A Big Girl no more...what I won't miss. Have any to share?

Consider this a cleansing ritual, like a smudging.

I would like to list the myriad of secret and not-so-secret pains and humiliations of being a Big Girl that I will be so happy to see the end of. Some are things I have suffered with for years and never told anyone about because it's too embarassing. I have no idea if anyone has experienced some or all of these - or maybe you have your own you'd like to share. I just kinda want to get them off my chest - free myself, as it were - and one by one watch them fall away.

1. Thigh chaffing. Definately deserves first mention. Years and years of wearing bike shorts under skirts to prevent this, even sleeping in them...I want to wear a dress with nothing underneath!

2. Not being able to fly out of worry that I won't fit in the seat. And when I finally got the courage to fly, always worrying about people's reactions when they see they have to sit next to me. And having to ask for a seatbelt extender...god I will be happy to not have to do that ever again

3. Going to a restaurant or other public place where the seats are too small, and having to cram my ass into one and sit painfully for however long

4. Always wondering when I meet someone new if they are thinking "gosh she's fat" instead of being interested in me as a person

5. Having just TWO (plus size) stores to shop at because all the other stores in town only carry hamster sizes.

6. Having really thin skin in the creases under my belly and between my crotch and thigh - so thin that even slight aggravation, from rubbing or sweating, will cause it to break and bleed or weep - summer is such a joy

7. Skin abcesses in sensitive areas. I am reeeeally hoping these will end once I am smaller!

8. Scarring from above abcesses, stretch marks, and other weird skin things due to overstretched skin. Probly stuck with these forever.

9. Huffing ang puffing from activity that my smaller friends/sisters/coworkers can do easily, like climbing stairs. Climbing stairs in general! Gosh I hate stairs!! I actually get angry inside at whoever I am with - I think to myself, you'd be huffing and puffing too if you were carrying an extra 100 lbs!

10. Rude comments. Teenage boys especially terrify me...they are mean and I am WAY too sensitive. I will be so happy to not feel scared of what someone might say anymore. Or be humiliated in front of whoever I am with by some mean stranger's comments.

11. Not being able to ride a roller coaster - the safety bar might not fit so I just avoid the whole issue and tell people I don't like them. I want to ride a roller coaster!

12. Fear of falling. The bigger they are, the harder they fall, is true. So I worry I will break something all the time.

13. Having to struggle through turnstyles. SO cruel.

14. Getting into someone else's car and worrying the seatbelt won't fit - half the time they don't - it's a humiliating little gamble! The last time this happened I was in the back seat with a nine year old girl who kept asking me, loudly, why I wasn't buckling my seatbelt. Apparently holding it across my chest was not fooling HER.

15. Eating in public and knowing people are watching to see what I eat. God forbid I ever splurge and eat an eclair in public - the one time I did that I got such a look of disgust from one woman, I wanted to shrivel up and die. I wish I didn't care what other people think, but you'd have to have a pretty tough skin to not let that get to you

16. Getting (another) mug as a souvenir when my parents come back from holiday while my sisters get cute tops from local stores

17. Feeling crappy when people go on and on about how GOOD I look when I've lost a little weight - because I can't help but think they thought I looked bad before - and knowing that, chances are, I will regain the lost weight and look "bad" again. I want to be free of this and other worries, and know that I am on the road to good health, and just enjoy the compliment!

Well that's about all I can think of right now, though I am sure there are more. It's good to air them.

Re laundry-i have to say i am looking forward to hanging my laundry and not wondering how can a t-shirt be SO HUGE (and at the same time knowing that my body will fill it completely-maybe it will not fit anymore? )

one more for victoriagirl: i see you are an avid cook and like good food. me too, and what helped me feel good and satisfied was the idea of stocking up on good teas (green, black, herbal..) and gourmet coffee (i do not know if you are into coffee, but it just a thing that, if you do, might be nice). the taste and high quality of things that are a  guilt-free pleasure really works for me.

oh, i like this thread so much-there might be too many replies by me, but it will probably not harm anyone.

