A Big Girl no more...what I won't miss. Have any to share?

Consider this a cleansing ritual, like a smudging.

I would like to list the myriad of secret and not-so-secret pains and humiliations of being a Big Girl that I will be so happy to see the end of. Some are things I have suffered with for years and never told anyone about because it's too embarassing. I have no idea if anyone has experienced some or all of these - or maybe you have your own you'd like to share. I just kinda want to get them off my chest - free myself, as it were - and one by one watch them fall away.

1. Thigh chaffing. Definately deserves first mention. Years and years of wearing bike shorts under skirts to prevent this, even sleeping in them...I want to wear a dress with nothing underneath!

2. Not being able to fly out of worry that I won't fit in the seat. And when I finally got the courage to fly, always worrying about people's reactions when they see they have to sit next to me. And having to ask for a seatbelt extender...god I will be happy to not have to do that ever again

3. Going to a restaurant or other public place where the seats are too small, and having to cram my ass into one and sit painfully for however long

4. Always wondering when I meet someone new if they are thinking "gosh she's fat" instead of being interested in me as a person

5. Having just TWO (plus size) stores to shop at because all the other stores in town only carry hamster sizes.

6. Having really thin skin in the creases under my belly and between my crotch and thigh - so thin that even slight aggravation, from rubbing or sweating, will cause it to break and bleed or weep - summer is such a joy

7. Skin abcesses in sensitive areas. I am reeeeally hoping these will end once I am smaller!

8. Scarring from above abcesses, stretch marks, and other weird skin things due to overstretched skin. Probly stuck with these forever.

9. Huffing ang puffing from activity that my smaller friends/sisters/coworkers can do easily, like climbing stairs. Climbing stairs in general! Gosh I hate stairs!! I actually get angry inside at whoever I am with - I think to myself, you'd be huffing and puffing too if you were carrying an extra 100 lbs!

10. Rude comments. Teenage boys especially terrify me...they are mean and I am WAY too sensitive. I will be so happy to not feel scared of what someone might say anymore. Or be humiliated in front of whoever I am with by some mean stranger's comments.

11. Not being able to ride a roller coaster - the safety bar might not fit so I just avoid the whole issue and tell people I don't like them. I want to ride a roller coaster!

12. Fear of falling. The bigger they are, the harder they fall, is true. So I worry I will break something all the time.

13. Having to struggle through turnstyles. SO cruel.

14. Getting into someone else's car and worrying the seatbelt won't fit - half the time they don't - it's a humiliating little gamble! The last time this happened I was in the back seat with a nine year old girl who kept asking me, loudly, why I wasn't buckling my seatbelt. Apparently holding it across my chest was not fooling HER.

15. Eating in public and knowing people are watching to see what I eat. God forbid I ever splurge and eat an eclair in public - the one time I did that I got such a look of disgust from one woman, I wanted to shrivel up and die. I wish I didn't care what other people think, but you'd have to have a pretty tough skin to not let that get to you

16. Getting (another) mug as a souvenir when my parents come back from holiday while my sisters get cute tops from local stores

17. Feeling crappy when people go on and on about how GOOD I look when I've lost a little weight - because I can't help but think they thought I looked bad before - and knowing that, chances are, I will regain the lost weight and look "bad" again. I want to be free of this and other worries, and know that I am on the road to good health, and just enjoy the compliment!

Well that's about all I can think of right now, though I am sure there are more. It's good to air them.

 

Ooooh that's a good one cellophane star......I greatly look forward to the day that I don't scan a room in hopes of seeing someone larger or as large as me, I really hate being the biggest person around. I am currently the biggest person in my office, at my gym, in my family, etc etc etc in fact the only place I am not the biggest is at plus-size stores! To just be able to BE and not be constantly thinking/worrying about these things will be such a joy. I wonder how long that will take.

korali....you are very welcome....you made me cry a little bit at work

OMG dont cry !! ppl will think you are crazy, if they see you crying at your computer!!

everything on your list is something i have experienced, and i thought that i was the ONLY one who had these issues.

