Bad body image...

I have been very frustrated and upset lately about my negative body image.  I don't understand after all that I've accomplished with my weight loss why I am still so critical of my weight and how I look.  It's always, "I could look better, I need to work harder," or "My belly needs to be smaller, Holy hell are those my thighs!"  I can run 13+ miles and yet I am still so hard on myself...why?  Why can't I be proud of myself, why can't I stop being so critical of me?  I know deep down I'm not fat anymore but I still see the old me or maybe I'm scared of getting there again. 

Does anyone else go through this?  It would be nice to know how to get passed this and just be happy with my body.

I find that the more attractive I become, the more self-absorbed I become, and thus the harsher I am to myself. I find every little flaw and my looks are never good enough. If my skin clears up, then I find something else to focus on...like my teeth aren't white enough. If my upper body looks really toned, I start criticizing my thighs. 

This may not be the case for you, but I know for me this is caused by self-absorption. I have been working on not focusing on me so much and instead trying to be more service-oriented. It seems that the more joy I spread to others, the happier I become with myself. It's a win-win :) 

Good luck!

I understand completely.  I don't know about you but I'm a very goal-oriented person, and the more I accomplish, the more I find a need to focus on the "next goal."  For me, I don't focus so much on body image but on fitness goals. 

For example, a year ago I would have never thought I'd be running about 20 miles a week (not much compared to your 13 milers, but still an accomplishment for me!)  Yet today, I minimize my ability to run as far as I do, and keep a 10 minute mile pace, and I find myself focusing on how I could do more, go farther, be better. 

I think for me it has to do with striving to better myself.  It really can be detrimental, though - and I have had to learn how to rein these thoughts in because it is not realistic.   So, whenever I find myself losing sight of my accomplishments, I think of how far I've come, and try to focus on the reality that I am already doing much more than I though I'd be able to a year ago. 

It usually helps.

Sorry I can't offer more advice, but know you are not alone in feeling this way!

I have definitely struggled with body image but am finally at peace with myself... 95% of the time at least!

What helped me, strangely enough, was reading. I read feminist books like "The Beauty Myth" by Naomi Wolf and also read a lot of websites that point out how warped advertising is, and went to websites that focused on healthy body image. Realising that my fears were unfounded, and often started outside of me, really helped. We all think that we aren't influenced by society, but we hardly live in a society that's healthy for women's self esteem and encourages self-love no matter what. If you're interested, I have a tonne of links to advertising awareness and healthy body image websites/books on my profile page.

I also found I had to take a step back from everything to be able to feel more relaxed. I had to stop calorie counting and learn to eat intuitively. I had to stop measuring my progress in the gym and focus on moving for enjoyment and good health, not specific goals. Taking a step back from making "body goals" made it easier to accept my body as it is now, instead of always feeling like I needed my body to be something more than it was.

If you need an outlet for goals, try making them unrelated to your body. I decided to read at least 2 books a month, and travel to x places a year, and get x marks for my assignments, for example. The more interests you have outside of body obsession, the less all-consuming your interest in changing your body will be.

I also found I had to take a step back from everything to be able to feel more relaxed. I had to stop calorie counting and learn to eat intuitively. I had to stop measuring my progress in the gym and focus on moving for enjoyment and good health, not specific goals. Taking a step back from making "body goals" made it easier to accept my body as it is now, instead of always feeling like I needed my body to be something more than it was.

Thank you, Meryl, for the perspective!  I had never thought of it this way, but I think you are right on: I don't know about the OP, but I am guilty of always feeling looking forward to what's next rather than enjoying and accepting what I've achieved now.  This translates to other aspects of my life as well.

Posts like yours are exactly what I love about this site - the perspective we get from other members that helps bring us back to reality.  Thank you!

Have you read todays blog? It was really awesome.

Some already fabulous advice here. We learn to be critical at a really young age. We become experts at the negative and never learn how to express the positive. It's not 'nice' for girls to gloat.

Girls and women have a social patter that involves expressing self-loathing "my butt is huge" followed by surrounding females disavowing the statement "OMG, yours is so not huge, look at mine!" We unfortunately use this as a bonding technique in friendships but it also reinforces negative self-image. We depend upon others to tell us our good points because it would be impolite to recognize them for ourselves.

