This is not a terribly helpful article. I would not in the world banish food from special occasions. I think families eating together and sharing food is one of the most natural things, and integral to most cultures. In other words, its normal to have fun and eat a few sweets when you are meeting people you havent seen in a while; also, its rarely JUST about food- games, songs, cards, etc are usually thrown in anyway.

Rather than attempting to change the joie de vivre associated with eating together on special occasions, I think a more helpful approach would be to cook healthier and fewer (but still special) foods, and for adults to teach children how to practise intuitive and balanced eating as a matter of course- even at festivals and other occasions.

i agree with you Isami

I like the idea of doing non-food get togethers, but the reality of it is very difficult.  What we've done is arrange a few together to do active things together like baseball, football etc. It's worked out well, but it makes you hungry 

I like the idea that get- togethers dont have to focus on the food. Alot of times I forget that I dont have to invite friends over for just dinner- the pic above said it... a camp fire and music, just to get together and hang out.

great thought for today, thanks!

WHAT WE NEED IS TO MAKE SURE THERE ARE LOW CALORIE CHOICES INCLUDED WITH THE REGULAR FOODS THE FAMILY ENJOYS. THEN HAVE SOME OF THE GOODIES AND FILL UP ON THE LOW CAL SALADS AND FRUITS. EVEN THE RESTAURANTS HAVE LOW CALORIE CHOICES. IF NOT ASK FOR YOUR MEAL TO BE MADE WITH SAUCES, GRAVIES, DRESSINGS ON THE SIDE. STAY AWAY FROM THAT BREAD BASKET. WE DON'T HAVE TO GIVE UP THE PLEASURE OF EATING TO MAINTAIN OUR WEIGHT. THE OTHER IDEA ABOUT NOT SITTING IN FRONT OF TV IS A GOOD ONE. GET OUT AND WALK OR BOWL OR DO SOME ACTIVITY. GREAT FOR THE KIDS TOO.

I also agree with lsami. People just need to eat less and do more fun physical activities. Board games or video games are always fun along with healthier food.

I really enjoy socializing over a good meal, so I work around the inherent potential caloric pitfal by hosting my friends at my place -- that way, I can control the 'calories in' factor.  Likewise, instead of putting out chips, pretzels, and so forth, I offer fresh fruits and veggies as snacks and appetizers.

I'm also lucky enough to live in a neighborhood with quiet, beautiful residential streets and a neat independent commercial district within very easy walking distance, so I often drag my friends out for a walk under the guise of 'picking up something for dinner.'  They don't seem to mind, and it helps us all get a little more exercise in :)

I'm going on a two week cruise with friends in a few days.  I've been thinking about how I'm going to maintain my weight on this floating restaurant.  Food is everywhere!  Realistically, you can't control how much food or what kind of food you come into contact with all the time, but you can control how you think about it.  What I got from this article was not to think of the ship as a "floating restaurant" but as a place to play and have a great time with friends.

I don't think the idea is to eliminate food from your get togethers but to realize that we plan all of our get togethers around food. We date with food, we grieve with food, we do everything around a meal plan.

The suggestion is to plan a get together around an activity rather than around a meal or snacks.

I've never been on a cruise, but from what I've read many of them have exercise classes, yoga classes, computer classes, nature classes, concerts, shopping, games and a ton of other social activities.  Some even have rock climbing walls!  I've heard there's food around every corner 24x7 but it sounds likes there's lots more. Not sure where the ports are, but there might be cultural events or walks/hikes around the port or city?  

Hope you have a wonderful time!  

This is just a response to the title of this article......I'm a professional chef. Need I say more?

Original Post by: clementsg

I don't think the idea is to eliminate food from your get togethers but to realize that we plan all of our get togethers around food. We date with food, we grieve with food, we do everything around a meal plan.

The suggestion is to plan a get together around an activity rather than around a meal or snacks.

Well said!

