~~Bingers Anonymous~~

Welcome to BA. My name is Nicole and I'm a binger.

i decided that it could be helpful to have a forum for those of us trying to recover from this evil thing called binge eating disorder (BED). Whenever you have success... post here! Whenever you have struggles... post here! need support to stay out of the cookie jar?.... post here!

i'll be posting my intake of calories everyday in hopes that showing all of you what i eat will keep me from OVER EATING.

anyone with the same struggles??

Ahh, food obsession.   

This is definitely the problem that begins the majority of my binge episodes.  I fixate on a food (or foods- sometimes it's very specific, like CHOCOLATE PUDDING... but sometimes it's just very vague and all-encompassin g, like PIZZAPASTATOMATOSAUCEGOOEYCHEESEBREADDOUGH), and even after drinking a ton of water or eating something else (a healthy alternative, a meal, etc) to fill up... my mind goes right back to the obsession with whatever food it is at the moment.  There is definitely a single-mindedness that just completely takes over- no matter if I'm hungry or full, bored or busy, happy, sad, here, there, whatever...

So there I am fixating, and that's when I'll go to eating everything I come across, whether it tastes good or not, in order to fill the void.  Single-minded food-in-mouth, food-in-mouth, food-in-mouth.  Everything else is dulled, and afterwards it's like looking back and feeling like I was in a trance.     

Also, right after a trip to the grocery store is a bad time for me- I do try to subscribe to the whole "don't go grocery shopping on an empty stomach" idea, but even doing so, once I'm home with the newly full refrigerator and pantry, it's like I get so obsessed with wanting to try everything RIGHT THEN, I cannot stop myself from opening and eating some of everything I bought!  I buy healthy things yes, but eating half of a 3 lb bag of baby carrots in one night is, um, not healthy.           &nb sp; 

Here is the only thing that has ever worked to stop me mid-binge.  Bring out a mirror.  If you're on the couch plowing through an entire bag of chips or cookies, bring out a hand mirror or even better, do like I do, prop a full length mirror directly across the room from you, where you are forced to watch yourself eat.  If you watched somebody else eat an entire package of cookies, you would be disgusted right?  Let that work for you.  See what you are doing to yourself.  It really puts things into perspective in that moment, and also you'll be armed with that mental image the next time you feel a binge coming on.

Seriously, best to you all- hope all of you find your own something that helps!      &nb sp;   

dallasjaded- the mirror thing is a really good idea!! Even if I dont have a mirror around, I can act like I'm watching myself :) 

dallasjaded, that was a terrific description of the sleep-walking aspect of binge-eating - the trance-like numbness that we all seek.  For me, it was like taking a break from life, like a vacation, inside my own head.  Unfortunately, by abusing myself with emo-eating, I created more unhappiness for myself, more reasons to want to hide from life with food. 

Eventually, it became such a habit that I didn't even need to be binging because of emotional distress, it was just a hobby, recreation, what I did to pass the time.  Ug.

I like the suggestion of the mirror.  Actually, anything that keeps me from going into the dissociative numbness is effective.  I spent a lot of time practicing how to combat those sabotaging thoughts that promote binges.  So now what works for me is stopping myself before I descend into the darkness - actively thinking "How do you want to feel later?" instead of falling for the lies of "don't think about it" or "just this once" or my former favorite:  "I don't give an eff." 

It has been my experience that thoughts are very powerful, but also controllable.  I do not believe "I can't control myself."  For me, it was more a matter of "I don't want to control myself."

i had the worst night last night. was up late doing an assignment. at midnight i realised i was starving, so too the kitchen i went......

id been really good all day (good as in balanced/healthy, not really calorie wise :( im almost recovered from ED, so eating 2500cals), so i decided to go the healthy choice by having an apple. but no that didnt satisfy my hunger, so i had a high calcium ice cream (this somehow seems 'healther' to me than regular ice cream??? pfft im so pathetic). nup that didnt do it either......

i then consumed:

1/2 jar pb + 2x100 cal snacks + endless slices of rasin toast + tons of CASHEWS (whyyy?) + milo, lots and lots of it + rasins + cereal..... (+ i cant even remember the rest... ive totally blocked it out.)

......all in the space of 15mins.

i went from being healthy at 12am to feeling sick to my stomach and 1500+ cals heavier (not really, but you know what i mean..) at 12.15am!

i felt so full/sick i could not sleep. i got a really bad headache from all the sugar while my stomach and back ached from the amount of food. ontop of this... i got hunger pains 30mins later, like i still felt bloated as, but hunger at the same time? wtf....

anyway... woke up this morning feeling so sick still. the thought of food actually makes me wanna puke. :( im still so full.

i dont really care about the consequence (ie. weight gain), because thats sorta my goal anyway. Im just so ashamed and disgusted at myself for loosing control like that and turning into a mad woman.... in 15 **** minutes (excuse my language)!!! 

all i can think is failure....

i hate this.

sorry to post so negatively...... i just really needed to get this out.

