A Big Girl no more...what I won't miss. Have any to share?

Consider this a cleansing ritual, like a smudging.

I would like to list the myriad of secret and not-so-secret pains and humiliations of being a Big Girl that I will be so happy to see the end of. Some are things I have suffered with for years and never told anyone about because it's too embarassing. I have no idea if anyone has experienced some or all of these - or maybe you have your own you'd like to share. I just kinda want to get them off my chest - free myself, as it were - and one by one watch them fall away.

1. Thigh chaffing. Definately deserves first mention. Years and years of wearing bike shorts under skirts to prevent this, even sleeping in them...I want to wear a dress with nothing underneath!

2. Not being able to fly out of worry that I won't fit in the seat. And when I finally got the courage to fly, always worrying about people's reactions when they see they have to sit next to me. And having to ask for a seatbelt extender...god I will be happy to not have to do that ever again

3. Going to a restaurant or other public place where the seats are too small, and having to cram my ass into one and sit painfully for however long

4. Always wondering when I meet someone new if they are thinking "gosh she's fat" instead of being interested in me as a person

5. Having just TWO (plus size) stores to shop at because all the other stores in town only carry hamster sizes.

6. Having really thin skin in the creases under my belly and between my crotch and thigh - so thin that even slight aggravation, from rubbing or sweating, will cause it to break and bleed or weep - summer is such a joy

7. Skin abcesses in sensitive areas. I am reeeeally hoping these will end once I am smaller!

8. Scarring from above abcesses, stretch marks, and other weird skin things due to overstretched skin. Probly stuck with these forever.

9. Huffing ang puffing from activity that my smaller friends/sisters/coworkers can do easily, like climbing stairs. Climbing stairs in general! Gosh I hate stairs!! I actually get angry inside at whoever I am with - I think to myself, you'd be huffing and puffing too if you were carrying an extra 100 lbs!

10. Rude comments. Teenage boys especially terrify me...they are mean and I am WAY too sensitive. I will be so happy to not feel scared of what someone might say anymore. Or be humiliated in front of whoever I am with by some mean stranger's comments.

11. Not being able to ride a roller coaster - the safety bar might not fit so I just avoid the whole issue and tell people I don't like them. I want to ride a roller coaster!

12. Fear of falling. The bigger they are, the harder they fall, is true. So I worry I will break something all the time.

13. Having to struggle through turnstyles. SO cruel.

14. Getting into someone else's car and worrying the seatbelt won't fit - half the time they don't - it's a humiliating little gamble! The last time this happened I was in the back seat with a nine year old girl who kept asking me, loudly, why I wasn't buckling my seatbelt. Apparently holding it across my chest was not fooling HER.

15. Eating in public and knowing people are watching to see what I eat. God forbid I ever splurge and eat an eclair in public - the one time I did that I got such a look of disgust from one woman, I wanted to shrivel up and die. I wish I didn't care what other people think, but you'd have to have a pretty tough skin to not let that get to you

16. Getting (another) mug as a souvenir when my parents come back from holiday while my sisters get cute tops from local stores

17. Feeling crappy when people go on and on about how GOOD I look when I've lost a little weight - because I can't help but think they thought I looked bad before - and knowing that, chances are, I will regain the lost weight and look "bad" again. I want to be free of this and other worries, and know that I am on the road to good health, and just enjoy the compliment!

Well that's about all I can think of right now, though I am sure there are more. It's good to air them.

I am so proud of you, I would be absolutely thrilled if that was me! :]

I just have one question:

Will you help me!?

I am dead serious, you would be a great help if you just told me how you did it, I have a huge butt and just as big thighs. I want them gone! I know that you probably have better things to do than to help someone that you don't know, but it would mean so much to me if you would just let me know how you did it! E-mail me anytime!!! tayg199@aim.com Thanks if you do!

Once again, GREAT JOB!

This post is a good one and sent me thinking about all the things I don't miss about being a big girl for the last two days. This has been good since I went from 255lbs to 155lbs and then slowly backslid the last two years and gained back 30lbs. I still enjoy what I look like, I would just like to see those extra 30lbs back off. Some of the things listed in the original list are great and what others have put in I can relate to as well but here is my list that I have mulled over:

1. Rolling my ankles or my ankles giving out

2. Chest pains

3. Being 20 but feeling 40

4. I hate shopping still, but being limited on what I can wear because I was a size 22 (now a 14 and its so much easier!)

