Interesting article and I certainly agree that you have to have your mind in the right place in order to succeed with permanent weight loss.  My 100 lb weight loss success has been the result of starting with the mindset that I will make a life change of healthy eating and exercise by doing today what I can continue tomorrow.  What does that mean to reduce this to practice?  It means I did what a could at the part of my weight loss transformation - made reasonable changes in the diet and did exercise I was capable of doing at the time.  It also means not being too restrictive.  Throughout the process I allow myself a few indulgences on the weekends.  This is part of the plan therefore I enjoy it and do not feel guilty or deprived.

I believe having the right mind-set in the beginning of a lifesyle change is very important. You have to put yourself first for a change. You have to do it for YOU and no one else. It's nice to think about the pretty clothes and the compliments you get, but when those stop, you have to love yourself enough to continue the process. If you just consentrate on the body, but the mind stays the same, the fat will come back. I'm an emotional eater so I have to really be aware of why I eat as well as what I eat. Now that I finally "get it" I know I can conquer the demons that got me fat in the first place. (I've lost 124 lbs.)

There are a lot of unexpected changes that come with the lifestyle, and body changes that we just don't expect. Sadly, as we become thinner happier people the stats quo changes with family and friends. That doesn't always sit well with people. You are the fat one, to them. They are used to you feeling unhappy. Suddenly becoming thin, strong, healthy and (mostly) happy can put a real strain on relationships. So keep in mind that those issues are their issues, not yours. With all the new changes, you may end up with new friends, better friends. And remember. . . it's all good. I lost 25lbs and a husband and I have never been happier! I figure that I have just traded up.

Well, today I was faced with home made cho chip cookies, apple cake, pumpkin bread, at our company craft fair.  Soooo, I posted my angels around me and asked for help in remaining on-track with my 43 pound weight loss. Being thin feels better than cho chip cookies taste! It is a day by day, minute by minute choice. And today I chose thin. :>D

This is an excellent article and completely ironic for me- having had weight and other issues for the majority of my life and having a career now as a personal trainer, physiologist, nutrition coach, my mentality has been locked in "weight loss/ diet/ restrict" mode. I suddenly have come to realize how much my thinking has actually been faulty for me right now, and that I am at the very least beyond the goal and at maintenance. As a distance runner, my performance has been lagging. Well, after much introspection, assessment and re evaluating the condition I am in helped me uncover a block in confidence, self acceptance and be more self aware . Wanting to do the marine core marathon again next year (for cancer fund raising) and supplementing myself with education, training and regimens by successful elite athletes (Brendan Braizer, Scott Jurek) I have realized to be an athlete I must think like an athlete. To be a winner you have to think in terms of winning. To be confident you have to believe in yourself.

If you think you can, you can; if you thin you can't, you won't!

This article also is the way I teach my clients to behave and think. Constantly I am telling them that they have to be positive, and stop beating themselves up. Well, low and behold- the "aha" moment, practice what you preach but make the practice applicable to you!!!

You are awesome and will win!!! Just to "piggy back" -no pun intended, haha! ;P I am bettering my nutrition with more healthy foods for athleticism, and that diet mindset will be now about furthering success and health, the lifestyle maitenance and wellness I "deserve" and we ALL deserve. More fruits, lean protein, vegetables, amino acids, and energy health foods for ultra distances :)

I want to also add here, if I can everyone on this site can. Proof? Lets just say that I have too not only been overweight-180 lbs- and super under-98 lbs- but a recovering (10 years January) addict.

Amen!

I think that the writer is so on target here. It all begins with liking yourself and respecting who you are. If we are to "Love our neighobors as ourself" and don't love ourself then the point becomes acutely moot. The process of self acceptance takes work but the journey is well worth it. Even if I never lost a pound (which in not the case) I am a much better person for learning to love me and be able to transfer that love to others. We all are the sum of three parts: Body, Mind, & Spirit. We cannot neglect any part of our being and expect to live a happy and fulfilled life.

good post...but, it's easier to say than do. This has so been my problem for the past five months, I got skinny, but my brain was still fat...and now I feel like a big fat failure. I am skinny to most people (or at least not overweight) but when I look in the mirror I see the fat girl that was here a year ago and I just can't seem to get her out of my head. But I'm gonna try...cause I still have a little ways to go before I get to my "goal" and this fat girl inside me keeps preventing me with stress, depression, low self esteem, etc. I am going to try to not let her get the best of me.

