~~Bingers Anonymous~~

Welcome to BA. My name is Nicole and I'm a binger.

i decided that it could be helpful to have a forum for those of us trying to recover from this evil thing called binge eating disorder (BED). Whenever you have success... post here! Whenever you have struggles... post here! need support to stay out of the cookie jar?.... post here!

i'll be posting my intake of calories everyday in hopes that showing all of you what i eat will keep me from OVER EATING.

anyone with the same struggles??

today i was so proud of myself. i'm in college and when i'm at school, i have structure that encourages me to eat healthy foods in moderation and i workout and it's great. but whenever i go home to my parent's house, it's horrible. they have so many bad things in their house and i always eat SO much no matter how many times I tell myself I won't. But today I didn't do that. I went home and I could only stay for about fifteen minutes because I was picking something up and I was STARVING. there was no one else home so this would have been a perfect opportunity for me to ransack the house and get all the naughty things and eat it. but instead, i drank a bottle of water, grabbed a banana, and left to have a real dinner with my family at a restaurant. i can't even begin to tell you how empowering that makes me feel. then tonight, i was studying for finals and i always get really edgy and stressed during study time, and i just felt binge mode starting to occur. but i actually took the time to ask myself if i was really physically hungry, and when i said no, i identified the feelings that i had. obviously stress about my final tomorrow, but more then that I had been thinking about what I'm doing this summer and how I need to think about a career and all of these thoughts just spiral out of control until all I want to do is numb them with food. Anyway, this post is really long, but these are major successes for me, and for someone who used to disengage herself all the time through bingeing, I am ready to continue with my small improvements. good luck everyon!

ready2run- that is amazing!!! You are getting in touch with yourself and your body to recognize the binge modes/hunger/stresses- keep it up :)

I am in college and now that I have the freedom to cook/prepare meals/buy my own food, I have started eating emotionally.  Also, I have more time this year which means I am not buying out or eating in the cafeteria, but am at home more (with the fridge) and feel like I am constantly thinking about food (because nutrition is a lot of effort!)

Usually though, I don't really gain a lot of weight because everything I eat is relatively healthy...but then I eat some really unhealthy stuff I don't even like that prevents weight loss or getting healthier).  Basically, I don't want to have an allowance in moderation because I don't even want to be eating greasy crackers in the first place or chocolate bars and don't think they taste that good when I am eating them and even if I eat a bit of them (I seem to have become sugar sensitive) it changes my mood and I feel crappy physically (headache, lack of energy, etc.) 

Can people really be addicted to these things?  Any websites or info I can read?  Because I really think it affects me differently or more strongly than other people, and sometimes I feel almost a magnetic force pulling me to buy certain things...Has anyone had success with just never eating them and the cravings being gone?  Because I think that's what it will take with me - I did that for three months once and then my boyfriend at the time bought me a cookie...

Also, if I kept bags of lettuce and carrots around to knaw on under stress would that help or would that not really address the problem?

Hi, my name is Peggy, this is  my first day on cc; and I too am a binge eater. Ice cream is my downfall but if I don't buy it, it's easier. There is no such thing as 1 chocolate chip cookie - why bother. I am making my final effort to change my eating habits and know that I am going to need support to do it. I am no spring chicken but if I want to be an old chicken, I am going to have to conquer this. All help is welcome.

well, today. not so very good a day. it's always these damn school assignments. i stress myself out, push it all to thelast minute, and as it gets closer and closer (i'm talking hours), i just starting munching more and more.
ive been 'binge-free' i guess you could say for eleven days, since the first day i signed up on here. i think counting the calories has helped me a lot, just having that vague idea, in terms of something quantifiable that has a limit that i can plan around, and control.

