So there's this guy..we've been hanging out A LOT over the past couple of months, like every day, and hooking up. Now were both 20 years old (he's almost 21) and I honestly really like him, maybe even love him. As in, I have never felt this way about anyone before and I really truely care about him so much. The thing is, he told me last night that he doesnt want to go out/ be a couple and that all we are going to be is friends. I thought that we were going to be more?! I thought that we had a future together...I just dont get it..does he just want to be a player? Why doesnt he want to be with me? I know hes not scared of commitment bcause he had a girlfriend for 3 yrs up until a year ago, but I'm just confused as to why he doesnt want me when I love spending time with him. Any advice would be great, I just dont know if I should stop hanging out with him and hope that he misses me enough or just try and be friends with him when I have feelings for him.
Cut him lose. You are too young to waste time with someone that doesn't feel the way you do. (Although there is never an age to waste time with someone who doesn't feel the way you do.)
No more hook-ups, either. There is no such thing as 'friends with benefits'.
Good luck little darlin'.
Move along, this one has told you bluntly that he is not for you.
If you continue to "hook up" with him or try to be friends with him, then he has it all. Sex when he wants it friendship when he wants it and an out (he did tell you) whenever you try to get too attached.
If you try to maintain your "friendship", here's a thought. What kind of friend has sex with you knowing that you want a relationship and they don't?
Dump him and run far far away! If that's what he said take it at face value. There's no secret meanings trust me, and trying to be his friend will only create more emotional stress for you. I say this from experience. If he says he's not that into you guess what?? he's not that into you!
I know it's hard and the thought of not speaking to or seeing him, is making your eyes well and heart hurt, but in the end it's much less pain than if you tried to stick it out.
most guys can seperate sex from love, where most women can not. I agree w/ the above posts.
Original Post by kathygator:
Cut him lose. You are too young to waste time with someone that doesn't feel the way you do. (Although there is never an age to waste time with someone who doesn't feel the way you do.)
No more hook-ups, either. There is no such thing as 'friends with benefits'.
Good luck little darlin'.
I couldn't agree more! He told you straight out what he wanted but don't think that he's going to change his mind anytime soon. He's probably just looking for some "comfort", which he knows he can get from you. He may be a great guy, but just not for you.
I agree wtih everything everyone has said. Don't waste your time. You'll find someone who actually WANTS a relationship with you - if that's what you want and it sounds like you do.
Believe me, I have been in your shoes, and am kicking my self now for wasting my time and energy on someone that didn't reciprocate. Believe me, he is being a player. What guy wouldn't be down for some free lovin' with no strings.
Be strong. Let him go. You'll feel better for it in the long run.
I promise.
now that your informed
Do some new things.
go to new places.
go to a book store and read
Create new hobbies.
enjoy ur life
Not fret over someone who's not fretting over you.
Reminds me of THIS thread.
You deserve someone who is.
I know...I understand what you are all saying. Should I just stop hanging out with him completely? Its just that I have never felt this strongly about someone before and I truly care about him so much. Isnt that worth trying for?
Original Post by court2335:
I know...I understand what you are all saying. Should I just stop hanging out with him completely? Its just that I have never felt this strongly about someone before and I truly care about him so much. Isnt that worth trying for?
Unlike the above posts I don't think you should cut him loose and run far away (how many friends would people lose if they stopped being friends with everyone who didn't feel the same way)...you can still be friends with him, but I do suggest you stop with the 'hooking up' (it will just fuel your attachment to him, and give him a 'free ride'). Unfortuntately he's already told you he doesn't want a relationship with you, so don't get your hopes up that he'll change his mind. If you still want to hang out with him, have him in your life, have him as a friend, then go ahead, just don't kid yourself...if it's too much for you to be around him without really having him, then you can cut him loose.
Original Post by sublimelife087:
most guys can seperate sex from love, where most women can not. I agree w/ the above posts.
Most women? Where did you get that? Don't you think that's a little boldly put? You're a woman; whenever you're sleeping with someone, do you always think "oh, I'm in love with this person"? And even if yes, most women is an overstatement.
Sorry I'm not much help, but I had to point out something I thought was ridiculous
Original Post by moscovite82:
Original Post by sublimelife087:
most guys can seperate sex from love, where most women can not. I agree w/ the above posts.
Most women? Where did you get that? Don't you think that's a little boldly put? You're a woman; whenever you're sleeping with someone, do you always think "oh, I'm in love with this person"? And even if yes, most women is an overstatement.
Sorry I'm not much help, but I had to point out something I thought was ridiculous
Same for men... they actually DO have feelings / emotions... they arent just mindless sex robots.
Thats why I said most not all, its a generalization people...geez
If you want to stay friends w/ him thats fine, but I would suggest taking a break to try and get over your feelings. Because I mean the way you describe it, it sounds a bit like he's using you. So def. stop the hookups and take a breather but it doesn't mean you have to cut off all contact w/ the guy.
I know you said "most" and that was exactly how I quoted you... and I'm saying, that a woman who can't tell distinguish between love and sex is going to have a lot of trouble in her life. A generalization would've been something like "women are likely to get emotionally attached more quickly than men". It's not a generalization if it's based on something one person thought of for the first time on Nov 8 2008
Original Post by loriklorik:
Same for men... they actually DO have feelings / emotions... they arent just mindless sex robots.
Umm... no. Most women are dumb and naive, and men are all nasty villians who like to take advantage of our gullibility
I am going to disagree with most everyone as well. You don't have to cut off all contact with this guy, but you do need to stop hooking up with him because you will only end up feeling cheap and used in the end. Hang out with him platonically, but nothing intimate. If your feelings get in the way of being just friends (i.e. you continue to hook up with no real relationship) then it would probably be best to cut of contact.
Cheesy quote: If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was.
Original Post by moscovite82:
Original Post by loriklorik:
Same for men... they actually DO have feelings / emotions... they arent just mindless sex robots.
Umm... no. Most women are dumb and naive, and men are all nasty villians who like to take advantage of our gullibility
No, BOYS are nasty and let the one eye monster do the thinking. MEN are wonderful, caring, funny, and intelligent individuals. Judging soley from the above post, you may have not found one yet.
It's hard, if not difficult, to maintain a friendship with someone you're in unrequited love with. I would recommend cutting him loose as a friend because being with him is probably a weird mix of pleasure and pain and overall it's not healthy - it's keeping you entangled with him and unable to start developing feelings for someone else... someone who will return them.
Well..I havent talked to him since posting that. it's incredibly hard because I really do miss him and might be in love with him. It just sucks that he doesn't feel this way.
Original Post by m0m6:
No, BOYS are nasty and let the one eye monster do the thinking. MEN are wonderful, caring, funny, and intelligent individuals. Judging soley from the above post, you may have not found one yet.
How's your sense of humour doing?
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