Hi everyone.
I'm a very healthy eater from day to day. VERY healthy. And I'm quite proud of my diet and my will power. I eat whole grains, lean meats, fruits and vegetables and low fat dairy products. I also eat portions of nuts and drink lots of water.
But I have a problem. I'm in university, and tend to go out to the bars on the weekends every now and then. Now, I can deal with a night of drinking, because I can control how much I drink and I dont drink really hefty sugary drinks. My problem is my loss of will power to junk food when I drink. I eat so much... SO MUCH chocolate when I'm drunk! So much that sometimes I feel ill the next day, but of course, I get back on track and dont drop my calories the next day because I know it's unhealthy recoil.
After this rant, I propose creating this group to support and track / log how many days myself and any others interested in joining can go binge free. I still dont mind having small portions of chocolate throughout the day because they might be just 5g portions. I just want to be able to motivate myself to stay on track and not destroy my healthy diet every weekend.
So, I'm going to start out. Since I went all out last night, today is...
Days without bingeing: 1 (I know the whole day hasnt gone by, but I know I'll control it today haha)
Thanks!
What may help everyone is to get a look at yourselves overall. Folks say before and after shots really help. Well, I just started deleting journal entries online until I got to the first one that told my weight and read that I was already 10# down from where I started. These 10# incremental drops take me @ 4 months each so this is really slow weight loss!!! I have to give myself credit for moving in the right general direction. This might help you all...start recording the BIG PICTURE. Well, it helped me.
I think. My eating has definitely slowed but this wasn't Day one yet. Maybe tomorrow.
kill me. after 9 days of doing good I messed up big time. God I hate myself..why can't i get over something this stupid? I mean think about it, we have issues with food. Food cant argue with us, food cant walk, talk, drive annoyingly slow, yell, or do anything except nourish us. and we STILL create issues with it! This just makes me so unhappy...but I'm going to do it. I'm going to beat this. Tomorrow is the final beginning of the rest of my life.
On another note, my stomach hurt all day today, and it hurt last night. It's been hurting for the past 6 days, and it's really getting on my nerves. GRR. Sorry just a rant.
EDIT: I just kind of tallyed up the total and if I'm including everything I'm at like 3600 cals for the day. That is only like 1600 calories over. I feel better now, but that's still a lot. I have a feeling I'm missing something though. hmm, I don't know. I guess it was just overwhelming because it was all throughout the day. okay sorry everyone for complaining. haha.
.
JUST AS A POST SCRIPT: While some people here have claimed that bingeing; purging, etc., are MENTAL ILLNESSES, it seems to me from the article, it is more of a DYSFUNCTIONAL ENVIRONMENT (such as a young person in a family where the parents might not be setting positive examples), and that creates EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS (but not necessarily a 'mental illness').
I was a child who lived in a dysfunctional house-hold; alcoholism was rampant. We we very poor because all the money was being used for booze and paying speeding tickets; DUI tickets, and fines. I was NOT 'mentally ill', but certainly emotionally stressed.
I believe the EMOTIONAL STRESS within each person's life, can cause them to reach out in a myriad of ways to find 'relief'. Some need to find 'love' in the strangest of ways - often times, to appear to have a 'problem' that invites the LOVE from others they so sorely need, and are afraid to ask for.
So, I truly believe everyone is able to eat properly; no one is seriously suffering from a mental illness, but just the lack of education; love, and proper guidance and a positive role-model and authoritative figure within the household who cares for that individual, and gives the type of help that we (on this site) as members, are trying to provide for the many who post. Diane
sydney i completely understand how youre feeling right now. ive run through those emotions sooo many time and it feels like the end of the world and like such a stupid ordeal, but the truth of the matter is that your obviously not the only one who goes through it, as "stupid" as it seems that we cant control ourselves. Hang in there!
kae even as you said, it totally could have been worse! notice even how much your outlook has changed, youve been so positive even in the face of negative events, and youve displayed huge amounts of self control, even in the face of over-eating.
sixtyfivealive thanks for posting that. I agree that emotional stress is a huge driver and influence on our eating habits and other daily events. But I think that emotional stress and mental illness can go hand in hand, and feedback into one another. But I completely understand what you are saying, and am by no means saying that everyone in here has a "mental illness" or anything. Its also important to recognize that many people have different definitions of mental illness.