and last night i went out for pizza with friends, but i knew i deserved some kind of reward, so i made sure it fit into my day's count for yesterday, and it was good! and it fit! and i even managed to skip dessert at the restaurant, which i must say even surprised me. so, great. but then, like always, i can never keep the "rewards" or "treats" under control, and it was like my body woke up this morning still in "treat mode" and all day it was a struggle to go back to regular, which isn't deprivation or anything, just normal, healthy, full-portion eating. i just kept wanting more, until for dinner i did indian take-away, and gorged on the big, big portion of vegetable massala, and big, big naan bread. ate it all. and then a little bit later, half an hour ago, i finished off more naan with some yoghurt, and had some leftovers from lunch. it's like, WHERE IS THE CONTROL? i had it so well this past week and a half.
it's just discouraging. especially because the assignment is still staring at me, blank, in the face, and my stomach is achingly burstingly full. i wonder, what is the effect of this kind of action on our bodies? i mean, if i've been doing about 1200 calories a day, and my body's been getting used to that, and then i have this whacko day of 2000+, how do our bodies respond?
anyway, this is no good!
well done to everyone else tho that have been having victories!

I have been eating a box of chocolates, tub of cherry choc. icecream and cupcakes with icing for three days, along with my regular meals!!! There's been birthday stuff here, plus gift of choc. I also run and so have been keeping on top of that this week to try and off set it, but its the cycle, you know, nacho's last night. I know things trigger me, I was trying to make buns for my family to go with home made soup and the flour was bad, never happened to me before, scared the crap out of me! I had it all mixed up and beautiful with the yeast working and this gross black worm peeks up and wiggles out, OMG... I just freaked and had to take a clonazapam. I already have OCD with food to an extent. I've been bad since then. I don't have a therapist right at the moment....helllllllllllpppppppp!!!!!!!!! I've only gained a pound or two maybe, but I gotta stop it and get back on the food train, we are on a new job now to and need to do a good grocery shop, well I don't even know if that would help, I am even having trouble thinking of stuff to eat, and I usually never do! I'm like a health nut! (hey, nuts are good right?) think low fat...

last night was another binge. it really sucks because i had been doing so well. the ironic part is i'm out of school now and have no more stress from finals, but do you know what's funny when you lose a source of stress? you find another one really quickly. geesh...i should have realized that. anyway, my day yesterday was so busy and crazy, but i had promised my friend that i would go to a graduation party even though i was really tired and kind of crabby. i'm the kind of person who really needs to be in the mood to socialize and drink, and usually i am, so it's not an issue. however, i knew that i was just not wanting to be there...but i went and didn't drink a lot but my friends got really drunk and i just told them i didn't feel well and i went home. when i got home, i should have identified that i was feeling tired from working all day, crabby that i wasn't out having fun, and kind of anxious that i dont' really know what i'm doing with my life and i'm graduating. instead, i just went to the fridge and went to town. since i have virtually no food left in my room because i'm moving, i had saltine crackers and cottage cheese, three packets of these gross goldfish crackers, a bag of caramel popcorn, a lean cuisine potatoes and broccoli, and microwave popcorn. and i knew the whole time i was in binge mode that i should just stop, but at the time my feelings were so overwhelming that i just wanted to stop thinking about them. of course i regretted it and today has been a better day. this morning i graduated and my famly came up. we went out to dinner at a restaurant and i got a healthy choice, and then afterwards for dessert, i passed on it and i just have been snacking on apples and microwave popcorn today. it's just hard because i still have this anxious, restless feeling in my belly about life in general, and i know that eating a shit ton of food isn't going to make that go away, but how can i convince my crazy binge-self that? grrrr! do any of you have any coping mechanisms as far as being aware of your feelings when you're eating. i think that's my biggest struggle that i definitely need to work on!

good luck to all of you and hope all is well!

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step."--Chinese

~ copy of a Letter to a Friend ~

... It's a good thing to realize that is your eating pattern [Binge Eating Disorder (BED)], because now you can look it squarely in the eye and start to deal with it.  And you will.  And you can.  And it's not the end of the world. 

