Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Help!

I'm here to gain weight, since I'm underweight and I've been astonished to find that there are so many young girls around my age with similar measurements to me, same height, same weight, trying to lose pounds. I've struggled with my weight my entire life...or so i thought. Reading through the YCC forums have made me feel wrong about wanting to gain weight.  I'm just really scared for these girls =[ and I'm scared for myself.

I was diagnosed with Body Dysmorphic Disorder(BDD), which is something a lot of people with ED tend to have, although i never had an ED. Mine was sorta, reverse the way someone with anorexia thinks...I saw myself as WAY WAY too skinny. With a 20.5" thigh measurement, i looked at my legs and saw twigs, the most disgusting things i have ever seen. After years of therapy, i ended up here finally taking action against my weight problems and hopefully my BDD. Now, I am underweight at 115lbs 5'7" tall, still with a 20.5" thigh (which i measured today out of curiosity after reading a post about thigh measurements, in which most of the girls thought 20" was huge and disgusting) Like, is that big? Because maybe it's the BDD talking...but i feel like I'm stick thin and look very malnourished and just...not normal at all.

 

Long Rant! Talk to me! Does anyone have a similar situation? OR is anyone around for encouragement?

heh. i guess i'm guilty. >"< i'm one of those people who's unhappy with 20" thighs (well actually mine were 22" to begin with. i'm pretty happy with my thighs now.)

but i think that your situation is actually pretty different from quite a number of people here... but it's not unfounded. At 5'7" and 115lbs, you're actually pretty thin (your BMI is under the "healthy" or "recommended" range, so it's probably a good thing that you're concerned with weight gain rather than weight loss.) (:

I think the way we see ourselves is very much dependent on how we look (or how we think we look) in relation to everyone else. With enough 'you are too skinny' or 'you are such a shrimp' comments directed at someone, she'll probably start to think of herself as skinny whether or not she is in fact skinny, especially if she does weigh less than everyone else in her environment... i know, cause i thought i was fat when my BMI was in the 16s range, because i was told that i was (in the context of a sport). Before the 'you're fat' comment though, i do remember thinking that my legs and arms were twiggy (when i was younger), and envying people around me who had softer, fuller and not as bony bodies... my body didn't change much. what changed were the (ideal) standards of 'beauty' that i was comparing myself with.

i sometimes force myself back from any negative thoughts about my body by suspending judgment about how i (think i) look, but focusing first on how i feel. and i try to meditate a little, to make myself feel calmer, relaxed, and happy. it's hard to think that you look bad when you're at peace with yourself. (:

 

Maybe thigh width makes a big difference on smaller frames? My frame is medium...so perhaps 20" on a medium frame looks smaller than 20" on a small frame...get what i'm saying? And i definitely agree with you about believing whatever our peers say about us. All through middle school and high school my classmates loved to tell me how anorexic i looked...so i started to think that way about myself. Great insight, it feels good to have the support of other people, even if they aren't in the same situation.

I know exactly how you feel... I HATE how tiny I am. I swear I can feel the stares wherever I go! And I agree with the whole frame thing. I have the tiniest wrists EVER. My thighs look huge over 20".. yet my friend - same height, larger build, has thighs that are 22" and you'd never guess they were quite that large.

Rawr! I wish I could steal weight. =P

Im really thinking I have BDD as well, though I havent sought help so I haven't been officially diagnosed.

I have EDNOS, and everyone is getting concerned (without even knowing) and telling me I look way too skinny, you can see my ribs etc. But when I look in the mirror I see myself as pretty mc\uch the same as when I weighed 180.

I dont know if theyre just being nice or I really see myself differently.

that's not huge. to put it in perspective i have 19 inch thighs and i'm 5'5" and 98 pounds so if you are huge than so am i. your two inches taller than me too.

your thighs are little as are mine though. i know i don't feel that way about it. in my head they are huge and gross but i know they aren't.

it's weird. sometimes i look at myself and i am disgusted at how fat i am and other times i look at myself and am disgusted at how thin i am. it's very confusing. i've been trying to eat healthy and try to put those thoughts aside but it feels like it's a constant battle between thinking i too fat and restricting and then thinking i'm too skinny and eating 'normally'. i don't know, is that considered bdd or not?

anyway, i'd say to you is that you seem pretty skinny but if you are eating enough than it really doesn't matter.

My sister also has been diagnosed w/BDD, and it seems to always be a challenge for her to overcome her concerns.  She's been in therapy for 3 years, which has helped A LOT.  She also never had an ED, but she would always be very (too!) slim.  Now she's been dating her BF for 2 years, and she's actually gained a bit of weight.  She looks great now; I guess she's at ~5'5" and 130, size 6.

So, anyway, to get to your question, I think that for your height, a 20.5" thigh isn't too big.  For some more perspective, I'm 5'3", severely overweight at 197, and have 27 inch thighs.  My goal is to get to 22 inch thighs, which on my large frame look pretty good (at a 145 weight), or at least they did a few years ago (see pic in profile).

