Can you believe she said that to me? I'm glad she did!!!

Hi all, just wanted to check in again!!  It's been weeks since my last post but I started at 198 and I'm now down to 177.2 (yes, .2 matters, ever little bit counts.. lol)  I said I'd do this for 90 days and I started on June 30 so I'm already starting to moderate but still maintaining the healthy standards I've been following since Juen 30th.  Thanks again to all of you!!!  I'll try to get a before and after picture up on the profile soon!

<<<<BIG HUG>>>>

Original Post June 30th:

Monday this week, lucky to get a rare break for lunch, my girlfriend and I take the opportunity to eat out of the office.  We make light conversation as we head out to the local restaurant complex across the street and we try to decide where to eat.  She wanted to go to some place different because she was trying to eat lighter and watch her weight.  

I suggest a fast food Mexican restaurant as we pass by and she agrees. After we get our food we seat ourselves and start to catch up.  It’s been awhile since we’ve been out to lunch so there was general conversation around work and the kids and husbands.  Suddenly, the conversation turns and she looks serious and cautiously asks if she can share an observation she’s had about me.  I know it must be bad because she keeps saying that if I feel it’s too personal or if she’s stepping over a line I can tell her to stop.  Honestly, at this point, I have NO IDEA what is coming.  You know how your mind begins to race, I’m thinking as she’s still talking, “What is this going to be about…my recent marriage, my attitude at work?”  I resolve myself to the fact that whatever it is I’ll accept the feedback and consider it seriously since I know she’s genuinely concerned for my welfare. As I finish this thought I notice she’s still hedging so I encourage her to just share what she’s thinking. 

She begins, “I’ve noticed you’ve gained a lot of weight in the past year, just since you’ve been married”.  I am painfully aware now of the nacho chip heaping with fixings’ and      dripping queso at my lips.  I hear this voice in my head scream, “OH DEAR GOD”, not in vain but as an actual prayer and then I think, “Can anyone else hear her? Is this an intervention?  Has it really come to this?”  Now my mind is really racing but I can still hear her talking… “I know how the pounds can creep up on you and you might start to think about what you’re doing differently that’s caused you to gain the weight before it gets worse”.  I am feverishly thinking of responses.  Doesn’t she know I’ve been struggling with this for the past year?  That I am no longer able to fit in my clothes, no longer comfortable in public settings because of how uncomfortable I am in my own skin, no longer feeling sexy for my husband?  Then I realize, I’ve not stopped eating.  As this whole scenario plays out I’m still tearing down this mountain of nachos and then it hits me, “Who would know that I’m aware of my weight issue?”  How ironic I’m preparing a response that explains how much I’m struggling with my weight as I’m eating something that’s so obviously part of the problem?

There is a break in the conversion as she gives me an opportunity to respond.  As ridiculous as it sounds I do continue with my explanation of struggle with the weight gain and feeling powerless to change either my eating habits or activity levels.  I’ve always struggled with my weight but at least in the past I’ve experienced success without weight loss programs or diet pills.  I lost 30 lbs, getting down to 127 lbs when I was 25 through exercise and diet changes.  I had my son when I was 27 and gained it all back and more, topping out at 200 lbs when I delivered but I managed to get back down to 160 lbs through exercise and diet again but never could get back to my pre-pregnancy weight.

Then, a year ago, I got remarried and I started cooking meals, a first for me, and watching TV in the evening with the family; in summary, more food, less activity and I’m back to 200 lbs without the baby! I’m sure some of you have had similar experiences and might have responded in different ways but this was a real wake up call.  I know my friend spoke the truth and it was really out of concern for me so I felt absolutely no contempt for her.  However, I think she effectively murdered the voice in my head that use to tell me, “Just get chicken on those nachos instead of beef, that’s healthy!” 

So here I am, day three since the lunch meeting. I guess if I’ve learned anything over the years it’s that I know myself and I know what works for me so I’ve got to start extreme and moderate later.  I’m starting with a three month plan.   I’ve cut out any products high in fat and I’ll substitute with no fat or eliminate all together – that means fat free or no cheese, low carb or no bread, wheat or no pasta.  I’m drinking water exclusively and MORE OF IT (at least 64oz a day), taking a women’s multi-vitamin, cutting out fatty meats and eating only lean – chicken or lean beef.   No fries or potatoes or corn, increasing the amount of green vegetables (lettuce, salads with no-fat dressing or drizzle if fatty and green beans, zucchini, squash, etc.)  I’m not eating past 7pm.  No sweets- I’ve become addicted to GUMMIES so this will be hard for me!  I’ve substituted a couple scoops of chocolate frozen whipped cream when I’m desperate.  I’ll attempt sit ups every evening but I’ll incorporate more exercise once I get a handle on the eating habits.

