Any Binging Anorexics Out there??

Hi, well my name is bri.

i'm 16, 5'1", and currently 95 pounds. i was about 90 pounds 2 weeks ago, but i've been in binge mode all week, averaging around 2000 plus calories each day.

my disorder started from my mom, who's abusive. mentally....and physically. right now, she pretty much torments me by making me eat a crapload of rice and fried stuff...and calling me names such as crazy bitch or anorexic if i don't.......

well enough of that...what i want to know is if any anorexics or compulsive calorie counters have the same problem as me? I can't stop binging...........it's only 11 am and i've already had my regular breakfast, 1/2 a box of cereal, 1/2 carton of ice cream, tons of crystal lite powder STRAIGHT, soy powder, ...................and my mom is coming home soon so i'll have to eat lunch (600) plus dinner...which can range anywhere from 700-1300 calories depending on what she makes me eat.

no i've never purged either. which is a good thing...

but how do i deal with this? i know i'm so messed up....and i CANT get psychiatric help.......so please don't suggest stuff like that...just is there any way to overcome this binge mode i am in?

if theres anyone with a similar problem to mine, please talk to me...........

That's been me for the past three weeks, minus the abusive mother (for which you have my sympathies -- I get upset and frustrated with my parents often when dealing with food, but they're at least supportive of me. Is there anyone you can talk to about her? A teacher or a counselor or a doctor or something?)... I started off small on the binging at first but it's gotten worse over the past couple of weeks with my problems with stress and depression, and I've gained FAT but not that much WEIGHT so I still have to eat according to the upped meal plan that my doctors and parents have for me (on top of the binging!), which just kind of stresses me out even more.

I don't have much advice to give, since I'm in the middle of struggling to kick the habit myself, but I wanted to let you know that you're not alone! It's a hard and painful process trying to get through it, but binging is worse.

And although gaining five or even more pounds would probably be okay for you, at your height, it should be done in a healthy way that makes you feel good about yourself. Whatever happens, though, keep trucking on!

She doesn't seem abusive... she just seems concerned. :\

hey!i suffer from Amenorrhea...after this illness the next step is anorexia. ive lost my periods, my womb doesnt work....(doc told me such a horrible thing..gosh) etc. i have to eat much to gain 5 kilos somehow! i cant eat but my mom and grand mom insist me! they do every little thing for me to gain weight! i understand that i should gain and become healthy if i want to get my periods back! but the matter is that ive been losing this 15 kilos during 3 months! ive tried my best and now i should gain the weight??? thats my problem! so if i dont what to face such a illness like anorexia i should start eating eating and eating! i advice you that! eat as much as you can! eat healthy food, vegetables, red meat! once a day sweet..or whatever you wish!
i wish you luck! and be healthy, i wish that to everyone of you!

hey bri,

it is crazy how much we  have in common here. i have been dealing with this issue for months now. it started in school when my weight dropped a lot and my mom would frantically tell me i was too thin, mainly because i have a sister who put herself in the hospital at 65 pounds a few years ago. each time my mom told me this (even though i guess she meant well) i would panic and go into a whirlwind binge. because heck, i could eat that croissant and that cake and that icecream, because my mom thought i was 'too thin' right? wrong, it only made me feel terrible. i did gain some weight but not much really. i would feel so horribly guilty about it afterwards that i would usually run it off. and watch myself for days before it happened again. this summer i have been working on stopping that pattern and recognizing what it is that sends me into that spiral in the first place.  i still am not sure, but each time i feel myself spiraling into a binge i take a really intense breath and slow down the thoughts spinning in my mind for a moment. then i just ask myself 'do i really want to do this? is it really worth hurting myself?'  the answer to that question is ALWAYS no. sometimes i realize i just ate out of boredom or worse, spite for my mom, who i still find overbearing. but ultimately what you put in your body is your own business. you have the power to fuel it with healthy nutritious foods, just like you also have the power to stop the binge cycle. you no longer want to binge and realize how miserable it makes you, and now you only need to recognize that you have the ability to overcome it. seriously you can kick this thing.

i find that another practical thing that what also worked best for me was learning how to integrate variety back into my diet more. when i ate protein (rather than just cereal) for lunch i felt less likely to binge later. try low-fat lunch meats on whole wheat bread maybe...the more regular meals become the more control you will have over your eating cycle. another suggestion is when you feel a binge coming on give a friend a call or go for a walk or take a bath or draw or write about what you are feeling at that moment. catch yourself before you fall, and channel what could be an emotional binge into art.  but yes, sorry this is so long..i have just had and am having such a battle with this that i just have a lot to say. i hope this helped at least a little!

best of luck and warm encouragement

I totally understand how you feel.

