A Big Girl no more...what I won't miss. Have any to share?

Consider this a cleansing ritual, like a smudging.

I would like to list the myriad of secret and not-so-secret pains and humiliations of being a Big Girl that I will be so happy to see the end of. Some are things I have suffered with for years and never told anyone about because it's too embarassing. I have no idea if anyone has experienced some or all of these - or maybe you have your own you'd like to share. I just kinda want to get them off my chest - free myself, as it were - and one by one watch them fall away.

1. Thigh chaffing. Definately deserves first mention. Years and years of wearing bike shorts under skirts to prevent this, even sleeping in them...I want to wear a dress with nothing underneath!

2. Not being able to fly out of worry that I won't fit in the seat. And when I finally got the courage to fly, always worrying about people's reactions when they see they have to sit next to me. And having to ask for a seatbelt extender...god I will be happy to not have to do that ever again

3. Going to a restaurant or other public place where the seats are too small, and having to cram my ass into one and sit painfully for however long

4. Always wondering when I meet someone new if they are thinking "gosh she's fat" instead of being interested in me as a person

5. Having just TWO (plus size) stores to shop at because all the other stores in town only carry hamster sizes.

6. Having really thin skin in the creases under my belly and between my crotch and thigh - so thin that even slight aggravation, from rubbing or sweating, will cause it to break and bleed or weep - summer is such a joy

7. Skin abcesses in sensitive areas. I am reeeeally hoping these will end once I am smaller!

8. Scarring from above abcesses, stretch marks, and other weird skin things due to overstretched skin. Probly stuck with these forever.

9. Huffing ang puffing from activity that my smaller friends/sisters/coworkers can do easily, like climbing stairs. Climbing stairs in general! Gosh I hate stairs!! I actually get angry inside at whoever I am with - I think to myself, you'd be huffing and puffing too if you were carrying an extra 100 lbs!

10. Rude comments. Teenage boys especially terrify me...they are mean and I am WAY too sensitive. I will be so happy to not feel scared of what someone might say anymore. Or be humiliated in front of whoever I am with by some mean stranger's comments.

11. Not being able to ride a roller coaster - the safety bar might not fit so I just avoid the whole issue and tell people I don't like them. I want to ride a roller coaster!

12. Fear of falling. The bigger they are, the harder they fall, is true. So I worry I will break something all the time.

13. Having to struggle through turnstyles. SO cruel.

14. Getting into someone else's car and worrying the seatbelt won't fit - half the time they don't - it's a humiliating little gamble! The last time this happened I was in the back seat with a nine year old girl who kept asking me, loudly, why I wasn't buckling my seatbelt. Apparently holding it across my chest was not fooling HER.

15. Eating in public and knowing people are watching to see what I eat. God forbid I ever splurge and eat an eclair in public - the one time I did that I got such a look of disgust from one woman, I wanted to shrivel up and die. I wish I didn't care what other people think, but you'd have to have a pretty tough skin to not let that get to you

16. Getting (another) mug as a souvenir when my parents come back from holiday while my sisters get cute tops from local stores

17. Feeling crappy when people go on and on about how GOOD I look when I've lost a little weight - because I can't help but think they thought I looked bad before - and knowing that, chances are, I will regain the lost weight and look "bad" again. I want to be free of this and other worries, and know that I am on the road to good health, and just enjoy the compliment!

Well that's about all I can think of right now, though I am sure there are more. It's good to air them.

 

so how did you do it, loose the weight and how much did you loose, sounds like a huge accomplishment.

You should print your list out in a large font and display it somewhere prominently in your home.  Whenever you start wondering why you're bothering (for this does happen) refer to the list as a salutory reminder!

Thanks for sharing!

I completely, completely sympathize. I have dealt with this stuff my entire life, and finally I can begin to look toward the day I won't have to anymore.

I also won't miss:

1. My body never getting underwater when I'm in the tub. If I'm lying on my back, my butt is nice and warm but my boobs are high and dry. I want to SOAK, dammit!

