~~Bingers Anonymous~~

Welcome to BA. My name is Nicole and I'm a binger.

i decided that it could be helpful to have a forum for those of us trying to recover from this evil thing called binge eating disorder (BED). Whenever you have success... post here! Whenever you have struggles... post here! need support to stay out of the cookie jar?.... post here!

i'll be posting my intake of calories everyday in hopes that showing all of you what i eat will keep me from OVER EATING.

anyone with the same struggles??

Hi everyone, I used to binge frequently. I MADE myself get over it because I feared it would ruin my life. The secrecy and feelings of shame used to just torture me on a daily basis. But now, I only binge once or twice a month. I eat three or four small meals a day now. Here are the strategies I used, and still use:

1. Binging thrives on secrecy. You know that feeling where half of you wants to be around people so you can't eat, and the other half wants everybody to leave the house so that you can be alone with the fridge? Well, stamp out that desire for secrecy by pulling the revolting little binge monster out into the open. If you tell someone, you are no longer alone with the weight of secret binging. If you do binge, even just having one person to cry on - your Mother, best friend, partner, someone REAL in your life (i.e. not us, in this forum - we are still too detatched from reality) - honestly halves the problem. Hearing it spoken out loud "I ate a whole box of cereal and six bars of chocolate and now I feel awful" at once brings a sense of perspective to your actions. Being accountable is necessary. The longer binging is a secret that you are getting away with, the longer it will go on for.

2. Think of each day as a new day. Each new day you are going to practise NOT binging. Focus on the end of the day and how glorious it will feel to be able to reflect back and think, I have not binged today. Think how lovely it will feel to be liberated from those feelings of disgust. If you break each day down into smaller parts, and tackle every two hours - "I am definitely NOT going to binge in the next two hours" then you will get through a whole day. Then, the following day, just copy exactly what you did the day before. Like a robot. Re-learn your new, fresh patterns of behaviour. Look forward to another day of being binge-free. And the next day do the same thing. Don't even entertain the idea of binging. This is how baby steps begin to add up to giant leaps.

3. If you feel like you want to binge, stare you binge monster in the face. Tackle it. It will be very difficult not to get swept along by the fog of binging that seems to settle, but grit your teeth and resist. If you can make yourself walk away from the fridge and tell your confident, whether in person or over the phone, that you really want to eat lots and lots of food it will lift the burden. I promise. It even used to help me to say out loud "I really want to eat loads of ice cream and biscuits now" - because then it was REAL, it was a problem to solve, and I had expelled the impulse from my brain.

4. I know that the problem with binging is the desire to get that immediate gratification from food totally over-rides the desire to get better. Binging lures you to the kitchen because it seems like an instant fix - it seems exciting, comforting and strangely sexy. But think of this: every binge is continuing the problem. If you always resist your next binge, you will NEVER have to binge again. You will be free to run and skip around. Life can be full and happy again. So even if you have to DRAG yourself away from the fridge, say this mantra out loud "MY FUTURE SELF WILL THANK ME FOR THIS".

5. Whilst 'tricks' such as replacing chocolate with celery and ice cream with carrots are pragmatic solutions to lowering your potential calorie intake, I still think they are binge tactics. The problem is an emotional attachment to food, a belief that food can make life better, not a straightforward love of chocolate or peanut butter. I think in order to overcome binging, you must recognise that in that exact moment when you want to eat the whole world, YOU HAVE A CHOICE. You can slow down time and join the action to the consequence. So if you have eaten 4 chocolate biscuits, make your hands put the packet back in the cupboard and say in a loud voice, "I choose not to eat any more" and physically put one foot in front of the other and get away from them. Don't you see? It's the 'f*ck it' mentality that's the problem. That is the exact moment at which you have to make the choice. Because at the 4 biscuit stage, the day is retrievable. 300 calories is not 3000 calories unless you make it into 3000 calories.

6. Get a mantra. I know that's a common strategy but for some reason, it really worked for me. Every time I picked up something to eat, and my hand was about to put it to my lips, I would say "No, I'm on the water diet". Then I would make myself get a glass of water and I would drink it as I was walking away from the kitchen. I don't know why that sentence helped so much - it doesn't even really make sense - but it was useful to have something consistent to focus on. Plus, the idea of water being clean and pure compared to thousands of calories of muck I used to eat was an appealing idea.