Anyway, smiles, I would love to join you with counting out the days I can go without sweets. Ive tried moderating (you can tell if you follow the forum haha), but it seems to end in a downward spiral. So Im working on cutting out most sweets now.
So
days without bingeing: 1
days without sweets: 1
yay!
take care everyone :)
Hi there Alex - just wanted to make certain you knew I wasn't the one who used the term 'mental illness'. It was on another similar topic; under ED - and more than once, this was the conclusion of a poster.
I think to use the term 'mental illness' on a site where we don't 'see each other'; we have no idea of anyone's credentials, and if I were to tell you I'm qualified to make this determination (which I'm not), you'd have no way to 'check me out'. For that reason, I think we need to be 'delicate' and help as much as we can, without resorting to 'strong terms'; medical definitions, and putting someone into a worrisome state, because we might imply they had a 'mental illness' - let that be something that they experience in their 'REAL WORLD', not the one of the 'computer-world'.
I believe we all try to be as sincere and honest as we can - but grammar; use of language, and not always being 'tuned in', means we can possibly say something that creates s worry for another.
I do know on another post (in fact about 3 these past few weeks), we've had some real negative reactions - some have upset the poster so badly, and I try to avoid that. Anyway, 'nuf said' - just wanted to make that clarification.
sixtyfivealive - im sorry if I came accross rudely, I did not mean to point you out for coining that terminology or anything, and I appologize if I came accross negatively. I completely agree with where youre coming from - its inappropriate to simply jusge someone (especially in a forum) and say that they have a 'mental illness'. We should definetly be more delicate with our choice of words, in this matter and in many other having to do with any type of disorder, illness, or stress.
Anyway, that being said, sorry again, definetly didnt mean to be negative towards you in any way :)
alright, trying to find day one. it's been 3 days already and not a day one in any of 'em!!! lol
Original Post by alexwilliams:
sixtyfivealive - im sorry if I came accross rudely, I did not mean to point you out for coining that terminology or anything, and I appologize if I came accross negatively. I completely agree with where youre coming from - its inappropriate to simply jusge someone (especially in a forum) and say that they have a 'mental illness'. We should definetly be more delicate with our choice of words, in this matter and in many other having to do with any type of disorder, illness, or stress.
Anyway, that being said, sorry again, definetly didnt mean to be negative towards you in any way :)
Hey there - I didn't think you were being rude; thought possibly I'd been a bit too strong in my remarks, and had given the impression that I was the one who'd somehow concluded that 'mental illness' was part of my thinking as well.
I think when you start a topic (as you did), that we should do our best to 'help' you with input; was just concerned you might have visited other ED sites - seen this type of rather strong language and 'summary' of what others seem to see almost as an unimportant sometimes (I've read some pretty unfriendly remarks about binge eating and purging).
I've used my bio-page to provide links not only for me, but for others who might want to find recipes and other information (plus some happy links as I call them - I believe health is more than just about food).
Learning more; giving more - getting more - it's all exciting to me, and I can never learn all that I'd like; know all that can be known, so I don't expect that anything is 'conclusive' - just as this type of eating we've been discussing, can be pigeon-holed or qualified in some way, that doesn't allow for exceptions, etc.
Heck, if eating 6 servings of the same healthy vegetable is 'bingeing', then am I bingeing? When they recommend 6 or 7 servings of a vegetable a day, then are they recommending I binge? Do we binge on 7 servings of sweet potatoes or 7 servings of different vegetables??? See, this is starting to 'quibble' and qualify - I simply don't have the time for this in my life.
I'm healthy; I'm 65 - I'm not over-weight, and I eat vegetarian 95% of the time. I eat more of something one day because I either have it, or I simply want to. I take my vitamins; drink my fluids - water, and feel great. For me, eating is just to 'fuel me'; not a thing that I focus on. So long as I'm fueled; know the fuel is good for me, I just take off on my day - enjoy my life, and don't question the choices of foods that I've made.
