Having a bad day...I'm tired of eating and I need to vent....

The past 5 days have been pretty good for me. I've been eating pretty good...and average about 2000 calories a day. Which is pretty good for me considering I was doing less than 1000 over the past 10 mths....(due to lack of appetite, a health problem and anxiety). But today I feel like crap...I'm mad at myself for losing the 10 pds over the past 10 mths...why did I let myself get to this? Getting it back is so much work....At most I was 113 pds my whole life...I was never ever bigger than that (and I'm in my 30s)..I was comfortable with the way I looked...but now I just look at myself in the mirror and all I see is ribs....plus I'm sick of eating all the time....it feels like a freakin chore!!! I look at sexy curvy girls and wonder...why can't I look like them...how much more than me do they eat. I just feel like crying right now....I hate being thin...I'm losing my mojo...and I'm scared......arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Food should be fun, not a chore. Take a breath, relax, calm down and don't get mad at you. Try to find some ways to make eating fun, too. Make food you loved as a kid. Or messy food. Like pizza, or fajitas, or lasagne. And again: relax. Stress diminishes appetite.

2000, as you likely know, is still too little gain on properly. Bump it up to 2500. At least. I also suggest if you feel like you're eating all the time to add more high calorie low density foods.

I felt really pretty today because I had some curves to flaunt again. And it was hard, but if this were easy more people would do it. Please, do not give up; increase your calories and lift your chin up.

You have to give yourself time to adjust. I am not taking away from your progress but 5 days is a very short time after 10 months of being starved. Your body will start to feel better when it gets adjusted. Till then think of it as medicine and sometimes it can be hard to take but helps in the long run. Also as someone who has other health conditions to heal properly you need to have a well nurished body. I agree with lala to increase. Try to eat every few hours. If you post a sample day I am sure people can help with suggestions. Hang in there

Gaining weight?  Now we're in my territory.  Go out for a bite with some friends, and you won't even realize how much you are eating.  (I personally recommend pizza and beer.)  Feel well, have fun, and congratulations on being on the road to recovery. 

Have a bite for me, or better yet an ice cold beer.  lol

Oh yeah, I forgot...just like losing weight, be patient.  You didn't lose the weight in a week, and you can't gain it back in a week.   Take it slow and love yourself along the way.  You are worth it, girlie!

Giving alcohol to a recovering anorexic is a very bad idea. First and foremost - when you are underweight - there is no way to tell how your body will handle it. Even a little bit could very well make her sick. Also, given that anorexia runs along the same gene as alcholism, it could very well turn into another whole problem if she began to depend on the booze for calories and the warm, happy feelings it gave her.

To the OP: I know just how you are feeling. It took me some time to adjust to how much I had to eat to gain. Still am in shock some days when I look in the mirror and realize how much I eat in a day, and how I still have so far to go.

Things that help me get the calories in without feeling full: olive oil, various nut butters, nuts, avocado, hummus, high-calorie veggies like corn and peas with dressing, granola, full-fat greek yogurt, dried fruits, bananas, dark chocolate, flaked coconut, lara/clif bars and my various oatmeal concoctions. I have become a master at increasing my calories in as little volume as possible ^.^ If you ever need some ideas, hit me up and I'll do my best to help.

Sorry, I didn't realize you had anorexia.  I thought you were like my sister who just can't keep weight on her body, especially when she is anxious or not feeling well.

Mervy I don't suffer from anorexia...I've always been a thin girl and used to love eating and yes I do have difficulty on keeping weight on and am a very anxious girl...but I was always a happy 115 pder. About 10 mths ago I started suffering from horrible acid reflux, and recently diagnosed with, hpylori, gastritis and a hiatal hernia too... All this made me lose the weight and losing the weight has caused me even more stress...I do NOT want to be thin and I HATE the way I look right now...I want to gain my weight back so badly it hurts.

 

Lala: How tall are you and how long did it take you to gain from 105 to 115.

Rebelchick: I'd love it if you could share some high calorie low density foods with me....maybe by PM...

 

My stomach CAN"T handle eating 2500 calories a day...I find it's way too much so for now (with my doctors approval) I am adding extra calories with a weight gainer I bought from GNC and ensure. It is my only hope....hopefully it will work because I really don't know what else to do.

 

I'm also starting a new medication called Elavil (amitryptyline) tonight...at a low dose they use it to control pain..in my esaphagus.

 

I work in a hospital and am lucky enough to have access to some of the best doctors around...thank god for that!!!

 

Any advice from anyone (even via PM) would be greatly appreciated.

