What to do when a bad news girl has a death grip on your friend's balls...

So...my boyfriend's best friend came out to visit.  They took him out to a bar and he met a girl (a very nasty crack-whore girl).  They brought her home and she stayed for 5 days in a row.  She lives with her parents and has a child but we had to force her to leave.  She is drunk 24 hours a day and was hospitalized for a drug overdose yesterday and claimed she was raped by her "friend".  First, the story was that she was drugged and then made up some bs story that she overdose on snake anticdote (sp?).  In less than a week, the cops have come to our house twice looking for this girl and she has spent some hard time in jail. He has already spent hundreds of dollars on this girl and thinks he's in love.  How do you get through to someone like this?  He doesn't realize how bad this girl is or that everything she says is a lie?  She has a child but still goes out and gets drunk every night.   No one can get through to him and I don't think he knows any better because he's never been to this country and has been very sheltered most of his life.  We've already banned her from the house but even when he goes out to see her, the cops come looking.  It is a nightmare.

Oh and insight from the guys would be great on this.

damn.  How long has he been "in love" with her?  It sounds like maybe a couple of weeks at most, but I could be wrong.

one suggestion is to make a really detailed list, showing what she's done and how much it's cost him and how it's been disrespectful to you and your boyfriend...then ask him just what exactly is he getting from the relationship that is worth all of that...

in general, i try to keep my mouth shut when I don't like my friends' girlfriends/boyfriends, as i've alienated a few friends that way (and they eventually all came around and saw the light, if you will)...

good luck...and keep us posted.

wow!  snake venom antidote?  I hadn't heard that one before!

I'm guessing that you know this, but unfortunately, in my experience, it does no good to tell anyone what to do relationship-wise.  People have to make their mistakes, and outside intervention usually will not derail someone bent on self-destruction.  I was with a really bad-news type of guy for a while, and even when HIS friends told me to cut bait and run, I didn't (until I got irrefutable evidence of infidelity).  Even the knowledge that he regularly used cocaine (mind you, I never have and won't, and its use is totally gross to me) didn't chase me away.  Anyway, I know my own story is kind of irrelevant, but it taught me that people get relationship blinders that can't be removed by their friends' common sense and worry.  I'm not an idiot, but I sure acted like one, even with bad-news-guy's own friends telling me steer clear...

There is nothing you can do.  He will have to learn the hard way.  Sooner or later she will do something to him and he will wise up, until that point though, there probably isn't anything you can say.

It has only been 6 days!!! 

okay, okay...6 days isn't too bad...better than 6 months!  it sucks for you no doubt, and i'm guessing you've made it pretty obvious you don't like the chick.  keep repeating it...hopefully, it will sink in soon.  Is he staying with you guys for good?  Or just for a visit?

There are four roommates in the house, all guys and they have all voiced their opinion loudly about this girl and went off on her to her face.  He is staying for three weeks but is getting his visa to move out here for good.  He was going to move in with us but now he's getting his own place so that she can move in with him.

Start talking to him about what hes looking for... work through that she isnt really what he wants, that she is just part of what he wants (sex).

Talk through things and help him see what she will be doing later in life... as her child grows up and that she will continue to abuse substances.

Dont tell him its impossible for him to be with her. But tell him that he shouldnt settle for something that he doesnt want... tell him that he should talk to her and have her get help for her problems. Tell him that if she just doesnt care enough to find help, she probably isnt ready for a relationship and there isnt much he can do about it.

I doubt he wants a drunk / drug addict that keeps popping in and out of jail for the rest of his life.

LOL, sorry, but i like this story.  It sucks it's true.  Poor guy being screwed over and blinded by a crackwhore girl.  I don't know what to tell ya.

Take it from someone who actually has a Y chromosome: He ain't gonna believe it if it comes from you.  Maybe your boyfriend if he's his best friend, but not you.

My bet: He learns the hard way.  Guys in love are so stupid.

Women.  You can't live with them...pass the beer nuts. :D

Ok, time for good ole buzzy to chime in! :)

Nothing you can say to him will actually have any type of effect, once he has made the decision, he will only stop when he realized that its not going well.

You can talk to him until your blue in the face, it will only fall on deaf ears. When a guy takes a certain intrest in something, they tend to wear blinders and totally oblivious to the entire world. You might want to have your man talk to him, because coming from another guy might help, a little.

He is going to learn the hard way. It doesn't help that he has lived a very sheltered life either, maybe he got some special attention and to him that was enough.

I think you need to find him some new tail...

lol @ new tail Yea, that could work. Get one of your really hot friends to come over and flirt with him!!

Oh, I was going to say that, too!  Once he sees that there are better fish in the sea, maybe won't be so impressed with the crack whore.

It's definitely true that you can't tell your friends who to date, especially guys.  I used to have this really close friend who started to date a woman who not only had a boyfriend, but her boyfriend had cancer and he was going through chemo and everything.  Basically their "relationship" consisted of going to the bar every night, then coming home to my apartment (my friend and I were roommates) to have sex, and then she would sneak home around 3 am.  I called her the Cancer Slut.  And he would not listen when I told him this was bad news.  We are no longer friends.  Mostly because I lost respect for him and don't really want to be friends with someone who is willing to date a Cancer Slut.

i still think he would listen if you talked to him... its all about HOW you talk to him (not talk AT him).

He may be blinded to the sittuation, but his entire mind hasnt shut down... unless he is really slow, he can still understand things if you slowly work it out with him (dont just say its wrong or bad, talk to him and see how he feels instead of just telling him how you feel).

loriklorik is probably right...

but I have a feeling that this guy had recently gone through a "dry spell"...am I right?

That might be why his standards are so low...Hook him up with some strange and he'll be fine...

And of course, keep us updated!!!

I don't know what to tell you, sorry, but that "Nasty Crack Whore Girl" thing literally made me laugh out loud.

So he's here on a visa and wants to stay? Hmmmm.... whatever could he see in someone so wasted? Hmmmmm.....

Yes to new tail. Sorry. Just let the friend know what she's in for, but really, this guy is clearly not really in love after six (6!) days. He *might* be just in lust, but I'm doubting even that. I think there is something else going on....

Ok..so you live in this house too? Kick her *ss out! Get a vote going. See how many are in favor of her not spending any nights there anymore.  Thats one problem solved.

Let them get rooms or something, or stay somewhere else, he's going to keep seeing her for now. People do NOT listen to others on who or who not to date.

Sometimes show is better than tell so if you and everyone else show him you need business...?

He thinks he's in love with a "very nasty crack-whore" after six days?!  thatguy's gotta be right, he's got to be going through a dry spell.

You should talk to him and figure out why his standards are so low.  I assume that since he's a friend of your bf he's probably a pretty good guy and thus could do better.  Telling him that she's bad news isn't going to help much since it'll just put him on the defensive but figuring out why he wants her might.