~~Bingers Anonymous~~

Welcome to BA. My name is Nicole and I'm a binger.

i decided that it could be helpful to have a forum for those of us trying to recover from this evil thing called binge eating disorder (BED). Whenever you have success... post here! Whenever you have struggles... post here! need support to stay out of the cookie jar?.... post here!

i'll be posting my intake of calories everyday in hopes that showing all of you what i eat will keep me from OVER EATING.

anyone with the same struggles??

So I feel strong today.  Ate breakfast, and I am getting ready to make lunch.   Boyfriends coming over tonight so I won't binge infront of him, of course.   I just want to be able to eat when I'm hungery and stop when I'm not hungry anymore.  Instead I starve and then eat myself into an oblivian.   Like you all say, 1 day at a time right...

for me it's much much worse if I keep food away for a long time and then eat because I will definately binge because i'm so hungry. What I do is space out my food. This helps me a lot. When I feel hungry, no problem, I can have a snack (a healthy one) it keeps me from being out of control.

We need a movie about BED (like on Lifetime or something) so people start to recognize it.

If I eat all day, I generally won't binge.  Problem is the binge provides comfort, so may times I'll starve all day so I will really enjoy my binge.  I'll think I haven't eaten all day so I can have my favorite nachos and a pint of ice cream.  The ammount of food I can put away is disgusting.  I can't even tell people because no one would believe.  even now with all you bingers, I can't fathom that any of you eat as much as I do.  I know that's so small minded of me.  It's just I've never met anyone who understands this.  People will say "oh I ate so much"  Then they say what they eat and I just feel shamed. 

Wow. I am so glad I found this post. The other day I was sitting at work wondering what was wrong with me. I almost cried because I did not know what my problem was. I always want to eat. I tried finding some website on the internet and could not find anything that helped. Now I am going to check out some of the websites from here.

Reading these post makes me feel good, just to know I am not alone.  I can binge bigtime on occassion.  Since being on this sight I have gotten better, but I still have my bad days.  Today was one of those, I got started into the junk & I have trouble stopping.  It is strange how sometimes something just takes over, & I just don't have whatever it takes to stop. Like a stranger in my head.

It is so helpful to have this sight & be able to vent those frustrations & low & behold there is someone else who knows exactly what I'm experiencing.  Just to be able to talk frankly about this is most helpful.  Yes, one day at a time.  I will do better tomorrow.

I too am a binger. I have only since I joined this site been able to say it out loud, or I guess write it out loud. It is a serious struggle and one that most of the time prevents me from wanting to go out in public, or stay out to long becasue I hate to eat in front of people and then I just want to go home because I know I can eat then. I will already have in mind what I want to eat and then I over eat, and over eat and then over eat until my stomach hurts and then I feel so bad that I want to eat more, it is a terrible cycle. But I am working on it, I went 3 months without due to this site and then I had a binge that lasted a couple of days....I am just now getting up from the binge and trying to shake it off and start a new again.

O-kay here's a thought.  What do you all think of writing our binges down.  I know we write all the healthy stuff down, but how about starting tomorrow, if one of us has a binge we have to write it down here.  Everything we ate.  I think if I had to tell all of you and then saw it all down on paper maybe it would help.  If I binge, I'm going to do this.  It will make me take responsibillity.  Now I keep it very hidden.

I think that sounds good, especially since I rarely log (or take real responsibility for) my binges. Seriously. On a binge, my food log just says, "Lots o' crud".  :P

Too bad I can't run for Miss America....rather than trying to achieve "world peace" I could try to achieve a world where we don't have to fix our emotions with food!

I am frustrated today and keep mentally thinking about all the bad foods I would love to eat....I'm keeping myself planted firmly at my desk with a big glass of cold water instead.

United, I am so with you.  I've actually done hynotherapy.  Worked for awhile.  I feel like a big part of me doesn't want to give it up.  It doesn't even really work anymore for comfort, but I think I keep trying to make it work because it's all that ever has and if it doesn't work what the hell am I gonna do?   Those damn people who say "Go for a walk, do something active, read a book"  I mean come on, who does that work for?   I take a walk and I'm thinking, This sucks, I want to watch t.v. and eat.  I'm a size 10 so I work hard to not get heavy.  My life is upswings and downswings.  Binge, starve, binge, starve.  When I do get in a good routine and get binge free, I always feel like it's not real.  Every min. of my day I think about food.  In the morning the first thought is am I gonna be ggod today?  What am I gonna eat?  Then the negotiations start.  If I have this I can eat that...When I eat healthy it doesn't feel natural.  It feels like a constant struggle.  Like when people say if you want something sweet, eat a orange.  Oh crap, I know the difference.  when I want something sweet, I want a pint of Chubby Hubby!!!  I don't think people who don't binge (even doctors) can ever understand the feeling and the need.  I mean it's like my drug!!  I would never come home and have a glass of wine by myself, (too many calories, lol)  but I will come home with 5 items from Taco Bell, a pint of ice cream and a can of pringles.  I'm glad I found this place.  It's good to be able to talk to people who know. 

united & rdlm you both took the words right out of my mouth. united...42 days binge free - pat yourself on the back.  that is great. and jenne with your glass of water, good for you too.  i have been more motivated lately than ever before.  i think if we can continue to communicate like this it is most helpful.  i had a bad day yesterday - the chocolate kept calling to me.  why is it some days i don't hear it calling & other days i can't get it out of my head?  i went up to 3000 kal yesterday.  darn!  like united said we can only take it one day at a time.

i have been doing better with this, but cannot seem to get it completely under control.  i feel like an alcoholic sometimes, except with sugar instead of alcohol.  when i fall off the wagon and eat a candy bar, well heck......why not eat another one, then lets see what else can i devour now that i'm on the ground? i guess the ticket is to not eat the first one, but sometimes it  just feels impossible. why do i give in? 

thanks tinytot for starting this thread, & thanks to everyone who is in the same boat i am in & for sharing thoughts, ideas, etc.

another day, another beginning, i will try my hardest. lets hold hands & conquer this demon.

