A Big Girl no more...what I won't miss. Have any to share?

Consider this a cleansing ritual, like a smudging.

I would like to list the myriad of secret and not-so-secret pains and humiliations of being a Big Girl that I will be so happy to see the end of. Some are things I have suffered with for years and never told anyone about because it's too embarassing. I have no idea if anyone has experienced some or all of these - or maybe you have your own you'd like to share. I just kinda want to get them off my chest - free myself, as it were - and one by one watch them fall away.

1. Thigh chaffing. Definately deserves first mention. Years and years of wearing bike shorts under skirts to prevent this, even sleeping in them...I want to wear a dress with nothing underneath!

2. Not being able to fly out of worry that I won't fit in the seat. And when I finally got the courage to fly, always worrying about people's reactions when they see they have to sit next to me. And having to ask for a seatbelt extender...god I will be happy to not have to do that ever again

3. Going to a restaurant or other public place where the seats are too small, and having to cram my ass into one and sit painfully for however long

4. Always wondering when I meet someone new if they are thinking "gosh she's fat" instead of being interested in me as a person

5. Having just TWO (plus size) stores to shop at because all the other stores in town only carry hamster sizes.

6. Having really thin skin in the creases under my belly and between my crotch and thigh - so thin that even slight aggravation, from rubbing or sweating, will cause it to break and bleed or weep - summer is such a joy

7. Skin abcesses in sensitive areas. I am reeeeally hoping these will end once I am smaller!

8. Scarring from above abcesses, stretch marks, and other weird skin things due to overstretched skin. Probly stuck with these forever.

9. Huffing ang puffing from activity that my smaller friends/sisters/coworkers can do easily, like climbing stairs. Climbing stairs in general! Gosh I hate stairs!! I actually get angry inside at whoever I am with - I think to myself, you'd be huffing and puffing too if you were carrying an extra 100 lbs!

10. Rude comments. Teenage boys especially terrify me...they are mean and I am WAY too sensitive. I will be so happy to not feel scared of what someone might say anymore. Or be humiliated in front of whoever I am with by some mean stranger's comments.

11. Not being able to ride a roller coaster - the safety bar might not fit so I just avoid the whole issue and tell people I don't like them. I want to ride a roller coaster!

12. Fear of falling. The bigger they are, the harder they fall, is true. So I worry I will break something all the time.

13. Having to struggle through turnstyles. SO cruel.

14. Getting into someone else's car and worrying the seatbelt won't fit - half the time they don't - it's a humiliating little gamble! The last time this happened I was in the back seat with a nine year old girl who kept asking me, loudly, why I wasn't buckling my seatbelt. Apparently holding it across my chest was not fooling HER.

15. Eating in public and knowing people are watching to see what I eat. God forbid I ever splurge and eat an eclair in public - the one time I did that I got such a look of disgust from one woman, I wanted to shrivel up and die. I wish I didn't care what other people think, but you'd have to have a pretty tough skin to not let that get to you

16. Getting (another) mug as a souvenir when my parents come back from holiday while my sisters get cute tops from local stores

17. Feeling crappy when people go on and on about how GOOD I look when I've lost a little weight - because I can't help but think they thought I looked bad before - and knowing that, chances are, I will regain the lost weight and look "bad" again. I want to be free of this and other worries, and know that I am on the road to good health, and just enjoy the compliment!

Well that's about all I can think of right now, though I am sure there are more. It's good to air them.

 

Original Post by victoriagirl:

11. Not being able to ride a roller coaster - the safety bar might not fit so I just avoid the whole issue and tell people I don't like them. I want to ride a roller coaster!

Boy, I can sure relate to this one (and all the others too).  My ex-boyfriend and I were at an amusement park waiting in line for the roller coaster.  We had been on some other rides during the day and I had been able to stuff myself into them.  However, I was anxiously scoping out the other fat people in line thinking "hey, if that BIG guy can fit, I certainly can too!"  As it turns out, the roller coaster cars didn't have individual bars but a big single bar that opened and closed simultaneously on all the cars in one section of the roller coaster.  Well, much to my horror and humiliation, when we got in the car the bar wouldn't go down all the way, not only on our car but the other cars in our section!!!  I was clearly the cause of this!!  I immediately jumped out and ran away from that thing as fast as I could with tears streaming down my face.  My boyfriend ran after me to console me and was very sweet about it.