re eating out: i am looking forward to being able to comfortably eat in a restaurant by myself. i sometimes travel alone on business trips, or just spend a day in the city, and really want a good meal. it is NOt comfortable for someone who is very overweight 

re kae and victoria girl - "you have such a pretty face" thing:

i have one more thing that happened mostly in my teenage years and early twenties, but i still remember it too well:

i used to borrow things from my (female) friends and they borrowed things from me - clother, jewelery, bags. as i mentioned before, i guess i sort of have good taste so that mine were usually cute/good looking. (my pants etc were too big for them, but a band t-shirt or something would be ok. i was not as overweigt back then, gained most in my 30s, but WAs overweight anyway)

i have never gotten a compliment wearing the things.

they did.

the best i was getting was "hmm this is a nice bag" whereas they got all the "OH! you look great in that t-shirt". or the items were ignored when worn by me, and praised when worn by them (even jewelery!) - and my face is not expecially ugly or something.

#43

Absolutely spot on!  I've travelled quite extensively on my own and it was bad enough being a lone woman in a restaurant, but being a FAT lone woman was MUCH worse.

I now own and run my own small hotel and ALWAYS take great care where I seat lone women... slim or fat...  in my dining room.  It can SO make a difference to them.  Their silent - if knowing - looks say it all.

#1

What a brilliant post!  You SO made my morning here across The Pond as I could relate to so much that you wrote... but never give voice to.

I'm 56 and started my healthy eating campaign at 210lb a week ago.  I'm 5ft 2in and should be about 126lb.  I lost 8lb in my 1st week (mostly water, I guess).  But it's a start.  My weight was great until I had my 3rd child - 33 years ago - and since then I've been overweight to a bigger or lesser degree.  Lots of diets and weight loss.  Then weight gain.  This time it's different.  It's NOT a diet.  It's an eating plan. 

I have difficulties with exercise, however, as I suffer from Fibromyalgia and never know from 1 day to the next whether I can even do "normal" things, let alone exercise.  Can anyone relate to NOT going to the gym/run for 3 miles every day?

All my good wishes to everyone out there with a weight problem.  It's not easy is it?

I know this shouldnt be a concern for me, but the biggest fear I had while being over 245 lbs was bumping into my long time ex b/f.  Yes I am happily, VERY happily married right now, but I dated this A$$ for over 6 years when i was early 20's and he treated me like CRAP in the end.  He almost destroyed me and he used to tell me I should limit myself to 1 chin.  At that time I was under 200 lbs~  I couldnt imagine him seeing me after gaining yet another 50-60-70 lbs.  I just wanted to prove him WRONG.....

Now almost 85 lbs lighter, BRING IT ON BABY!!!!

~H~

Oh Oh Oh just reminded me of something else.....
10 years ago, I watched my 54 year old mother die.  She was a diabetic, going blind, congestve heart failure, renal failure, gangrene in foot, high cholesterol and extremely high blood pressure.

She never went to dr. since I was born.  She was deathly afraid.  When she finally went, she had all these problems.  She was overweight....probably by about 75 lbs.  When she was diagnosed, she withered away to barely 100 lbs.  I KNEW I would repeat history if I didnt do something to improve my own health.  All I had so far was HIGH cholesterol. 

I would have DREAMS all the time about dr's telling me I am a diabetic and I only had 6 months to live.  I know this is unrealistic however I think it was deeply playing on my mind.  I would always dream I was in the hospital with a terminal illness.

Now, those dreams have disappeared!  It's amazing how much a weight issue can "weigh" on the back of your mind!

~H~

(I dont miss those dreams!)

