Binge eating, obsession, and driving yourself crazy.
Ugh. I don't even know how to start this off or why I'm posting it. Anywho, bit of background info: I was 170 pounds in the start of January and lost 30 pounds by April. I worked up to maintenance calories, and that's when the fun began, so to speak... I ended up binging pretty much everyday, eating a good 1500+ too many calories. I've gained 10 of those 30 pounds back because of binging, and its absolutely awful. I feel like a worthless lard. I've been struggling with this for the last two months or thereabouts.
People keep telling me "eat more calories and you won't have the urge to binge!" but this whole issue started with me eating 2200-2500 a day, I certainly wasn't deprived by any stretch of the imagination. Currently I'm trying to eat around 1500 total to lose the 10 pounds I've gained and also to regain a bit of control. They say it takes 3 weeks to make a habit so maybe if I get back in control for that long I'll be ok.
I suppose this is just a bit of a rant. If you've read this far, you deserve some sort of medal, lol! I just feel so out of control and weak and I'm driving myself insane with this obsession. I'm so thankful that I haven't fallen into bulimia or anorexia - while the thought of "purging" has crossed my mind more than a few times I have never actually done it (or tried to), thank God.
Well, I suppose I'm asking for some advice. What do I do? I can't talk to my friends/family about this. I just had a huge mega binge involving 3 chocolate bars and 4 bowls of cheerios and my mother saw the whole thing and didn't even say anything. She doesn't know I "binge-eat" persay but she's always like "Stop eating! You're gonna be so fat!". People on other boards have told me to go to a therapist but that seems a little extreme. Therapy to me is something Hollywood people do to get in the papers, I don't know if I have that big of a problem. ...
Oh hunny. I feel your pain, I really do. But that bit about therapy being just for Hollywood head cases? Totally not true. You'll find that a lot of people use therapy that you wouldn't even expect, people who don't have "a problem," so to speak but just need that extra help to get through the day-to-day. And it sounds like you do. Think of it this way: therapy is like an objective voice. Someone who, unlike your friends and family, can offer an objective, third-person view of the situation, who can help you cope and get through it without sugarcoating or worrying about hurting your relationship, because helping you IS your relationship. Their job is to give you the tools to help yourself, which is something you can't always do on your own, and your friends and family isn't always equipped to do either. So don't knock therapy just yet.
I feel your pain! First of all, congrats on losing the 30lbs. I am in a similar place. I've definitely had my share of food issues. I was extremely controlling with my food for the past 3 years and then starting in January, I was facing my last semester in college and relationship problems. I started bingeing big time and by the time I graduated, I had gained 40lbs on my 5'1 frame! Right now I'm desperate to lose it. I am so embarrassed about how much I've changed that I pretty much refuse to see friends or leave the house.
Even while I was desperate to get back to my old body I continued to binge. I felt so hopeless. All I did was eat and sleep and prayed that when I woke up, it would all be a nightmare and I would wake up in my old body.
It took me a long time to admit that in order to beat my bingeing and change myself, I would have to take action. I asked myself if I felt better after a binge. I assessed how I felt. It was hard. When I binged, it was hard to stop and ask myself these things. Bingeing feels so good at the moment. People would say to journal or take a walk, but really, the suggestions didn't compare to stuffing myself with a bowl of cereal!
Sometimes a change in environment helps. I moved back home after college and I had to change my routines. Do you eat in a specific place all the time? Change it up. I used to eat in front of my computer and that's where I would binge. Try eating only at the dining room table.
I also realized that my stomach had extended due to all the bingeing. It took about 2-3 weeks for my stomach to get used to smaller portions of food. There would be a dull pain or even balls of fire that no portion of food would help! It goes away after a while.
You deserve a medal if you read through this post! I hope that you feel better soon. I can't say that I have any good advice but I read your post and I've had the same feelings and I wanted to let you know that you're not alone!
-Faye
i have a problem with binging & what i've tried to do is make myself atleast binge on healthier, lower-cal things, like cauliflower or salad, or if you need something sweet, try fruits! i favor oranges, since i have to take the time first to peel it :P you could even try slicing strawberries/bananas/apples or whatever, that way you don't, say, eat a whole strawberry in 2 bites or less, then you'll atleast eat less & it takes longer that way.
another thing i do when i feel like i might binge is exercise! i leave the house, maybe take a 10 minute walk or something so i can think about whether or not i REALLY want that food
i failed to maintain after doing so well 2 years, then in april i ended up binging and now i don't fit any of my clothes i don't feel the same way, i hate how i look and all i do is cry, so i've been really depressed. i think you really need to let your mom/family know about this first . try to get help from them, let them monitor you.
Firstly, let me say that you are not on your own! I would be surprised if anyone who is already over weight doesn't have times when they 'binge' eat - I certainly do! It makes you feel totally out of control and, as you say, 'worthless'. But this is a 'battle' and one you can win, you just have to take your time and not punish yourself at each slip up but put it behind you and just keep on trying. I have found the best way for me to stop the viscious cycle is to:
1. Record EVERYTHING I eat even when I am having a bad day - there is something about seeing it in black and white that makes you sit and think about what you are doing and whether it is worth it. Even if you kid yourself throughout the day that there is no point in recording your excesses still try to record them at the end of the day and that way it will set you up for a better day tomorrow.
2. Write how I am feeling down in my journal and what I intend to do about any slip ups - i.e. prepare a tub of carrots so that I have something to eat when I am tempted, go for a walk etc. Again, writing it down makes me feel like I am cheating myself if I don't actually do what I have written. It helps to have a few friends on the site that will comment on your entries and give you some encouragement when you aren't feeling quite so good about yourself.
3. Exercise. Seeing the gym equipment with 'calories burned' makes me think twice about 'wasting' my calories and effort. Alternatively, you can look at it as extra calories that you can eat and prepare yourself a feast of calories 'earned' and you will feel much better about eating those extra goodies and not feel like you have cheated.
4. Accept your failures and just move on. I have been overweight most of my life and done many different diets. I have had huge successes - losing 5 stone sometimes, only to put it all back on. This time it is different - in the past if I didn't do well one week it would lead to another bad week and then ultimately failure. I have learnt that I have to accept that it took me a long time to put on this weight and it will take a long time to take it off. It is also about learning to eat more healthily and stop the bad habbits that I have accumulated over the years. I do not expect to learn these new habbits overnight and I still have slip ups - the most important thing is not to give up and think that there is no point in carrying on. If you learn to accept the occasional 'binge' but then accept if for what it is and just get right back on track you will still succeed.
5. Reward yourself with non food 'treats'. This is really about changing habbits and learning to give yourself treats that aren't food related - like a nice soak in the bath with you favourite bubble bath, scented candles etc. You don't just have to do this when you have lost weight but try rewarding yourself when you have resisted the urge to 'binge' and maybe, eventually, it will become a replacement for eating.
Well, I think that is enough ideas for one day! I really hope that some of them help you as they have me. If you would like to read my journals send me an email and I will add you to my list of friends. Good luck and I hope you start feeling better about yourself soon! You can do it!!
I had this same problem years ago after I had lost about 60 pounds. I lost it in too short of a time and wasn't eating enough. So once I lost the weight I resorted to binging because I had deprived my body of nutrients for so long that I just craved everything. I yo-yoed in weight for years after that and ultimately ended up gaining 80+ pounds back >_<.
Perhaps towards the end of weight-loss try to slowly up your calories and make sure you're getting all your nutrients. Have treat days and allot them into your routine. Log all of your calories, even when you binge.
Most importantly, don't give up :]
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