blah, blah, blah.

i'm sorry in advance for posting this. i know there must be a million threads started like these on this forum and others, but i could still really use some support, help, and/or advice.

i have a big binging problem. i see a counselor, and it feels like he's the only one that actually listens to me. my friends and my mom either don't understand at all and take things the wrong way, or they just ignore me. i feel like the more i know about myself through counselling and the closer i get to understanding why i binge and why i even got an ed in the first place, the more often i binge.

i go to the gym every other day, but everyday i don't work out, i have the lowest self-esteem before the day's even started, and i end up binging like a madwoman. if i work out everyday though, i'll get so over-worked that i end up not going for like 5 days in a row, therefore binging 5 days in a row.

i weigh 140-145 lbs right now, and even though it's only slightly overweight, i feel like i'm morbidly obese, and i honestly feel like i am the biggest and ugliest person to ever walk the earth.

i see my counselor every 2 weeks, but i'm beginning to think it isn't enough. what else can i do, without going inpatient or anything? is anyone else going through the same thing? can anyone give me any advice on how to possibly avoid these binges? i just feel so alone in this. once again, sorry for this post..

When you think about yourself, when you see yourself, what are the thoughts like in your head? Do you call yourself names? Do you put yourself down? Do you look for the positive in your life, or the negative? How about in yourself?

Your self-esteem seems the problem, behind your binges and otherwise. You have to work on that - to start thinking positively, to have confidence in yourself and what you do, how you look, to anticipate the day instead of dreading it before you even get up out of bed.

In regards to working out - or, feeling like you HAVE to work out - you need to raise that with your councellor. You should never feel the need to exercise when you may otherwise not want to; you sound like you're effectively describing exercise bulimia, though not quite (as far as I can tell you're not doing it to burn off calories, but rather to give yourself a confidence boost). Tell me, though: if you don't work out, do you feel you deserve to eat?

Already, you belittle yourself in your topic title. "Blah, blah, blah" - but it's not blahblahblah, it's a reasonable request for help. Don't put yourself down. Honestly, it sounds cliche but it's a huge factor in raising your own self esteem.

I think, quite possibly - and even though you may want to avoid it - inpatient should be considered to help get you into a normal trend of living, thinking and eating. As far as I'm aware you've been struggling with your recent binge/exercise requirement episodes for a while and you shouldn't punish yourself any longer with it. Don't consider any steps you have taken thus far obsolete or insignificant, though; any progress is progress, which is always an achievement.

Also, do you have any Overeaters Anonymous groups in your area? Something like that might also be helpful to you.

lala: i don't ever exercise to burn off calories. infact, if i binge, then i automatically won't exercise that day. on days i exercise, i just feel like a fat, lazy slob and like i shouldn't eat.

i'm really bad with putting myself down. in my head i tell myself i'm fat, like my body composition is all wrong and disgusting, and like i look like an ugly bulldog.

i want so badly to be confident in myself and i try to tell myself positive things, but i then feel so bad because i know i'm lying to myself, and i don't really believe those things. i look for the negative, usually.

the negative self talk is a big no no. I used to have a HUGE bingeing problem, eating until I was sick, and the more negatively I thought about myself, the more likely i was to binge. Now I try to see the lovely things about myself, and primp and preen, and I just dont get the urge to binge nearly at all!

Then you've summed up your problem, hun. Heh. The constant putting yourself down and the fact you think yourself lazy and fat because you have a slip, the poor self-image - that's why you keep getting stuck in this rut. Again, I'd raise it all with your counsellor and ask their advice on the matter, and keep inpatient or at least daypatient (partial) an open possibility. Sometimes things do get so out of hand we have to reach out for more help with them, and this may be one of those times for you.

Sounds to me like you should be seeing your therapist a LOT more often than once a fortnight sweety, so you can really work on your issues...