Looking back, I would say that one takes the cake as my most embarrassing fat moment and is certainly one I won't miss after losing this weight!

Oh, and one more thing I won't miss is weighing more than my boyfriend! Sigh...

it is not just planes, some buses (coaches) are like this too... grrr

You are brave to come out and share that because alot of people, including me,  who has had those problems but would never dare to share them. And when you get to your goal weight, you will look back on all these things and cheer! I know I did. I LOOOVE the beach, but I looked horrible in a bathing suit and wouldn't even hit the water cause I didnt want the lifeguards ( macho guys) to say wow she is FAT! I would cry going bathing suit shopping because it's so hard to find one that makes you look good. I didnt want to be embarressed to go to my favorite place, so I worked really hard to lose the weight. Now I wasnt that big, but I have around face, so at my highest (156) I had a LOT of fat on my face and I still have lot now. But body wise, now I am at 130 and I was overjoyed when I could wear a size medium in clothes now and even a small sometimes. As long as you have the motive and lots of support, you can achieve whatever you want! One more thing that's similar to what you listed. I had stretch marks on my legs but as I lost the weight, they are still there, but they did go down and are WAAAYYY less obvious than before so don't lose hope that they will be stuck with you forever! Good Luck with reaching your goals!:)

Original Post by anastase:

Having a fear that if something happened to me (like a wreck) i would get my clothes cut off at the emergency room and they would see the fat hiding underneath the baggy clothes.

Oh my goodness---  I thought that I was the only deranged person out there who thought about this stuff!  Both of my degrees are in the sciences-- and my fear used to be that I would spill something on myself in class or in lab and have to strip my clothes off to protect my skin.  This was seriously one of my biggest fears in college!

Here are a few of my others:
1.  I will not miss being embarrassed to shower at the gym. 
2.  I will not miss having to hear any of the following statements EVER again:
-----  "You're really a beautiful girl, no matter your size."
-----  "Do you know, how my friend lost weight?"
-----  "You really dress well for your body."
-----  "You have really great legs for a bigger girl."
3.  I will not miss having to worry if a shirt shows my "back fat"
4.  I will not miss having a ring size in the double digits.
5.  I will not miss shopping with my friends and either forcing them to go with me to "my stores" or "my department" or having to leave them to shop alone
6.  I will not miss reading my InStyle magazine, and only being able to wear the clothes they feature on the "Figure Flatter" page...  1 page out of 300+!
7.  I will not miss struggling to buy pants because of my shape.  I'm a true "apple shape" with skinny legs and no hips, and I carry all of my weight in my stomach.  So even if I try to buy pants at a Plus Size store, if they fit in the waist, they are way too big in the butt and legs.  Very frustrating!
8.  I will not miss wearing a Halloween costume ever year that I don't like b/c I don't feel comfortable in any of the "sexy" ones. 

And the thing I look forward to most: One of my skinny "friends" once consoled me after I found out that a boyfriend was cheating on me by saying this: "I talked to my boyfriend about it, and he agrees.  You have a much prettier face than she does.  Maybe it was just your body?" in the most snarky, falsely compassionate voice you can imagine.  She has also shared "Jake (her boyfriend) is very picky about the girls he dates.  I mean, about their bodies-- he wouldn't date someone like you.  They have to be very toned and put together."  God, I can't wait to walk into a room when I'm at my goal weight-- and know that even though she will always be skinnier than I am, that I will then be a Triple Threat: Brains, Beauty, AND a Sense of Humor!

Thanks for starting this thread.  It's great to know that other people out there share your perspective and experiences.  It makes me feel strong!

thanks for the great post!

