BF problem, feel crazy!

Hi All,

I am having a bit of a problem right now. I don't know who to talk to about this so I thought I'd simply vent it out by writing. I feel quite ashamed of my current insecurities and as of recent, and I feel extremely sick to my stomach when I think of eating.

Long story short - I am 25 and my boyfriend is 21. After 3 years of playing hockey in Canada - he has enrolled as a freshman at a local university. I am having major insecurity issues now that he is going to be constantly surrounded by these skinny 18 year old college girls. He does not live on campus - we share an apartment together, but I still cant shake this awful skin-crawly feeling that something may come of him being surrounded by much skinnier and younger girls. I have been sick to my stomach the past week and a half - and eating food makes me feel worse about myself. I am actually not that far from my goal of 140 - about 9lbs. But I am scared that this obsession will take a hold of me.

Let me state, that he is the most amazing guy i have ever met and his support of me is unconditional - it should be enough for me to ease off of the crazy train, but for some reason my low self esteem issues are keeping me super paranoid and jealous....aaaaahhh! The last thing I want to do is sabotage the greatest thing thats ever happened to me :(

Any advice would be appreciated - or not, I just needed to get it out. Thanks.

I think your reaction is actually fairly common. I have been in a similar situation twice in my life.

The first time, it turned out that the guy actually was the problem and I should have left long before, when I first started getting anxious.

The second time it turned out that I had an anxiety issue that required treatment. If you can't get over your obsession, I would actually recommend seeking professional help.

However, assuming there aren't any obvious signs that your bf wants to leave you for someone younger and skinnier, you are going to need to get past it. He is with you for a reason, and I'm assuming that if you are living together you are in a fairly committed relationship. At 25, I imagine you bring experience and poise that his 18 year-old classmates will lack. Based on your pictures, you look slim and shapely, and lots of men don't go for the stick figure look anyway. Keep on eating too, because starving yourself definitely won't solve anything.

Don't worry!  You are the one he's interested in!

This is something you seriously need to work on for your own wellbeing.  If he has shown no signs of cheating then trust is the rule of the day.  Your jealousy could be the fastest way to drive him away and I am pretty sure you don't intend or want to do that.

As someone said above, I would talk to a counselor if I was you.  Those emotions are poison to both your system and your relationship and it is time to lance that boil and let the sick out.

Your low self esteem will drive him away much faster than any 18 year old will. Seriously. Gain some confidence.

Coming from a guys point of view, I would try to at least not rub off your insecurities on him and let him know how paranoid you are, it will only hurt the relationship.

You can talk to him about how you are feeling, but dont put on like its an obsession with you as it will turn him off.

There is really nothing you can do, short of stalking him, that will prevent him from cheating on you.  If he is gonna cheat, he is gonna cheat, period.  Just gotta trust that what you 2 have is more important to him than some easy drunk college chic.

Let's say, for a moment, that what you fear happened.

Would it be the end of the world? Would you never be happy again?

Do you have a child together? A massive financial commitment?

People have lived through all this and more. People survive all types of situations. So can you.

Or is your fear a reflection of a relationship that is already in trouble? What makes you think you will break up?

Thank you everybody for your comments. I guess what I needed to do was just get my feelings down; even as I was typing the post I began to feel better.

All in all - My boyfriend hasn't given me any reason to ever question his trust - I think my fears are purely my own, and have no validation. I think what it comes down to are my own issues regarding a fear of abandonment and my underlying body issues - which I will continue to work on.

Thanks for listening all and giving your insight and opinions =)