Let me know if you have any other suggestions or just want to comment.  Stay strong!

Don't be afraid of fat completely.  You do need the healthy fats that come from nuts, fish, avocados, etc.

Absolutely, a regular snack for me is Pistaccios!!!  sp?

Be careful about going to extremes when you are starting out.  This is why "diets" don't work in the long term.  The more restrictive you are, the more likely you are to give in to temptation or binges. 

It sounds like you are in that mindset with completely cutting out fats, wheat, pasta, etc.  If you truly want to make some changes in your habits, you should realize that it isn't a requirement of being healthy that you give up any particular food.  What it sounds like is that you need to change your view on portion sizes and learning to stop eating before you feel full, rather than eating until you are stuffed.

For example, you can eat spaghetti - you just don't need to get a 4 cup serving.

I'm a bit worried when you state that you have gotten "desperate" and have eaten scoops of chocolate whipped cream.  To me, that screams out that you are setting yourself up for failure and it goes back to what you were telling your friend about "feeling powerless to change either my eating habits or activity levels". 

Rather than go for a crazy-restrictive diet and not adding exercise, you should consider getting a good calorie goal and getting more active.  I'm not talking about signing up for 12 aerobic classes and hiring a personal trailer - just get moving!  Go for a walk at lunch or after work.  Start out by going around the block and build up.  Mow the lawn, play with the kids, etc.

Good luck!

wow i totaly get that i went from being 5, 9" and 64.5kg to  being 9 months pregnant and 95kg (i think thats just over 200 pounds). i was back in the gym 6 weeks after i had him but i gave up at some point, my sons now 15 months old and i still havent lost my baby weight i was 80kg's 2 weeks ago when i started counting calories and im now 76kg's but Im finding it realy hard to stay motivated today for example i ate aprox 2500 calls !!! when my goal is 1690. it shouldnt be this hard 

Wow. That's some awesome weight loss :) (on your update:) )

I think that person who said that to you must really care about you and your weight :) You will have her to thank when you are finally down to a healthy weight! :)

Omggg I read your original post and not only is it great to hear about someone who has really stuck it, but did you know that you have great narrative skills too?  (I'll feel dumb now if it's mentioned somewhere that you're a writer)

Great job!  Now I am curious, what have you done to be so successful?  Have you stuck to your original plan, or something more moderate?  You success is very inspiring. and it shows that you have strength to take what your friend said and see it positively, that you CAN do it rather than take your feelings and just use them to be mad at her.  Congrats =)

wow! what a great story, you have done so well! I honestly welled up reading it. very inspiring thank you.

That was a great story. I hope you are doing well at avoiding any extremes. I started here June 17th and have lost 26.5 so far. (181 to 154.5) But I eat what I like. I just make sure I use healthy substitutes, like Smart Balance vs butter, or sugar free jelly, etc. And I eat the right portion sizes and have a balanced diet. I have had ribs, fast food, sweets, etc. I had one krispy kreme donut yesterday in fact. Of course things like donuts are few and far between, but still, I did not go over my budget for that day. I eat about 90-95% clean, and leave myself some room for a little bit of fun every so often. Its helped me to not get tired of this or feel like I am dieting. In fact, I think I can do this for life

Anyways I think it is great that you have a friend that knows how to balance the truth and compassion. That takes wisdom. Most people are either too scared to speak up, or when they do, they have very little tact and do more harm than good. And you are awesome cuase you were able to take it in stride, find humor in it and appreciate your friend. Kudos to you  can I add you as a buddy?

