Binge eating disorder and how i WILL stop it

hi everyone,

i've been using cc for a  long time now, and i thought i should create this post for myself and for people who might be going through the same thing as i am.

i'm 18, 5'4'' , chinese, and 140 lbs. My goal weight is 106 pounds and i've been struggling a lot with food and emotions lately. And my problem? I've been suffering from Binge Eating Disorder for a long time now. 

i'm not unhappy with the way i look, but i am unhappy with how i appraoch food. 

 i have what is known as Binge Eating Disorder. When i binge, i go into a state of blankness and i just literally, feel crazy. my close friends have told me (out of kindsness) that when i binge, i eat like an animal. and i really need to stop doing this, because as those of you who have experienced this know, it is taking away my life.

I pray to God everyday that this will go away, and i have faith that i will have the strength to make it. I will be able to eat to live, eat healthfully, eat like a normal person, and stop binging.

i'm used to working out a lot after binging. but while working out is good (and i will continue that), i really want to change my attitude towards food. 

The purpose is this post is for me to record my feelings and struggles as I change my emotions and approach about food. I hope I can be successful and I hope no one else will have to suffer through this like i am now. 

I will post my daily food log and activity log, and keep a journal about how i felt about food today. i hope this will help me end this hellish state.

Thank you.

I've been there, with the horrible "blank" frame of mind where it feels like a voice in your head takes over, screaming at you to stuff yourself with as much food as fast as possible.

Some of the things of done concerning bingeing and purging in the past are so embarassing that the only person who knows about them are me and my counsellor

I advise you to go see someone about it. Cognitive behavioural therapy is very helpful if you can afford. Try and keep a food diary to log everything you eat before you eat it.

I've found that instead of having three large meals throughout the day having more frequent, smaller meals is better. Drink lots of water and always keep some healthy, high sugar snacks (FRUIT!!!) with you at all times to snack on in small portions.

Hope that helps!

my goal is to live a long-term, sustainable, balanced state of life, without being overwhelmed by things like that.

my daily calorie intake will be 1200 cal-1400 cal, and my daily exercise usage will be around 600 calories.

i pray that i will have the power to break away from this disorder that has contrained me from enjoying my friendship and life for my whole life now.

thanks rampantbunnylove.

im a freshman at college so i can only use the dining all 3 times, and my schedule means that i can only eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner, like that.

i'm really glad that my friends told me about my eating like an animal out of kindness. i knew i binge, but i didnt know that it was this severe. 

my school has a mental health center, do you think they will help me with it?

Five rules i'm establishing for eating from now on are:

1) Eat slowly, mindfully, while sitting down.

2) Eat with friends.

3) Stop eating when full; eat to live, not live to eat.

4) Chew my foods for 10 times or more. Focus on the people I'm with instead of the food.

5) Pray before eating.

Your school probably offers therapy, or at least counselling for free so go see them to get some help.

And if you exercise that much you should probably up your calorie intake to at least 1500 calories a day. I really do suggest having small snacks with you at all times, and drinking more water.

Humans are the only animals that eat large, set meals. It's extremely unnatural if you think about it.

hi rampantbunnylove

can you post your normal eating schedule if you dont mind? i have trouble coming up with a normal calorie plan/schedule cuz im just so far away from it....thanks!

Here's what I normally have. There's a bit of variation but in general:

Breakfast -

3 portions of fruit with some probiotic yoghurt on the side OR oatmeal with a portion of fruit mixed in.

A pint of water and a coffee with soya milk.

Lunch-

Soup with two slices of wholemeal bread.

Carrots with hoummous.

A piece of fruit.

Packet of snack-a-jacks.

Dinner-

Stir fried vegetables & a portion of some kind of Quorn with either brown rice, pasta or quinoa.

A mug of hot chocolate.

If I fancy something sweet I might have a banana with two squares of dark chocolate, a muller rice or a vanilla yoghurt with bran flakes mixed in (yummy).

Snacks:

Fruits, vegetables, nuts and seeds.

I don't eat meat, but if you chose to add it into here it wouldn't make much of a difference calorie wise. Because I eat a large volume of low-calorie foods throughout the day it keeps me constantly full so I don't feel the need to binge. Hope that helps!

thanks!

even though my situation isnt totally a disorder yet, i still just feel out of control and i want to cry =(

What I miss in your plan to change your behavior is daily journalling. You have to find out what you eat, when you eat it and what happened before that. Also keeping a log of what you're thinking can be very helpful. It is and was for me. Binging often occurs from a combination of emotional triggers and (sometimes) what you've been eating. When I look at your foodplan I wonder if you're eating enough. By keeping your bloodsugars balanced you help yourself to not fall for a binge.

I also concur with bunnylove that you've gotta ask for help in this. It is almost never a simple problem. If that was so you would have solved it ages ago.

Good luck, Jo

thanks jo!

since i usually can't guarantee exercise (stupid things always get in the way), i just want to keep my intake on the safe side

i'm familiar with keeping a food log, but i guess you are right--since this isnt entirely merely a food problem, writing down my feelings will defnitely be useful.

thanks!