Understanding that binging has terrible but preventable consequences is so important. You are NOT powerless, and conquering your binging will be the best thing you will ever do.

I will close by emphasising the grave importance of putting your faith in other people. Tell someone. Let them help you with the burden of trying to cope with your binge monster. It might be the most humiliating, embarrassing, and upsetting thing you ever tell anyone (I told my Mum and having to say "sometimes I binge on cakes, biscuits, chocolate and ice cream when you and Dad are in bed, and it makes me feel so scared and alone that I want to cry forever" was truly the most frightening thing I have ever had to say. But honestly, that humiliation made something click inside me and it saved me.)

Good luck, all. You CAN do it! This is YOUR life that you are in control of. x

Katerine, thanks. You gave a lot to think on...and do. It feels "right."

Wow Katherine23, how amazing is your post?!

I'm going to print off/ write down your points as i think they're genuinely really helpful. I like the idea of having a mantra, I might try the 'I'm on a water diet!' tactic. And I think I will tell my housemates if i want to binge as i know they'll be very persuasive and talk me out of it. It'll also get rid of the secrecy, which is kinda what the binging revolves around. The binging loses its appeal if other people know what you are doing.

One other thing I'm going to do- give my cash card to my housemate (he's to be trusted, it's ok!) as i have no junk food in the house- i always go out and buy it when i have the binge urge. therefore, no money, no binge!

thanks again for your advice! :-)

I hope I'm doing this right and the post is going where it should!  Please bear with me, I joined yesterday.  I am totally a binge eater and it is so shameful to me.  I have gotten worse in the past year.  I gained 15 lbs. by binge eating, a lot was because I quit smoking (I started again!) and I would just eat a whole cake in the middle of the night on more than one occasion.   The other day I went to the store to buy my daughter some stuff and I saw there were Enteman's glazed donuts.  Don't you know I bought them and then hid them under my bed?  I think it was a dozen, I had eaten all of them by morning.  I was up a few times in the night to eat them.  I felt like I just couldn't throw them out, that I had them so I may as well eat them.  Well my story could go on and on, it's embarrasing really.  I don't tell just anyone this stuff.  This is the first time I'm admitting the donut thing, anyway.

P.S.  Oh yeah, after I had initially eaten about 8 or so I tied them up in a shopping bag and brought them outside to the trash where there was a large trash bag.  I put them inside there and went to bed.  I got up a few hours later and went outside to the trash and pulled them out and ate them.  Pretty sick, huh? 

Don't beat yourself up, veronicar...not worth it. What's done is done.

On more than one occasion I've made a cake -- iced it and everything. I had the piece I wanted, asked if anyone wanted any of it, then put it under the faucet and dumped it into the garbage...no "rescuing" it. I was just hungry for one piece.

I've thought I was a binger, but, I think what I am is an anxiety eater...I graze...maybe I'm a cow ??? Not really!

What I'm finding out, is that it's more effective to identify problem areas, instead of labelling myself ... as if the behavior is inevitable: it isn't.

Sometimes, I just put myself in time out and sit to really feel the feelings that bubble up, and deal with the discomfort.

It's important to ask, "What am I afraid of?" "What is my pay-off for this behavior?" Then, write it down to see...

My thoughts...

Sandrako, I love your thoughts. Thank you.  I have never thought to sit in my discomfort and try to identify my feelings. I am sure I will have a lot of chances to put this to the test!

Well I used to have some major binge eaitng issues, I would try and eat in secret and I would eat so much I felt sick. Then I got really sad so for the the last month or so, my appetitie, went away. Now my appetite is returning, but I'm starting to eat when I'm not hungrey again, and I don't like where this is leading. What are ways to keep me from going back to how I used to be? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Keep a journal or not, try wrting out answers to questions like:

Is there something I'm afraid to do? If so, why am I afraid?

What is new in my life? How am I feeling about that?