Original Post by: proverbs31womanintraining

good post...but, it's easier to say than do. This has so been my problem for the past five months, I got skinny, but my brain was still fat...and now I feel like a big fat failure. I am skinny to most people (or at least not overweight) but when I look in the mirror I see the fat girl that was here a year ago and I just can't seem to get her out of my head. But I'm gonna try...cause I still have a little ways to go before I get to my "goal" and this fat girl inside me keeps preventing me with stress, depression, low self esteem, etc. I am going to try to not let her get the best of me.

Dear proverbs31womanintraining,

You're right - it's sometimes easier said than done to change those relentless negative thoughts of failure. But, with time and earnest intent, it certainly is possible to release those thoughts and create a more confident, positive mind-set.

I'd like to offer you a suggestion. Instead of trying to get the "fat girl" out of your head, how about this: 

Love and accept her just the way she is.

Change will happen more easily as your "fat girl" feels loved and appreciated. This doesn't mean you accept not changing and holding onto excess weight. Paradoxically, love and acceptance are the ingredients that allow change to happen and bring confidence and ease to your weight loss journey. Perhaps this article I wrote for Calorie Count on Accepting Yourself may be helpful.

All best wishes to you in your journey.

Warmly,
Diane

Actually i have to keep the fat girl mindset to be able to loose weight.. like when i think positive about myself.. i just gain weight but when i think that im fat n that... at least my weight stays the same but doesn't help me to loose it.. i dont know what to do

Original Post by: rosl

Diane, I so love your articles and find them really helpful and often inspiring....thank you so much for taking the time to not only write and post them but also for then replying to those others that need a support.

You're very welcome, Rosi!
Thank you very much for your feedback.

And thank you all for your comments!

Warmly,
Diane

Original Post by: marbidola

Actually i have to keep the fat girl mindset to be able to loose weight.. like when i think positive about myself.. i just gain weight but when i think that im fat n that... at least my weight stays the same but doesn't help me to loose it.. i dont know what to do

Thinking positive is I think different from just eating whatever you want.  When I pig out I'm not enjoying the food I eat--I'm just shoving it into my mouth.  It might be the same for you.  Remember: Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.  :)  You don't have to look at food and hate yourself for wanting it, or get dressed and hate how big you are.  Don't ignore how you feel about your body (which causes you to overindulge) or obsess over it (which is causing you to hover at the same weight).  Accept that the overeater in you is just as much a part of you as the skinny girl who just needs some work to come out--they both need love.

If you are following a diet but still not losing weight, you may be eating too much or not enough.  There are lots of tools to figure out how many calories you should be eating a day.  If you feel your diet is making you so miserable you're going to abandon it, then change it!  Slow, permanent weight loss is much better than fast, temporary weight loss.  Do something you can live with the rest of your life.

If you're really  craving something, eat it--just remember to count the calories.  It will also help to eat a small amount of it, like a spoonful of ice cream instead of a whole bowl.  

Good luck!

So much easier said then done. My heaviest was 300 lbs. I have set a weight loss goal of 130 lbs. I have lost 70 so far and I still feel HUGE! I feel big because I am still big and even worse still obese and at risk for health problems. After most people lose 70 lbs they are thin and healthy. Well not me I still have 60 lbs to go and I have been stuck at this weight for the past 2 months. I am starting to feel as if I have failed, and I am very upset about this. Even at my goal weight I will still be over weight in the eyes of my Dr. the negative thoughts are starting to take hold and I am getting depressed about being in this plateau. Nothing I do helps. Changing up my exercise, cutting calories, upping calories, nothing so far. I am sick of stepping on the scale week after week and seeing the same number. How am I suppose to work past this awful feeling if I feel like all my work is for nothing anymore?

Original Post by: xstarlet86x

So much easier said then done. My heaviest was 300 lbs. I have set a weight loss goal of 130 lbs. I have lost 70 so far and I still feel HUGE! I feel big because I am still big and even worse still obese and at risk for health problems. After most people lose 70 lbs they are thin and healthy. Well not me I still have 60 lbs to go and I have been stuck at this weight for the past 2 months. I am starting to feel as if I have failed, and I am very upset about this. Even at my goal weight I will still be over weight in the eyes of my Dr. the negative thoughts are starting to take hold and I am getting depressed about being in this plateau. Nothing I do helps. Changing up my exercise, cutting calories, upping calories, nothing so far. I am sick of stepping on the scale week after week and seeing the same number. How am I suppose to work past this awful feeling if I feel like all my work is for nothing anymore?

