Are you becoming less accepting of "I can't do it" comments from other overweight people?

I must admit that I have no patience whatsoever and tend to be a little rude to overweight people who make the comment that "I can't do that" when they have asked how I lose weight and wanted to know what I did.

They always seem to want me to let slip that I found some magic pill that did it overnight and when they hear the truth suddenly their want to lose weight becomes almost an annoyance at me for having taken time and work to do it.

I have little to no patience with them and tend to end up a little snippy.  Especially as they keep asking "well there must be something you used".

Anyone else finding this?

I did find that I did that when I lost weight as a teen.  I mean, it wasn't that hard to eat less and better and exercise more.

Now that I have gained it all back and am trying to lose as an adult with a family - not so much.  People have to be ready to dedicate themselves to it, and if they aren't accepting that yet, well, then nothing's going to work, and quite frankly, without the dedication, no, they can't do it!

I get quite irritated about people looking for easy answers to complex problems -- whether it is weight management, work, environmental issues, whatever.

I used to give flute lessons when I was in high school, and my pupils would not practice, not make progress, and say things to me like "You have such beautiful tone, how come I don't?"  When I answered that I practiced an hour a day their eyes would glaze over.  They wanted the results, and thought there had to be a secret way to achieve them (one that didn't involve hard work).

I now tend to give very general answers when people compliment me about my weight loss -- if they are really interested I tend to tell them about the resources on CC and leave it at that.

I agree totally .Ive lost 80 pounds so far and I get asked how did you do it but when you tell people how you really did  it by eating less eating healthy and exercising they dont seem to want to hear how you really did it they were hoping for a quick fix and seem dissapointed.

Losing patience isn't my style.  I happen to think it's sad when people say 'I've tried everything' .... because you know 'everything' usually means 'everything except a healthy diet and more exercise'.    I'm less impressed with the ones who describe their latest fad diet attempt... they will probably end up as 'I've tried everything' candidates in due course.  

I don't find people look annoyed when I said I 'ate less and moved around a bit more'... just a little bit crestfallen!!

I don't get annoyed so much as I feel a bit sorry for them. I feel like they are either looking for a quick fix like a pill or a shake (so it would be easy), or want to hear that I'm doing something crazy and intense like spending 5 hours in the gym every day (so they would have an excuse not to try). When I just tell them that I ate a bit less by keeping track of my calories and walked the one mile to work and back, most people lose interest. They do seem genuinely happy for me though, and do compliment my new figure, so it is hard to get mad!

I try very hard to maintain patience.  I remember being in that same place, after all.

Usually no I don't get annoyed. I've watched friends and family struggle with weight and self esteem issues that have stymied their progress.  And, after all, who am I to judge?  I've lost weight and gained it back.  I know how difficult it is to make a total lifestyle change even when you're committed, and how easy it is to throw in the towel when things aren't going well, or the results disappear.  I think the hardest part of weight loss isn't actually the eating less and moving more, it's believing that you can actually be successful.  I'm thankful I have the confidence to learn from the missteps and get back on program.  So, mostly I feel compassion.  

But, then there are people who want to have their cake and eat it, too.  I still try to remain compassionate, but it takes a bit more work. 

I can't really be annoyed by it, because it really is one of those things where if you're not ready to do it, then nothing could convince you. When I see those people, its kind of sad. But its more than rewarding when you find people who ask, listen, do something about it, and actually lose weight! Some people need to be told that it IS that easy if you go about it the right way. And its incredibly awesome to see their results and know you had a part in it.

I absolutely would not be rude to anyone in that situation.  (Actually, I try to never be rude to anyone about anything, though I know I'm not always successful.)  Like sharpshootinstar said above, I was in that position at one time.  Lost 85 pounds in 2004, gained 48 back over the next three years, and have lost 33 since May 23rd.  When someone asks me how I'm doing it, I do tell them about CC and emphasize that I wouldn't be as successful without it.  I'm always telling people about CC.

Everyone has what works for them. I understand what you are saying though as if they don't even try then they are not going anywhere.

I think we just need to try and be tolerant and not allow 'others' to get to us as really it's about us not them anyways. We are taking care of ourselves, or trying to and if they can't see that and feel irritated that we are doing things to take care of ourself that's on them as well.

Never really felt like that before today.  I was getting some hot breakfast (grits), and had to wait behind a pair of ladies that were chatting away.  Both of them were overweight, with the one doing the most of the talking probably needing to lose 40-50lbs I would estimate.

She was telling her friend about how the doctors were trying to talk her out of getting a lap band procedure...they gave her the example of someone who had died after choking on some sort of food they shouldn't have been eating after getting it.  She indicated she was apprehensive, but really wanted to get it despite the risks.