Wow...the response to this post, which I penned at 2 am one sleepless night in an effort to rid myself of some demons, has been unbelievable. It's so touching to see that not only do other people relate to things I said - and have their own that I relate to too!! - but also have found comfort and relief and inspiration in getting stuff out too. When I wrote it I never imagined that would happen - in fact I was a little scared people might just think "Suck it up princess we don't want to hear about your gross little problems". So thanks to everyone for being so supportive and positive! It makes me feel even more like i can keep up my efforts - that we all can! 

ilona...I can relate not because I can't exercise but because I don't like to and have to really push myself to get on it 2 or 3x/week, every day will just never happen! I have heard that 80% of losing weight is about your food choices, though, so take heart!

ka2007, so true about the smallest evil, the worst thing is going shopping with my sister and seeing soooo many things I would like and that would look good on a larger person, if only it came in a larger size!

anastase, your #12 especially hit home. I can't tell you how many family pictures there are in the family albums that I would burn if I could. I HATE it when people take candid shots of me, makes me truly angry, and even ones I carefully pose for need editing...I just CRINGE when I see pics of myself. A couple of years ago, in a (successful!) attempt to learn to love myself, I got a digital camera with delay, a tripod, and took tons of pictures of myself, learning the best poses and angles to flatter myself, and having such a range to chose from that at least a few would come out well. My profile pic is one like that! I even have - gasp - half-naked ones I like! For every 20 bad ones, out would come one good one, so I have a collection of good photos to comfort myself with when I am subjected to yet another batch of bad ones from my family's pics. I soooo look forward to the day i don't have to demand "Let me see it! Hmmm nope DELETE!!"

re exercise. i admit my only exercise at this moment is walking, i am currently

1)too heavy for most types of exercise,

2)too uncomfortable in a bathing suit,

and 3)never liked any sports.

i sort of like swimming and can imagine myself jogging - and although i know i "should" just forget about people looking, commenting etc.- no i am not going to dive into a swimming pool now. so NOT having exercise is something that is my reality now - i just try to walk as much as i can, which can be 2 hours or 20 mins daily, it varies. contrary to what is the popular opinion, i do not think i am going to die in the next week if i do not go to a gym n-o-w.

i do not know how my outlook will change when i am at my goal weight. what i guess is i will be going to some hikes with friends, going swimming - that is activities that are appealing to me. i am not even a sports fan, i always preferred reading, music, going to art galleries etc., and - although many may disagree with me - am not sure i am going to become a sports person in the coming months, maybe years:)

it is good that you could find also some inspiration in our replies. y

for me it is these "little things" that are sometimes the most important - or motivating - whatever. (for example, i KNOW that being overweight is unhealthy and un-elegant, but it is the little moments like the ones in the clothes shops that actually make me want to change things - not just an abstract concept of being healthier and prettier:)

kudos to you for catering to these women. i am sure their experience will be that much nicer!

edited to add: i wish more restaurants and hotels were like this

1)I won't miss the hallway/stair dance, you know, you're going down a narrow hall/stair and have to get WAY over, cuz you don't want that dirty look if you don't dodge FAR ENOUGH and someone barreling along accidental brushes into to you (note! I DON"T feel this way, and I HATE that I'd go way out of my way to not accidentally nudge someone...but I was a size 20 teenager, and have spent a LOT of adult years in the 18-22 sizes, and YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN about those idiots in public places who charge along, don't take one step out of their way, but look disgusted if they accidentally bump hips because you DIDN"T GET OUT OF THE WAY FAST ENOUGH)

1a) I quit getting out the way quite a bit before the latest weight loss, and fat or thin am now planning to take up AS MUCH SPACE as I want (politely, because I'm a civil person) in every sense. Guys, we don't offend the world, fat or thin, and getting that it other people problem, and only worrying about your own, and the things you do that ACTUALLY might be harming people/yourself can be a huge step to quit with the self-hating which isn't going to support ANY difficult endeavour, regardless of weight...

2)Nonetheless, I do not miss having the world not fit. Don't miss having to call ahead to make sure the rental place has a kayak rated for 250+ lbs before an excursion. Dont miss being unable to fit between sales racks in the stores, and into turnstiles, and into airlines seats without either leaning against the window, or into the aisle and getting bonked by everyone who came you don't see coming (good god, why doesn't the world learn the words, "pardon me?")

3)Not being comfy in layers. Man, people complain about being cold after losing weight, and everyone chimes in with "low metabolism" and "starvation mode! omg!", well, fat people DRESS DIFFERENT sometimes because layers can be too hot, and it can take a bit of time to learn to dress for LESS.