In fact, it's a new beginning :)   It's a place to start.  Kind of like being at the beginning of a hill, there's a lot of work ahead... but.... you start all jouneys with 1 step, by putting 1 foot in front of the other and you start walking.  Sometimes you will take a break and rest, but then you get up again and walk some more. 

You will have good days and bad days.  Because this is not something you can just realize ~ have a thought and decide 1 day just to fix it right now and be done.  It will be more of a process, like climbing a hill or making a big quilt.  Say a double wedding ring quilt... or another intricate pattern.

You will need to look at how and when and why you eat.  You will have to decide if the behaviour is good or bad.  If it's good, then keep it.  If it's bad, then time to toss it and replace it with a new behaviour.

Sometimes we have to practice the new behaviour over and over until it begins to feel comfortable and until it becomes our first natural impulse to do... but it will happen.

And, honey, I soooooooooooo know you can do this.  

I figured out I had BED last March, a year ago in 2006.  I am still trying to break my old bad habits, stop bingeing for 2 weeks and then starving myself for 2 weeks... stop dieting....  stop cramming food down my face when I'm upset, sad, tired, cranky as hades, angry, hurt, afraid, stressed... or make that happy, having fun, celebrating, rewarding myself.

gosh darn it...  i had a bazillion and 1 reasons to eat.

some of those were for the right reasons, but most were not for healthy reasons or ways to eat.

I don't know any other way to change, except to take it 1 meal and 1 snack at a time.  Make the best most nutritious choices you can...  Look at why you are doing or why you did what you did.  If it was not good, make a plan to do better next time.  And then try to follow your plan.

Schedule in sweets, treats and foods you enjoy. 

This is not about dieting.  This is not about deprivation.  This is not about punishment.

This is about learning how to live life without using and abusing food for comfort.

This is about learning how to nourish your body with food when it is appropriate and you need to eat.

This is about learning how to nourish your mind and your soul with appropriate behaviours and responses other than food ~ be it learning to cope with a social life, changing jobs, changing the things that make you unhappy and accepting the things you can not change.  Realizing that the best laid plans can go kafloooooooey in an instant and blow up in our face.

Realizing that the world will not end, but that we can and we will adapt and we will get through it. 

It ~ Life might not quite be how we expected ~ It may break our hearts from time to time, but that is part of life.  Shit happens.  We deal with it, learn to cope without hurting ourselves.  When we hurt ourselves, we just make things worse....  whether it's too much food or not enough food.  Or freaking sickerettes which I could suck down today in a heartbeat... 

But... those old comfort behaviours can be broken and replaced with new behaviours that will comfort us and won't hurt us.

And some days, when only choklit will do... then eat the choklit.  Rest a moment.  Then get up and walk again.

Walk here.  Walk with me.  Don't leave.  And together, we will make tomorrow better.  I promise.

 {{{hugs~n~luvs}}}  united

~ for more on Binge Eating Disorder (BED)

• click here for my fav article about Binge Eating Disorder (BED) from the Mayo Clinic
• click here for article on strategies to quit bingeing
• click here for my anti-bingeing & other snack attack strategy ~ easy making Soup tips & low calorie dense foods (popcorn, veggies)! 
• click here for support group here on calorie-count for binge eating ~ bingers anonymous  ~ everyone welcome :)

im a weekend binge eater, when i was 12 i weighed in at 78lbs ,i used to get picked on at school about being so lanky, so my love/hate affair with eating began, and up until my 20's i could eat whatever how much i wanted and be a normal weight, in my mid 20's i was about 140 which is not fat to me now but then i thought it was, so i did atkins and it got me down to 120 which i think is my best weigh i maintained my weight well passed 2 years and then i got pregnant gained 60lbs after i gave birth i lost it quickly and then my binge eating started all over again here i am now at 180lbs and hating life 

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~ copy of the process to changing bingeing...