I do believe the eating disorders of all kinds, reflect (as I said before) a type of emotional reaction to an environment that isn't that 'healthy'. It can also mean the LACK OF KNOWING WHAT'S RIGHT TO EAT - parents might not have that knowledge, and so they just 'eat' what they find (or like). Poverty can play a big part in 'what food we do, or do not eat' as well. I see grown people walking in their summer shorts; rickets have ravaged them in their young lives, and that means lack of understanding and possibly lack of money to feed them properly.
Obviously I've blabbled a 'long, long' entry - I'll close here, and get my rear in gear for the 'day' - we're going up to Las Vegas to see friends, and I've got to get off this computer and get ready. Have a good Easter. Diane
With all this talk about mental illness/emotional stress, that is, the actual CAUSES of binge eating, I feel the need to share some random musings. So yesterday I had major revelations as to why I binge and have a history of purging, self-abuse/self-loathing etc etc...And I have decided that I really do want to get healthy =) Having grown up with a father with Narcisstic Personality Disorder (among other issues) and a mother with anorexia, I have been taught to think that I am worthless if not perfect in all senses of the word. Thus, my weight has NEVER been right...it's only in retrospect that I can look at a picture and think "wow I was skinny then" because I always run under the asumption that I am fat in every present moment (even a picture taken the night before would still seem detached from my present state, b/c the me that existed always had to be defined as fat). I would binge b/c I felt so completely horrible about myself that as soon as I would allow myself one little snack/treat I would feel so horrible about my weight that I would just lose it and end up eating fanatically, almost as a means to punish myself.
That all being said (so much negativity! haha), after thinking this all through I think I am "curing" myself a bit...Yesterday was a co-worker's bday and we ordered this ridiculously high calorie meal at work..suffice it to say I ate 1300 calories by 1:00 PM (inlcuding bfast). Now, binge-eating self-hating Katy would binge eat the rest of the day and not eat anything today to compensate, and would feel horrible and out of control in the process...but instead I calmed down, went to the gym as usual and burned 500 of those calories, and ate a very healthy (and very light) dinner, to bring my calorie intake to right where it should be. SO, sorry for the long ass post, but I can say right now, days without bingeing = 4
Thanks for listening to my rant!! Let's focus on one day at a time
I'm considering going to a Doctor to see if there are any cognitive therapies that can help me keep this under control.... Does anyone have any experience with this?
rampantbunnylove - several years ago I tried a new type of therapy called EMDR. Here's a description:
http://www.emdr.com/briefdes.htm
Unfortunately, my insurance ran out at about my fifth session. (Gotta love that, right?) So I can't claim anything like "it worked so well for me!" or the like. (And obviously it didn't work long-term, since I'm still having b/p issues...)
Since then I went through an eating disorders center in Los Angeles and was recommended to a fantastic therapist. She was great overall; my only complaint was that she was a real pusher of OA meetings. I went to meetings for a few months - I even got a sponsor - but never felt myself take to it. (I need to really connect with something to devote the time to it, and the "Anonymous" program isn't for me personally.) But since I stopped going to therapy in 2006, my b/p has decreased from every day to a couple of times a month. So even though I haven't "beat it" completely, that's progress. (And honestly, this website and our group here in particular are helping me tremendously).
So there's a couple of suggestions...I wish I could be of more help to you.
One other thing I'd like to share with you is that every time I'm about to visit my parents, I start having more frequent episodes. (I live 3,000 miles away from them, but I still see them once or twice a year). I have never been able to fully explain why that happens. Emotionally it's the "stress of not being good enough", but rationally speaking, I've come to terms with the source of my eating disorder...so why does the "imminent threat" of seeing my family conjure up the urge to purge? (RE: "imminent threat" - j/k - I love and adore my family, but it is stressful to be around them - I've lived far away from them for 15 years). I've come to the conclusion that it's being in an environment where I am a) out of my routine, and b) feeling as though I'm seven years old again, and therefore constantly being judged.
