its my birthday-ED recoverers please HELP!

Today is my birthday...I turn 24.

 I'm so depressed though. It's been almost a full month since starting recovery. I drink water constantly...soften tea, never coffee. I eat small healthy meals throughout the day, avoiding the hardest to digest foods. I am small, 5'2", so I eat 1200 calories on a basic day and up to 1400 calories when I am very hungry. The most exercise I can get is a medium walk...or some stretching...as the water retention in my feet and legs increases otherwise. My knees and other joints are always sore and prevent me from doing much. I am always warm/hot now-my hubby says its my metabolism going like crazy but i am just expanding...my skin is 'tearing' too as i have a million stretch marks and broken capillaries literally over night due to my skin expanding so quickly.

 

Honestly I don't know how much I have gained. I stopped weighing myself after about 15 lbs of gain...but now my largest pair of pants is so tight it's painful and frankly I'm scared....

 

I can't seem to digest anything...I feel sick often, stomach cramps every morning, sooo thirsty no matter how much I drink.  I can't sleep because I wake up thirsty all the time.

 

I'm so depressed at how I look, how I feel...and I can't even see a doctor, as I know someone will recommend. 

 

I kept thinking...it's my birthday...just a little break so it doesn't hurt so much...isn't so uncomfortable...but it wasn't meant to be I suppose.

 

Any advice would be appreciated....pls...my ED never harmed me this much despite being so low for so many years. I can't understand how recovery can be so horrible

First off - Happy Birthday! I hope you can find a way to enjoy it.

Second - Why aren't you under the care of a doctor/able to see one?  Gaining weight differs so much for everyone, especially depending on how bad the ED was.  But it sounds like you are experiencing things that most people don't as they gain.  You also said you started recovery a month ago and already gained 15 pounds, but are eating only 1200-1400 calories.  It seems impossible to gain that much that quickly at such a low amount of calories.  I don't think what you are going through is healthy or "normal."  I strongly urge you to go to your doctor or clinic of some sort for help. 

I agree.  You need to see a medical care provider--a nurse, a doctor, a someone.  This doesn't sound healthy at all.  Sending you good thoughts.

 And happy birthday, fellow Aquarian.  Ankle swelling is an "Aquarian thing"   We're also strong in mind, but stubborn.  Don't be so stubborn that you hurt yourself unintentionally.  Hugs....

All of your fluid retention got me thinking that you may be experiencing refeeding syndrome. 

Refeeding Syndrome: The dramatic reduction in serum electrolytes and fluid retention leads to a number of systemic pathologies. There is an increase in cardiac workload, with increased stroke work, heart rate and oxygen consumption. This sudden increase in demand for nutrients and oxygen may outstrip supply. Moreover, in patients with cardiovascular disease, the sudden increase in cardiac work and circulating fluid can precipitate acute heart failure

How many calories were you previously eating, what were your stats (low weight, current weight,  etc)?

I don't really know toomuch other than its very dangerous and life-threateting.  I did find  this research paper online about it. http://www4.cord.edu/fns/portfolios/hmpowers/ Refeeding%20Syndrome%20Complications.doc

I"M VERY WORRIED ABOUT YOU NOW!

thank you for your birthday wishes and your concern...

 i am 5'2" and (last I checked) 102 lbs--but probably several more now...my lowest was 83...i started this closer to 85 i believe. ive been anorexic with bulimic tendancies for 3 years now...anorexic before that for maybe 2. i eat normal amounts during the day but purge everything so i 'keep' no calories. i stopped that cold turkey about a month ago and have been ballooning up since. i make most of my food at home or my husband cooks so i dont have sodium overload. i take every possibly helpful vitamin for digestive health, and overall health.

 

i have no money to see a doc and no health care :( i tried calling a free clinic and they told me to get on a waiting list and it'd take years because they won't accept new patients now.

 my vision has been blurry and my limbs often have little to no circulation (despite being hot often? weird) but I feel no chest pain luckily...

 

what can i do about refeeding syndrom and when might it stop? i suppose no one has any answers but i was hoping someone might have been through something similar and could point at the light at the end of the tunnel for me..

this is your birthday, live it up.  if u are going out to dinner, be cautious on your calorie intake during the day.  Have a nice meal, cake/icecream or whatever, and have a couple glasses of wine. dont stress out on your b day, just have fun. then go back to your normal diet afterwards, your body will even itself out eventually.  Just let go for one night of partying.

kmmackli-

 I'm not sure you completely understood my post...I have been doing wonderfully at eating and not purging, since I used to get rid of all my food, at least 3-8 times a day.  I have been sticking to 1200 calories a day, sometimes as much as 1400. Last night I had an amazing dinner with a glass of wine, appetizer, main course and dessert. But that wasn't the issue...

I have been feeling so much discomfort I don't WANT to go back to my 'normal' eating habits. I'm not on a diet I'm trying to recover... 

thyme - maybe you could try calling a helpline to see if they have recommendations for you.  Maybe they know wher eyou could go to be seen for free.  Oo maybe they could give you guidance about the source of your pains & discomfort.   Have you looked up toll free eating disorder hotlines?

Otherwise I would say eat less volume, while maintaining your 1200 calories.  Eat things like nuts that don't take up alot space in your stomach and won't cause the stretching you're feeling.  And VERY slowly start eating more volume until yout stomach can adjust to holding larger quantities of foods.

EDIT: Here's info on helplines from the info sticky at the top of the forum

Helplines/Hotlines

• NEDA helpline: (800) 931-2237
• ANAD hotline (847) 831-3438 (also have support groups available!)
• Pale reflections webpage with National/International hotline numbers
  

thyme828 - were you able to talk to a doctor or a helpline about this?  How are you feeling?  Any better yet?