Bit of a scrambled ramble!!

Right, So today I went out for coffee with my dad and nan. I usually only get tea or nothing. I decided to break outta my comfy zone, and I had a big fig and pecan cookie. This was at 12:00, after having my morning snack at 11:00. I just wanted to challenge myself and I wanted the cookie. On the way home (about 12:30, dad says-"Youll have to have lunch soon". I say to Dad, "I dont want lunch now, after that cookie Im not hungry". Then he goes off on me saying I need to stick to mealplan and have meals and snacks to gain weight. (This coming from the man who is always asking me to be flexible with mealtimes and mealtypes and break out of my comfort zone.) I wasnt planning on not eating (which would be compensating for having the cookie) I was actually planning on having more snacks instead of lunch. Which I think is ok(not always!), but to be flexible. But he disagreed,and kept saying "You need to gain weight!!". I was annoyed because I hadn't thought of the wieght gain, I had only thought of how proud I was for breaking out of my comfort zone. As soon as he mentioned weight gain, I relised he was right-I do need to eat more, so Ill just eat more snacks than I would if I wasnt trying to gain weight. Therefore I am killing two birds with one stone, 1-being flexible outside myt comfy zone, 2-still being conscious to eat enough for my body at the moment.

Does this make sense to you guys?Am I right in my conclusion of this story?

(BTW-I had a pear and an apple dipped in 1tbsp hummus, prunes in natural yoghurt with honey and a slice of carrot cake)

this does make sense , i think you did really well breaking out of the comfort zone and doing things differently, it  is a big part of recovery .obviously i dont think it would be good to do this everyday as eating the same lunch everyday would not be good, but i know you wont do that. from your dads side he is doing what he thinks is right. he just wants his daughter to be healthy , hes probably worried you may slip back and thought you were trying to get out of having lunch . perhaps you could try and talk to him again explain your reasons and how you feel , it is important , this is your recovery and you need to feel comfortable in what you are doing. but dont beat yourself up you did really well wll done h x

I can totally relate to this, and I think you are spot on with how you've responded over time.

I always get really annoyed and hurt when my parents make comments that seem to focus on the "deficit" rather than the victory.  I defend myself, etc. ...but then almost always realize later that they were on to something.

Like when I don't "want" to add oil to my chicken because I can easily get my fats with extra of something I can "enjoy more" I'll geta nnoyed because "what's important is I'm meeting my needs, right?" 
But then I'll realize that it's the ED mentality that must treasure eating so much that all calories are allotted to "valuble food" -as can be enjoyed best or most nutritious. 
-and I'll know that while it's important to meet my needs, part of my mission is to kill ED! And I wouldn't want to play nice with that monster by telling him its "ok to skip the oil" when MY goals and NON-ED eating would use it!

On the one hand it's nice to have someone commend your progress--but on the other hand, we don't want them to be "nice" toa  possibility of compromising with ED--that's being nice to the monster, not us!

I congratulate both drivenlass and lilmissgutz on connecting with the truth within your parents' comments. That's not easy to do in the middle of some valid feelings about wanting your wins to be recognized.

I hope you both get a chance to relay the thoughts you have posted here back to your parents, as tessa has suggested. I expect they really do want to celebrate your successes.

Eating disorders are family diseases -- the fear is contagious. While the person with the ED fights the fear of food, their loved ones fight the fear of the ED patient starving to death.

I think both sets of parents are very lucky to have you as daughters because you are so readily connecting with your parents' fear despite how hurtful it can be to you at times. 

it's great that you stepped out of your comfort zone but you have to understand that your dad isn't in your head. to an outsider it might look like you were trying to skip the meal and not merely add the cookie in addition to your meals. From his perspective he is afraid that you're resorting to old behaviors, not necessarily imrpoving. however, if you were to explain that you planned on eating CALORIFIC snacks instead of lunch because you weren't hungry then i'm sure he would understand.

at this point you aren't necessarily in tune with your hunger and it's fantastic that you ate the cookie but you have to be sure that ED thoughts aren't stopping you from eating BECAUSE you know you had the cookie. if you aren't hungry then really that's irrelevant because when gaining we often have to eat when we're not hungry just to meet our calorie needs.

You have to see that eating anyway would also be an accomplishment and blow to ED as much as "being in tune" with your hunger. I know you weren't TRYING TO GET OUT OF EATING, but ED can trick us. Your dad was just concerned and try not to be angry with him for loving you and trying to make sure you're healthy.