Becoming a bit disheartened when looking at other's goals..

In my case I started out at 285 pounds , with a  goal weight of around 170 , and would reassess when I got there. I have not been anywhere around 170 for about 20 years, so thought that I would be happy with this.

Since reading slimming magazines and looking around this site, I have lowered my goal to 150 pound, as I found that  there were people my height (5'7) with a starting weight of 170 pound or less who were wanting to lose weight. I have now just seen someone my height featured in an article..their starting weight was 150 and they lost weight to become 127.

I understand that everyone is happy at a different weight, and it is perhaps relative to where one began their weight loss journey from, but I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed, wondering if I will ever be happy with where I reach, or will the benchmark keep shifting? Has anyone else ever felt like this? 

Meanwhile, I think I'll keep focused on a loss of 100 pounds from where I am today ...and worry about the other 30 when i get there...which will bring problems in itself...ie, saggy skin, maintenance......................... &nb sp;

Hi.  I know where you're coming from as far as not really knowing what your goal should be.  Ive never ever been skinny so I really dont have a number that I can say I look my best at or feel happiest at.   Right now my goal is set at 150 and I'm 5'4.  150 can be a little big for someone my height, but in my mind it seems more realistic than shooting for 140, 130, or 120.  Once I get to 150, I will have lost 100 lbs and I might feel more empowered about actually being able to get to a lower number.   Right now, I shooting for a normal bmi, but once I get smaller I will sort of have to wing it as far as finding a size that im truly comfortable with. 

edit: Also, as hard as it is, try not to worry to much about other people's goals.  I do that sometimes too, because im trying to figure out what a 5'4 person should actually look like, but really some people on this site are aiming for the curvy look, while others are aiming for the muscular look, or even (unfortunately) the ultra skinny waif look. 

One of the big secrets about this process is don't compare yourself to others. Find goals and methods that make sense to you (sometimes you can crib ideas from others, but only if they work for you).

I started this process with a goal of 175-ish. I was at 240 (I'm 5'8"). This morning I was 187 and I've been dancing in the 180s for quite a while. I have reduced my final goal to the low 160s because that's what will make me not officially overweight, but honestly, if I "stick" a little bit higher, I won't be that sad.  I've already transformed my body and my life. I just started working out and I want to see what that brings, and I want to keep my healthy eating habits, and see what happens from here on - hopefully the loss of more pounds.

There would be nothing wrong with having mini-goals as well, 15-20 lbs each, instead of staring 100 extra pounds in the face every day, which can be disheartening.

I'm 5'7" as well.  8 years ago I weighed 262.  I got down to 172, and stayed there for about 6 years.  I was a size 12 at that point.  At 172, I was very happy with my body.  I did (still do) perform as a bellydancer, actually I teach now too.  I have plenty of energy.  Even though my stomach isn't flat, I still wear bikinis.  I get hit-on too. 

3 years ago, I went back to school.  I crept up to 178, and hung there for a year or so.  Then up to 184, and hung there for about a year.  Then up to 192.  Which is why I'm on here, back down to 184 now.  I can get into most of my size 12s, but want to get back to the 172 where I was for years, and was quite happy.

So, I say, 170 is a fantastic goal.  You will love the changes in your body.  150 may be unrealistic for you, I think it is for me.  But I don't have to be 150 lbs to be happy and to be ok with my body.

Original Post by jessicasbc:

edit: Also, as hard as it is, try not to worry to much about other people's goals. 

This is an excellent answer.  I started out at 278 and honestly when I began I didn't even want to think in terms of the whole amount I had to lose.  I just did it 10 pounds at a time - when I lost the first ten pounds, I went after the next ten.  Mentally it was so much easier for me.

When I did finally start to get kinda close, then I really started thinking about what I wanted the final goal to be.  Initially, I aimed a little higher because I thought that was something I would be able to maintain, so there's nothing wrong with doing that - once you do get there you can always reevaluate.

I feel the same way sometimes... But who know what you'll look like at your goal weight until you get there? 150 on you could look completely different than 150 on someone else... Like I'm 5'9" and while I've seen people with my height with a goal of 130- I know that's too thin for me and not what I want... I've been down to 160 before and looking back, that was a good weight for me and a size 10- which I'm completely ok with.  In order to not get overwhelmed by the 107 pounds I originally needed to lose to get to my goal of 150, I split it up- I'd like to lose 57 by labor day this year if possible- and then the other 50 by october 2010.  I won't be mad at myself if I'm not down 57lb by labor day but that's where im setting my sites to stay motivated to look forward to at least some serious results within the next 6 months... That just seems more attainable to me, than to say 107lb within 1.5 years... Maybe it'd help if you set yourself some short-term goals to give you a feeling of accomplishment while you're still on your way to the ULTIMATE goal... and then who knows- you can see if thats still your goal when you get there or if you think you should go lower... Good Luck!

Hi, misscharlijo!!!

Seems we keep 'bumping' into each other today!

One thing I've found with this whole weight thing..... even at the same height and weight, people can still look different.  It's how we carry it and where we carry it.