2. The above mentioned thigh/crotch chafing. I have a rash in that area pretty much all summer, and it's horrible. Really, really horrible. I don't wear underwear to bed anymore, because the area gets irritated so easily.

3. Being fat means you have  more surface area. That means shaving, applying lotion, etc. take much longer than it should.

4. Doing my laundry takes forever - I have 2-3 loads per week, and it piles up incessantly. When I have smaller clothes, they'll take up less room in the washing machine. That'll be AMAZING.

5.  Not being able to wear shorts of any kind. If I do, they ride up between my chafing thighs and look and feel hideous. I have to pull them down with every step. I gave up on wearing shorts at least 5 years ago, and don't own a single pair, no matter how hot it is in New England. I just have to deal with it. 

Thanks shoe, those are good ones! Especially the bathtub thing...I stopped taking baths altogether for a long time, for your mentioned reason and also because it was kind of a tight fit. One day, after losing a bunch of weight, I really wanted a hot bath (for some reason working out makes me REALLY cold afterwards) and I was so surprised - the bathtub had gotten bigger!! I could slosh around a bit! What a great feeling. Immersion, here I come!

ligia, I have lost 50 lbs since being at my biggest about two years ago, and have about 100 lbs to go. (I had a lapse that lasted nearly a year, but i am back on track and have re-lost most of the wieght I regained). The difference is, this time I know it's gone for good. I have made a committment to healthier eating and living. I have not restricted myself too much - for example I love pizza and make an awesome low-cal low-fat version - so this kind of eating is actually sustainable forever.  I am using a spreadsheet I created to track daily/weekly intake (calories, fat, protein, carbs, fibre, and sodium) and to chart weight loss and targets. I guess it's similar to what this site does - I came across it because I was using the calorie information to help track foods without nutrition labels, like meats. The most helpful thing has been to keep track of everything I eat, no cheating, so I can see where there is room for improvement and where I am doing fine and no need to beat myself up. I am not snacking as much because i know I have to write it down. I make choices that are low-fat more often and have been having a great time coming up with great new recipes using healthier food choices. I love to cook, especially french, but the cream sauces were killing me! Now I make a great cream sauce using evaporated skim milk, and only have it once in a while. It's an entirely different way of looking at food, not as yummy, naughty food versus icky healthy food, but rather as a challenge to create the best tasting, yummiest food that actually makes me happy to eat because I know it's good for me. Guilt-free pizza, imagine that! Shame-free lasagne! A reuben sandwich that doesn't make me want to go on a crying jag! I still have a hard time fully appreciating the inevitable salads, but it's a process. So...each pound I lose, I know I am saying goodbye to forever, and the downward slope of my weight-loss graph will continue to drop, and the clothes that no longer fit are being bagged and sent away every week. I wanted to get rid of some emotional baggage too, so thanks for reading!

for me, it is the thinking that everyone is thinking "she is a pretty woman, too bad she is fat"

and eating out without thinking people are checking out my choices and feeling I can't splurge and have a treat meal since I am overweight. 

I know people think that, because, even being overweight I have thought that about people...how horrible is that??????

Awesome posts, everyone!

shoeofkuribo, I had to chuckle in sympathy with your #4, because you are correct on both counts!  I am almost at the end of my weight loss journey, and I can tell you, I was able to cut out 1 or 2 laundry loads per week, just because my clothes are smaller now.

If I were to make my own list of stuff I don't miss, it would include the following (for the record, my highest was 267 lbs, current is 147-ish, I'm 5'3" tall.)

I do not miss:

-Always being hot and sweaty, even in the middle of winter.  I hated having to worry about whether my deodorant would keep up, and whether or not I was sweating so much that I was starting to smell bad.

-Having to worry about whether I could fit in restaurant booths.  Having to suffer the humiliation of explaining to my boss that the new office chair he purchased for me, with its weight limit of 225 pounds, was not going to support me.

