My boyfriend broke up with me because I'm big.

I am 24 and I was 'curvy' all my life.  I was happy with my body most of my life and never had low self-esteem issue because of my weight.

Until I met this guy whom I thought was love of my life.  We were so different each other, but I never thought that was any problem. (He was skinny, very muscular and athletic, and I was... who I was. pleasantly plumpy.)

At that time I was 5'4'' and 160lb.

I was not too overweight to have health issues and I was definitely not a couch potato.  I was just taking full advantage of food. I love eating!

I noticed he was ashamed of my body when he introduced me to his friends, so I started dieting.

Within 6 month, I managed to lose 20 lb and I was 140lb! (which was a great success for me! I always gained weight, never lost it in my entire life! My scale was just keep going up, slowly)

I went down from size 10 to size 6!

But... I guess that was not enough for him. I still had my belly and he was still wearing smaller size jean than I was.

One months after the horrible break up, now I'm 150lb. I gained back the 10 lb which took me so much time and effort to lose.

I want to lose more weight and be gorgeous so that he will regret that he dumped me!

My goal is 120lb and it feels like a dream that I can never come true.

I just need a little support to go though this tough time.

 Lots of support coming your way!!  What a jerk (seriously).  Our society in general has VERY unrealistic expectations for "thin".  To think that you were a size 6 and yet "weren't slim enough" is a load and he was  definitely NOT the man for you.  Your weight goal of 120 can be a reality by using the tools here.  It is all about well-balanced eating and exercise.   You can do it and don't stop believing in yourself ever!!  You are worth it and no matter what will eventually find someone that loves and appreciates YOU for exactly who you are.

This person is obviously very shallow and, sad to say, not a "friend" in spite of being a boyfriend for a while.

Whenever anyone does a "number" on me, I think of it this way ...it was a cheap lesson to learn and I'm glad to learn it now than later.

Just imagine if you had not found out about his real character until much later.

Now, you can go on and find somebody who loves you for who you really are.

Keep in mind that you are VERY close to a "healthy" weight, already, and that your body might settle on a number that it's more comfortable with (120 being near the low-end of the healthy spectrum.) (Damn. That seems TINY to me, but you'd still be healthy at the weight so I can't give you too hard a time about it...)

I'm sorry for the crap you had to go through, but can't help feeling glad for you, also. At least you found out what a worthless/shallow human being your ex is before it had a chance to do a number on you psychologically speaking.

Hang in there, and keep healthy!

Your bf did not break up with you because you're big.  That is either the reason that he gave you or the reason that you assumed, but that's not it.

When you started dating you were 20 lbs heavier than when you broke up.  He knew when you started dating that you weren't tiny and yet he still dated you.

He might have been excited in the beginning and then got bored, many men really are more interested in the chase.  Someone else might have caught his interest and he's too embarrassed to confess.  You may never know the reason that he broke up with you.  I say don't worry about him, he's a past experience that hopefully you'll learn from.

If you have a good attitude and just enjoy your life you'll have men lining up to date you regardless of your weight.  More of them when you're slimmer, but they still are interested even when you're overweight.

Original Post by ake117:

One months after the horrible break up, now I'm 150lb. I gained back the 10 lb which took me so much time and effort to lose.

I want to lose more weight and be gorgeous so that he will regret that he dumped me!

My goal is 120lb and it feels like a dream that I can never come true.

I just need a little support to go though this tough time.

 

Yousay you gained back the 10lbs you lost but you actually lost 20lbs so you haven't gained it all back, you're still slimmer than you were. Of course you can reach 120lbs if you really want to.

I'd be inclined to agree with SMWhipple though, did he actually tell you he was breaking up with you because you're "big"? Because you're smaller now than you were when you started going out so it doesn't make sense.

If you ask me though you're better off without him. If I though my boyfriend was embarrassed of me, for any reason, I would be extremely angry and would not want to be with him anymore. Why would you put yourself through that?