I'm 5'7" also.  In my gallery pic of me at the pond in a swim top, I'm at 185 lbs.  I thought I'd still look really fat at 185, but even if I do say so myself, I don't look too bad!!  At least now when you consider what I looked like in the before pics!

When I started at 400 lbs, I thought it would be absolutely wonderful to see the 180s!!!  Well, I made it, and now I've set a 'vanity' weight goal of 145.  Funny thing is, if I didn't lose one more pound, I feel so good about where I'm at now, I could be happy with that. 

My doctor's speculate that I'm carrying around more than 20 pounds of excess skin (ick!).  I'll need to have the skin surgically removed before I truly know how much I need to lose.  Heck, I might only be five pounds from goal and not even know it!!!

I think 170 is a great goal for you to shoot for.  Have you hit the point where you can shop for 'normal sized' clothes yet?  That's the best feeling for gals like you and me who are on this weight loss journey!

As for those people you hear and read about who are startingat your goal weight of 170, that use to bug me too; it seemed so unreachable to me when I was still more then 300 lbs and I hated that they were whining because they had sooooo much weight to lose!  But now I look at is as 'gosh.... I'm there now! I'm going to follow in their tracks!'  And ya' know what?  There are people on here who are just now startingwhere I did (300 / 400 lbs), and they might be looking at my profile thinking in frustration, 'gosh, she's lost more then 200 pounds and only has 30 to go, I'll never get there! If only I could lose 100 pounds." 

Patience has been one of my enemies throughout my journey!  If I could have patience to lose 50 pounds, then 100, then 200.... maybe it's okay for me to have the patience to shoot for my vanity weight goal!

More power to us!!!

I've resolved to set my goals at 10 pound increments. Each time I reach 10, I'll go for another 10 until I'm happy. Originally I was looking for 160, which is on the higher end for my weight, but I know I wouldn't be happy under 160. Actually, I've raised my goal to 170 :D. I think it's best to celebrate the little achievements and stop when you're happy but always continue to eat well.

I agree with you all.. it is whatever makes you happy!! Just set little goals for yourself and don't be influenced by other people's goals as you are your own person.

I joined here last January and I lost 33lbs down to 110lbs.. originally I joined this site to learn about healthy eating (i had no clue) and my goal was to only lose a little bit of weight.

Although my goal was to only get down to 127 originally, I was influenced by people the same height as me that I should be 110.. when i finally got down to this people just told me i needed to put on weight and i looked sick.. all the time! I am now 121 and happy.

My point being no matter what height or weight you are just get to where you feel and look your healthiest and happiest!   Be proud of your own goals and good luck!

I set my goal to high for total weight loss and got disappointed by seeing all these people loosing 100 pounds in a year or more.  This is unrealistic and unhealthy to even think that is the way to go.  I have read journals posts about people developing gallbladder problems because of rapid weight loss.

I determined about 3 months ago or longer to make my goal weight in 10 pound increments. I am proud to say that since January 1st. I have loss 11.1 pounds.  I joined a games challenge Loss 10 pounds by March 31st.  I have already suggested that another challenge be started for the upcoming 3 months. Watch for it and join.

Some people even complain about loose skin. In time if weight is loss slowly it is easier for you to tone through exercise.  Although you might not tighten totally up you have a better chance of it coming to reality.  Age plays a part but, I truly and have seen it on personal friends that you can tone. So, sit back and do it slowly.

Set your goal weight in increments and see how you feel and look before you determine a final goal weight. Frame size, age and health should be factors you consider when you set a goal weight.  I hope this helps and is encouraging.

I started out at 313 and now I am down to 261.4 and my start date was July 2nd, 2007.  May be slow but the skin doesn't look all that bad. If I can be of support to you and you would like, friend me.

Take care and God Bless.

Original Post by swirlything:

I'm 5'7" as well.  8 years ago I weighed 262.  I got down to 172, and stayed there for about 6 years.  I was a size 12 at that point.  At 172, I was very happy with my body. 

 Wow, swirlything, I am currently 262 pound! I like the idea of having to lose only another 90 pound as opposed to 100+

Original Post by kaufmkk:

I'm 5'7" also.  In my gallery pic of me at the pond in a swim top, I'm at 185 lbs.  I thought I'd still look really fat at 185, but even if I do say so myself, I don't look too bad!!  At least now when you consider what I looked like in the before pics!

When I started at 400 lbs, I thought it would be absolutely wonderful to see the 180s!!!  Well, I made it, and now I've set a 'vanity' weight goal of 145.  Funny thing is, if I didn't lose one more pound, I feel so good about where I'm at now, I could be happy. 

I think 170 is a great goal for you to shoot for.  Have you hit the point where you can shop for 'normal sized' clothes yet?  That's the best feeling for gals like you and me who are on this weight loss journey!

 Kauffmkk, you look damn fine at 185!

I'm currently 262, so "normal sized clothes" are still a way off, lol. I can't wait to do that shopping spree!!

Please do not de-motivate yourself by comparing to others and their goals.  It's like apples and oranges.  Each person must find what motivates themself.  It is different for each....what motivates me may not motivate you.