-Breaking down in tears when I went to try on the size 26 clothes (the largest size available) and they were too small.  Also, having to "settle" for plus-sized clothing that made me look 20 years older than I was because it has only been recently that they've attempted to make "hip" plus-sized clothing.  Same thing goes for lingerie, it's nice to be able to buy the "cute" things, if I want to, because no plus-sized lingerie was ever cute. "Utilitarian" is a better adjective.

-Having to dread walking past groups of teenagers or even younger men.  I considered it a good day if they ignored me completely.

All of those things are now in my past, and I intend for them to STAY THERE. :)

I love this list!  These things ARE hard to admit and talk about.  I think you guys pretty much covered everything, and they're all true.  Especially walking by boys/guys and just waiting for a remark, that was the worst.  I mean, just to be yourself and be ashamed to walk by people. 

Oh I have another... being single and not getting attention from men, and attributing it to being overweight and making myself feel even worse.  I still have issues with this, although its much better.  Now I attribute it to other things!  LMAO

kae...I can relate I defiantely have gotten the "you have such a pretty face" thing. Funny how pretty can be used as an insult. I don't want to be the pretty-but-fat girl anymore, I want to be pretty PERIOD end of thought.

I guess, being social creatures, we are interested and curious in what other people are doing and will check out other people's food choices....I confess i have done it too, at a restaurant or in line at the grocery store, and had not so charitable thoughts about someone's choices. I sure hope and pray I will NEVER be one of those people who verbalize those thoughts! 

justlaura....oh yes the booth thing for sure, will not miss that! And the chiar thing...I actually BROKE a chair once  and wound up on the floor and yes it was a crappy little poorly-made stool but you can bet no one who saw was thinking it was the chair's fault.  I've never talked about that.

I also cried when I hit the largest size in the plus-sizes. I am about a 22-24 now....long way to go to regular sizes but I can't wait to shop in a non-plus size store! It must be sooooo awesome, so many more choices! There are definately more choices now in plus-size than 10 years ago, but still, I have exactly 2 stores to choose from and they carry mostly the same lines and half of them are very matronly. So of you do the math, that's only half a store to shop in.

I will be where you are soon, but not too soon.....thanks for the inspiration :)

I think one of the things I definitely don't miss about being fat was having to ask my fiance to buckle the straps on my shoes 'cause I was wearing jeans that were so tight I couldn't bend over to do it myself.  And I didn't have any smaller clothes or the money to buy them.

I won't miss avoiding the mirror so I can't see my naked-fat self after a bath. Or always making sure I am covered around my husband. Call me vain, but I intensely dislike him seeing me in all my glory because I do not like myself at the moment. We used to shower together...now I refuse. I also can't wait to buy cute under-garments again. Or even...a THONG !

I guess I can't wait to look good naked again. : )

lol cellulitedelight....my sister used to buckle my shoes all the time....now my boyfriend does it, but lately I have been telling I CAN DO IT, yay! I had no idea anyone else suffered this.

monarch...I know what you mean. I force myself, because my boyfriend tells me (and I truly believe him) that I am sexy now and will be sexy still when I lose weight or if I lost a limb...he's so great....but I am careful to avoid mirrors while presenting my naked self to him. I never areally appreciated my naked body when I was a normal weight, wayyyy back as a teenager, I always had body issues (big thighs, big butt, a tummy I hated) but now I think I am more forgiving of myself and will be so happy to just be able to see my own crotch in the mirror without a belly covering it. It's aaaaalll relative.

Vvictoriagirl, ya wanna know something kinda funny, about what you were saying regarding having more clothing choices?

While I'm still losing, I'm trying to buy clothes as cheaply as possible since I won't be wearing them for very long, so I've been buying some things from Walmart.  The last time I was there, do you know what I realized?  In my local Walmart, at least, the plus-size section is BIGGER than the Misses!!!  I was standing in Misses going, "Wow, they sure don't have much."  Then I was going to another part of the store and cut through the plus-sized section, and they had way more over there.

I guess it's just a response to the fact that plus-sized clothing is in demand.  But it struck me as funny, because I used to have the same problem, but in reverse (all the good stuff was in Misses.)