My EXboyfriend use to tell me "You'd be hot if you lost some weight".  We broke up for many reasons, but among them, the fact that he made me feel like garbage.  He called me thunder thighs, and he'd buy me clothes he liked so he could change what I was wearing and it was a MESS!

You are better off in my opinion...it'll take a while for you to realize that but you will.  Weight loss should be for no one but yourself.  I have tried to lose many times and failed because it wasn't for me.  NOW it is and I've lost almost 30 pounds.

Ugh, comments like "You'd be hot if you lost some weight" are what I used to hear as well.  It really took the wind out of me.

I had a situation that was almost exactly like the OP's.  I was 160, 5 ft 4.  The guy said he "overlooked" my weight because I was so nice and fun.  Eventually, I caught him telling other people that if I just lost the weight I'd be the perfect girl for him.

Guys like this aren't worth your time.  If you think you need to lose weight, do it for you.  Rubbing it in his face is a bonus.

Your ex is a coward and a liar.  He didn't break up with you for the reasons he gave you.  He broke up and wanted to make it seem like it was your fault so he didn't have confrontation.  He's also very transparent. 

You are beautiful as you are.  You don't need to diet to show someone that you're a better person.  You are stronger now without him.  You are smart, pretty and observant.

Take it from someone who has lost over 100 pounds, still has 100 to go and is married to someone who has been thinner that whole time!  He has never said anything about my weight.  He's happy when I'm happy.  I lost the weight for me.  I had my man no matter what size I was.

Love yourself for who you are and some man, who deserves that person you love, will love you back.

xx

So I haven't had your excat problem, however I have learned that if a guy will treat you like junk never expect that to change. Whether you are 120 or 200, he has already cruelly thought he could change you. Women experience the same thing. We get into a relationship with a guy and believe we are the girl that will change him. We will change his frat house ways into ones of sophisication and politeness. We will be the girl that finally ties him down, and the ever present "he would never cheat on ME."

He did the same thing to you. He loved your personality, but he thought he could change your physical apperance. Bing. Bang. Boom, his problem is solved. He forgot to factor in though that you are 1)your own human being 2) happy with who you are (which attracted him in the first place) and 3) not going to change for him.

Congradulations on losing the weight. And if you want to lose some more than go ahead. Remember though, don't allow him to control your life. So don't lose weight for a loser like him. You are allowed to be whoever the junk you want to be! Never allow someone to dictate how we feel. We are in control of our thoughts! I hope things get better for you. I suggest doing somthing that you think you would never do. Camping, road trip, sky diving. Get your mind off it. :)

I have to agree with the idea that you being 'big' is not the reason he broke up with you.  Like you said in your op - you were so different - and that may ultimately be the reason the relationship didn't work out.  It's very immature but that was just his excuse to break up.

The important thing to take away from all of this is that you've lost weight, you're healthier and you feel better (as least physically).  Don't let all this go to waste.  Keep your healthy eating habits.  Keep active. 

The loss hurts, but you came out of this relationship with a better lifestyle. The loss you're feeling is temporary.  Keep your chin up.  You're going to be just fine. 

Hang in there, I know it's tough. But truthfully, he really isn't worth it. He knew what he was getting into when he met you so I think maybe he is unhappy with himself and his life more than he was with you.  If you think about it long enough you will see that maybe he had his own little quirks that aren't that appealing either.  Anyways, I've been there in a way. 

I had an ex that would pick at anything I ate or even looked at and I was never truly over-weight.  He used to work out every day and was a control freak.  Then one day something occurred to me and I asked him if he was ever skinny or fat growing up and sure enough I found out that he was skinny when he was younger and used to be made fun of so he started working out as soon as he could.  He also had control issues (stemming from his younger years) point of the story is that it really is probably not so much about your weight so forget him.  Now I'm with a man who loves me no matter what and actually prefers a woman with "curves" we're getting married next year. 

All the best to you and your weight loss goals to be the best YOU can be for YOU.