Dont look at the big picture....live for today.  Live a healthy lifestyle just for today.  The big picture is the proverbial elephant...but it can be eaten...one bite at a time.  If you look at eating the elephant all in one meal, it is overwhelming.  But break it down to one bite at a time and it can be achieved.

Just my .02. and Very Good Luck to you.  Find that motivation and keep it up.

Like so many others have said, don't compare yourself to others!  It can be disheartening and demotivating.  I appreciate that it can be difficult to set a goal especially if you have never been at the weight that you aim to be at.  In addition, one person's ideal weight might vary from person to person even if they are the same height and gender.  I know that at my goal weight, about 145-150 5'3.5" others might consider fat, unhealthy etc. and a BMI calculator is sure to tell me so but I don't care because I am not them and that BMI calculator doesn't have to put my jeans on everyday. 

I find it helpful to look at my weight loss in small chunks.  I make short-term goals that are progressive and can feel proud of and at the same time can realistically achieve.  For me 20lb goals is working.  The number is big enough to be achievable yet challenging and it isn't as scary as the number I need to lose.  I have almost lost my first 20 and am getting excited.  If I look at the big number and focus on it then it is quite overwhelming. 

Original Post by swirlything:

I'm 5'7" as well.  8 years ago I weighed 262.  I got down to 172, and stayed there for about 6 years.  I was a size 12 at that point.  At 172, I was very happy with my body.  I did (still do) perform as a bellydancer, actually I teach now too.  I have plenty of energy.  Even though my stomach isn't flat, I still wear bikinis.  I get hit-on too. 

3 years ago, I went back to school.  I crept up to 178, and hung there for a year or so.  Then up to 184, and hung there for about a year.  Then up to 192.  Which is why I'm on here, back down to 184 now.  I can get into most of my size 12s, but want to get back to the 172 where I was for years, and was quite happy.

So, I say, 170 is a fantastic goal.  You will love the changes in your body.  150 may be unrealistic for you, I think it is for me.  But I don't have to be 150 lbs to be happy and to be ok with my body.

Absolutely fantastic advice.  You don't have to be 150 to be happy with your body.  Own the weight you are at, and know the only person who can overwhelm you is yourself.  Hang in there.  =)

Forget other people's goals, just work on your own.  A pound or 5 or 10 at a time.  Slow and steady does win this race.  Every few pounds is a success and you should be proud of them.  You can always work on more if you feel like it later, but reach your initial goals first.

BTW, at 160 and 5'5" I wear a bikini all the time without the flat stomach and am constantly hit on when I'm in the jacuzzi, by 20 buff somethings no less. 

Thanks everyone for your comments and support...they have helped me to have an "aha" moment , as Oprah would say,

It is a very personal journey, and although I want to lose weight for health purposes, and quality of life, there has been a large element of worrying about what other people see when they look at me. What i look like does not reflect all of the person I am inside. I may look lazy to others, but inside is a person who has sailed, hiked, jogged, done mounatain bike riding, and wishes to return to this lifestyle.  

I have had male attention in the last year or two, but being at my heaviest, there is no way I would want anyone to see me like this. I did have one 'close' encounter, but I totally ruined it with my fear and shame about what I look like. It didn't help to know that his last girlfriend was a tiny blonde bombshell!!

I think I have just found a bit of inner peace about accepting my body as it is now, and for wherever it does end up on this weight loss journey.

I also realized that there is no 'finish line" or cut off date in this journey, that it is a life long event, and I have the power to mould myself constantly until i do find the right weight for me, regardless of how others see me.

Here in Australia, we use kilograms to weigh ourselves, so I now use  an online convertor to help me translate for posting after discovering that i was miscalculating in my head, lol... I was disappointed to see that I was actually 262 pound and not the 252 i had mentally calculated myself to be!

I had initally set my target at 80 kilo, which is 176 pounds, then looked at the bmi chart, which says that for me to get back into normal weight, I have to be 74kilo..about 162 pounds. I then decided to tweak this down to 69 kilo (150 ) for psychological reasons..ie, being back in the 60's, and I distinctly remeber being this weight when i was about 17. At that age, I  was unhappy with that weight, and was trying to lose,  but at this age, I feel  I would be satisfied to be that weight. If this is out of reach, then I'm now willing to be ok with that..anything is better than what I am now, and I have already noiced my fitness improving with a 25 pound weight loss since Jan 8th. 

At this point, I think I am happy to adopt the language of the  pound, and use 10 pound increments as my mini goals...much more quicker to achieve than 10 kilo increments (22 pounds)!! lol  

Best wishes to all on this journey

PS, smwhipple, bring on those 20 something buffs!..although 30 something buffs would be acceptable too, lol

Thanks to all the great ladies who have answered this thread.  You all reminded me of what I thought before I started trying to lose weight.  Somewhere along the way I got caught up in the vanity issue and lost sight of the real reasons I am trying to lose weight. 

yes i had this exact issue!

I had no idea what weight I should aim for, even though I started this journey at 177, i found that a realistic goal is aiming for being a healthy bmi  so 145 it is! ill get there sooner or later!

You are doing great, dont let anyone else put you down! Keep it up!