You need to loosen up!  Stop checking the weight.  That is becoming a trap for you.  Instead, focus on doing the right stuff.  The rest will follow in time.  I was like you, very impatient...but hey good things come to those who wait (while continuing to do the right thing).  A friend of mine lost tons of weight over the course of 2 years and he meticulously collected information on all he ate and what he weighed every day and would plot his progress over time.  Guess what it turned out to be....a step function.  You see plateaus for a period of time and then a sudden drop in weight!  He told me this when I started my weight loss routine, specifically to warn me against giving up just because of a plateau.  The key is to keep going and not deviate.  The important thing here is to not just lose weight but to follow a healthy lifestyle.  So focus on that!  Look at what you already achieved!  You are living a healthy lifestyle and lost 70 lbs! The rest will follow soon...you have to make them follow...keep telling yourself that because no one else can do it for you but yourself!

What a great article!  As someone who has recently gone from 190.5 lbs to 142 lbs, I'm still kind of stuck thinking of myself as a fat person.  Other people don't see me that way anymore, but I basically live in fear of gaining all the weight back again.  I feel so happy and healthy right now and I'm eating the right things and training for a half-marathon, but every day I live with the fear that I'm going to somehow become fat again.  I track my calories religiously and I do eat a lot more on the weekend the day before my long runs on Sundays, but overall I need to be upping my calories for maintenance.  I'm having a hard time doing that because of my fear of gaining.  I've slowly increasing the caloric intake from 1400-1600 toward 1900-2000 and then I'll move up from there.  So far, no weight gain, but I really need to be eating more in order to perform better during my runs.

I swear I feel like maintenance is a thousand times more difficult from a mental perspective than losing.  I never expected this.

Original Post by: born2beecreative

Well, today I was faced with home made cho chip cookies, apple cake, pumpkin bread, at our company craft fair.  Soooo, I posted my angels around me and asked for help in remaining on-track with my 43 pound weight loss. Being thin feels better than cho chip cookies taste! It is a day by day, minute by minute choice. And today I chose thin. :>D

great article!   i really think everyone needs to see themselves in a more positive light like this and love themselves!

about what born2beecreative said:   This is soooo true,  i have not only an enabler (my husband who i think likes when i'm fat) who will find any excuse to try to feed me cake or fast food...

but i also have my mother who doesn't want to try to lose weight and when i do she gets resentful and negative saying things like: "oh, sure, i don't really think you can lose a dress size by your birthday, better set your goals a little lower"

these Negative Nellys are the hardest thing to deal with in my environment... it's like they want you to fail because they did... 

Original Post by: chas613

Just like alcoholics, some people with eating disorders have family/friends that have been enablers. We might need help in changing that part of our environment since we only have indirect contrl of others.

sorry this was the post i meant to quote, got the buttons mixed up   *lol*

i'm new to the forum, sorry about that... 

Great comments!  I have finally made the decision to lose weight and get healthy.  I was always the "skinny girl", until my mid-thirties when I started gaining weight.  Now I'm in my mid-fifties and 50 pounds overweight. 

My sister recommended a book called, "The Denim Diet".  The book is really about eating whole grains and healthy foods.  Following her guidelines I have lost 25 lbs in 3 months.  I feel better and know I look better too.  A lot of my problem was "mindless eating".  If there was a cookie in front of me, I would eat it.  Now I am choosing to say, "no thankyou".  Doesn't mean I always eat perfect, but choosing to see myself as a success, and loving myself no matter what my body looks like is so important. 

My husband was sceptical, but seeing my success he has been more picky about what he eats, and has lost some weight, too. 

Good luck to all who are on this journey-don't give up!!