I was mildly anorexic for close to a year (not aware of it then, just felt that I was extremely 'healthy' and mildy paranoid about some food), and was bingeing about once a week. Then all of a sudden, it developed into non-stop bingeing and that was when I realized I really had a problem.

Recently, I had 5 good days of eating healthy... (not undereating! but filling myself with healthy food and avoiding certain things which always throw me into a binge) and last night, I just binged til this morning. Like, it just came back :( and I feel awful. For the first time, I counted my binge and it came up to about 5500kcal...I don't think it's a great idea to be counting calories, but at least it made me so nauseaus I've stopped for today. Sigh.

Sorry I ain't helping much bri, in fact, I'm just using this space to rant because I'm feeling so awful about the whole episode. Feel free to contact me if you want to talk. =)

Sigh, tomorrow's a new day i guess. I wish I knew for sure there's a way out.

skippyskippy-thanks for the encouraging words. unfortunately, i can't talk to a doctor or counselor because my dad is a doctor and he just says to listen to my mom. he doesn't know about her hitting/yelling at me. she acts differently to me when he's around.

annatokhadze-i have the same problem with the period. I haven't had my period in about a year. the solution according to my mom is to make me eat tons of food and not necessarily healthy ones either. so i guess there is a certain weight all girls have to be in order to have their period?

greenbeing-i can totally relate. i know i should feel good about eating, but i can't...and when i do eat, it's uncontrollable..it's like my body is compensating for all the times it wasn't fed. but the problem is i only binge when my mom is not around so she doesn't think i eat. instead, she thinks i'm starving when in fact i'm eating around 2000 calories!

summer-joy-thank you for posting. i can also totally relate with you. i just recently realized i was anorexic...i actually was denying it for a year...and sometimes, i wish i could go back to the days when i didn't even know what a calorie was.....it started off as simply trying to lose 5 pounds, and then, that wasn't enough...and now, i'm a freakign calorie obsessing anorexic.....now binging. ugh.

anyway, thank you ALL for posting. i feel much better to know that i am not alone in this....thank you.

Im 17. I have been recovering from anorexia for the bast 8 months, and have been maintaining my weight at around 7 stone for about 2 months now.  In recovering I was given a set amount of calories, which I part decided and then I created a meal plan, which I stuck to rigidly and was given times when I had to have a meal (ended up having 4 meals aday at allocated times) ... I found that I controled binging thoughts by chewing gum and distracted myself(so hard) strictly untill I could allow myself to eat again. The thing is, I used the time when I had a meal as a sort of binge, but a controlled one.... Like my diet and refusal to eat food high in calories but in a small quantity, lead me to eating lots of food low in calories but in large quantities.  but yeaa jus a random thought..
xx

ps I hope your okay with your mum and stuff
check out these sites :
http://www.something-fishy.org/

http://fishyvb.something-fishy.org/

i can cope with you on this because i was anorexic when i was only 11 years old and my parents got so upset with me about it. definitly not the way your mom does, but they really did get upset when i wouldnt eat normal portions and i wouldnt eat the food they made. but it really is hard on parents to have kids that wont eat. i dont know if this will work because your mom sounds pretty intense with this but jsut try eating more in front of your mom and showing her that you eat instead of doing it in secret when you binge. also, if your mom is really being that abusive talk to a counselor or another adult or someone you trust because thats not fair to you to have to live with someone like that

Oh yea. and I haven't had my period too. Even after getting back to a healthy weight (unfortunately, by bingeing).

Bri, u'd like to chat online or something? :) I feel like I can totally relate with you. And actually, many people here. haha

well im 17,5ft 1 and 98lbs,but 2 days ago i was around 93lbs but since bingeing in secret very very badly these past 2 days which yestaday im only guessing was like over 4000 calories and today i didnt count but im guessing again bout 3500 or maybe more,ive put on 4-5lbs and im so stressed about this because i do so well for 2 weeks by loseing some pounds here n there and then i binge.i keep saying to myself in the week every single day that its ok to eat under 1000 calories for the day as to make up for bingeing episodes that i have but then i just do it all over again in the next few weeks... binge/restrict/binge/restrict. its SUCH an evil cycle that us restrictors are in.oh and then there is my mind constantly counts calories that ive had every 5 seconds of the day if i didnt binge. gahh so frustrated >=( i just wanna get out of this mess