Usually, not always, we can get into ruts and just rebel at the things thrown at us from life. Since major bingeing issues are in the past, something has triggered them again. You can't beat yourself up...it's more effective to see what's going on.

I "keep" a journal of sorts. To be very honest, I rarely write in it when things are tip top and going well...and, maybe this would be good to do. I do know it's very, very helpful to write down the good things I do and the nice things people say about me, especially if it points out a good character trait. While you're at it, pick out some of the things about yourself that you like or are grateful for. Then, when things are difficult, you can read about how you felt at other times -- see patterns emerging -- and also read about the good stuff too, which is encouraging and balances out the negativity you might feel about yourself.

Fighting bingeing is about getting balance back from some aspect of your life, whether it's physical, emotional, intellectual, or spiritual. Something's out of kilter.

Two thoughts that help...

(1) A negative is often something that is positive gone too far. Example: Helping people in need is good. However, if you help to the point that you no longer have a job which puts your family into the street, or spend so much time at it that you spend almost no time with your kids, your good intentions have gone too far. It also doesn't let room for the other to grow. (I'm thinking here of things we do for family or friends to our own detriment.)

(2) God isn't done with me yet. Now, you could see that as a really nasty statement -- like God's out to get you! But, here what I'm talking about is that we are never a finished creation...we are refined and refining all the time as long as we stay in the battle. You've gone a bit overboard? Well, don't let that be an excuse to really do it good! Use that awareness to say, "I don't need to do this to myself just because I screwed up. I'm worth more than this bag of chips...etc., etc." We will never attain perfection...striving for perfection is almost oxymoronic -- we will always have the ability to "do better." But, it's not always necessary to fight so hard. We are good and getting better.

In the meantime, figure out if there's something you can do with your hands and mind that takes keeps your head, hands, and feelings busier and at bay -- e.g. sudoku, crossword puzzles, etc. You could do handicrafts, but usually you'd end up with a mess and have something to clean up which can add to the weight of life...another project left undone.

i hope this helps. Sit in a chair and mull it over. It's not comfortable. Take a glass of water or some tea with you if you must...and your journal. Write.

Thank you so much, those are great suggestions. I don't think I have ever had a healthy relationship with food.Your right though I need to find a balance in my life, I just don't know how to do it anymore. I was thinking about it, and almost all of my life coping skills are destructive. I really liked your suggestion about writing good things, because I also find I only write when I'm sad. I also only seem to be able to see everything wrong with me, or everything bad that has happened to me, so even if something is good, in my head I make it bad, or I just wait for it to get bad. It's a very exhausting way to live, and sometimes I wonder if I'm beyond repair.I also totally relate to your a positive turned negative. I find that I worry to much about the welfare of others, and not enough about myself.I also liked the distraction technique. I think I'll try these, thanks alot. If you have any quesitons for me ask away, and I'll try to help.

Hi I'm a binger and for some reason I'm really nervous to start this support process, but I've tried to do it on my own for years and I've been unable to stop binging and eventually binging turned into binging and purgng. So I would just like to introduce myself and begin to get better.

Welcome ekko123.  There is nothing to be nervous about.  It's all one day at a time, that's what I tell myself.  Each day is a New Day to try to eat healthy. I am convinced that it is a process.

Yesterday I binged really bad on candy.  I must have eaten about 2,000 calories worth of candy!  As a result I got up early this morning and ate Frosted Flakes (which I consider binge food, it kicks off the binge!) and went back to bed really depressed.  I have pretty much kept it together since I got up the second time.  I'm planning on going to 12:00 Mass to feel closer to God. 

Hi, ekko!

Write down 3 fears. Take each to the inth degree...what is the worst thing that could happen because.....

Then, write down at what points during the process of the happenstance you might be able to take control. If you don't see any...there's the mystery to pay attention to.

Secondly, write down every day 5 different things for which you are grateful. Start seeing the blessings in your life.

Two prayers I say daily: "Help me, help me, help me!" and "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Try not to say the first without also saying the second. Writing what you want and for what you are grateful helps to balance you out.

Experiment. Make yourself the experiment. Try things for a time or two. See what happens or doesn't happen. Baby steps is where it's at.

It is worth staying in the game.