Hey,

He did go out with you in the first place and had no problem with your weight, so ask yourself why would he have a problem with it when you actually start losing ? Because he his a JERK ! What an assh*le I can't believe it !

Honey stop thinking that it's your fault because it is absolutely not. You were living just fine with your body image before you met this guy, and now you seem to think that you'll never be able to like yourself the way you are .. This is one of the consequences of this stupid society we live in.

Now if you want to be more "comfortable" with your body and you want to lose weight for YOURSELF, we're here to support you. Stop thinking you won't be able to lose weight again, you did it once, and you're gonna do it again, you just need to believe in you ability, and believe in yourself.

If you have any questions, if you start feeling sad, or start feeling you can't do it anymore, I'm here, anytime ..

Good luck honey !

Trust me when I say that you do NOT need to be dating anyone as superficial and monsterous as that.  Even with your weight loss he still treated you like cr*p, am I right? 

And you need to lose the weight for YOU.  Not to get revenge or show him up.   That means he is still winning and taking control of your life.  Every pound you lose will remind you of him.  Every workout, every time you step on the scale, every bite of food you put in your mouth.  That is NOT what this should be about.  Chances are he won't care.  And when it comes down to it, would you really truly deep down know that it was a healthy thing to date him again??  I don't think so. 

Think in the abstract for a moment...  if you had a daughter and she was in your situation, what would your advice to her be?  You need to follow that. 

You need to be in this for yourself and your health.  Put you first.  Make sure your motivation is in the right place. 

You can do it!

Your ex was doing what a lot of men do. The average man thinks he is better looking than he actually is. However, most attractive women think they need to do more; ex. lose 10 more pounds, dye their hair, etc. when they are fine the way that they are. We have been socialized to think that way. Just look at how many unattractive/average men have an attractive/above average looking woman on their arm. In order to keep things that way, some men will belittle their partners in order to make you think that you cannot do better. It happens because we women allow it to happen.

What is the point of being thinner if you are miserable? Mental state plays a big part in overall health. Seriously if you have someone that is comfortable with their body even though they are "overweight" versus someone who is unhappy and obsessed with being "thin"; who is the "healthier" person? You goal should be to be healthy because everyone cannot be "thin" by society's standards. According to the BMI I am severly overweight/obese but I wear a size 12 and every year at my physical I get a clean bill of health from my doctor. Yes they tell me I should lose weight but my cholesterol/blood pressure is in a healthy range. I am watching what I eat and exercising because I want to be more fit. I was this size when I met my boyfriend and may remain this size according to the scale (just in better physical condition). The point is to be healthy and happy at whatever weight/size that you are then no man (or even a catty female) can make you feel low.

Im kinda in the same situation. im 5'4 and weigh around 166...which sucks because a year ago i weighed 115. Yeah i have been through a very crappy stressful year and im ashamed. Anywho...the first thing i have to say is do not ever focus your life on getting back at anyone. If you want to lose weight, do it to make yourself happy. Dont go at it with negativity because some jackass was too insecure to be proud of you. And getting to 120 is totally possible. I mean I weighed around 160 when I first dropped the weight to reach 115. Its just a matter of time, a lot of committment and as always, exercise and healthy eating. Just be strong. There is someone out there who will accept you for who you are and not what you look like

He is actually ashamed of himself - he likes curvy women in a society that says men must date skeletons, or at least he feels that way.

So he dates a curvy girl, then tries to act like he doesn't even like curvy girls - all the while feeling elation and shame.

He's an idiot. If he had any balls whatsoever, he would worship the ground your gourgous self walks on - and brag to his friends about his hot, real woman.

Lose weight if you want to - but do it for yourself. That dude is a jerk.