Alonewolf, Hi, I started maintainance over the summer, and like you, really fear gaining my weight back. (I've lost 124 lbs.) With the help of weight and calorie charts, I found my ideal maintainance food intake. My goal weight is 128 lbs. and I fluctuate between 126 and 129 every week. There are MANY foods that I no longer eat because they are unhealthy, but I have added back certain things that fit well into my plan. (whole eggs,SmartBalance butter spread,) It's kinda fun to eat like a "normal" thin person. I have found balance in my day really works. If I eat a little too much,(very rare for me) I just workout a little more. I still weigh my food and stick to my food journal like glue!! I think these two things will keep me thin this time. Most importantly, enjoy your new, healthy body and respect your success. (strut your stuff)!!!!!!!! 

Original Post by: philfan1

Alonewolf, Hi, I started maintainance over the summer, and like you, really fear gaining my weight back. (I've lost 124 lbs.) With the help of weight and calorie charts, I found my ideal maintainance food intake. My goal weight is 128 lbs. and I fluctuate between 126 and 129 every week. There are MANY foods that I no longer eat because they are unhealthy, but I have added back certain things that fit well into my plan. (whole eggs,SmartBalance butter spread,) It's kinda fun to eat like a "normal" thin person. I have found balance in my day really works. If I eat a little too much,(very rare for me) I just workout a little more. I still weigh my food and stick to my food journal like glue!! I think these two things will keep me thin this time. Most importantly, enjoy your new, healthy body and respect your success. (strut your stuff)!!!!!!!! 

Thanks so much for the support, reassurance, and advice, philfan1!  It gives me hope that it can be done.  :)

You're welcome!!!!

This is exactly what I needed today! There were too many temptations last week that I didn't resist - I kept weighing in, and things kept going up - I had a huge desire just to let it all go and give myself permission to fail. I really do need to understand this is lifelong - even when I have lost the weight I will have the saem temptations and slip ups to deal with - learning now to deal with them will help me in the long run. Actually honestly seeing myself as healthy will help in the long run as these setbacks will appear to be just that - setbacks - not the end of the road.  Thanks for a great post! 

This article is great. I have lost weight but seem to self-sabotage. I still use food to comfort, the other day I got some bad news and the first thing I did was have something bad to eat. Why do I do this? I realised that I'm doing everything right with my exercise but my eating still isn't right. I need to start to find something else to find comfort in. BUT I think the most important thing for me was that I'm back on track again now. I've learnt to stop beating myself up, and just get back on the thinking thin train again. I will have to find another outlet for my comfort though.

I have found a way to keep the "munchies" under control. First, stop and think why you want to eat. Is your stomach really "growling", or are you having a emotional issue. (angry,sad,bored,lonely,etc.) Second, don't keep "junky" foods in the house. Have fresh fruit and veggies,low-fat crackers,whole wheat pretzels available for yourself. Most people wont go out to the store or fast-food joint in the middle of the night to pig out. You just have to make the decision to be healthy, simple as that. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I have lost 124 lbs. and I am worth it to keep it off and stay healthy.

I have been struggling with this a LOT lately--"feeling fat."  The problem is, I AM fat, and if I sat around thinking I was a nubile goddess I'd stop working out and start enjoying free time again (and I'd gain back what I've lost thus far).  I understand that my attitude towards my body is not healthy, but it is not spurring me to give up.  In fact, the only way I can stand being in my own skin is knowing that I am trying everything I can to do something about it.   It has gotten to the point where, if I didn't work out for more than one day, I have trouble sleeping or relaxing because I can't stand the feel of my skin touching itself due to fat accordion-ing when I sit or lie down.  It feels gross--like extra blubber tacked onto my skin that my nerves don't entirely extend into. 

1.  My Future, Thinner Me will feel comfortable in her own skin and stop hurrying past mirrors like they will suck out her soul.  The psychological issue ends when I'm toned enough that my fat doesn't touch itself when I sit or lie down.

2.  My Future, Thinner Self won't have to worry about getting off-track, because the weight loss began when life stopped being so ridiculously hard, and hopefully it won't ever return to layoff hell in the future.

3.  My Future, Thinner Self will probably still exercise like mad, and despair of ever having free time.  The second I cut back on working out, even with moderated eating habits, the weight comes back on and the muscles turn to mush.  I can't stand my limbs not feeling hard and toned now, and I never will.  And there will never be more free time, because I have a demanding career.

4.  The Future, Thinner me will always save "cheat days" for days that are deemed to be very bad.  I don't consider that "emotional eating"--when there is already a floating cheat day or two, why not put them on the bad day(s) so there is something to cheer me up?  