Original Post by cellotlhicks:

That was a great story. I hope you are doing well at avoiding any extremes. I started here June 17th and have lost 26.5 so far. (181 to 154.5) But I eat what I like. I just make sure I use healthy substitutes, like Smart Balance vs butter, or sugar free jelly, etc. And I eat the right portion sizes and have a balanced diet. I have had ribs, fast food, sweets, etc. I had one krispy kreme donut yesterday in fact. Of course things like donuts are few and far between, but still, I did not go over my budget for that day. I eat about 90-95% clean, and leave myself some room for a little bit of fun every so often. Its helped me to not get tired of this or feel like I am dieting. In fact, I think I can do this for life

That's the way to do it.  I have a co-worker killing themselves trying to lose on Atkins.  They're miserable because they have been on a plateau (after that initial big loss you usually see at the beginning).  They bring in their protein, body-for-life, etc drinks and haven't added any activity to their life.  They always complain when they see me eating popcorn (130 calories for 6 cups of popsecret 94% fat free), pizza (480 calories for 2 slices of cheese pizza), BBQ pork in a pita (200 calories per serving), and so on. 

Hi all, STILL going.  To date, since this saga began (6/30/09), I've lost a total of 30lbs and I think I've hit a plateau, at least on diet moderation alone.  I still haven't been working out but that's always been the plan.  I wanted to adjust the diet first and then incorporate working out so it wasn't so overwhelming for me.  It actually has been good because I now know what weight I'll gravitate to and I won't obsess about missing work outs because I'm happy with my weight now!  I posted an updated picture from Thanksgiving this year as compared to Thanksgiving last year,  198lbs vs 168lbs. 

Thanks to God. I literally had said days before the fateful lunch date that I'd given up.  I'd been trying for a year to change my eating habits and to exercise and I could not change choices or behavior patterns for any length of time.  It wasn't until my friend opened the door to that conversation, where I heard myself explain why I'd been unable to lose the weight.  Saying things like, "I CAN'T change...", "I CAN'T control it...".  It was divine intervention because I heard myself in third person and even I didn't believe what I was saying.  I responded as my friend did, "What do you mean you can't? Just do it!"  She was right, why couldn't I?  Those were lies I had bought into and the fact was that I had full control over everything I put in my mouth.  I left the restaurant that day and I was so mad at myself for allowing the lies, my enemy, to keep me down!  It was my choice to eat that heaping mound of nachos.  Would it be a sacrifice to give it up? Yes.  Would I ever stop wanting Nachos and Taco Bell, NO.  BUT I know what that food does to me and I wanted to be healthier, feel better and find ways to get those desires filled without all the damage to my body. 

So, as I said before, my plan was to go hard core, no cheating, for 3 months (started June 30th).  If it didn't make a difference I'd give it all up and go back to my previous eating habits.  Beleive it or not, that short term goal made the world of difference.  I remember eating a dry salad for dinner at a concert while my friends enjoyed french fries that smelled like the most fantastic fries ever made.  I felt so sorry for myself,  "This isn't fair! Why can't I eat what I want and enjoy good food, enjoy LIFE?"  I grumbled to myself, "Only 3 months and then I can quit."  It was during this 3 month period that more revelations came about my perception of food and it was clearer and clearer that I was operating under a lot of deception that enabled my weight gain.

I started to realize how food had become more than fuel for my body.  It was more about the senses - indulging in the richness of flavors and aromas.  I'd eat more frequently and over eat as a result.  It was revealed to me that I was looking at food as an experience, one that I had a right to enjoy.  Exposing that righteousness was freeing because it was another one of the lies that enabled my bad decision making.  I realized that sometimes food has to be fuel, to satisfy hunger and keep the metabolism up instead of being satisfying to the senses.  I also noticed, since I couldn't eat everything I got my hands on, that I ate less frequently.  I still have 3 meals a day but I'm no longer constantly snacking. What doyou know, that means LESS unecessary calories!

I have learned so much about listening to the right voice and exposing the lies that held me as a prisoner.  I am so thankful to have made it this far and I know I didn't do it all on my own.  Being so disciplined for 90 days was divine to be sure and I am leaning on that same strength to keep it up, especially during the holidays.  I did begin to moderate in September so I now allow myself wheat pasta and an occasional peppermint KISS but I watch the calories now and realize I can't do it everyday, it depends on what I've had for that day.  I had sweet potato casserole and pumpkin pie yesterday but it's back to basics today and I won't be guilted into eating more pie so it doesn't go bad.. see, another LIE exposed!!! LOL

Happy Holiday's everyone.  If you're just starting out, just know you CAN do it!  If you're maintaining, keep up the good work!