But on the flipside, I can walk into any store and find clothing that will fit, which has NEVER happened to me (I was always a big girl.)

Keep up your great work!  It has taken me two years to get to where I am today, and you just have to stay focused and keep moving forward. :)

You are right, there are many more choices than there used to be, due to demand . I forgot about Walmart, and the dept stores that have plusizes too...mainly because i almost never shopped there. I found their 3x was NOT the same as the 3X from the plus-size stores like AdditionElle, it was more like a 2X and it was pretty depressing not fitting into their biggest size so I quit looking.

And how about this: I went to Italy last year with my sister (that was an accomplishment in itself, I had to take 5 separate flights for the return trip, that's 5 TIMES having to ask for seatbelt extenders, and one lady gave me such a look when she walked up the aisle and saw me sitting there...I thought she was choked to have to sit beside me and was SO relieved when I found out she just thought I was in her seat). Anyway I digress...what I meant to say was that in Italy, there is NO such thing as plus-size, not a chance not a hope, I was lucky to find shoes that fit. My sister complained the whole time that the sizing was so small and she had trouble finding things to fit (she's like a 12 or so) and that I was lucky to not have to bother trying (insert huge eyeroll here).

Everything in this post is true .. for years .. i thought that my skin problems .. in sensitive areas ... was well .. just me .. bad skin .. i dunno ... wow ...

Im so releived now that its just cuz im so fat .. cuz THAT im going to fix.

TY for this post. I love you Victoria Girl !

 

Korali

I really enjoyed this post.

what I would love to get rid of forever is my image in those dreaded dressing room mirrors! I never feel good about my size, hair, clothes, or anything in those stupid mirrors.

It's bad enough you can't fit in the clothes that you pain-stakingly searched for for 45min., now you have to stare at yourself in that fun house mirror and than go get a larger size.

Hi victoriagirl, great post!  I hate having lots of clothes - that don't fit anymore.  I hate having two closets (stole one from my husband), full of things I like, and having a separate rack of clothes that I can fit into.  I want to toss that rack out the window.   I got more shoes than a woman has a right to own, but I can't wear heels anymore.  I'd like to change that!   Oh, and mirrors...dont' get  me started!  :) 

It's disturbing how plus-sized sections are getting bigger than misses sections, but at least they're keeping up with the times and providing clothing for those who are bigger at reasonable prices.

I haven't been buying new clothes.  I've been making them.  It's so much cheaper to make your own clothes if you know how, and a great way to prevent snacking (unless you're like me and keep gummy bears in the extra compartment on your sewing machine), you also really learn a lot more about your body.

It's so awesome to be able to make a full sundress out of a yard of fabric and have enough left over to make matching underwear.  It used to take me two years just to make a skirt.  Ugh.

My favorite thing about not being fat anymore is *I'm never the fattest person in the room*.

Also, not having to buy the largest size in a regular clothing store.

And being able to climb a hill or set of stairs without losing my breath.

That's awesome cellulitedelight! I used to sew a lot too, back when I outgrew regular sizes and could not yet accept plus-size stores (that was like 15 years ago and the choices back then were DISMAL to say the least). You are right that it teaches you a lot about your body, I feel that i was able to make the most of what I had and not always hide under baggy sweats. I havent sewed in a long time, but now that i am about out ungorw all my clothes and have no money to replace them, it's nice to be reminded I have another option! In fact I have tons of fabric i have accumulated over the years with great intentions to sew again. So I am ready to go!

 

Thanks to everyone for being so positive about this post and adding to it. I am hoping that we can free ourselves from the burdens together, and I am glad that airing my secret grievances has maybe made us feel less alone in our struggles.

 

thnknthin....I can relate...I have soooo many shoes, lots of heels, and my boyfriend says why do you need all those shoes you never wear them...I cant tell him that i am too heavy to wear them for longer than an hour or so before they become excrutiating. I am a shoe-a-holic, even for shoes I can't wear! I am really looking forward to wearing them all again! My lovely little twin beauties!