Binge/Restrict Post-ED Help!

Im in a cycle that is now completely DOMINATING my life. I am miserable, just "living", and not enjoying life anymore because i have been caught up in this.

I had an ED that dropped my BMI down to 16.3. Im 5'10 and presently maintaining at 129. My issue is that, i STILL restrict, but my post-ed voice comes into play and i go off on a binge at the end of every day that i do restrict.

This happens when i weigh myself and im slightly below what i should be, i basically weigh in everyday. If in 130.8, i get PO-ed and my day basically is crappy. If im 128.4, im extremely happy, try to eat maintenance or below, then binge. I know this is really complicated, but its been like this for months!

Ive decided to throw out the scale (HUGE descision)... so will that make me eat maintenance so i wont go on those binges again? 

My best advice is schedule meals/snacks. The most commonly recomended schedual is breakfast - snack - lunch - snack - dinner with no more than 3 hours in between. Hope this helps!

hi-also, i think you need to realize youre NOT POST-ED, as unfortuante as it may be.  start w realizing that ur still struggling, its a battle, whats going on underneath?

hi- thanks to both. 

i know what i think is going on here. I used to be 114, and now im 129 i feel like i have lost control, agru, that i let my weight balloon up. (even tho i did it on purpose.) i know this is so wrong, but i cant help but think that ive failed and i so desparately want to regain that (false) sense of control again. 

Have you spoken to a counselor or your support group about this?

I know that because your weight appears to be out of the danger zone that you may think that you're really in recovery, but the things you're saying tell me that you're way to close to slipping even though your weight is not immediately dangerous.  You need to start a balanced eating plan to get you enough calories throughout the day and also look at the nutrition in what you're eating so that you are getting enough.

This is far more than just the physical symptoms.  Throwing out your scale is not a bad idea imo, but I think you need some hobbies that you can control to distract you from trying to use your food for control.

Hello,

It's definitely a good idea that you've gotten rid of the scale. However, it's especially worrying to me that you've said you feel happy when you are at a lower weight, and then you eat at maintenance or BELOW. Eating below maintenance isn't a good idea anyway, but even eating to maintain a low healthy weight is a sign that your ED is still present.

You have said yourself, you are not enjoying life because you are overcome with this cycle. You need to tell yourself that food will nourish your life in many ways - your mind, your body, your sense of well-being.  So aim to eat above maintenance. This will help your body understand that it is getting the nourishment it needs and will help you to end the binge/restrict cycle.

You need to feel like there is more to life than how much you weigh. If you really are ready to believe that you want more for yourself than to be stuck in the cycle, you need to get some real help and start to re-focus your energy. I know how hard this is, believe me. But in the end, controlling food is not going to lead to a fulfilling life. Do you have a counsellor? Do you have supportive friends? Do you have things to do that make you smile and can bring you even the slightest amount of happiness? Sometimes that small sliver of joy can be contagious and can help to remind us of how good it feels to smile.

I'm going through the same thing, although it's in the early stages and so I haven't gained as much weight. I still constantly think of food and cycle between periods of binging and restricting. Even when I go for long periods eating well I eventually binge. I don't what's wrong with me, but I know counselling and Overeaters Anonymous have not helped. I'm trying to get an appointment with a dietician and looking into ED group therapy too. I just want to be normal and have something more to focus on than just food. I want to find happiness in my life that doesn't always involve food, weight, and exercise. It's a constant struggle, but I am determined not to fail.