 

 

Hey, chippy, don't apologize for dumping your binge misery here - that's what we're here for!  I personally appreciate reading about your compulsive overeating episode, because it helps me - tonight I have eaten enough but was wishing I could allow myself to go "whole hog" - reading your post I got to remember how the (dubious) pleasure of binging is immediately followed by physical and emotional anguish.

Plus, for me, a big part of overcoming unhealthy behavior is putting it out there, letting go of the secretive shame that kept me binging alone for so many years.  So I think it's really important to write it out.

Next time, try writing about your impulses BEFORE you act on them - see if it helps.  And perhaps you need to keep a copy of your post to remind you the next time you are tempted to say wtf...

I second Mad4 moon - thanks for putting it all out there, it has helped me too. Although I seldom binge these days, I still sometimes get that urge to keep going the “ whole hog” as MAd4moon put it! However, it is thanks to the bravery of people like yourself, that I am reminded of how it is not worth it!

It is SO common for people gaining to feel very hungry even after eating a lot! It is also normal to binge when your underweight so just remember that your body is doing a normal thing in your predicament; next time you feel the urge, go back and read your post and perhaps you will be able to stop yourself!

It may be normal to binge when gaining, but don’t let that justify a binge; it will feel far better to just eat the same amount of calories, but in a normal, controlled, enjoyable way!

dallasjaded - that is a fantastic idea.  i know i've been in hotel rooms and gone crazy ordering room service, and i'll be sitting in front of a mirror and be completely disgusted with what i see, so i will literally move out of the mirror's way. but to put one there deliberately. it's a really good idea. and one i hope to use if/when the next binge of mine occurrs... thanks for the advice :]

10 days binge free and counting!!

 

Bravo!

Hi, my name is Cassie and I'm a binger. I didn't realize I was a binger until recently. I thought what I was doing was just having a "cheat" day, but I realized that it was different. I was eating in hiding away from my room mates, and then when I was done I would throw away the empty packages as soon as possible to get rid of the "evidence." Also, I have been trying to lose weight since 2006, but I can't really get anywhere because all the work I do during the week is offset by the binging I do at least once a week. Most of the times I eat so fast I can't comprehend the quantities. I see a whole empty chip bag and an empty container of dip, as well as feel like I am going to puke, but I'm in denial so I say it's maybe a few hundred calories. I'm ready to change!

One thing I have noticed is that if I eat directly from the container the food comes in, it turns into a binge. From now on, no matter how much I don't want to do extra dishes, I'm going to arrange my servings on a plate and walk away from the main container.

Also, eating low-calorie foods like sugar-free gelatin and pickles seems to be enough to get me over the edge. Also, crystal light drinks help a lot too.

I hope my few tips help and I can't wait to hear more of people's successes!

Hi Im Stephanie and i am a binger.

Im 15 years old and 37kgs

I suffered from a binge eating disorder last year but stopped at the start of this year and didnt have one binge for 6 months! But now i am back to my old ways and have been for 6 weeks, You wont believe this but i usualy binge up to about 3-4000 calories ! i cant believe that fits in my stomach but i manage to keep on going. Why is binging so hard to give up? Why cant I just just say no to when i have the urge to binge ?. This is my first day of not binging i hope i make it.

How tall are you?

31 kilo’s is very under weight for an average women.

People here want to support you - but if you are very under weight, than you do not deserve support UNTLESS you are prepared to eat enough to gain to a healthy weight.

One of the MAIN reasons for binge eating, is because people under eat.

When most people do not eat enough, they will binge.  

Binge eating is actually a NORMAL response when you do not eat enough calories.

I am not trying to be nasty -  but you said you were 37 kilograms, and you did not give you height;  so you may be under weight.

If you are under weight, than that is probably the reasons why you are binging.

I binge every now and then like crazy.

on nights in at home and bored ill go to the gas station and buy a pint of ice cream, and large bag of chips and maybe and candy bar, and eat all of it within a few hours.

it makes me feel horrible and discusting. recently its been coming back up. i dont know if im control the puking myself or if my body just thinks its too much.

i feel embarassed to say... but about 4500 calories over the past 4 days :( i feel upset and helpless. i need to change!

Im 148cms which is pretty short. The doctor said I am a healthy weight for my height .

Hi everyone.

I binge and everytime i do that I'm just making myself feel worse. Its like Im trying to destroy myself.

This is crazy and I really just can't seem to stop.

im a recovering ana and i have developed a BED the past 2 weeks. i have binged to the MAXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX, eating like 5,000+ calories in ONE sitting. the worst is my family still thinks im not eating because i can only binge when im alone ! uuuuugh. i am soooooooo bloated full i can barley breathe and im gaining unhealthy weight so rapidly and like alll in my stomach area too, (my problem area). help ! lol

I started binge eating when I was about 13 years old and at 14 I started the purging. I am now 19 and attending university and I have never been more bulimic. In the past month I have spent $936 on food. A THOUSAND dollars on food! 1 month!

