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Binge eating: a sign of recovery or something worse to come?
Hello...I've been recovering from anorexia since July and recently have been feeling quite a sense of accomplishment in terms of mindset, for I have been able to get comfortable whilst eating and see it as a pleasure rather than as a punishment and chore. During my first few months of recovery, I did everything I could to restrict my intake and find excuses to get me out of eating; really, the only thing preventing me from falling into complete relapse was the threat of another hospitalisation and the watchful eyes of my parents. So for the past month or so, I am happy to say I have been eating freely, not just following my meal plan but allowing myself extras and conquering fear foods and treats I have missed out on for so long.
This is great, but I am afraid a problem is slowly forming. As background information, I am still severly underweight. My height is 180cm (5'11") and I weigh 40kg (90lb). Recently, despite following my meal plan, I have been feeling this insatiable hunger and have been binging horribly due to it. I will consume over 2000 calories in one sitting, and this damages me awfully...the stomach pain, the inability to move, the guilt, the shame of eating disordered thoughts creeping back again. This inability to control my appetite terrifies me, because as a child I was always extremely picky and conservative in my eating habits, and during anorexia I was so repulsed by food that I never once had cravings, let alone a feeling of hunger or emptiness. So what is this now, why am I feeling like this? I'm not entirely worried over the rapid weight gain my binge eating will cause, but rather I am anxious that this will turn into a whole new disorder...bulimia, complusive over-eating. Has this happened to anyone recovering from anorexia? Is this just a phase I will rise above once my relationship with food is normalised, or is this the start of a new problem? Please, help...put me out of my misery.
you are still so desperately undernourished . the hunger is totally normal im the same height as you and i weigh 53kilos thats 14 kgs for than you . your body is starved it will be doing everything in its power to get you to eat and restore your weight . i understand your fear i have the same fear but it will subside as you restore more weight . the only way to solve it is hard though it may be go with the hunger. i have friends who went from anorexia to bulimia but these were the ones who after gaining went back to restricting i know its hard but consistancy is the key. hang on in there h x
It's normal for people in your situation to find their bodies demand large amounts of food. Self-preservation is a very strong instinct and what's happening is a kind of 'insurance' against the prospect of being plunged back into starvation at some point. The same thing has been shown in lab experiments on rats.... starve the rat and when food is accessible again it will eat like there's no tomorrow. So don't feel guilty, your body is simply trying to keep you alive.
To get to a healthier weight of 140+lbs you've got a long way to go and so you need a better strategy. Not because you need to eat less or because you're risking bulimia but because eating to the point of pain and immobility is really not good for your digestion or wellbeing.
Talk to whoever is setting your meal-plan and tell them that it's not enough food to satisfy your needs. Often dieticians will start people in recovery on relatively low amounts so as not to shock their bodies physically or challenge them too much mentally. But if you're having to top up to the tune of 2000 extra cals then you clearly need more to eat and you can cope with more to eat. So explain this to them and get a new meal-plan that is better suited to your needs. Eating what you like is great but you need a better basic structure to your food day if you want to avoid painful binges.
In the meantime, you could increase your intake yourself, of course. Bigger meals all round, more frequent snacks/meals and a bigger selection of energy/calorie-dense, nutrition-dense foods would mean that you were getting better nourishment, a steadier stream of energy, a more even spread of food intake, less stress on your digestion and that you were less likely to need top-ups.
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Especially during the early stages of my recovery, pre-hospitalization, I went through exactly the same thing. As eveyone else has pointed out, this is your body demanding more food. Talk to a nutritionist about how you can help your body gain the weight healthily, but I wouldn't be too concerned. When your weight stabilizes, the desire to binge will go away, and I say that from experience.
I was eating thousands upon thousands upon thousands of calories a day in meals and nutrional supplements while hospitalized. It's necessary in order to gain the weight your body is asking for. Don't punish yourself.
hun my question is why are you not under care IP?
Original Post by spekgirl:
hun my question is why are you not under care IP?
i was thinking that im the same height as teacastles and 13kg heavier and ive only just got out of the wood of ip treatment , you really are such at risk
Original Post by tessa1223:
Original Post by spekgirl:
hun my question is why are you not under care IP?
i was thinking that im the same height as teacastles and 13kg heavier and ive only just got out of the wood of ip treatment , you really are such at risk
Thirded. Your BMI is only 12.3 you should be either in inpatient or in hospital, not at home trying to do this on your own.
You are still in such a dangerous situation that to advise anything other than inpatient help would be irresponsible.
You DESPERATELY need t get to a hospital
Your BMI is so low you could die any second.
This may sound alarming - because you have been your weight for a period of time, therefore it has become the “ normal” way to feel…
Remember - just because you do not FEEL any major symptoms that something is about to go terribly wrong - it can go wrong, any second.
I think that this post will be locked. because no one can give you advice - you are at such a low weight that any advice could literally kill you
the ONLY advice you need to hear, is to get to a hospital or IP treatment - there is literally no other piece of advice that can help you at this point.
You should not be attempting refeeding without professional supervision no matter how much confidence you have in yourself to recover alone it is just not an option for you. Even just a small increase in calories could traumatise your system and cause you to keel over at how low a weight you are.
CC cannot help you. I cannot help you. No one on the internet can help you. Only you can help you right now and that means getting up, out of your house, and going to the ER.
Here is some general information on Anorexia that explains the symptoms, effects, and information for getting help. Please seek help soon. I wish you luck!!
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/anorexia_sign s_symptoms_causes_treatment.htm