5.  The Future, Thinner Me will continue to *try* to take care of herself--but a career ends when you retire, and taking care of myself will always be a somewhat elusive luxury.  As long as I am stuck working 9.5+-hr days with two hours of commute on either end and working out remaining necessary to keep weight off, there is simply no time to really care for my skin, or get more than 6 hours of sleep a night on weekdays, or get regular haircuts, or take my time shopping for clothes that fit perfectly. All the time goes to car maintenance, chores, working out, cooking and working/commuting.

I would dearly love for someone to write an article here that will help outline plans for those of us who commute, work far more than 9-5 AND have families.  For example, my current pressing concern is how much of my workout am I rendering useless by not getting enough sleep?  Through December 17th we have a very packed schedule at work and I only get 4-5 hours a night on weekdays, and 8 on weekends if there is weekend work.  If I am burning, say, 700 calories from intense cardio but doing it on 4-5 hours of sleep, how much of that is useless because the exhaustion is making my body hold onto fat?  What is the exercise/sleep equivalent?

Dear Yamisui,

Hi! Like everyone on here, I am also struggling with weight loss.... I've ALWAYS been the "fat girl" and am trying to change it now... twenty years later. Oh well, better late than never xD

Right, about your comment: while I'm not in your position, I can offer advice I found online. There are articles called simple tricks skinny people do (this'll help you in the long run, just google'm )

I think you already burn enough fat already, since the key to losing weight is movement... 

I'll post the links below... but you should do tricks like walking more, using stairs instead of elevators, etc.

I also think you're better off sleeping in rather than exercising. Yes, exercising is important, but stress causes you to hold on to fat. I have relatives who've been "always skinny" but gained a lot of fat through stress... which is what you sound like you have. Instead of so much cardio, how about twice a week? Did you try HIT interval training, that works too!

Ok, here are sites I frequently visit, and I think they'll help you lots!

Let me know what you think, kay? ;)

http://www.rd.com/health/50-weight-loss-secrets-and-slim-dow n-tips/

(^ is for very simple tricks you can do without diet/exercise to lose weight)

http://walking.about.com/cs/pedometers/a/2000steps.htm

http://walking.about.com/od/measure/f/10000steps.htm

(^ talk about the step thing... )

http://www.nowloss.com/

The above is an AWESOME website, is free, and very helpful! It gives you advice on nutrition and exercise. The guy running the site (prof. trainer) also answers comments in the comment section (Also, it tells you how to exrecise at home- handy for us commoners unable to gain entry to either a gym or equipment ;) )

One last note: I lost quite a few pounds simply by doing what everybody else is doing: burning more calories than you eat (or eating less calories than you need)

Beware that women should never go lower than 2000 cals a day!

Wishing both of us a skinny luck, me!

Thought I'd add something...

When I said I'm not in your position, I meant that I don't have a family or a long commute, etc.

But I do have EXTREME overweight issues (if you see a pumpkin floating over your town, then that'd be me) which led me to do the research.

So, one last piece of advice:

The nowloss website also suggests that playing with your kids over thirty minutes is actually very good exercise. I agree because not only do you and your kids bond, you have fun, and can maintain it... ;)

So, yeah. That's all. :)

I don't have kids, but I do have a husband who is working and going to school full-time---that is what I mean by family.  What I mean by adding "family" onto the list of time-eaters is that even if you're just a married pair you need to devote some time to the other person--spending some time catching up when you get home, and making sure to eat dinner together. 

Its easier said than done,but like my sister said when you want domething bad enough you"ll do anything to get it. Which most people who do lose weight and finaly get to that body they want or wanted they try to mantiane. When i finaly do i know that no food will ever taste better then the feeling of me be thin will feel.

The article has a point...

I also have a very bad self immage that only got worst after working out for a while, without loosing one pound. I had the feeling that all my efforts and daily gim trips have been in vain. I did not even believe my boyfiend when he said that I was looking better, because I believed that he is doing it just to confort me. ... It was not until one of my friends, whom I have not seen for a long while, commented on how good I look and how tonned my arms are, that I started feeling a bit better.

Not I try to motivate myself not to be so negativistic about my looks, but I need to admit that my eneral mood still influences my selfperception: meaning when I have had a bad day, I feel fat and ugly, wheres when I have a god day, I o not even think about the way I look.