Arianna Huffington prefers to wear sleeveless tops because she likes the look of her shoulders, thinks they are her best asset and isn't afraid to tell others so. Now that's a woman we should all strive to be!

Because of this dependence on others to reinforce our self-image, this is why psychologists will often give women the homework to stand in front of the mirror naked and be required to only list out loud the things that look good to her. It's practice to internalize a strong self-image. It works pretty well for most.

I've also learnt a lot from the men in my life. They are shape-focused. They don't actually zero in on body-parts the way we can. I am not just body pieces. They appreciate the curves, the lines and movement. Well, at least the mature ones do!

Point is, it takes practice to develop a positive image. And isn't it ironic that we even beat ourselves up over not having a positive self-image?!! In fact, maybe I'll start a new thread "Tell us one thing you love about your body now" and see if we can start a de-programming trend.

Thank you, Meryl, for the perspective!  I had never thought of it this way, but I think you are right on: I don't know about the OP, but I am guilty of always feeling looking forward to what's next rather than enjoying and accepting what I've achieved now.  This translates to other aspects of my life as well.

*This is me exactly.  I can never be satisfied with the now, it's always where I am going to be.  This is for all aspects of my life as well.  I wonder how you go about changing that way of thinking.*

@foreverme24: I realize I am coming in a little late on this, and you've gotten some terrific responses. I just want to echo the sentiment of expanding goals and taking the restlessness you feel about your looks and putting that into other aspects of your life as well: career, hobbies, even volunteer work. You've accomplished great things with your HEALTH. Going from your top weight down to where you are now, and maintaining it is a huge accomplishment. What about taking some of that energy that gets expended on self-criticism and putting it into helping obese kids, or overweight teens? You obviously have learned some huge life lessons that could really help turn around the obesity epidemic in this country. Once you show others that it is possible, you will feel so great about yourself that the little negative voice in your head will get smaller, and smaller and smaller.....

mhnyc~  Yes I agree with you.  I've tried to do this.  I volunteered for Girls on the Run hoping that I could help overweight girls learn how to be healthy and get active.  Since I love to run I thought this would be a perfect fit.  Unfortunatly the program was nothing like I thought it would be I was very disappointed and ended up stopping.  I would however like to try again, just not with that organization.  If you have any suggestions I am more than up for listning to them.  I would love to help someone not go through what I did.  Actually I think I will google it right now.

Negative body/self image is an issue you cannot fix with the exterior - working out, dieting, makeup, etc. do not cure it, because the problem is psychological/emotional.

Do you use a rock to cure an external wound? of course not. So, the only things that might help with a poor self perception are being less critical with yourself, changing the way you think, and possibly some therapy.

No one is perfect, though. I am 195, and i've lost 12lbs, and I still don't "see" the difference, even though other people do. So it's not just you.

Try to accept and love yourself more, your "flaws" included. That is unconditional love, after all.

@foreverme24: That's too bad you had a negative experience with Girls on the Run. I don't know of a specific group that does good work like that - I do different types of volunteer activity - I'm active in the food bank and I help local charities give meals during the holidays, that type of thing. I started doing this years ago when I would get into my holiday funk every year. I decided to try helping others and it's the best feeling in the world. I've met the best people on earth on both sides of the food trays, both the givers and the receivers. The food bank keeps it going year round. Keep trying, and I hope you find a good group to work with. They are out there. 

Also - try this simple shift of focus first. I wouldn't rush right to therapy. We live in a society that puts tremendous pressure on women to be perfect - ie "thin". Even when rail thin, it's not enough. Women feel the pressure from marketers to have "perfect" hair, nails, skin, noses, breasts, you name it - and for the marketers, nothing is ever good enough. If it were, you'd stop buying their junk. Step sideways from the pressure and see it for what it is: a marketing ploy to make you feel so bad you give all your money to them. When you take this little shift of focus away from the negative messages, you see this whole marketing machine for what it is; nothing but carnival barkers selling you smoke and mirrors. 

mhnyc~  I have recently signed up with the SPCA to help out all the dogs with no homes.  This helps to take my mind off things.  Dogs are what makes me happy.  Anything that has to do with them makes me smile, so I suppose I should try to get to the shelter more. 

Awww! I LOVE dogs. What a great idea. You've inspired me - maybe I'll start doing that too! Dogs are the definition of hapiness.