~~Bingers Anonymous~~

Welcome to BA. My name is Nicole and I'm a binger.

i decided that it could be helpful to have a forum for those of us trying to recover from this evil thing called binge eating disorder (BED). Whenever you have success... post here! Whenever you have struggles... post here! need support to stay out of the cookie jar?.... post here!

i'll be posting my intake of calories everyday in hopes that showing all of you what i eat will keep me from OVER EATING.

anyone with the same struggles??

Your reply did help, A LOT!  I am going to write that essay when I come back from my errands today.  And I think I do take myself too seriously.  I act and feel like I have committed a crime - but the crime is to myself!

Thank you for replying.

That's so funny about the pop tarts- they are totally a binge food for me too and a fantasize about eating them sometimes, that and whole cakes, pies , ect. However I'm trying not to entertain these fantasies and like yourself I want to identify what makes these binge eating fantasies arise in my mind.

personaltrainer87 - Hmm. "So I think, therefore I am" kind of thing? You gave some great advice.. I'm going to do my best to treat myself well! :3 If I can continue to do so, I can make a habit, and then everything will follow.. right? The mental part of my body image needs a little bit more transformation, I think my ability to eat is fine indeed! I shall work on that. >w< Thank you!

Original Post by personaltrainer87:

Sure, eating natural unprocessed foods like raw nuts, whole grains, fruit, vegetables, and proteins will make your skin and body look the healthiest BUT you CAN STILL enjoy these foods in ways that you actually enjoy! Sandwiches, home made pizza, stir fry, oatmeal with honey and fruit, you do not need to feel as though your body can not handle these normal foods!

This has been SO important to my abstinance!!!! I eat very healthy most of the time, but when I get to the point of fantasization I give it to myself.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with eating a poptart, or even two poptarts. Next time you are fantasizing about poptarts and determine that you want them simply because they are delicious, try making one for yourself, sitting down & enjoying it. You don't have to hide, you don't have to feel ashamed, you can just enjoy it. Any time you want.

If you feel sketchy about a box, most drug stores have individual packs for sale.

It's not shameful to enjoy food.

I feel absolutely sick to my stomach. Everytime I go back to my healthy ways, I always spend the day before binging all day long after all the deprivation. So not surprisingly, after my epiphany today, I went on a binge to eat all of the foods that I had been depriving myself of.

It's only 1:43 pm right now, and this is what I've had so far:

- a large pumpkin spice muffin (~600 cals)

- large m&m cookie from caribou coffee (~6-700 cals)

- small caramel high rise from caribou coffee (~3-400 cals)

- half pint of oberweis Cookies 'n Cream ice cream (440 cals)

- grilled chicken panini + greasy criss-cross fries (~1000 cals)

 

so I probably had 3000+ calories so far for the day. wonderful. -___-

So I had a minnie binge session today. I'm a nanny and I get so bored and or stressed on this job that I always almost always resort to bingeing if the parents aren't there. I'm not as disappointed in myself as I usually am because the day is fairly young and I'm just going to suck it up and get over it.. go to the gym or something.

One thing that I decided though is that  I'm going to start to cut back on my hours and look for a job that has more opportunity and less boredom and stress. I honestly feel like a drug addict working in pharmaceuticals. Baby sitting is my worst trigger and I feel weak because of it. It could be such an awesome job. Sitting around, watching kids, watching t.v., doing mindless tasks, ect... I'm just so addicted to food and it is a really hard thing to tackle and it's been such a fight for so  long. I've seen my looks deteriorate over the past few years as I get heavier and heavier. I feel like everyone looks at me like wow she's gotten big, or wow she used to be so pretty. It's embarrassing to be seen in by my old classmates, not to mention a specific ex-boyfriend. ugh. I just want so badly to be at a healthy weight with a healthy appetite. I need to be happy and that's the only way all this will come together.

One more thing. To happinesswhereartthou, it sounds like you've had a similiar day to mine, however lets remember that 3000 calories or a little more really isn't bad. Remember we burn about 2000 calories each day and it takes 3500 to gain a pound. Just stop right now and I don't beat your self up. Sure we might not loose any weight today, but we don't have to gain it. 

^ thanks ekko. Kudos to both of us for being realistic and knowing that today wasn't the end of the world and getting back on track :)

I found a wonderful website today.

Why not go to it and see if there's a bit of inspiration you could copy out and carry around with you today? At least you would have something to read.

www.appleseeds.org

Try this one first: http://www.appleseeds.org/rohn_face-enemy.htm

Guys & gals...bingeing is a box that keeps you from the real emotions of your real world. Get out of the box and live.