Like the skin issue is a big one ...

But i would rather DIE than eat in public, even if i was eating an apple or something healthy. I dont mind in a restaurant where there are booths .. and things are kinda private .. but like a food court or something .. no way !

I'm loving this site ... Ive been completely honest on my journals etc, and that was really hard for me at first.

But its because of posts like this that i realize that im not the ONLY person in the WHOLE world who hasn't worn shorts in 15 years, cuz the chaffing is very uncomfortable.

And that is awesome, what a great feeling to know that your not the only one feeling this way =)

Thanks 

Ive added you to friends =)

 

I won't miss how much room larger-sized clothes take up in the drawers... especially when it comes to packing for a trip - it feels like you have to take a whole suitcase for an overnight jaunt, because no way is even ONE change of clothes going to fit into an itty-bitty overnight bag!

Doing less loads of laundry will be great too... although I won't get many less because DH makes me looks TINY!

And I hope you're right that my skin will get less fragile as I shrink... actually I think it already has a bit, or else my healthy diet is giving me more vitamins etc to make it stronger.

I also won't miss having to choose my swimsuit for the summer because it's the only one on the whole rack that actually fits, rather than because I particularly like it... (that's if I can find one that fits at all - a lot of the time they're cut VERY small, even in the plus-size section!)  

I won't miss the roll of fat on my stomach, preventing me from polishing my toe nails. I can barely keep the clipped, but it's getting better as I lose more weight.

I won't miss walking slower than everyone else when we're hiking, at amusement parks, shopping, etc. I now can keep up with everyone without huffing and puffing. That's a huge success for me, especially when in the past, I used to do everything faster than everyone else, lol. It was frustrating to be so slow for those couple of years and quite scary to be honest with you.

I won't miss buying fat pants..... I so want to be in a normal size again. I'm getting there, but it can't happen fast enough for me. I also won't miss buying shirts and sweatpants in the Men's department because they don't make anything big enough in my size in Women's. Although, I still enjoy the pockets they have in Men's sweatwear- women's sweatpants never have pockets around here, lol. Still, a size small Men's sweatpants would be Fabu for this lady.

As much as I would like to think I won't have to listen to family members go on and on about my weight (in laws included) in the future, I know it won't stop. They'll just keep bringing up how heavy I was and how much better I look now (as if I need a constant reminder of my past weight?!?!?) Why do people feel the need to discuss something so personal with you anyway, especially when you obviously avoid the topic, especially in public or in front of large groups of people? At least I won't have to listen to their advice on how to lose the weight......

What I will miss- is the funny stares and thumbs up I get from people when I work out at the gym or walk, jog, or run around the track at my kid's schools. People practically faint when they see me jogging around the track, heh heh.

One very slim guy was astonished to see me move from machine to machine at the gym with ease, especially the weight lifting ones. Whenever he saw me on the treadmill and stationary bike, I thought he was going to have a stroke- he kept smiling at me and giving me the thumbs up every time I did a new machine, lmao. People always assume that a fat person is out of shape, never thinking that they, too, can be physically fit while being heavy.

I think this is my favorite thread ever. And like someone suggested I think I will print my list out and post it in my room.

Things I Won't Miss

1. The anxiety that starts to make my stomach turn the second I pull into a mall parking lot. Malls have the largest concentration of guys my age (aka teenagers), who are cruel to begin with, but it's even worse when those are the creatures I'm supposed to be attracting.

2. Paying way to much for clothes. I don't believe that the extra yard or whatever it takes to make a shirt my size makes it fifty dollars more than it would be at the "normal" store across the street.

3. Wearing spanx. They're supposed to be for those special occasions, but I haven't taken mine off since grade nine farewell three years ago.