The article isn't suggesting that we totally ban or eliminate food from our social lives at all, but rather incorporate more active social encounters that aren't about food in with those that are.  Growing up in the Southeast, EVERYTHING is about food: births, deaths, weddings, graduations, new jobs, new dates, everything.

And as far as the family get-togethers part....the suggestion is doing something active after you eat together rather than sitting around or taking a post-gorge nap.  Our family reunions were always a huge mess of food, but they were always followed by games of tag, hiking in the mountains, and swimming.  

Something that I have learned on CC:  I'm responsible for my choices.  I can choose what, when and how much to eat.  I can't change what food is out there and what others choose to do.  I have to accept there are things I can't change, things I can change and hope that I can figure out which is which....

The people who wrote this article have no idea what my family is like. If I asked my whole family to scrapbook or do story sharing they would think I was crazy!  Something that I do think works well (for summer and spring get togethers) is volleyball and things like that. 

I agree completely with the idea of bringing healthy food ideas to the table when you have a family get together. When I make a dish to bring somewhere with me I make something with low fat versions or low cal. I wait until I get compliments on the dish and let everyone know that it was a healthly option. I dont think that its possible (for my family and friends) to have get togethers with out food and drink, it just comes down to choices.

I do walks and swimming with my friends.  We also do dinner and a movie at home on Friday night.  It started as just a movie with popcorn (air-popped) but has evolved into dinner.  I'm going to try to change it back to the original movie idea.

I totally agree, it's very difficult to avoid eating when hanging out either family or friends, besides, people tends to judge when one avoids eating, and that's not nice at all, a better choice is to prepare healthy food, an teach others healthy food habits.....

It's everyday choices that make a difference - not the one or two times you over indulge.

When I talk or visit with friends from other countries, they talk about getting together to go dancing, go downtown (to walk, spend time outdoors, see the sights), and other non-food activities.  Having a party that consists of talking and eating food seems very American in comparison.

I enjoy hosting wine tastings, and try to set out things that go well with the wine being served.  I'd already given some thought to providing hors d'oevres that weren't as fatty or high-calorie, and this article just reaffirms the importance of doing something that doesn't involve food--maybe I can get everyone at my next party to rake the leaves! :)

How about all the meetings we attend where food is served?  I've been campaigning to eliminate food from those.  I attend several meetings a month (not work meetings) all of them are scheduled conveniently after the noon or evening meal...and what do they do first?  Haul out something to eat.  Serving food at every event is really not necessary. 

I agree that eating as a way of socializing is an american thing.  We went to a sports game in the US and then in Canada.  In the US, it was all about the food.  There were food wappers and scraps everywhere.   In Canada, it was about the game.  Also, in Canada, food or drink was not allowed on the subways.  Can you even imagine that in the US?  We eat everywhere and always.  Think Canadian!

Good Morning, Everyone:

I totally agree that we are responsible for what we eat along with the fact that we always have tons of food and drink and that is what my family looks forward to- with a large family- it is hard to get everyone together- so we look forward to homemade favorites.

Also hardily agree with no need for food at work meetings, PTO meetings,etc. The last thing we need is more to eat and drink.

Enjoy your day!

Its funny to me that even the alternatives suggested in the article are junk food "hot spots", so to speak. Carnivals, the mall...food court, hello.

Point is, it's not so easy to banish food from our social life. The key, like everything else in life, is knowing how to balance.

Interesting. Definitely an "easier said than done" idea, but I definitely like it! I love being able to just hang out with my friends without having food in the mix. It's like a bonus to not have something to count while we talk about the latest anime or the weird thing that we noticed earlier.

I guess I gave up on suggesting places to meet up besides food-based places. This is a good reminder.

Thank you~!

I agree with the first post... who wants to banish food from special celebrations? Other than making you look crazy... it just seems to go against generations of human interaction. What is more HUMAN than sitting at a table with family and friends to share a meal, for whatever reason? Besides, when you eat as a social activity, it becomes more than meeting the basic requirement for food. I know that for me personally, since starting CC and paying more attention to my food, I understand that I am guilty of wolfing down what I eat and not enjoying it. Dining at a table--and with others--is a way to slow that down, to savor my food, and realize what I'm putting in my mouth. Watching TV or reading or whatever... led to bad eating habits for me.