So you are not alone...and please email me if you just want to vent...
rampant, family is tough. if you go looking for support that helps you through, you'll find it. There is plenty of support out there now. It just takes getting out there...explore before committing. I know my folks didn't grow up in that kind of world. I took a break from my folks for a long time...the pressure was too much for me. Everyone has their own way of coping. All of it is good because it is really an individual decision.
Well, I think I'm on Day one. FINALLY! Thanks to all...
Creedy, so happy for you! You're doing a wonderful job :)
rampantbunnylove, I'm so sorry you're feeling like this, and all I can do is echo what has been said -- family is tough! That said, and with some FABULOUS advice from danasings, you may want to think about DBT. DBT is Dialectical Behavioral Therapy; I started seeing a therapist trained in it when I was in high school because I was having problems primarily with self-injury, very occasionally with bingeing and purging. It's very "zen-based," if you will. All about living in the present, learning you can't control your feelings but you can control how you react, etc. Also actually makes you think about realistic SKILLS that you can practice, unlike regular psychotherapy. Again, I found/find this helpful in addition to regular therapy sessions (and incorporate some DBT practices in too). So, if it sounds like something that would be of value to you, you might just google it and see what pops up. For reference, DBT's "founder" is Marsha Linehan and is, as you might guess, closely related to work done with CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy...basically what I just think of as "regular therapy," but I don't know much, so correct me!) And, as a testament to the thoughts behind it, I very rarely self-injure anymore...when I started, I did 6-8 times a day.
Yesterday, no bingeing, but it was HARD! I found that I HAD to have a chocolate cupcake (I did only have one though) to fall asleep. I think chocolate comforts and soothes me? I dunno, I actually find it hard to sleep when not on a full-of-sweetness tummy!
Goodjob on eating just 1 chocolate cupcake Liora! That's pretty darn good.
Way to go Sharon on day 1! I find it's always the hardest to get throught the first two days, and then it's easier after that.
4 days Creedy! That's wonderful!
well it's only 4:20 here, so I'm not done with the day, but I have a feeling it will be binge free day 1. I went jogging this morning for the first time in 2 weeks. Almost kicked my butt, but I didn't give up. I'm planning on doing some more ab exercises tonight along with cardio and some push ups. Good luck everyone!
I'll report back later.
Original Post by liora513:
That said, and with some FABULOUS advice from danasings, you may want to think about DBT. DBT is Dialectical Behavioral Therapy; I started seeing a therapist trained in it when I was in high school because I was having problems primarily with self-injury, very occasionally with bingeing and purging.
wow i completely know what that's like liora! Yes, rampantbunny, you should definitely look into DBT..it helps with a lot, includng binge/purge, self-injury, even attachment styles in romantic relationships...personally, I worked with a counseling psychologist (as opposed to a clinical psychologist) in college and it really, really helped me. I am really impressed that you are looking into therapy because it is definitely the way to really attempt to heal!
Congrats Kae on jumping back into the exercise routine! I'm definitely sore today and my workouts feel harder than usual...so hopefully today my legs won't die during cardio!
okay I just realized how many times I used the word "really" in the last response...my bad! =)
Thank you for the support everyone!
I'm a Psychology student planning to go into counselling anyway, and the way I look at it if I don't get my own issues sorted then I'm a bit of a hypocrite really. I suppose the University counsellors might be able to help me out, although I don't know how experienced they'll be in the field of behavioural therapy. I guess it's worth a try.
On a more positive note I found my Ministry of Sound workout DVD, AND I have enough calories left today for desset in the form of Muller Rice :)
DAY 6!!!
Unfortunently I feel extremely hungry today.
Hopefully this all works out.
Which reminds me I'm going to go work out to try and negate whatever happens tonight and to get my mind off of food.
Update: I just wanted to eat and eat all different sorts of things, so I did, but I didn't eat very much of any one thing and it probably only ended up being about 200 calories and I had 100 to spare. I also did bench aerobics so all in all I consider this a successful binge-free day. Although I'm not happy with my noshing, I'm not beating myself up about it.
