my best friend started eating meat again...

after almost 2 years of being vegetarian. she's the one who opened my eyes to it in the first place. she inspired me. and now, she's going back.

i simply asked some questions about why, and she got defensive, and said it felt like i was attacking her. now i feel terrible. because i didn't mean for it to come across that way.

how do i handle it? veg*nism is something special, almost sort of spiritual that we've shared for almost 2 years now. we even had "veggie night" every once in a while. we'd cook each other new dishes and try them out. it was fun.

she says it has nothing to do with the new dude in her life, but i can't help but think that's it has something to do with him. he loves to cook and he gets disappointed about it because she doesn't eat meat. but she swears it's not because of him. and i hope that's true, because regardless of the topic, i would never want her to sacrifice anything she believes in for anyone.

what to do? i'm sad.

That really sucks, i'm sorry.  Was she a veggie for ethical or health reasons?  Maybe she will come to her senses and go back to veg.  I don't really know what you can do about it.  Just wanted to say i'm sorry.

I'm sorry! Maybe she'll still be willing to cook vegetarian meals with you and go out to eat at veggie places. I know it's not the same, but hopefully she'll still eat vegetarian foods with you. Or perhaps you could try to find other vegetarians in your area. It looks like you won't be able to change her mind (although hopefully she will choose to go back to being a vegetarian!)

Maybe she missed eating meat ...  Maybe for her vegetarianism was just a fad.   Lots of people go through phases when they're young and make different choices later on.   So she's an omnivore again.... it's not a train-smash.   Could be so much worse.... the new boyfriend could be a drug-user and getting her hooked on that rather than the occasional pork-chop.   I'm sure she'll still enjoy your veggie nights together regardless and I'm sure you're not so shallow as to drop her as a friend because of her dietary choices...

i'm not devastated or anything. just a little disappointed. you are right, he could be a real tool and things could be worse. my point was that she has always been so strong and stubborn and unwilling to change for anyone. but this time, it feels different. and i'm worried that she's doing it for the wrong reasons. she was so passionate about it in the beginning. maybe you're right, maybe it was just a fad and she just got bored with it... who knows... i wonder what she's gonna do with all the peta crap she bought. lol. i don't want it.

also, for the record, when i posted this yesterday, i was still upset because she was acting so defensive about it, when all i did was ask her some questions about why she changed her mind when she felt so strongly about it before. i've calmed down now, and it's not so bad. we're supposed to go out for dinner and drinks on saturday night, just us girls. hopefully she won't be on the defense anymore by then..

thanks for the replies

Interesting that you've used the word 'defensive' a few times.  Many vegetarians complain that they're forced onto the defensive when trying to explain their choices to non-vegetarians.   And if anyone's ever challenged you about your lifestyle you'll probably know what I'm talking about.   That's rather the position your friend finds themselves in now.... only in reverse.

If you make it clear that you're not disappointed, upset or in any way trying to be judgemental or attempting to change her mind, she'll probably feel more comfortable talking to you.   If she thinks you're going to disapprove she'll not open up.

I'm sure you can still have your "veggie" nights together and enjoy a vegetarian meal. It's tough that she took it personally that you were asking about her reasoning, but I'm sure she could understand it's a curiosity thing.

My boyfriend is an amazing cook, and it's true, I will never taste his amazing lamb or steak tips that everyone raves about...but he loves taking on the challenge of trying to prepare equally as delicious vegan-friendly meals and will make meat on the side if we are having company. He loves that when he eats with me, our meals are generally healthier, and just as filling.

It's a shame if your friends boyfriend is making her feel guilty in any way about her lifestyle choices, but she does have a mind of her own...and hopefully made this choice with her own free will.

I've run the gammit on meat eating...I was a veggie in middle and high school for years, then turned vegan and even macrobiotic vegan...in college I went back to meat...later I turned to only eating "clean" food ie meat that is pasture raised/free range, organic, raised and slaughtered by farmers who make a commitment to sustainable and restorative farming...now I'm back to near-veggie; I have chicken maybe once a week and fish maybe twice.  This is due mostly to cost, quality and availability.

My point is only that people change, ideas and ideals change, tastes change.  Its possible it's because of her new bf.  But her changes don't have to impact your beliefs and way of eating.  I'm sure you can still have your veggie nights together and enjoy those, and I'm sure that you guys are friends for a lot more reasons than food choices.  Don't sweat the small stuff ;o)

I agree. I was a vegetarian for 17 years, and recently have started eating meat once or twice a month. I don't think things have to be so black and white. I consume WAY less meat than the average person. This keeps my environmental impact lower, but at the same time I don't like the idea of any food being forbidden. I know personally I still seek out vegetarian recipes, restaurants, and friends because even if I don't have that label anymore, the ideals and tastes are still with me.

Original Post by veggiedoodle:

after almost 2 years of being vegetarian. she's the one who opened my eyes to it in the first place. she inspired me. and now, she's going back.

i simply asked some questions about why, and she got defensive, and said it felt like i was attacking her. now i feel terrible. because i didn't mean for it to come across that way.

how do i handle it? veg*nism is something special, almost sort of spiritual that we've shared for almost 2 years now. we even had "veggie night" every once in a while. we'd cook each other new dishes and try them out. it was fun.

she says it has nothing to do with the new dude in her life, but i can't help but think that's it has something to do with him. he loves to cook and he gets disappointed about it because she doesn't eat meat. but she swears it's not because of him. and i hope that's true, because regardless of the topic, i would never want her to sacrifice anything she believes in for anyone.

what to do? i'm sad.

this is really a personal choice, and i don't mean it in a bad way but it doesn't really concern you. if your friendship is based on such a superficial similarity then sure your relationship will suffer. but if it's something bigger like the commitment to sustainability and being environmentally friendly then i understand. food choice is very personal and she might personally feel bad about it if she is doing it for her boyfriend so i would refrain from mentioning it at all anymore so at to not make her feel worse and cause any tension between the two of you =]