Stop thinking about food as if anything you want to put into your mouth will disappear in a day, because for most of us, it won't...you will always have a chance to have a dish of ice cream, cookies, cake, et.c, etc., etc....put the money you would spend for the food in a jar, have a stick of gum...and go take a shower, walk around the block, or volunteer at a shelter.

Get out of yourself...get out of your box.

When the jar is full, donate it to a worthy cause. . . and be thankful that you had money to spare and you "spent" wisely.

 

I absolutely LOVE that you suggested to put your binge money in a jar and then donate it at the end of the month.  I am going to the dollar store tomorrow and buying a jar to do just that with!  Thanks.

I've settled into a bad pattern of weekend binging.

 

I tend to 'be good' all week, 1200-1300 calories, work out all week... by the end of the week i start dreaminga and fantasizing about food.  By the time the weekend hits, the first sign of temptation, i'm a crazy woman eating everything in sight.

I then have to spend the next week being strict to counteract it.

 

Why do i have to be an all or nothing person? I know that if logic prevailed i would 'not deprive myself during the week' ..so there would be no binge.  I just fear if i dont be strict during the week, i'll gain weight from the weekend binge.  Oh its such a bad cycle.

I am exactly the same way.  I did really good last week and last night while watching tv I made the mistake of eating an oreo. I swear I think I ate 20 of them!  So it's like I totally can NOT eat in moderation, not junk food anyway.  Give me a plate of vegetables and I'll know when to stop!

Stop punishing yourself by "being strict."

Maybe you are hungry???

Perhaps you need to add food to your current way of eating.

Make a list of foods you've denied yourself.

Figure out how you can start trusting yourself again...

While you're at it, make sure you're eating a well-rounded diet: balanced in veggies, fruit, protein, good starches, and limited high-concentrated carbs...you may be bingeing because you aren't taking in the nutrients you need.

Again, go to www.mypyramid.gov and check our My Planner...you can develop a healthy eating pattern and log on to chart...the planner automatically updates "what's left" for the day. It's totally awesome...and, it's free!!! It would be difficult to get a better eating plan with a counselor...but, it does take a little bit of your time. Good thing: you can log on anywhere there is a computer with access to .gov!

Hope your holidays are going well!

 

Hi all,

Its been over a month since i last binged- here's how I've done it:

 

I picked 5 or so recipes that are yummy and healthy, and cooked them all up. I then froze them in individual serves. these are my dinners, and i know exactly whats in them nutritionally and calorie-wise. This way there are no 'leftovers' to binge on, and if i get "that bingeing feeling" its too much effort to defrost. However if im actually hungry its worth the effort.

Being the silly season= surrounded by calorific foods. when I have been anything like cookies/cake/icecream I have thrown them out. better in the trash than 'trashing' my body.

 

however if i DO want something sweet/chocolate- hot cocoas, frozen yogurts in individual tubs. Reserve the true treats (like cake and real icecream) for when you are out/at a friends and savour them. remember they are allowed, but they are a treat so infrequent is better.

 

another thing is i have been having a very large breakfast- sets me up for the day.

 

also- the 'analysis' function has been fantastic- log what u have eaten, and the frozen dinner that will come later, and determine what to eat for snacks/lunch by what u need to increase to get an A grade that day. worry less about cal, more about nutrition grade..... with this mentality you are less likely to binge, since youve already thought so hard about how to eat optimally that day- why waste that A!

 

ive been suprised that planning my meals ive actually had to try and fit in extra cals as snacks,---- b/c im not starving myself and eating sensibly i dont feel as controlled by food- im controlling it! and sometimes those 'snacks' to up the cal intake can be the foods i used to binge on- like choc and icecream--- but b/c ive got my mind on the analysis grade, just not so much of it to make the grade go down!

 

hope this helps any of you---

good luck xoxo

i am SO FRUSTRATED. i keep binging on junk food because i'm at my parents house (my house has NO junk) and when i came here i decided i would start eating again, but its just been binges on junk! and its because i'm home by myself all day while my parents are at work. im scared because i already set myself back in the ED mindset and worried about how tomorrow will go.. thank god i HAVENT purged yet, which i did last time this happened. no matter how much i want to i just do not have the energy to fall back into that pattern. i feel like ive already gained so much from these past couple days, i feel digusting, and now have no motivation to keep gaining (even healthy) because ED wants me only to lose lose lose now whatever i just put on from binges. Strangely, this happened over thanksgiving break but i had a hint of that hypermetabolism deal going on... this time.. not so much, because since then i have been eating a little on and off, unlike before the thanksgiving binge when it was strictly 2 apples a day. im scared of gaining so much weight, it took so much for me to actually WANT to start trying to recover again, and i feel like ive demolished the good mindset and am stuck now with ED. i feel disgusting, depressed, lonely, guilty, regretful, anxious, and completely out of control. i still just want to be normal. 