5. Not being able to tie my shoes correctly. (Not in the middle of the shoe but off to the side because I was too heavy to reach down that far)

6. Being the funny fat girl that all the boys loved "as a sister."

7. No worries about the fat roll over the pants

8. Feeling paranoid that my BF was going to leave because I was too fat even though he never said anything and is still with me after 5 years.

9. Hearing "you have such a pretty face" and it all stops right there.

10. Not knowing how to cook because I lived out of a fast food bag. Now, I am pretty good at it and am a Food Network addict.

11.  Sweaty, heat rash thighs.  Ouch!

I think that's about it. Again, thanks for reminding me of all these things and letting me know what is important in life and that's feeling and being healthy. Congrats to you and all the other former heavy girls who did it or are doing it. You are all amazing, beautiful people!

Wow!  You started this thread on March 14 and already have this many responses?  How fun!

On my profile page, I made journal entry with a similar list of things I won't miss about being obese.  Stop by and take a look.  I also posted some pics in one of my journal entries showing all the clothes I've gone through in the process of losing 200 pounds.

It's amazing how much our fat makes us prisoners in our own bodies.  Pound by pound, I'm finding myself doing more things that I couldn't do at 400 pounds and I love it!!!!  Who would have thought that the day I found myself able to cross my legs, I would shout with joy?!!! 

I can relate also! I can't wait to be able to shop on the right side of Fashion Bug instead of the left side!! I am in a 18 now, and I know if I work it, it will work! I have finally decided that I AM WORTH THIS WEIGHT LOSS!!

Numbers 1, 6, 10 and 15 especially, I'm right there with you.  I'm gonna be really really glad when those problems are behind me.  Also, the usual once a week question...how far along are you? (people thinking I'm pregnant)  My goal is to be able to go into a Burlington Coat Factory and buy off the rack. (they currently don't carry a size big enough for me)  I will never forget the look on the saleslady's face when I asked if they had a plus-size section and she's like "you're already in that section"  Whoops!  Good job on your success and good luck meeting your goals.  Finally saying, "I'm worth every minute of the time I take out for myself" is a good feeling.

Original Post by kaufmkk:

On my profile page, I made journal entry with a similar list of things I won't miss about being obese.  Stop by and take a look.  I also posted some pics in one of my journal entries showing all the clothes I've gone through in the process of losing 200 pounds.

 

Kaufmkk, I read your journal entries and it really underlines to me how we are not alone...you make many of the same points as I did! How can so many people with so much in common all feel so alone? Our shame isolates us, I think....here I thought I was "going public" with some really private issues...turns out many of us share them...and share the determination to rid ourselves of them forever.

I just want to say congrats to you victoriagirl.  The biggest thing that I hate about being big was/is looking at myself in the mirror.  I hated it with a passion.  I know it's kinda stupid, but now that I've been losing the weight and I love to look in the mirror.  Ok, so a little vanity doesn't hurt any of us...lol.

victoria~, I think it boils down to extreme denial.  For years, even though it was quite obvious, I convinced myself that I was NOT morbidly obese and that I was healthy.  Once I was able to admit to myself that I WAS obese and looked at 'the list' of things I couldn't do because of my weight, that's when I knew I was ready to make lifestyle changes.  So.... YAY for us for getting out of the denial phase!!!

CC gives us a great opportunity to share our journey with those who truly want to share and learn.  Although we are able to make light of the items on our lists, we also know the pain and embarrassment that comes with it.  Yep, I too have broken a chair or two when I was at my heaviest (the manufacturer's should make them sturdier, right?), but that was in the past and this old gal is looking forward to sitting on a dainty little parlor chair without fear of finding myself sprawled out on the floor with a few splinters of wood sticking out from under me!!!

By the way, here's something else for the list that I don't think anyone has mentioned.....  Having so many chins or such a big neck, chokers were out of the question.  Or, having to find watches with 'extended bands' because our writsts are too big.  Sheesh!

Original Post by wkile76:

I just want to say congrats to you victoriagirl.  The biggest thing that I hate about being big was/is looking at myself in the mirror.  I hated it with a passion.  I know it's kinda stupid, but now that I've been losing the weight and I love to look in the mirror.  Ok, so a little vanity doesn't hurt any of us...lol.

 wkile, after years of avoiding my reflection (mirrors, plate glass windows, puddles, etc.), I too am finding myself a little vain in that I kinda like looking at myself in the mirror now!  Actually, I think it's more 'amazement' rather than vanity.  LOL  

Going out and buying a full-length mirror was a milestone for me! 

down 2.2 pounds more (since last friday). slow but sure yeah. looking forward to new clothes

By the way, here's something else for the list that I don't think anyone has mentioned.....  Having so many chins or such a big neck, chokers were out of the question.  Or, having to find watches with 'extended bands' because our writsts are too big.  Sheesh!