I DO have a life... it doesn't revolve solely around food, but it's certainly part of it. Hey, everybody's gotta eat.

For me I tend not to invite ppl over because I get stressed about what to cook and what not to cook, what ppl like and don't like so I just avoid it all together.  I would love to have ppl over for us to hang out and play some games without having to be worried about the food part.

I don't think "over-indulgence" and "special occasions" need to go hand in hand. I  LOVE food, especially the wonderful creations that you can eat at holiday's in the company of family and friends. That said, going for walks, hanging out at the beach and other fun activities are just as enjoyable. I think the key here (like everywhere else) is to enjoy festive food in moderation and that food is not the focus of the event, but rather one of the aspects that make it enjoyable.

I also agree whole-heartedly with Isami's take on the article.

In my family food is the social activity, everything centers around the meal, so my suggestion is that you challenge your family and friends like I did:

About two weeks ago, I held a Sunday dinner at my house for family and close friends. I was a little worried about the how I would control myself and eat right. So what I did was tell everyone that we were having a theme dinner,  healthy soul food. I asked everyone to make their favorite dish, but challenged them to make it a little more healthy. The people invited were all excellent cooks and took this on as a challenge.  So when it came time for the meal, the cooks were excited for everyone to try their healthy version of their recipes, some guest were skeptical and didn't think things would taste the same. We had potato salad made without salt or real mayo, sweet potato pie made without shortening and only whole wheat flour, greens cooked with chicken broth and smoked turkey, oven fried chicken and apple pie made with splenda. Not a single person, complained, everyone thought the food was delicious, they even took doggy bags home. Oh and we only had diet soda for the kids. 

I'm still working on the activity part, my family likes to gather around the kitchen and talk for hours, at least we were drinking sugar free herb tea!  

This is a big one for me ... I've been with my boyfriend for about 1 1/3 years, and started dieting about 5 weeks ago. Now instead of eating dinner with him or him and his family, I have to eat before I come see him, and that usually means I can't see him until about 7 pm. Instead of spending the day with him, we're only able to spend a few hours together at night, unless we get together after I've eaten lunch, around 3 or 4, and then we'll have Subway or YaYa's together for dinner. But ... that only happens so often, as I don't want a "fast food" choice to be the only way to spend more time with my boyfriend. Any other suggestions would be helpful ...

I agree with Tysonius. It honestly doesn't matter if for family get togethers you all have a big meal. Just like one day of dieting a month is not really going to do anything for you, one day of enjoying higher calorie/fat foods isn't going to cause you to magically gain 10 lbs. The point of any diet should be to not be a slave to food. That works both ways. We should not have to forgo the occasional meal (sensibly portioned, of course) with our family because of a diet.

While I'm not saying do away with Christmas dinner, I would like to see my gatherings be less food-focused - especially at work, where the lunch meetings almost always serve meat as the main, so I wind up eating more dessert than I should. I'd prefer it to be more acceptable in my work culture to brown-bag it to meetings, but then we get into a debate with those who say if the office is making us work through lunch, they should at least feed us (I'd be fine if they just gave me the $10!) 

Some of my friends and I just go for tea when we're going out. Dance parties are always fun.  Family gatherings are sort of hard to change, but sometimes having a ton of food isn't fun - usually one person is running around heating, serving, cleaning, etc and doesn't get to talk.

Original Post by: slhende

In my family food is the social activity, everything centers around the meal, so my suggestion is that you challenge your family and friends like I did:

About two weeks ago, I held a Sunday dinner at my house for family and close friends. I was a little worried about the how I would control myself and eat right. So what I did was tell everyone that we were having a theme dinner,  healthy soul food. I asked everyone to make their favorite dish, but challenged them to make it a little more healthy. The people invited were all excellent cooks and took this on as a challenge.  So when it came time for the meal, the cooks were excited for everyone to try their healthy version of their recipes, some guest were skeptical and didn't think things would taste the same. We had potato salad made without salt or real mayo, sweet potato pie made without shortening and only whole wheat flour, greens cooked with chicken broth and smoked turkey, oven fried chicken and apple pie made with splenda. Not a single person, complained, everyone thought the food was delicious, they even took doggy bags home. Oh and we only had diet soda for the kids. 