And, if you're dressing for style and you're fat, you know a wool peacoat type thing is both comfy and flattering, where a windbreaker-over a hoodie-over a sweatshirt will make a 2X look like a 4x, and choke you because plus size clothes don't have as much extra blousing in sleeves etc (not because we're so hugely fat but because it doesn't WORK fashion wise, generally accepted and designed with the idea that blousing is unflattering once you get to a certain XXL, so things tend to be more boxy or stretchy and NOT GOOD for layering) Well, it's great to be able to do that on these weird inbetween days. I love layers!

You know, my momma was always trying to get me to put on a sweater, and now I know it's because she's 5' and 100 lbs, and since she was cold, she thought I had to be! Nope, don't miss either being too hot, or WINTER. Now I DO throw on a sweater, or go down to a tank top, and suddenly there are SO MANY MORE perfect weather days, when I'm perfectly comfortable.

3)This is more emotional eating but...I don't miss being upset about food. I was alway either guilty because I'd eaten (? you have to eat to live!) or miserable because I was hungry and not letting myself eat (?1) you can be a little hungry and in a good mood! For a long time, if I was hungry, I was also MISERABLE, and that's because I both expected food to do MORE for me than it can (make you feel better after a crappy day, help you stop worrying about something) ?2)or miserable about being hungry because food was so emotionally weighted NEGATIVELY also, because it was what made ya fat.)

I don't miss food messing with my mind ONE BIT

4)Back pain, don't miss you...

5)Professional respect. This is sad, and should NOT happen, but I'm taken more seriously at work.

Negatives, I'm also seen as more of an agressive person these days. But I've discovered in MY particular corporate culture, you're either a shark or you're chum. Now I has teeth. Before, I actually said much the same things, but it was mostly ignored.. Now, I'll say the same, pointed, remark and get 1)that was a little harsh and 2) you have a point.

Don't know if this is good or bad yet, but it is different!  I've actually had to learn to tone DOWN a bit, because it's taken more seriously.  Good god this culture is weird about weight (me included!).

At 196lbs and 5'8" with small bones, I'm 50lbs overweight.  In 2003, I was at 140.

While no one says anything out loud, I can see it in their faces - god has she let herself go.   I would like to miss that look - it hurts

People say I don't look "that bad" or that I'm not fat, but I know how to minimize it in clothes.  No matter what they say, I feel like a sausage and get very self conscious and feel that everyone sees an old, frumpy, ugly woman.   

I would really like to miss these feelings of failure.

I would also like to miss all of the aches and pains caused by the extra 50 lbs.  My knees and ankles are really upset with this.  Once before I was at over 265 lbs and could barely walk!.  The sad part is I got down to 135-145 and kept it for 7 years before I lost it again. 

I want to welcome: shorts and skimpy tops in the summer, my motorcycle leathers, short skirts and fitted tops.  High heels and delicate sandals.  Bascially the wardrobe that has been stored for the last 5 years.

It's way past time I got my life back.

Thanks for the thread!

snermy...I know all about your #1. I have never really thought about it...but I totally do that. In fact if it's a narrow hall and I can see someone at the other end I will let the other person walk down it before getting into it to avoid having to pass eachother. And this is not because we wont both fit - its because I am avoiding brushing against them accidentally and feeling them pull away like they've been burned. Do normal sized people do this to eachother?

I wont miss food messing with my mind either....since making better food choices for the past few months, the same block of butter is still in my fridge as was there in january. I still look at it sometimes and think haha you don't own me butter! It will be nice to not have it be an issue.

And your #5....it is too painfully true, wayyyy to painfully true. I sometimes blame the not-being-taken-seriously on being a woman. But I think you are right and it's more to do with being a FAT woman. I won't miss this feeling of hopelessness because of it.

I can not express how much I enjoyed this post, and reading everyones comments! I totally sympathize with all of you, there is rarely anything said I haven't experienced.