Rules of Engagement

So... here you are wondering where to start... or how to go forward.  By looking at how and when and what and why and where you eat.  If the behaviour is good, keep it.  If it's bad, then figure out how to change it.  Figure out when it's ok to indulge and when you should follow a more formal meal plan.  Figure out when it's ok to have a dessert?  When you're out at a restaurant, Friday nights or at Holiday Meals? 

Or should you overeat when you're upset because of a problem in your life.  Not!  That's when the binges and over-eating or eating inappropriately and out of control happens. 

We all need to figure out what our eating plan is.  When it's ok to eat and when it's not.  What's ok to eat and what's not.  What we like and what we NEVER have to eat again!!!  Can we say BEETS!!!  lol ~ I detest em... at least this year. 

Somes of the guidelines I settled on were

eat maintenance calories or less.  draw the line, break the bingeing. 

when I am ok and having a good day and can do a deficit, Up to a 500 - 750 deficit but no more b/c that would trigger me to eat more the next day b/c of feelings of deprivation or actual hunger. 

On pms 3 days b4 or special events (like restaurant family gathering meal out with dessert) then an extra 500 (instead of a personal feast like it would be my last meal.  b/c I *think* we should be able to participate in life and enjoy or i feel deprived and then binge...  and then follow restaurant guidelines, trying to make good choices like hot fresh bread w/o butter, dressings & sauces on side and then use what I want instead of lathered.  put 1/2 of entree in a take home box before I start eating so I'm not tempted to eat it all b/c it's so yummy...

on feast days like Thanksgiving, my anniversary... an extra 1,000 or don't count.  just don't stuff myself.  1 serving of whatever i want but not 2nds & 3rds.  A nicely rounded spoon, not heaped and piled high to the sky... b/c that would only be cheating on me.  And then sample the multiple desserts.  Have several 1/2 pieces = to 2 or 3 total :)

I really found it helpful to set up the guidelines that I could do, live with and enjoy.  And then I keep practicing.  I'll slip ~ crash, bang, boom!!!  and then go back to the guidelines.

I did NOT set them all in one day.  I set them as I looked at my own eating patterns and decided what I could tolerate to change and what I could not tolerate to change.

I used to try to diet through family events if I was on a diet, but then i would feel resentful and eat too much more later.

If you have yummy food, you don't have to eat it all today!  Because if you still want more tomorrow, then you can have it again tomorrow... You can make or buy more or go back to the restuarant again.

I NEVER HAVE TO DIET AGAIN!!!  YOU HEAR ME??? 

Dieting sucks.  Dieting is a waste b/c you quit diets.  You abandon diets and go back to your old way of life.

Instead... build a way to eat that you can do.  That you can enjoy.  That doesn't make you feel bad or deprived or angry or bored to tears.

There are many healthy and nutritious foods out there ~ bunches of spices...  Spice it up!  Explore foods.  Make it yummy.  Change it up.   Make it an adventure and use it to nourish yourself, today, tomorrow & forever.  You can always have more.  Just can't have it all today!

Cheers :)

ps ~ if you fall ~ get up, dust off & start following your guidelines again.  Change what needs changing.  Be gentle on yourself.  We all fall.  It's ok.  Just get up and start again.

{{{helen}}} 

been there! 

I started shooting for more good days than bad, instead of trying for perfect consecutive days... which always ended with me dusting the floor with my tukus, ready to cry and eat forever... and feeling horrible.

it's ok.  we alllllllll have bad days.  just get up, dust off and keep going.  It will be ok. 

kinda like learning to walk, we will fall, get up. fall, get up, and soon we'll be walking and then running...

you CAN do this ~ hang in :)

If I were to replace high-cal foods with say, celery and low-sodium salsa, just so I can munch on something, wouldn't that be reinforcing the behavior to eat under stress.  Granted, it's better than the other stuff I could be eating, but I am still focusing on food as a way to feel better...I just want to stop thinking about food...this is madness!

