your goals and give you support!  I also tried that listening to my body thing.....eh...it's a good tool to sharpen, but I wouldn't rely 100% on it.  It's easy to use the excuse that you still felt hungry and before u know it you ate too much, etc.

Hello ladies...best of luck this weekend.  I have held out thus far!  Chins up!

same, its been a really good week so far! I'm going out tonight so I'll have to save some calories for that...my friends want me to go out fri. & sat. but there is no way haha. I'd rather eat more than drink most of the time. so i'm ready to do well this weekend. I've worked out everyday and even though I had the most stressful, sleep-deprived week so far this year, I made it without binging! This weekend, if I am about to binge I'm either going to call my mother and tell her so she can talk me out of it/distract me, or if she's unavailable come on here...which is a littel harder since you can't get immediate feedback you know? Also, painting your nails, I never thought of that but that is a great idea! I'm going to use that next time. Ok good luck ladies! we can do it!

I hear ya on the eating and drinking calorie problem.

I'm sorry to say that I've binged twice since my last post.   I also have not gone to the gym at all this week because I've been studying every night after work for a big test I have on Saturday at school.  I've been maintaining my weight tho so I guess that's good. 

How much weight do both of you want to loose?

Just binged today :( not too too bad though, but still. Ugh this is so hard! That's ok though I think I am making progress. Anyway, I want to lose 5-10 lbs, I'm not sure how much I weigh right now but ideally I'd like to fluctuate between 105-110 (I'm short 5'2). honestly if I hit 110-112 I'm thinking of not even bothering trying to lose anymore and just stop the binging for good. I realize I totally want to lose vanity weight, but I just feel so much better when I'm eating well and everything (meaning mostly not binging). I'm weighing myself on the 25th of November when I get home for Thanksgiving, and I'm really hoping I'm in the 110-112 area. Ok but anyway new goal for me, if anyone wants to join, is to at least not binge until Thanksgiving...only 12 days...you can do anything for 12 days right? haha. I have been working out a bit too much which I think is what triggered my binge, so I'm going to modify that for this next week. I hope you all have been doing well!

Hey, wannahotbod.  You are probably perfect the way you are right now.  I could never weigh what you do or I'd look too skinny (I'm 5'6).  It sounds to me like binge eating is the last thing you need to kick in order to be happy and healthy.  I will gladly join you in your crusade to not binge until Thanksgiving (lord knows I'll binge that day!).  I managed to make it the last time we all picked a date, but since then....well...haven't done very well.  

I've been sick and swamped with school work so I haven't been to the gym in 2 weeks.  It's crazy how fast you lose muscle.  Also, last night I ate an entire frozen pizza...man I regreted it afterwards, but today is a new day.  No mas.

Feel free to write here if you're feeling weak at any point :-)

I feel horrible because I was doing so well, but then I binged. And the part that makes me feel the worst is that I knew exactly what I was doing. I feel like I'm in this horrible rut, and I'm just not happy anymore, so I eat to try to hide from myself, but that always makes me feel worse and then before you know it i'm "starting over" on some diet again. I hate this. I absolutely hate it. How is it that some people have the capacity and the desire to binge, and some people are just naturally skinny and they can't even finish the food on their plate. I'm not one of those girls, and I'm afriad I will never be one of those girls. My weight is actually a problem and its beginning to effect other aspects of my life and I just want it to go away. I've tried everything, everything. I've read the books and listened to the advice, and somehow, no matter how well I'm doing, it all comes back to this. Especially when things in my life are already f'd up. I just want control!