Awesome list and so true.

My biggest thing is not being able to be with my husband the way I want to and I hate it when he runs his hands over me because of all of the rolls that I have. I cant wait until I have lost 50 to 100 pounds.

Also my co-workers are always worried about what I am eating and they are eating even more calories than I am.

I also, just can keep up with the kids anymore.

Ditto the thigh chafing- I can now wear shorts without a pair of lycra underneath when I work out!

And ditto the "big girl" stores too.  My best day was when the girl at Lane Bryant told me I couldn't shop there because I was too small!!  Grin I still go back there and try things on when I feel like I'm getting nowhere- instant uplift and remotivation!

TV dinners are now more than enough for me.  I can rarely finish one anymore, much less want two.

Lower restaurant bills- no appetizers!  And smaller, lighter dishes are often cheaper too.  I even order the kids' plates, for the smaller portions and smaller prices. 

And, one thing I will never tire of:  people complimenting me on how slim I look!  Yay!

Thanks so much for this thread!!!!

1. Not being able to swap clothes with my friends

2. Not being able to find clothes that fit as I couldnt fit into regular size clothes but plus size clothes didnt fit as well.

3. Having people stare at me if I ate ice cream or something sweet.

4. Not being able to play with my kids. I would get so out of breath from 3 minutes of tag I would have to sit down for the rest of the time we would be at the park.

5. Going out with the girls and being the only one who didnt get hit on ( that doesnt happen anymore...lol)

29 more lbs to goal!!!!

I REALLY must agree with the bra one....mainly they dig into my sides.
Once again I understand the plane thing! I always sit so uncomfortably with my shoulders as tight as possible to keep the stranger next to me comfortable. So I don't fill bad about sitting next to me. Man do I hurt by the time I get off!

this is the one that just caught my attention (but there will be more, I'm sure, when I get back home from taking kids to school and a JOB INTERVIEW!)

being the token fat friend

I understand this one perfectly.  I am mainly doing this for my health and a longer life, but it would be nice to go out with my friends who range in size from 4 to 10 and not be invisible.

Oh, I used to go out with my friends back in the day, but I stopped going out with them when I realized one night that I was only there to make them look better in comparison to me, and to be the designated driver. :/  Yeah, that was a painful dose of reality. :(

I've posted a few of the things I won't miss about being fat in some previous journal entries, but thought I'd share here. In addition to the things already listed, these are the things I will not miss when I’ve reached my target weight.

I will not miss:

Ø Forcing myself to get out of bed everyday.

Ø Not being able to wrap a bath towel around my body.

Ø Compulsively stepping on Mr. Scale every morning and anxiously awaiting his poundage proclamation!

Ø Getting plus size catalogs in the mail.

Ø Paying more for ugly fat clothes.

Ø Wearing the same crappy clothes over and over again because I can’t find any other clothes that fit.

Ø Not being able to go swimming because of being too embarrassed by the way I look in a swimsuit.

Ø Not wanting to have my picture taken.

Ø Not being able to walk short distances or walk up or down a flight of stairs without getting out of breathe or being in excruciating pain.

Ø Being afraid that I will not be able to escape from a building in an emergency because I’m too fat to fit through a window or whatever (This actually happened to someone I knew about a year ago. Her townhouse caught fire, and she was trapped on an upper floor. They found her, and her dogs, in a bathroom tub; they died of smoke inhalation. She probably weighed over 300 pounds. The thought of how her body was removed from the house still really bothers me).

Ø Dealing with ignorant and insensitive doctors.

Ø Feeling that my career has suffered because of other people’s perceptions/prejudices about obesity.

Ø Exhaling and then straining to cut my toenails, put my socks/shoes on, or put on undies/pants.

Ø Not fitting comfortably behind the steering wheel of a car.

Ø Being afraid of, or dreading the thought of, traveling, especially on airplanes, because of my size.

Ø Intentionally avoiding my friends and family.

Ø Not feeling attractive or desirable to my husband.