4. Running into junior high friends I haven't seen for years and just knowing they're thinking, "Wow she's gotten fat(ter)"

5. Going to a swimming pool. Enough said.

6. When I'm at work, which is a library so it's already silent, and worrying that everyone can hear the sound of my thighs rubbing together.

7. Walking in heels that I'm sure will snap at any second.

8. When people ask if I'm my aunt's daughter. She's easily eighty pounds heavier than I am and I love her to death but if one more person says, "Are you sure you aren't related by blood? You have the same body type" I think I'll snap. No, not all fat people are related.

9. When I hear people complaining that they wish they could be the weight they were in high school and I think, I wish I could be the weight I was when I was ten.

10. Knowing my weight disappoints my father.

I just wanna say that I read this post and found it inspirational.  I was thin all my life and suddenly after cutting out smoking and being diagnosed with RA I gained about 80lbs and I am 6ft tall so I look REALLY BIG.  So for about 10 years I have just been getting bigger and bigger.  I love love love food and I love to cook and feed  people.  My sister who is 15 years older than me is also a "Thick Madame".  My niece is getting married in June and we have decided to be at least a size 18 by then.  And it is post like this that just lets you know that you're not alone and we all experience the same BS from  the public and our own bodies and WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE!!  Thank you and Good Luck

Great lists, everyone! All so true!

Highschoolcliches, #3 made me laugh out loud. My ex used to call me "layer girl" and "Fort Knox" cuz I would wear bike shorts layered over girdle panties layered over regular cotton panties, all under my outer clothes, and sometimes even an extra layer of tights if I was wearing a skirt. omg. That was before the days of Spanx, but same kinda thing. And the fact that I ALWAYS wear bike shorts under skirts to prevent chaffing is so ironic considering i haven't been able to wear real shorts in....let's see....about 19 years now. Wow.

I also hated running into people I hadnt seen in a long time and know that they were thinking about how "different" I looked, but i have been big for so long now it doesn't happen anymore. . Well. Once I am thinner it will be awesome to run into people I havent seen in a while, cuz it will be the opposite effect!

As for #10....I feel your pain. If there is one thing we need in this world to develop healthy self-esteem, it's the unconditional love and acceptance from our parents. I am sorry you feel you disappoint him. I am sorry I felt I disappointed my mother and still deal with how she made me feel about my weight as a teenager. I took me years and years to come to terms with it....I know she just wanted the best for me and wanted me to be happy and could see that i wasn't and felt I should do something to change....as your dad likely feels....but honey, just because he is your parent does not mean he knows the best thing to do. Feeling weighed down by his disappointment will only hinder your progress, so free yourself from it and know that you can accomplish your goals on your own terms. I wish I could go back and give my teenage self a big hug and say, "It's great that you want to improve yourself and I'll support you in that, but know that you are beautiful and an amazing person, just the way you are, and always will be". That's what parents should say.

kajikit...I too will be glad when my clothes fit in a smaller suitacase! Especially the winter sweaters took up TONS of room!

korali....don't worry I have a corner cubicle that nobody ever passes! Once i changed into my gym clothes right at my desk hahaha

I am doing the honesty thing too. I record whatever I eat, whether I am proud of it or not. And you know what? It took a lot of the shame out of eating. Seeing the numbers of everything is somehow comforting, because when I make good choices overall I can SEE that I am within targets...and that a little slip here and there is not going to break me and is not the end of my commitment to healthy eating, they are just that, little slips.

eating ice cream in public and not feeling like everybody's judging me!

tryouts for jeans/pants. I don't have to keep asking for a bigger size/ try out different styles to fit my body.

I used to hate the fittings, it would take hours for me to find a good fit. Now I actually like trying out clothes, specially to see that fancy clothes look good on me, though I might not end up buying all. Its just a good feeling.

yay nivi....I love clothes and really look forward to the day I can do that too!

I don't have anything insightful to add to this thread except that reading it was very moving.

