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Bad Lapse

Please, I need someone to tell me it'll be okay. 

I'm trying to recover from bulimia, but today I lost control completely. It'd been over a month since I'd purged. I had a huge binge, purged it, then did the b/p cycle three more times. It's just like I was at my worst. 

I lost so much then. I lost all my friends, and still haven't got any of them back. I flunked an entire year of highschool because I spent more time in the bathrooms than in class. This is my second time as a junior. 

I was doing so well, too. I convinced my mom I don't need the psychiatrist/doctor/therapist, so I don't have those anymore. Right now I've got what I call a bulimia hangover-- my throat is burning, there are broken blood vessles in my face and eyes, and my hands are all scraped up. I feel horrible. I want to stop but I also want to binge again and again. I'm eating a bowl of popcorn as slowly as I can. 

Please, what should I do? I can't afford to lose anything else.

You would do well to seek counseling asap.

Wow, thanks.

I think you just need to take a moment and breathe.  The main point here is exactly what you titled your thread - you had a lapse, not a relapse.  You're making a huge lifestyle change and that takes a lot of work.  One slip up is not going to define what happens in the future.  Take this as a learning moment (as cheesey as it sounds).  Reflect on what triggered this event and what can you take from this to avoid a lapse in the future.  There is no changing what has happened in the past, so don't dwell on it.

Editted to add:  As far as feeling like you want to binge again and again right now.  Do something else to take your mind off it, something that you wouldn't normally binge during.  Go for a walk, take a long hot bath, go stroll the aisles at Target.

You poor thing!

At this point, all you can do is start over. Forget what happened earlier today. Tomorrow is a new day, and you will have a better handle of what you eat. No more binging, no more purging. And if you do binge, live with the consequences. Purging will only make your next binge worse.

If you feel like you lost complete control over your eating habits, then seek medical help immediately!

Every time you binge/purge, make sure you have an honest chat with your mom about what happened. Don't keep it from her, because that will just make the situation worse.

Thanks for your quick replies. I'm feeling a little better now, I was really flipping out when I wrote this post. I just don't want to lose anything else to this, and any sign that it might be coming back scares me to death. I'm trying to live my life-- I had just gotten to a point in my recovery where I was starting to do stuff again. I have a wonderful summer job, and an option to take correspondence classes so I can try and get closer to where I should be in school. 

I haven't purged since writing this post, though I have been eating frequently. I ate popcorn, a bowl of oatmeal, and some raisins. Very, very slowly. It's bad, but not as bad as a full bp cycle. 

I will talk to my mom. Thanks, mimi. It is hard for me to talk with her about my bingeing; she's had Eating Disorder-type behavior in the past, but not bingeing episodes. More like overeating, then severe restriction. I sometimes feel like a greedy pig compared to her. (She doesn't call me that or anything, she's supportive.)

Alle, thanks for the tips. Usually when I feel like bingeing, I either take my dog for a walk, do my algebra homework (perfect because I like it but it takes me a reaaally long time,) or play video games. I don't know why it didn't work today. Everything just kinda broke. 

I did it again. >_<

Hey, I  completely understand as I am bulimic. Please out of experience try to stop the cycle as early as possible as, as soon as you get started its so so much harder to stop. I did the same and now its a month later. I had my last b/p yesterday and today 25, is a new day!! If you want support we can help each other out. Be aware the little voice will try to convince you that oh.. its just today I will start fresh tomorrow... monday.... Let me say, the days will continue until your completely trapped by ED. So please do whatever you can to STOP, tell friends, parents that you have slipped and you need a hand. This is what I'm planning on doing as well be aware about ana. As this tends to creep in. The way to stop the cravings is to allow yourself to have a little something rich once in a while, as its better to have a piece of cake then binge on the whole thing later. I went to treatment and this is there secret. Eat 3 meal, 2 snacks and 1 high energy (3X week). High energy is like muffin, cookie, chocolate bar, cake, etc.. As this keeps you satisfied and away from bring on a physiological binge.  This is  caused by hunger. Anyways I hope the above helped. Let me know if you want to count the b/p days free together. 

Good luck!!

I did a lot better today. Thanks, katemono. That's really good advice, I'll think about it.

i'm having the same issues. i was just looking up some things online that would help me ( I can't afford a therapist or whatnot) and there was something about a teen crisis hotline. it's in the yellow pages under social services, and i think you should try to look one up. i haven't tried it yet, because i'm too scared. i hope this works for you. let me know if it does. and if it doesn't, don't be scared to message me. :) sometimes in the wave of a binge you just need someone to talk to.

you know what dont panic we all have blips, bulimia is one of the most distructive things you can get over, it is an ilness a long term one ... and im sorry to say you wont get over it in a month, pace yourself make small steps and carry on talking to someone ... im in therapy and have been for 1 year now and i have two replases but you have to always say to yourself ... tomoro is a new a day :) cause it is and rember if you feel bad about yourself your going to go back in to binge and purge mode thinking theres no point in trying ... dont....  just look up , look forward and talk

best of luck :) rember your doing fine

PLEASE listen to me.

I had bulimia for years. Lots of bingeing, lots of purging, sometimes purging without even having binged, sometimes bingeing without purging. All of it. I isolated myself. I acted like a complete "fool" because I was so detached. I lost so much. I almost lost my husband.

EVERYONE SLIPS. I totally shot myself in the foot so many times because the GUILT of one slip after I'd sworn off of bulimia made me feel unworthy and I'd just stick with the B/P cycle because it was my only friend. THAT, my dear, is the essence of the eating disorder tearing you down.

This is just a bump in the road. NOW is a new moment - DO NOT let this slip up dictate how you will be. It sounds like you are very aware of what an ED can cost you, so let this slip just remind you and empower you to drive forth in recovery. You can do this and you can have all the things that you lost and more. Just believe that you can do it.

good God would people ever wake up? this post is 16 months old. why do people root through year old posts to offer their advice. its ridiculously stupid..........................GRRRRRRRrrrrr rrrr