Ø Feeling bad that my husband is embarrassed to be seen with me in public and that he isn’t proud of me.

Ø Feeling embarrassed for my son because he got stuck with a morbidly obese mom and feeling guilty about not being able to play with him.

Ø The ghosts of my past haunting me.

Ø Masquerading as a happy person and living behind a façade of being normal.

Ø Basing my decisions for everything I do on my weight and size, and being limited or prohibited from doing what I want to do.

Ø Feeling guilty about every morsel of food that I put in my mouth.

Ø Feeling tired all of the time.

Ø Being in constant pain.

Ø Sleep apnea and having to use a CPAP machine to breathe while I sleep.

Ø Taking all of the drugs I have to take now.

Ø The painful, oozy, and disgusting skin rashes; they’re horrible!

Ø Not enjoying my life.

Ø Being described as morbidly obese.

Ø Hating myself.

I do NOT miss having  my jeans wear through in the crotch from all the fricton!

I don't miss constantly pulling up my pants to avoid the dreaded  MUFFIN TOP.

I don't miss my arms and shoulders being too big for cute shirts or blazers that fit everywhere else.

I don't miss back fat!

Original Post by katydid22:

I don't miss constantly pulling up my pants to avoid the dreaded  MUFFIN TOP.

 ooh, i'm looking forward to not missing that, too! but my muffin top is getting smaller (yay!). it's hardly noticeable now. sweet.

and i SO can't wait to say goodbye to back fat. i desperately wanna wear a halter top!

I'm a little over halfway through my journey (Down from 250 to 178, goal of 150 or so), and I DO NOT MISS:

• chubb rubb.
• fat ugly clothes to hide the rolls
• hiding my stomach when I sit down by draping my coat over my lap
• hating seeing myself naked
• hating sex because my stomach was HUGE
• hating shopping with a passion because the sizes only got bigger
• not being able to run or walk or jump without being out of breath because of 'fat asthma'
  

These are things that when I get to my goal I won't miss

• Wanting to cry because I'm so close to being healthy, but not quite there
• Hating my bf picking me up because there's obvious strain on his face
• still not liking bathing suits
• being able to run and walk and jump, but my knees hurting after a bit
• not being able to fit into the large stores anymore (lane bryant etc,.), but BARELY finding anything in the normal sizes. (A good example of this is that most XL shirts fit well in the bust but are HUGE in the waist. Most L shirts fit well in the waist, but stretch across the bust, or don't button across the bust. This happens with pants too, they gape at the back of the waist)
  

Everyone's posts have sooooooo inspiring. Thank you victoriagirl for starting this post. It really means a lot to every girl out there that has ever had an issue with weight. The things I won't miss are.........

1. Defineatly, the rubbing thighs 2. Not wanting to be in a bathing suit, because I don't want to embarrass my family 3. Feeling bad about myself and wanting to cry everytime I think about it. 4. Being an in-between size (in between regular 16 and plus size 16)

Oh yes Shnitzel

"Dealing with ignorant and insensitive doctors."

Ha, yeah ....I used to cry in elementary and middle school all the time before going to the doctor. Some of them have obviously never been overweight before. I would get so upset there. She thought I was so upset with myself ans my weight I needed therapy. In fact she was just so insensitive about it. She acted like I couldn't possibly have friends. But at that time I had no problems in school or about my self esteem until I got to her office.

I think the worst thing for me is being "the fat friend". You know, all the thin pretty girls have one to make them that much better looking by comparison. I can't wait til I'm the tiny chick!

Original Post by v850434:

I think the worst thing for me is being "the fat friend". You know, all the thin pretty girls have one to make them that much better looking by comparison.

i know EXACLTY what you mean. but i try to even the score. when we go out, i dress better than most of them, my hair always looks better than theirs, i'm taller than most of them, and i have WAY better boobs. they always try to get me to wear flats when we go out. f^&k that! i slide on my highest, hottest heels and hit the scene.

I hear ya dalmalama!!!!  I do the same thing.  I just show them all up and they get mad, but oh well!!!