I really feel inspired when I read all these posts. I want to thank all of you guys. :) I felt like a complete failure when I binged this past weekend after having 18 healthy days. But I'm back on track, and I've had 4 binge-free days. My goal for today is to not overeat, since I'm going out to dinner.

The thing is, I can always make good choices when I go out to dinner...but it's when I come home afterwards and I'm sitting around, thinking I'm still "hungry". Then I just eat. I eat when I'm really relaxed, and I eat when I'm really stressed. I've been dreaming about food lately, and it's weirding me out. I generally wake up from the dreams feeling relieved that I didn't eat all that....

Strange, huh?

rdlm - that's EXACTLY how I feel.  I have had days where I cried because I knew that I was going to binge.  The urge was too overwhelming.  I could sit on my hands, go for a walk, eat something healthy, you name it - and I knew that as soon as I could manage I would eat an entire 8 pack of Hershey's bars along with about half the contents of the refrigerator to "cut the sweet".  I get so angry with those well-meaning people who tell you how simple it is to just get over it.  I finally had to sit my mother down, look her in the face and say "I've got an eating disorder.  I've had one since I was 15.  It's not just going to go away and we can't pretend like it doesn't exist."  Wow, it felt good to finally say that out in the open.  And she has been so supportive!

But I did better today.  I went to the little deli next door to get a sandwich for lunch.  I got a plain chicken salad.  And two pecan chewies.  And a piece of caramel cake.

It's so great to have all of you here to share with. I have been doing so good lately. Mostly because life isn't sucking right now. Hubby has a job and the future is looking bright right now. There is still a lot of stress, but I feel like it is getting easier. I have been cooking and eating at home every night. I have even avoided the junk food almost entirely. For this whole week. I know I couldn't have done that without all of the wonderful people here. THANKS :)

Oh my gosh, I wish I could give you all hugs!!  It's like I found my peeps!!   It feels so good to be able to say these things.  I mean, I'm open with the fact I like eating crappy foods, but I can't tell people what I really do.  Sometimes I'll start to say and I feel like I can see the look of horror coming across thier faces.  I mean sometimes when I binge I eat a enitire medium thick crust pepperoni pizza from Round Table.  How do you talk to someone about that when you know they could never imagine it?   And I then torture myself by finding out how many calories I ate and weighing myself everyday so I can see how fat it made me.  Gosh, even typing that I fear you will all be like "Holy crap, this lady is a wack!!"   But what;s funny is since I've been talking with you all, I have no desire to binge.  Normally I want to every few days, but I feel strong right now.  I had put on 4 pounds in the past week due to unhealthy binges (water weight too)  this morning I', back to where I was.  I feel like it's good.

jmmrm, we are foodoholics!!  I mean food is our drug.  I always say least a drug addict or a alcoholic could never touch drugs or booze again, but we have to eat!!  We can't just never touch food again.  So it's always there to have to make the right choice with. And as a binger, I can binge on anything.  I mean if all I have is a jar of pickles, I'll still eat the entire thing hust to get that full feeling.  Oh my gosh, I've eaten 2 jars of green olives in one night before!!  I'm sick!! LOL

Jennelaw, good for you for telling your mom.  It can be scary and I think most people only think of bulimia and anorexic as being the major ones.   I think they think if you overeat is because your lazy.  If you don't struggle with this, you don't understand how much the food does for us and how hard it is.

rdlm, no way are you a "wack". :) well, if you are then I must be one too, since I relate to practically everything in your posts!

so yeah, I'm starting fresh today after a binge from heck last night. Ate practically everything in sight. And out of sight too. I had planned such a healthy dinner with milk, stew, squash, and toast but that all crashed. I'm still not sure what triggered it, but I raided every cupboard. Leftover casserole, trail mix, popsicles, Kool-Aid, noodles, muffins...I even made and ate a batch of cookies. I felt so bad afterward (like I always do). I still feel bad about it! But today is a new day and I'm going to give myself a chance. 

It's my third binge day and I want it to stop :(

lovinlife, thanks for the support!!  I know how it is when you plan the good meal and then want the bad stuff and lot's of it!!  I do prett good at not keeping stuff in the house, hence the olive binge, but I will get in the car and drive to get whatever I crave.  In my head I'll be yelling at myself to stop!!  But some part of me just keeps going!!

I really feel at home in this thread.  This is the first one I have really felt a part of.  I did a little better today, had a candy bar (just one) but the day is not over yet.  I work at a gas station/convenience store, it is loaded with candy bars, donuts, ice cream, & chips.  Somedays I do ok with it all, & other days I cannot keep out of it.  Though I am doing much better than I was last winter.  But winter is not here yet.  Here in Alaska, our winters are very long, very dark, & very cold.  Although I discovered last winter if I keep up the exercising those endorphines really helped me out lots mentally. i feel for the first time in my life maybe, just maybe, i have a chance to get some of this weight off.  this is the support group i so desperately needed all those years.

rdlm, yes I understand the foodaholic thing.  you are right about a drug addict or alcoholic never having to touch the stuff again, however, I am sure their struggle is hard too.  but since we do have to eat sometimes i do good until the mealtime comes and then i can't stop.  years ago my aunt (who was also heavy) told me she was a sugaraholic.  i did not understand at the time, i was young, but i sure understood what she meant later in my life.

big hugs to you all for sharing, caring, & being out there for me to communicate with.