My family knows. My family is the main cause, really; although I guess we all want to blame someone else. I can't remember a time when I was growing up where some comment on food and weight wasn't being directed at me or at least the topic of conversation. Even after everybody found out about my eating disorders (yes, I have went through pretty much all of them) they still didn't stop. In fact, for the first time when I was content with my body they never implied my need to loose weight so .... well, unsubtle-like. But I am getting ahead of myself...

Just shortly after I started down this road I was about to go on an exchange for 2 months, and it was just a week before my take-off that my parents found out. They let me go anyway, having already paid. That was when the best thing happened to me (and the last good thing too) .... I felt free of all the eating disorders! No one ever talked about weight lose or calorie counting. They were all healthy sizes - nobody overweight but no buddy superskinny. They were just happy with themselves and with me. My 'troubles' came to an abrurt stop and I never thinked about them. However, when I returned I found that my 'trust-worthy' parents had told ever one in the family, their few friends AND some of my teachers! What the F***! They wouldn't listen to me. I was treated like a bulimic and nothing but that - just a disease. They took me to a "professional" (my rear-end) who subjected me and alienated me like everybody else. I hated they way she looked at me and talked to me. That was my first and last visit to a "professional"; once again I became a walking fistful of eating disorders - you become what you are treated like. ...... family and friends just ignored my eating disorders after that.

90 pounds that christmas but I was still in a severe depression. I snapped that holiday, crowded by my critizing family. I gained 40 pounds in those 2 weeks - my way of saying "F you family, you want to see unhealthy." Yes, I know, very mature and well handled. Well, at least when I went back to school I wasn't thinking about food for once, but about suicide. Damage done, I can't take back what I did to myself. Head-to-foot covered in very visible stretch-marks, will always have loose skin. Eye-lashes fell out from being so thin before the mega-binge and have not returned. "What's the point in trying to stop now?" I ask myself, I will always be ugly now. Even if I get to a nice shape I can never wear shorts or a tank top. I try never to get to close to people because I know that all they look at is my non-existent eyelashes. No social life because of all this. People always come with the talk of weight and food.

I moved away for university but everynight my parents call and always bring up the subject of food and weight lose. I have tried to get it across that I am senative to food and weight discussions but they go on being 'blind.' I love my dad and I know that he is just concerned for my well being but he never stops "have you exercised, joined a gym, what have you been eating....". Great, seeing as how I have been hypergymnastic as well (anorexis, chew and spit, eating something like paper to feel full) (please ignore my horrible spelling of anoresia..xis...?).

I clearly can't talk to my family and I do not feel comfortable with going to a professional; not only because I know I will be just another job to them but also because I can't handle the thought of more people knowing how disgusting I am.

I can't stop thinking about food. It has consumed me. I notice drastic mood changes when I try to hold off binging. It feels like I need it.

I just want to use this as a way to finally talk about it. So I am sorry its so long.

First off,   you are very brave for writing about those problems you have been having

You are living with an awful relationship with food and your body. I have issues also, and have had my share of disordered eating - anorexia, binging, and generally not feeling happy about my body.

What you are dealing with sounds horrible. Gaining weight, than losing weight, and suffering the physical signs, such as stretch marks and your eyelashes falling out must be very traumatic. Moreover, you are also suffering serious psychological issues.

Look. Visually, it is not possible for ANY person to attain the perfect image. Eating super healthy tomorrow, and from now on, will not make your stretch marks and eyelashes grow back any time soon.

But there IS DEFINITLY a point in trying to be healthy!     Wanting to look a certain way is not a healthy reason to be healthy.   Because it puts you in a mindset where you think   “ unless I look like a tall skinny model in the magazines, than there is no point bothering at all”

But, you will look and feel SO MUCH better if you become the best version of yourself. If you start to eat a lot of vegetables, fish, protein, and fresh fruit, for example, and avoid refined sugar and most processed food that has artificial ingredients, you will look and feel SO MUCH better


The reality is: the BEST you can look visually, can be attained through sensible diet and exercise. That is all you can achieve - the best version that you can be.

So - just because you won’t get long eyelashes and be free of stretch marks,  that is no reason to not bother at all; because by making an effort, you can still look MUCH better than you do now.

Lastly, you need to tell your family that they are actually causing your eating disorders, and explain that if they care about you, they will stop hurting you by talking about food and weight related issues.

Also, you have a very negative view about psychologist and professionals that help people with eating disorders!      There are MANY of them who definitely DO NOT just look at every one as “ just another patient” !!!!!!!!!

There are some wonderful professionals out there, if you are lucky enough to find one.

Please try to turn things around, it was disturbing and upsetting to read about how you feel about things.

The community here on calorie count has some very nice people who will listen to your troubles, and try to offer you advice. But, you have to at least try to be proactive - people will stop wanting to help if you are not willing to take their advice

Good luck! You do not deserve to feel this bad!

Hi everyone,

I think that night is the worst time of the day...I manage to control myself the whole blasted day until the dark descends.  My problem is ice cream, frozen yogurt, etc...I have a penchant for Edys Loaded and Fun Flavors and am currently *not* thinking about them right now (sigh).