I understand how you feel. I'm 5'4 and 168 NOW. I've always been bigger and on my 3.5 month journey I've lost 23 lbs and I feel better than ever. Obviously I agree with everyone else....do it for you....he's an ASS....etc. But what I really want you to know is that there are men out there who will love you for those same curves others don't. My fiancee dated me when I was 180, 190....and he loved my curves. And now that I'm 168 & he knows I'm aiming for 150ish, he STILL loves my curves. In fact, he threatens that if I lose those we'll have a problem (jokingly lol). So the guy for you IS out there.

And further more, if you want that 120, you go for it! For our height, that's I think in the "good" range. The optimal is some ridiculous weight which I can only imagine small-framed, petite, unhealthy-looking girls at--like 104-115 or something along those line. 120 is perfectly fine and if you want to, you can!

Good luck!!! =]

To echo what some of the other posters have said: He didn't dump you because you're big.  He dumped you because he's shallow, insecure, and too concerned with what other people think.  I've been bigger than my fiance most of the 7 years we've been together.  When we met, I was 5'3" and about 160lbs...he was 6' and about 145lbs.  Over time we both put on weight...I went up to 186lbs and he's now about 160.  Now, at 157lbs I'm finally smaller than he is...and he doesn't care either way.  He doesn't see "fat" when he looks at me.  He sees a gorgeous woman with a rockin' ass that he can't believe he had the good fortune to find.

Don't let some little BOY dictate how you feel about yourself or how you live your life.  If you're going to lose weight, do it for YOU.  Work on your confidence so that you can feel hot at any size.  I've discovered through the years that your actual size has very little to do with how most guys will see you.  For example: my sister is 5'5" and 105lbs...I'm 2 inches shorter and outweigh her by about 50lbs....but she's shy and insecure about her body and I'm not.  Whenever I go out, I usually get hit on by at least one guy, even with my engagement ring on my finger.  She typically doesn't...she also rarely dates.  Just to look at her, you'd think she'd have guys falling all over themselves trying to be with her...but she doesn't project the kind of confidence that draws people in.  Develop that confidence in yourself and you won't have any trouble finding someone who deserves you.  Good luck with everything!

be glad  that he " dumped you." what a blessing.  He is evidently a shallow egotisitcal, self righteous, pain in the ass that thinks that looks are everything.  Pretty is only skin deep... ugly goes clear through to the bone... as the old wives tale says.. meaning that looks can be on the surface beautiful, but if your attitude is ugly that it premiates your whole  person..... REFERRING TO HIM.. There is someone out there that will love you... for you.  If you find out they don't.. then move on..  I wouldn't want to try to "lose weight" and get all hot for him... he is so yesterday... forget about him. move on.  Lose weight for you and only you.. never lose weight for someone else.. it never works.  love you.... embrace you..  look at yourself in the mirror and say,  Hey, you look pretty.. hold your head up high and send up a thank you for getting that "deadweight" jerk out of your life.     I am so blessed to have a husband that loves me unconditionally, and I him. we are best friends, soulmates and life partners.    I was 195 when we married, but with my curves wore about a size 18, over 13 1/2 yrs I gained up to 280, over 85 lbs and was in a size 26/28-30/32 womens sizes.. he treated me the same as he did when we were newly weds.  always proud that I was his wife and I could see it in his eyes.  He is very happy for me healthwise that I have now lost 70 lbs, and am at 210 and size 18 , but he tells me it doesn't matter what size I am he loves me for me.. I am so blessed.  

Ok,there is no way to say anything for sure with the backstory, but, I think your weight was never the problem well, not a problem because it was making him unattracted to you.  Men are very visual daters, if he is as hot as you are insinuating, he probably has no problem getting girls, he wanted to date you.

Maybe he liked the way you looked but his friends were teasing him about it so he was ashamed. Maybe he broke up with you because you LOST twenty pounds and he was no longer attracted to you.

or, Maybe he is just a jerk.

I'd say, if you want to lose the weight, throw yourself into it as a distraction.  Read books, compare routines, pick out music . . . make it into a hobby.  It will keep your mind off of things and make you feel like you're doing something productive, which will remind you how strong you are and make you feel better.  In theory.