She went on to say how miserable and hungry she was, and how her "diet" wasn't working.  I add the quotes, because she probably had about 900 calories of oatmeal in her bowl.  That is to say, about 200 calories of oatmeal, plus 700 calories of cinnamon sugar, brown sugar, granola clusters, and other assorted toppings they have at the hot cereal section.  She had so much stuff on there, I couldn't see the oatmeal.

I had about 100 things pop up in my had that I wanted to say, but I held my tongue and let it pass.

I have to admit, I'm kind of a witch when it comes to people asking me about how I lost weight.  I wait until they've leaned in like I'm sharing a huge secret.  "Cutting calories and exercise," I whisper.  It's hard freaking work.  I work out everyday.  I sometimes have to go for a walk to avoid the cupcake that materialized in my kitchen.  It is a constant battle.  It's getting easier, and naughty cravings have subsided a bit.  I drink a lot of water and eat a lot of raw fibrous foods, so I don't feel like snacking.  I have whiney days, but I never tell myself "I can't"  There's only "I don't want to"  and then I tell myself to suck it up, and do it anyway, crybaby.  I'm mean to myself when I'm whiney.  

I do feel less patient but so far I think I've kept it in check so as not to make people feel bad. Mostly I feel impatient with people who think they are dieting, lose weight, gain it back (as I did) and just insist that they've found the answer to losing weight.  I the most I might say when someone tells me about their misguided diet efforts is, Dr Phil style, "How's that working for you?"  I have one friend who has been "trying" for as many years as I've known her and is still getting fatter each year.  I've given up on that one. 

I spent too many years as an "I just can't do it" person before I finally found the right way to do this.  I think everyone has to have their own epiphany that suddenly triggers the ability to "do it."  I'm convinced that what it takes is not a diet, but a lifelong commitment to living right.  For me, there are no time limit goals.  I will lose as I go along and when I get there, I get there.  So far so good.

Original Post by lisajb74:

I must admit that I have no patience whatsoever and tend to be a little rude to overweight people who make the comment that "I can't do that" when they have asked how I lose weight and wanted to know what I did.

They always seem to want me to let slip that I found some magic pill that did it overnight and when they hear the truth suddenly their want to lose weight becomes almost an annoyance at me for having taken time and work to do it.

I have little to no patience with them and tend to end up a little snippy.  Especially as they keep asking "well there must be something you used".

Anyone else finding this?

I haven't reached my goal weight yet,  but I hate that.

"there must be something you used."

O rly? why? people can't lose weight without starving, binge diets or diet pills?

HOW ABOUT HARD WORK AND DETERMINATION?

but yea, I can't stand those types. It's so rude to discount the amount of work you put in by saying "oh you -must- have used something." Like, because they can't seem to do it, YOU just "used something" to get where you are.

I guess to these people hard work is impossible.

Original Post by clairelaine:

I do feel less patient but so far I think I've kept it in check so as not to make people feel bad. Mostly I feel impatient with people who think they are dieting, lose weight, gain it back (as I did) and just insist that they've found the answer to losing weight.  I the most I might say when someone tells me about their misguided diet efforts is, Dr Phil style, "How's that working for you?"  I have one friend who has been "trying" for as many years as I've known her and is still getting fatter each year.  I've given up on that one. 

I spent too many years as an "I just can't do it" person before I finally found the right way to do this.  I think everyone has to have their own epiphany that suddenly triggers the ability to "do it."  I'm convinced that what it takes is not a diet, but a lifelong commitment to living right.  For me, there are no time limit goals.  I will lose as I go along and when I get there, I get there.  So far so good.

 

I am still trying to lose weight, and when people ask how am I doing it, I tell them eating clean, working my butt off and balancing my wins and my loses. If they are receptive, I expand, but when they whine, my tone changes to very firm and I say, "you can't not possibly expect to lose the weight overnight when it took years to put it on, now, do you?" They stop whining. In my view, they have a choice like with everything else in life: you either learn the hard way, the easy way or no at all. It is life.

I admit, I get frustrated sometimes. It is not everybody's fault individually, but it does get tiresome seeing the same questions come up time and time again about the validity of various get-thin-quick schemes; crash diets, cleanses, fasts, detoxes, diet pills and herbal supplements to name but a few.

I also get frustrated at people who 'can't do it' (and don't have medical problems) whether it is weight loss or weight gain. I am not saying it's easy, but it's disappointing and sad when people give up on themselves. If we give up on ourselves, who else will do this for us? Not being successful so far doesn't mean you can't do it. It just means it's time to try something else. I appreciate there are real obstacles to overcome, but they can be overcome if you are willing to go slowly and value small steps towards your goal.

I feel lucky to have found a place on the internet where the vast majority of the community here supports healthy, reasonable weight loss and weight management - given all the hype out there I think we have succeeded in escaping most of it pretty well!