You are worth it.

We are here to remind you of that fact.

I hope this helps.

 

.

Thanks for the encouragement guys. Today is my first day technically, yesterday was a disaster, or rather last night. Totally raided the cabinets, seriously I could have eaten a stick of butter as long as it was food. I felt pretty disgusting today, but didn't binge, oddly enough I didn't want to that much, there were certainly moments though. The fears are definitely something I have been trying to identify. Last night I really don't know what was wrong, perhaps boredom ... probably something more. From the fear to the anxiety I handicap myself. Unable to wake up in the morning on too many days feeling like I can control myself. I fear that I will never reach my potential if I keep this going, I fear that I will never be happy, however Sandrako you are right, we are worth it, why wouldn't we be, ya know? Thanks for the support and I will continue to blog the ups and downs of this process aswell as offer advice  and  support to others suffering.

Mind if I poke my head back in here again?

I feel like crap. O'course I binged again.. I also did a dumb thing and decided "hoho, since I binged like a maniac last night, I'll starve myself today!" So I semi-starved. (Ate veggies. That's all.) Dinner rolled around, I overate. Then when everyone was gone, I started eating more.  Don't feel like exercising. Didn't exercise yesterday either.

I feel like a failure.. not because I binged, but the fact that I can't eat like a normal person. A normal person just sees food, enjoys food, and then departs with food when he/she is full. I see food, I plan to eat food, I gobble it up and don't stop until it's gone and then feels extremely guilty and feels the need to punish myself. And then it's like "well, I messed up already today, might as well not exercise too."

It's like.. there's no winning. I'm tempted to just give up taking care of myself in that area, but I don't want to get fat.

Yet I'm gaining weight just trying not to get fat. I don't know what's wrong with me anymore.. It's certainly not emotional binging, but binging because.. I dunno. I've never felt like I can't accomplish something until now, because I try, and I start to do good, and on my third.. fourth.. fifth day I binge!

Gaining weight is always on my mind.. I eat, and I workout everyday, yet in the back of my mind I think to myself "Well, it still doesn't make up for yesterday." and as I keep gaining weight, simple things like sammiches or family dinners just makes me think "AGH! You're going to gain SO MUCH WEIGHT from eating this food!" or "AGH! You won't have a deficit today!" I'm not counting calories, but I'm considering going back to that..

Yet I was also getting on the crazy obsessive side of numbers when I did that. One joy I've had since I stopped counting was being able to go through my day without planning, and also not worrying about dinner.. My dad loves seeing me at the table eating the same foods as he is eating with him again.

Binging is really tough, but I think you already knew that. .__. (And it feels good to get all of that off my chest. Thank you guys. <3)

i am a recovering bulimic. it sucks because it's fighting two evils: purging and binging. As I am fighting the temptation to purge, the binging is continuing. It is 1am, and I wolfed down 6 slices of high-cal whole wheat bread, cup of milk. My stomach is about to burst, but I'm not going to purge. Just not looking forward to the subsequent weight gain...

- I have stopped binge eating, and I had to tell my body that it is NOT a stupid fat gaining machine that will gain weight if I eat a freakin sandwich!

If you tell your body that it is stupid and incompetent, and that it will gain weight if you eat something you enjoy, like a sandwich, then you will end up resenting your body and binge out of spite

Think about it, if you are treating your body like it is a stupid fat gaining machine, then it can become a self fulfilling prophecy!

Sure, eating natural unprocessed foods like raw nuts, whole grains, fruit, vegetables, and proteins will make your skin and body look the healthiest BUT you CAN STILL enjoy these foods in ways that you actually enjoy! Sandwiches, home made pizza, stir fry, oatmeal with honey and fruit, you do not need to feel as though your body can not handle these normal foods!

Do you honestly think that your body will gain weight if you eat some foods you enjoy?

Oh, and another thing… you have to start SOME WHERE with exercise and stopping binge eating!

The first day you exercise and not binge will NOT feel like much, so you will not feel motivated until these small victories add up, and THEN you are likely to feel the momentum to keep going!