That is what parents should say! But mine kind of suck at it I guess. Even my mother, who weighs the exact same as me actually, once told me that "even the pretty girls think there's something wrong with them." I know what she was trying to say, but seriously.

I Love this post it was a great idea victoriagirl for everyone to get things off their chest. The things I don't miss the most are:

1. Feeling invisible and like nobody out in public.

2. The mean comments (I got them too).

3. The women my hubby work with thinking they are better then me because they are thinner (they aren't thinner anymore and they never were better then me just mean girls ).

On the flip side to my number 1 is now people really make me sick. I have shopped at the same grocery store for 2 years and how many people said Hi to me before I lost my weight try barely any. Now the same people (employees) talk to me and say Hi everytime I go grocery shopping. It says a lot for the human race if you ask me, I even had one ask me out. I was thinking ewwwww (because of what I just said) but I just politely told him I was married. I am above their type of behavior!!! Oh I also wanted to tell you that I sold all of my out grown clothes on eBay so I can buy the smaller sizes that I need because I had nothing to wear for a long time. Keep up the GREAT WORK, sounds like you are doing Wonderful and Getting Creative (I Like that)!!!

I like that I am sooooo willing to try on my smaller clothes almost every week and one by one they fit when none of them would go down or come up. 

I also have a new love affair with my full length mirror.  I try on clothes, they fit and run to my daughters room and just wow, like hey gurly what's up with you!

For the first time, I fit into a L shirt this week and it looks fantastic.  For every pair of jeans I get into I throw away a pair of my biggies.

I love laying on my back at night and my belly is practically flat., I don't like that I'm losing my ass. I have diaper butt!  But its okay.

EDIT* I know its a post about what we won't miss, but I felt that I could finally post what I just love.

Victoriagirl, thank you so much for the post! *hugs* This is truly inspiring, I'm going to print out my list too.

1. My son making comments like "You're so cushy" when he gives me hugs, or actually telling me that i need to lose weight when he saw me in a bathing suit.
2. Huffing and puffing up stairs.
3. My joints and especially knees hurting badly (they still hurt a bit but nowhere near what they did).
4. Having such high cholesterol my doctors were afraid I was going to have a heart attack or something (at 33 years old!)
5. Wearing baggy shirts and stretch pants to hide the fat.
6. Also wearing body shapers. They are so hot!
7. Having a fear that if something happened to me (like a wreck) i would get my clothes cut off at the emergency room and they would see the fat hiding underneath the baggy clothes.
8. People getting a look on their face when they bump into me and haven't seen me in years. That "Oh my god, she let herself go" look. Sometimes not even recognizing me.
9. Feeling so depressed that I will never be able to break my bad habits of eating wrong and not exercising.
10. Not wanting my husband to see me without clothes on. Not wanting to be intimate because then I can't hide it under the covers.
11. Making excuses to either miss our family's July 4th pool party, or making excuses about why I couldn't change into a bathing suit.
12. Not wanting to take pictures because it adds weight to my face and body. My face really showed that I was overweight, I actually hid pictures from that time so my family wouldn't post them on the web or send them to other relatives.
13. Hiding my "skinny clothes" in the back of my closet so i wouldn't see them and start crying.

What a relief to get all that off my mind, thank you everyone so much for sharing!!

Hello,

that was really a great post - i admire your determination. And your remarks and observations are on the spot. Yes, other people do watch, and do tell unpleasant things - not ust teenagers. 

Thus Friday i was with my friend and told her how much i am looking forward to being able to shop in regular stores-because, exactly like in your post, there are about two stores in my town that sell clothes that fit me. And the range of clothes is quite small. i want to be able to choose to whear what i want, not just choose from 5 pants! you are totally right, it is unpleasant (and no, some people will probably not understand this). i am not a fashion freak, but think i hav quite a good taste, and want to be able what i find according to my choices, not just choose the smallest evil!