I have been out of control lately!!!!!!!!!! I feel so sick but I cannot stop eating. I know the fact that I am under alot of stress is doing this, but like I said in my earlier post I have never done this before in my life.  Even at my highest I never binged but so far this week I had one day when I ate a whole pint of ice cream after lunch, went through three bags of chips the next day and yesterday me and a friend who is even smaller then me (im 140lbs, shes 115lbs) went out to eat and got 2 appetizers, a main course of pasta and two desserts!!!!

How do I stop this? I know ive put on at least 5 pounds this week!!!

Okay, I'm so glad I found this thread becasue I have been making small changes in  my life to beat this awful thing since last September. I've been making strides overall, going two weeks binge-free last month! YAY!!!! but last night, I moved home (still in college) and I HATE being home. So yeah, I definitely pretty much binged all day long. I didn't even bother to count the calories, I knew it would be depressing. I'm sure it was at least 3000 and prob up around the 4000 mark. :(

But today I'm celebrating because I've been doing research on this disorder, and found an awesome site, which I will paste the link, too (I hope I'm allowed to do that.) This site has tonsof helpful suggestions mostly because it actually understands the reasons why we binge - I never knew there were real reasons I was doing it, I always thought I was just addicted to food or something. So I hope this site helps you guys as well as I hope it helps me!

Oh yeah, and today I was super good and didnt binge at all! Even when I started to snack at night (i only had time for two meals today, so even that was okay :) ) and I didn't go overboard like I usually do and let it turn into a huge binge.

SO here's the link:  http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/Eatin g_Disorders/triumphant_journey/part_3/3_1.asp

Good luck, everyone! I'm sure I'll be back - with failures and successes.

I joined this thread a couple of weeks ago, but have been too embarrassed/depressed to post since then because i have binged every day.  But today was the first day that i can honestly say i didn't binge at all!  I'm so proud of myself, and i hope tomorrow will be day 2.

I noticed that a lot of posters are still in school; i am too.  Have any of you told your friends or asked them for help?  So far i haven't, and i feel really alone a lot of the time, but at the same time i don't see how they could understand...

Lastly, thanks sarah2286 for the link - i just went to the site and it had some interesting points which will hopefully help me.

Hope everyone is doing okay!

well i started a 1500 calorie/day last tuesday and it started off good. then the weekend came- i went out with a bunch of my girls to ladies night and expected to have extra calories from my diet morgans, usually 3 or 4. sooo i set a goal of eating only 1000 calories during the day to save up for 500 for going out. long story short..i ate 1450 and then went out... so i only maintained for the day. i planned on working out after work.. i worked 7-3 but then someone called in sick so i stayed in until 9 pm and then went out... skipped the work out and all. i was okay with that since i hadn't had a day off from exercise for over a week. then saturday came... worked out hard - but still ate way more than 1500 cals.  FINE -  two days of maintaining my weight .... soooo yesterday was sunday and i worked again 7-3...then i was in the ER until 1 am with a client of mine. So i'm pretty sure I ate around 2000 cals. So basically I have had 3 mediocre/crappy days in a row now and its time to get back on track today. so frustrating....

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i have no control. i have BED. and am consuming around 10000 calories a day. my legs and feet are swollen and im getting fatter and fatter with each day. i just hate my ugly body. ugh. i dont know what to do anymore. therpay, nutrition counseling, nothing works. and for someone who suffered horribly from anorexia, having an anorexic mindset with BED habits. well lets say i just cant take much more.

Maybe it is the Spring because I sure can relate to the last couple of posts. I was doing so well and I would say for the last 3 weeks I have been binging. I have not been on the count because I am just sooo ugh!  I know exactly how you all feel.  I am soo tired of my relationship with food and am at a point where I just want it to go away.  I think I need to go talk to someone and I have been putting it off.  I guess that is my next step.  I will do it this week.  Peace Out