I'm still working on the activity part, my family likes to gather around the kitchen and talk for hours, at least we were drinking sugar free herb tea!  

Great way to take on the challenge of eating on a festive occasion while minimizing the damage!  And providing only diet soda seems like a good way to compromise on the kids' diets; they want soda, but they certainly don't need any more sugar.  While I've read that diet soda can contribute to dietary problems (the caffeine?), I would think the reduction in sugar is a good place to start.

one of the things that i've had a hard time coming to terms with is not forcing MY agenda on everyone around me. You have to focus on staying inside your calorie limit YOURSELF.  It's a very private and personal thing, you don't have to include everyone else in on it.

yes motivating others to eat healthy and exercise is good, but you have to realise a lot of people just DON'T CARE. and I find that encouraging once or twice is fine but it gets a little old after a while... "lets go for an after dinner walk!" "no!" "let's go for an after dinner walk" "no!" blah blah blah.  Might as well just give up and save YOUR agenda for another day.

Negative, but true..... weight loss is such a PERSONAL and lonely struggle :(

Original Post by: mistyrobbins

I agree with Tysonius. It honestly doesn't matter if for family get togethers you all have a big meal. Just like one day of dieting a month is not really going to do anything for you, one day of enjoying higher calorie/fat foods isn't going to cause you to magically gain 10 lbs. The point of any diet should be to not be a slave to food. That works both ways. We should not have to forgo the occasional meal (sensibly portioned, of course) with our family because of a diet.

I think you meant summer2404; I was talking more about reducing the damage from wine tastings.  I agree that the occasional splurge will not wipe out the rest of your efforts, but it seems worthwhile to seek ways to provide guests food that they won't regret later.

Yes, you're right. Sorry about the mis-naming!

My problem is not eating WITH other people. I don't overeat in a crowd or at a get together. My problem is eating alone.  I especially stuggle with reading and eating. I love to read books (novels) but I have had the habit since I was young of eating and reading at the same time. Of course I was also always naturally thin to. Not always healthy food either. I gave up the reading but actually got depressed because I missed it so much. Yeah I lost 15lbs but it wasn't really worth it.  I am trying to break the habit and am finding it very hard to do.

Estaley4,

Perhaps you could substitute just a lollipop for food while you're reading. 

I think it depends on the group.  Some families like to take a walk after dinner and that works well.  I always go to family events and make a huge salad so that if we do have dessert, I will eat only the salad if I want to make room for the dessert.  I always say, "okay, who wants to go for a walk" and invariably someone wants to go with me.   If I am with a group that I know won't walk, I hit the gym that morning before I go over.  It seems like others don't care about your eating or exercise habits, so, you have to plan for yourself. 

I totally agree. Especially when one adopts a "minority" diet like raw food for instance, it can be quite complicated and awkward to still maintain sociability with family and friends. It's kind of sad but it is possible to manage. Thanks for the creative alternate ideas!

The other day I was at a bbq and all they had were hamburgers, hotdogs, potato salad and baked beans and regular coke!  I lied and said that I had already eaten and had a scoop of potato salad and water.  I don't eat any red meat and nothing else looked appealing (but I was hungry).  I just have never eaten stuff like that.  I eat fish and chicken on occasion, but, I have never eaten red meat.  It's really inconsiderate of people to not think that maybe someone is vegetarian or a healthy eater, but, I got used to this a long time ago.  I will go hungry before I will eat crap.   I care more about what I put in  my system than what others think about me.  They don't care if I get fat or develop high blood pressure, but I DO. 