YES!! I have a beauiful diamond bracelet my husband gave me for my birthday two years ago and it was always snug.  I wore it to lunch with some friends last week and SO many people asked me if it was new.  It is a shame it sat in a box for nearly two years because I hadn't taken control of my relationship with food.  Necklaces, too ... I am waiting to get rid of the extenders!! 

Hiya this is my first post on this site, but just wanted to say this post has totally inspired me as I never realised that other people go through the same stuff as me!!  And I know it sounds awful but thank god it isnt just me.  You know for me losing weight will mean I dont look in the mirror and feel like a stranger is staring back, a stranger with a massive head and so many chins, and eyes that have sunken in amongst the fat.

Thanks for such a fabulous post. XXX

The jewelry is a great one!  I hate having to buy "plus-sized" jewelry.  And why is a necklace at Lane Bryant $30 and a necklace at their sister brands is $18...  is there really $18 worth of material in that two inches?!!  It's ridiculous!

I also will not miss feeling like I can't wear dainty jewelry...  I feel like it makes me look even bigger b/c it's so small and simple.

Is everyone in the States on here?  I am in England. X

Original Post by sroscoe:

I never want my mother to look at a picture of me again and say "you were such a beautiful child" and then sigh.  As if to say I've completely destroyed the beautiful child she once had by becoming a fat adult.

 I completely understand this one, only change mother to grandmother....  my mother is heavier than me, and my grandmother says the above statement about both of us...

Thank you for starting this thread.  I have always known that I wasn't the only person in the world that had these problems and thoughts and feelings, but it sure seemed like I was!  Let me add one or two...

1.  I will not miss my the bottoms of my feet feeling like they are on fire at night and not being able to walk on them in the mornings after teaching the day before.  (This is even with me buying SAS's because they are the shoes that my feet hurt the least with)

2.  I will not miss salespeople that are being "helpful" ...  I will give you an example.  When I was a teenager, I went shoe shopping with my mom on my birthday.  I had started gaining weight when I hit pueberty.  The salesman told me that my feet would be thinner if I would lose weight... Needless to say, we didn't buy any shoes from him!

3.  Educated doctors that don't know a damn thing about being fat.  Another story; when I had to have my physical to enter college, the doctor that did it told me I should start walking to the end of the block every day to lose weight.  Unknown to him, I was already walking 5 times a week about 1/3 mile to my karate class that met for more than an hour at a time!  I just wanted to say, gee, Doc, you must think you KNOW that I sit at home 24/7 stuffing my face and never going anywhere!

Wow...  I sound kinda bitter!  But he was a dumba**!

Chin up, girls and guys!  We are going to get there!

Jessica

I will NEVER EVER miss:

#1 - Chub rub

#2 - Not being able to fit in an airplane seat

#3 - Getting 'removed' from amusement park rides because the lap bar didn't close.

#4 - Not being able to sit on someones lap

#5 - Not being comfortable purchasing food/eating food

#6 - Hiding and eating because I was ashamed of my diet

#7 - Pulling my hair out at last minute outfit needs. Only having a few stores to buy clothes from was a pain!

#8 - Being the fat girl in the group

#9 - Not being able to cross my legs

#10 - Feeling too embarrassed to approach people.

#11 - Feeling like it was a joke being played on me when any male had interest in me. <-- probably one of the worst

#12 - Being told 'im not interested in fat chicks'

#13 - Feeling like places were too far to walk even though it was just around the corner.

#14 - Dreading going to the Dr because I was so tired of "the talk"

#15 - Being intimate with a partner because it just felt icky.

#16 - Chest pains/backaches

#17 - My super dooper high blood pressure the dr wanted to put me on medicine because of.

#18 - Getting weighed

#19 - My thoughts of feeling worthless

#20 - Not being able to wear my boyfriends sweatshirt when it got cold because he was the smaller one.

#21 - My own dad telling me "you should really lose some weight"

#22 - Getting all yucky under my belly during the summer. That hurt.

#23 - Not being able to get an itch on my back because I couldn't reach

#24 - Having trouble reaching my feet

#25 - Feeling my stomach lay on my lap when I'd sit down

Okay okay I'll quit ;)

#95

I'm in England too.  The north west.  Isn't this an excellent thread?  I keep nodding my head in agreement with almost every new post.  Makes me feel much less of a "freak".