Wow. I never thought my thighs were huge and mine are around 23.5 inches at 5'4" and 135. Sometimes leg thickness is just genetic though. Both sides of my family are known for possessing extremely muscular legs so I always thought 20 inches was about normal for the rest of the population. Maybe it's large on a very fine boned person under 5'5" with low muscle mass, but I would expect it to be normal-slim for a person of 5'7".

that's really really interesting that BDD goes both ways. i agree - here on cc we definitely see more people who're dissatisfied with weight/measurements in that they wish they were SMALLER. from your pics you look very normal - NOT disgusting and stick thin because you have a healthy hue about your skin and such. i think you're on the slim side because your weight for your height is low-ish, but you've probably been blessed with a super-fast metabolism!!

i have friends on both sides and myself am 5'8" at 142 now with a thigh measurement of 20.5" too (just out of curiousity i measured just now) but my stomach area is my problem area. if you are eating right and enough for your height/activity level i wouldn't say you're malnourished at all!

be SURE to treat yourself well physically and menally and gain weight the right way - lean muscle mass, eating healthy, etc!! good luck and don't think poorly of yourself if you can help it. i know sometimes it might be the BDD talking but now that you're diagnosed you can fight it. :) best wishes.

when i fly and look down, you are ABSOLUTLY not big! at all! you are suppperrrr tiny! 

that's really really interesting that BDD goes both ways.

BDD doesn't just concern weight. BDD affects people in different weighs. I had to study this a lot in university and there are people who have BDD concerning their noses, ears, placement of their eyes, etc. BDD can affect any number of things.

Original Post by ohyes33:

when i fly and look down, you are ABSOLUTLY not big! at all! you are suppperrrr tiny!

i know i was jus trying to put it in perspective for adelephant. she seems really small too. 20.5 inch thighs aren't huge, especially for someone who is 5'7".

I think I've always suffered from some form of BDD; Last summer, I was under 110 pounds (at 5'4") and thought I was waaayy too fat. I wasn't going to school, so I didn't really have anyone to compare myself to up close besides my friends. Then when I got to school, at less than 100 pounds, everyone started coming up to me and telling me how sicked I looked, and asked if something was wrong. Sure, everyone called me thin and skinny, but NO ONE said I looked good. I didn't see it at first and kinda tuned everyone out.. But then around October it hit me. I'd look in the mirror and be so disgusted at what I saw: a stomach that wasn't flat, but caved in; elbows that could cut through glass; legs that were their biggest at the knee; wrists that had been TEENY before, even at my highest weight, and now were almost nonexistent. I was sickened. No one ever said I looked like a cancer patient, but that's what I felt I did. Maybe I wasn't as skinny as I thought I looked, but this BDD actually helped me to recover from anorexia! :/

Original Post by beforesunrise:

from your pics you look very normal - NOT disgusting and stick thin because you have a healthy hue about your skin and such.

That's really a nice compliment! And thanks for everyone who gave me some encouragement and reassurance! It's really so nice to have CC and everyone to support me, especially since so many things i go through are hard to explain to my friends and family.

Original Post by pokemewithpolaris:

""Im really thinking I have BDD as well, though I havent sought help so I haven't been officially diagnosed.

I have EDNOS, and everyone is getting concerned (without even knowing) and telling me I look way too skinny, you can see my ribs etc. But when I look in the mirror I see myself as pretty mc\uch the same as when I weighed 180.

I dont know if theyre just being nice or I really see myself differently""

 

I feel that way too...About the part where everyone says im thin but when i look at myself i have huge thighs 23" and a chubby tummy! im 5ft7inchs and i relle wanna lose weight!

 the website says i have a small build but i just have thin wrists and fingers! arrggg i cant get a straight answer!

 

 

 

there are two scenarios here....i'm still unclear about your history; from childhood, have you always been very slim? or did you restrict at some point to lose weight, resulting in your need to gain what you lost back?

 

a) there ARE people who have very fast metabolisms and are very lean and are made to feel unnatural/skinny/unfeminine by others.

if this is your case and this is what made you develop BDD, then i wouldnt worry too much on making your body something it naturally is not. dont lose, certainly, but eat a minimum of your BMR, try to embrace all foods, especially healthy fats (liquids at room temperature or can be made into this..eg oils, seeds etc) and unrefined carbs, and eat often.

 

are you having periods? this is a very good guide as to whether your body/weight is where its meant to be to be healthy.

OR

b) IF you have a history of restriction, weight loss, and fear of foods i would firstly urge you to get a team of professionals; doctors, therapist, nutritionist; to help your ongoing battle with your weight and body issues. you need at minimum 2500 if you are sedentary (not active at all), to gain about 1lb a week. most likely you will need about 3500. again the key is to work with your medical nutritionist/dietician and therapist so you can learn to accept this intake, and not get traumatised by it so that you lose again.

 

good luck, i hope it helps! just read the scenario that applies to you x 

I wouldn't compare myself with other people in this forum if I were you. Like I said in the thigh thread, mine are 19.7 in on a 5'3-5'4 small frame. And they are NOT fat, they're not even normal, I can definitely say they're on the thin side.

In my opinion this forum in particular is filled with people with distorted body images. I mean, medically underweight people crying about their fatness. People with a perfectly healthy waist/hip line crying they're HUUUUGE. I'm not pointing fingers, because I suffer from that too. I just don't write my effed up thoughts down like they're true. I'd be upset if someone gets a bad influence from them.

 

Besides, what the thighs are at the widest means almost nothing. If they thin down to the knee, giving a curvy effect, then you can get away with almost any thigh thickness. It looks a helluva lot better then the straight up&down leg with no curve at all to it. That usually means emaciated or skinny fat.