:-)

 

 

 

Is it the volume of food that you're having a hard time with?  If you try hard enough, you really can cram a lot of calories into a small (volume wise) amount of food.  For now, you might want to make milkshakes or smoothies to get the extra calories in.  I would discourage the use of Ensure or supplements.  They can be surprisingly hard on your stomach (I know many people who can't keep them down).  Here are some foods/recipes that might help:

Milkshake:  1 cup high-cal (haagen-dazs, ben & jerry's, godiva) ice cream (540 calories) with 1 cup whole milk (150 calories), 1 large banana (100) and 2 TB peanut butter (190) = voila.  980 calories in a glass

Smoothie:  1 cup high-cal (haagen-dazs, etc) frozen yogurt (380 calories) with 1 cup whole milk (150) and 3 TB peanut butter (285) with 1 banana (100) and 2 TB chocolate powder [nesquick] (90) = 1,005 calories

List of dense, high-cal foods:

• 1 ounce nuts (170 calories)
• large bagel (350)
• 2 TB peanut butter (190)
• 2 TB nutella (200)
• 1 cup granola (600--depends on brand)
• 1 cup whole milk (150)
• 1 Tb olive oil (120)
• 1 ounce cheese (120)
• 4 oz beef (185)
• 1 cup full-fat yogurt [plain] (150)
• 1/2 cup trail mix (300)
• 1 ounce dark chocolate (150 calories)
• chocolate milk (full-fat) = 240
• 1/4 cup dried fruit [raisins] (130 calories)
• 1 TB butter (110)
• 1 TB mayo (100)
• sandwiches can pack a lot of calories
• 1 cup haagen-dazs ice cream (500-600)
• 1 cup pasta (210)

Also:  your body adjusts to what you are feeding it.  Yes, the first few days might feel like hell on your insides, but there are ways to cope (gentle stretching or walking, heating pad on the stomach, medicine, etc) Good luck!

Thanks for this info it will help out. Any yes pretty much there are days where I get horrible acid reflux (like today) and on these days I don't feel like eating because everything I put in makes me feel sick....so on these days I 'd rather put something high in calories in my stomach (small volume=less acid).... This is a chronic condition I will have to learn to deal with but at the same time I want to gain weight...which makes it extra hard for me. This is what is so frustrating...I want to gain the weight and this acid reflux thing is making it harder for me. Arghhh it makes me so anxious....at least I have this forum to help me out...thx.

105 to one FIFTY five! Not 115! Heh. I am 6'1. And it took me about 11 months to gain 50lbs, as there was a period where I slipped and lost weight again.

Also, yours is one of the few situations where I'd actually say a weight gainer formula is good for the times you simply cannot handle food as well as you want. I would also really have a sit down with your doctor, ask if he can refer you to a specialist over your condition if he hasn't already. This forum is great, but remember not to rely on it!

To the OP... have you ever been checked for common food allergies?  Wheat? Dairy?  I met a 60 year-old grandmother not that long ago that had been diagnosed coeliac just the previous year.  Her whole life, she told me, she'd suffered from terrible indigestion, been underweight quite a lot and never really felt 'well'.  60 years of mysterious ailments solved in a flash because her grandson was diagnosed and the doctor decided to check the rest of the family.

Lala I know you gained 50lbs (and my hats off to you for that).....what I meant by that is that I am looking to gain about 10 pds for now and I was wondering how long it took you approx. to reach the 10 pd mark....I know that everyone is different...however with summer around the corner I want to look and feel better.

 

Gi.-jane my doc did test me for celiac and it came back negative...but I am going to make an appointment with an allergy specialist  this week to do an allergy test...maybe that will show me if I'm allergic to some type of foods.

 

 

it took me about 2.5 months to gain about 10 months, s taying pretty sedentary, eating 2700-2900 cals.  i ate, didnt matter if i didnt want to, w asnt hungry, felt sick, whatever, ya just do it.

hi have you triend DGL for your acid reflux?  I know a lot of people it has helped immensely. One friend took it before each meal and also took slippery elm and it was amazing how it helped her. Also i have to point out that the drug you were prescribed...Elavil..is the one that put me in the hospital with heart palps..it can cause prolonged QT intervals...especially in someone underweight..you might want to ask your dr. about that.  Thought you should be informed....look it up on the web...there's lots of info.  Good luck.

I hear ya. I'm having a really rough time lately. This weekend was really bad behavior-wise. I got the shakes at work and became really sick because I hadn't eaten or kept anything down since dinner on friday night. So I ate a bagel because I scared myself.

What's really weird about this disease is that you can go for a long time and be doing really well, but then all of a sudden be not doing well, and then just later go back to doing well. I've been drifting in and out of this lately. :(

I did contact my old therapist though and told her that I needed some support atm. Are you able to do something similar to that?

Boneca,

Feel well.  you're in my thoughts.