It feels pointless at first, I mean, exercising the day after you binge on 4000 calories does not make you suddenly feel any better, so just tell yourself to celebrate getting through each day, until the days add up!

Happy Holidays, everyone!

Give yourself a gift: Ruth Fischel's Time for Joy: Daily Affirmations. It's about $5.00.

This book is geared to people with addictions: and overeating and/or bingeing, with or without purging is a kind of addiction.

It has helped me beyond belief...it's based on a daily calendar format, with very concise entries that convey a lot of meaning and is really quite amazing. You can jump around in the book...it's not necessary to read it in order. And, there's not a lot of reading to do at any one time -- but each entry gives a lot to think about.

An awful lot of what I'm hearing is that it's difficult to forgive yourselves: you are aware something's not right about what you're doing, yet you feel powerless to do anything to make it "normal."

The power is within you. You are able to love yourselves. Take baby steps out of your rut and over the hump. Cllimbing a mountain, starting a journey just begins with one action, followed by another, and yet another, and so on.

I helps to keep perspective: let your thoughts regarding bingeing go -- move on and do what you know to be healthy. Give yourself permission to be healthy. Say "NO!" to the craziness, walk away, sit in your corner, and "suck your thumb." Let yourself feel bad. Draw a picture about your feelings, paint your rage. Instead of turning it inward, let it out. Talk with a counselor if this proves to be difficult by yourself. The point is to act out in a healthier way.

Stuffing down the pain and fear and rejection and disappointment is not going to make it go away. And, it just may be that you need to find a trustworthy person to talk to.

So, my wish for all of you my friends is JOY: joy of having a body that moves and works; joy in beautiful sunrises and fluffy kittens; joy in hugs and kisses we give and receive; joy in doing good for others; joy in living the life you were meant to live.

Sincerely,

sandra

 

Info follows (from amazon.com):

Editorial Reviews Product Description
Words can inspire, motivate and change us if we let them. Words can lift us to action. Words can move us to anger and rage or to love and tears. Most important, words can heal.

May the words in this book be an inspiration for you when and as you need it. Read it by the page, one day at a time, or at random as you are so moved. Know that you are worthy of joy, that you deserve to have joy in your life. May you take this time to find joy and may you know peace and love.

About the Author
Ruth Fisher is the co-founder and co-director of Serenity, Inc., a multifaceted alcoholism and drug treatment program for women, founded in 1974, in Natick, Massachusetts; as well as of Spirithaven of Cape Cod, a healing program for women in personal growth and recovery. She writes and presents workshops and retreats throughout the country, guiding people on their spiritual journey with the tools of meditation, affirmations and visualizations.

Product Details

• Paperback: 375 pages
• Publisher: HCI (October 1, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0932194826
• ISBN-13: 978-0932194824
• Product Dimensions: 6 x 3.9 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review:   (7 customer reviews)
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I keep reading such good stuff on this board but it didn't help me last night.  I was so tired and ready to go to sleep when I thought BING!  Bluberry poptarts! I never buy poptarts cause I have eaten them all in the past.  I actually got out of bed, put sweat pants on, ran around the corner to buy some and came back home and ate 4 or 5 of them (?). My husband was working late and my daughter was out with her boyfriend so that gave me free reign.  I just wanted to give up last night, to just say screw it, I'm meant to be fat, I'm just gonna be fat.  But I see that this is not necessarily true this morning.

I just want it all to stop.

Just because you get a thought doesn't mean it's worthy of acting upon.

Could we be taking ourselves and what we think a bit too seriously?

Can you take yourself back to the poptart thoughts...why do you think you thought of them. What memory flooded into your consciousness? What feeling did you have that made you have to have them?

So you ate 4 or 5 of them. Okay...that's not the end of the world. Let it go.

What could you do in the future? At what point in this sequence of events could you have interjected another thought?

Some smokers when quitting wear a rubber band and snap it whenever they get a craving to smoke. Would something like that help?

Write an essay about the benefit you received from eating the pop tarts. I am not being facitious or tongue-in-cheek. We do things for our benefit. Were you feeling lonely at being so alone...does your husband work late frequently? Did you feel "left out" in some way? Puzzle this out.

Hope this helps. Your OK...