Ugh, I've had a horrible couple of days with food. Yesterday I turned in my final project for my marketing class. I aced the project & the class so I don't have to take the final! Great! Well here is where I screwed myself. I decided to "reward" myself by allowing myself to deviate from my food plan & have a few glasses of champagne.

Almost sounds normal, right? Well, ladies & gentleman, I have a diet soda problem. I drink far too much of it, but it's my vice & I'm not ready to give it up.

Late last night, after countless "diet" sodas (& everything else I ate/drank), to my absolute HORROR I realized that THEY WEREN'T DIET. I accidently bought one REGULAR pack among the diet when they were on sale & have been drinking THOUSANDS of ADDITIONAL CALORIES per day.

I wanted to fly off of a cliff.

Transitions are a notorious binge trigger for me. Today, not surprisingly, I didn't just hop back on my food plan wagon like I told myself I would. Thus, I have eaten way too much. I made my choice to betray myself early this morning when I refused to log on to calorie count. It all started when I went for seconds on cereal & I just haven't stopped. It's the same old dangerous "**** it" mentality followed up with "well I've already said "**** it" so..."

I almost feel like I'm getting in one last day of thousands of excess calories that I can actually enjoy, even though now I am so stuffed I look pregnant and am not so enjoyable.

I just can't believe this. Compulsive overeating is always a struggle. Sometimes it's quieter, sometimes it's screaming in your ear, but once it's there... I think it's always there. I've met people who have been "abstinent" food addiction/binging for a long time, however they constantly fight it. Sometimes I just get so tired of fighting, you know? Sometimes I think I want to just lay face down in a bowl of icecream. Then, not only do I feel like crap, but I think of those imobile food addicts who are housebound & I remember that compulsive overeating isn't just some food hobby, it's a dangerous addiction.

Anyway. I refilled my ice cream bowl 3x and ate 2 plates of chips with cheese while writing this so I could type this out with fierce vindication:

I hereby hop on the wagon. I am picking up my food plan as of RIGHT NOW (not tomorrow or next week). I rennounce the voices in my head that tell me to "**** it," purge, starve or otherwise punish myself.

I am! So here I go!

What does "normal" look like?

How does it feel to "be normal?'

Seriously, ponder these questions. Journal/write about them.

How would you be different? How differently would you feel?

What are you doing or not doing because you think you have to "be normal" first?

Can you pretend?...can you pretend that your "good enough" is "normal?"

Try it for an hour ... a day...What does it feel like?

 

:(

I cave in! I'm happy I managed to go three days without binging, and thus far everyday (including today) I've been exercising. All cardio, I'm trying to lose a couple of extra pounds so I thought "Eh, might as well stick it to cardio until I lose those pounds THEN incorporate weight training" So it's been pretty fun. Today I was reeeeally tired and exhausted, because the workout I had was really intense.

I don't know if it's possible that I wasn't eating enough during the day, or if maybe I wasn't eating enough healthy fats. I mostly kept it to veggies&fruits with some protein and nonfat dairy mixed in. I think by the time dinner time rolled around, I had only eaten 750ish calories, and I had done plyometrics today. Blah. I can't get myself to eat much during the day because I'm afraid my dad's dinners will be too high in calories (especially since I have to guesstimate all of it since he doesn't give the exact deets) and then I'll go over the day's calories by a lot.. Just wondering y'all.. when you eat a bigger breakfast, do you tend to not binge that day? (And how "big" in calories are your breakfasts usually.)

I'm really happy that I managed to stop myself from making the binge even worse, and I've been exercising. I only had 3 cookies, a small mug of milk, a really thick slice of my dad's potato bread, and 1/4 (or so I'm estimating) of a Dorito's bag.

I hate that feeling the next day when you're like "gah. I just binged. That puts me one day behind on my goal." Is it possible to get past that feeling right away so you can put the anxiety of all the extra calories behind you?

I think I'm really making progress, though.. Even if it is baby steps. Is it supposed to take so long to stop binging, or does it happen all in one day? When I hear someones story on how they stopped, it sounds like it just happened instantly. @_@

i know for sure it doesn't happen instantly. and recovery from binge eating isn't easy, nor is it overnight. i struggle with it daily, as i am sure almost everyone with this disorder does.

 

i am currently just trying to let my body and my mind get back into a normal pattern of eating- not craving food. i know all too well about the guilt. the guilt, ugh, it's so repressive and makes my whole day crappy.

 

good luck. three days is a really good start to go without a binge. you should think in terms of having more good days than bad days for now.

1 month no binging. Exercising in moderation, healthy eating...

 

came home for xmas break from college and....

 

I'm back to binging. I guess it's back to planning out my foods again... God I wish this could stop.