• I really understand the roller coater thing....I had to get off one once because of that. True I am not a fan of roller coasters or heights but I would like to be able to. When did fit the bars were still very uncomfortable. Is so horrible how such a thing happens, I go to the parks for fun like everyone else. Not to be humiliated.     &nbs p;       & nbsp;      &nbs p;       & nbsp;      &nbs p;       & nbsp;      &nbs p;      
• I will not miss how I felt hate eating out...I understand booth and seats being seeming too small and having to deal with the un-comfortableness.  I  hate how everyone just assumes you are going to eat a lot or unhealthy things. I feel uncomfortable even getting a salad because it seems so ironic.
• I will not miss how I feel in airplanes and being the typical overweight person you hear people joking and complaining about.
• When the cute guys walk right on by, most likely thinking the most horrible things about you.
  
• GAhh... the inside of my thighs. I feel you there.
• Oh, and the whole bathtub thing! T.T

I just love hearing that I am not the only one dealing or that has dealt with these issues.

Love you guys! -Asti

Also, I will not miss dreading looking at my pictures because I have to know that thats how I really look. I rather be in denial! I just know that girl I see in the pictures is not the "real" me. EDIT: Or rather is hiding me.

Oh, I know exactly how you feel!  I just started on my journey, but I agree about the shoes.  I can reach my left foot pretty good and put shoes and socks on, but my right hip, it just doesn't allow me to bring my foot close enough to do it!  So, I usually wear shoes that I can just slip in without socks and if I do wear shoes, I get my hubby to help.

I won't miss being out of breath, and chapped thighs and my HUGE belly AND my big butt!  I can't wait til I can sleep in a regular bed also.  I have back and hips problems, (hopefully that will improve also) so I can't sleep flat, I need an adjustable bed so I can sleep!  There are many others, also, like having smaller clothes, that I can go shop at goodwill if I choose to, and I won't have to worry as much to if I smell or not!

~Catbird Woman~

There are so many more that I just thought of!  I will have to include!

I will so love when I can stop walking into doors or walls, because my mind thinks I am smaller then I really am and I don't give enough space for my huge body to go through.  (I have never been thin, but sometimes my judgement is off!)

About getting in someone else's cars, I know about being afraid that the seat belt won't fit, and/or that I may break the seat or something.

Another thing is being respected as a person period!  I mean there are people that takes me serious but a lot of times, they just start talking even while I am talking.  (Granted that I do have a slight speach defect, I had a seizure when I was a toddler and I believe I had to relearn to talk because I didn't talk afterwards for a long time.) So it may be that, and I know that won't likely improve when I lose weight but being so big, not so hot!

Another thing is going to someone else's place and fearing the chair won't hold you, or you will break their couch or something.

One time when I was taking care of this one lady, I sat on her bed and the bed broke!  That was SOOOOOOO embaressing!  Dad did fix the bed but still!

Another thing, my feet gets so tired from being on them.  That will be great if the feet won't hurt so much and my knees will stop hurting.....oh, I can't hardly wait!

Original Post by astiees:

Also, I will not miss dreading looking at my pictures because I have to know that thats how I really look. I rather be in denial! I just know that girl I see in the pictures is not the "real" me. EDIT: Or rather is hiding me.

 AMEN!!! i'm working on that now.

i also won't miss:

1. bras that dig crazy deep into my shoulders
2. thighs that never stop touching each other
3. girdles
4. body aches b/c i just can't get comfortable while i sleep
5. flab that doesn't stop moving when i do
6. having crazy strong inner thighs from forcing my legs to stay closed b/c i can't cross them
7. being the token fat friend
8. shorts that aren't short
9. buying gorgeous shoes that are just too painful to walk in, so they get thrown in the back of the closet, for "some day."
10. i'm sure this is on here, but not looking at a plane seat and worrying whether or not i'll ruin someone else's ride b/c i need so much space.
11. (related to #10) not having the girl at the airline counter look at me then suggest i move away from the aisle seat, b/c the arms don't lift up, so i might not have enough hip room. (so humiliating, even though she was right).
12. another plane one: not being able to put the arm rest down b/c my hip is in the way. did i mention i hate planes?