I started swimming a few years ago, and I made very good friends in the group. We always organize our social events around activity - a run, a bike, a  swim, a hike. We often go for coffee or lunch afterward, but we all try to eat healthy so we usually try to find places that are suitable. It's funny - only recently have we started to go to plays and movies and concerts. It feels like cheating to not exercise together!

My other friends and family, though? Oh, it's all about the food.

Bottom line, I'm spending more time with the sporty folks these days. So, I'm fit and fat, hoping to one day be slim and trim!

I relate to this issue - I love to read and eat! I've started to substitute the most delicious herbal teas I can find instead. So far, so good... now, for all the other times I make bad choices eating alone!

I do the reading and eating thing as well. Therefore, I am trying to keep things like apples, baby carrots, celery sticks, etc on hand and available. I also use the whole herbal tea thing as well (they make great iced tea in the warmer months by the way). I account for all the calories in the healthy snacks I pick for each day and then if I don't eat them all its just a bonus in my calorie deficit for the day. Air popped or low calorie microwave popcorn is another good snack to have while reading. Just remember to account for the calories in your meal plan.

that was a great idea: EXERCISE BEFORE YOU GO so you don't have so much guilt and you can AFFORD to splurge. 

this too: DIETING ONE DAY A MONTH doesnt work, and SPLURGING one day a month doesn't affect you either.  That's a good one. :)

I have a family of thin people and not to mention my bf is thin by nature and HATES exercise.  I try to get him to eat healthy but then he just loses weight like crazy (his pants won't stay up, what a jerk!) and I try to get him to exercise but I realize that I'M WASTING MY TIME.  I can't force someone else to do something just because *I* want to do it.  It's a losing battle.

losing weight is a long and lonely process.  I can't say that enough :) Unless of course you and your partner are in it together.  That would be interesting to have a partner who is dieting as well.  But as of right now, i'm on my own. 

:) 

What I try to do is plan ahead. For example, I know my mother-in-law's birthday is coming up, so I'm saving most of my calories for that get together. Yeah, I know we shouldn't eat most of our calories at one meal, but for these occassions it works for me.

I also have stolen from weight watchers and have a "banked points" method. I eat a range of 1200 to 1722 calories a day. I have to eat a minimum of 1200 calories a day, and the leftover calories I save for a later date. I try and make sure I've eaten an average of 1500 calories by the end of the week, as this site recommends against men eating less than 1500 calories per day.

I think avoiding food at social events is uncalled for. Food brings people together, and when you're alone, sure, have salad and water. But when you're celebrating, with family or friends, not eating is just wrong. And you'll feel terrible inside.

I think the point is to avoid binging on these food (cake,etc)

I really don't see any reason why one shouldn't enjoy foods for "special" events... Holidays, birthdays, etc. This is supposed to be a lifestyle change, right? Is it REASONABLE to assume that no-one is ever going to sit down to Thanksgiving Dinner for the rest of their lives? 

Not the most helpful article. 

Most of the time these type of events are scheduled at meal time, and since people would be eating a meal at that time anyway, I don't see any reason not to get together and enjoy socializing and eating together. The key is to not overeat.  If it's a big potluck meal,  just choose your favorite foods and limit the dessert to one choice.

I am a graduate student taking evening classes. Yesterday in the middle of class, the professor stopped what he was doing, remembered there was leftover food in the other room from an event, and the whole class got up to go eat a bunch of leftover.....BAKLAVA!  Two huge trays of it.  Talk about surprise calories.  Luckily I was able to limit myself to two pieces.  Food is going to show up wherever you are, no matter what you do to avoid it.  So in my opinion it is MUCH better to learn to be able to deal with party spreads or large offerings rather than just try to avoid them. 

Also, the times that I have tried to have gatherings without food or with limited food, my guests ended up asking if I had anything else to eat!  While that may have been a little extreme (and a tad rude), generally if people are invited to someone's home or get-together they are expecting to be offered something to eat.  Just because we're dieting, doesn't mean everyone else is.