Boyfriend cheating, I'm pregnant, cannot confront him

I don't think anyone can tell you what to do... it would be a difficult situation to confront after 3 years of a relationship regardless of the fact that you're pregnant. And the fact that you are carrying a baby greatly complicates things.

A few thoughts for what they're worth:

- relationships and marriage don't get any easier as time goes on. Trust, respect and compassion is what helps get a marriage through its more difficult periods. If you question trust enough to check his email -- as right or as wrong as checking his email may be -- you may want to look again at the foundations of your relationship.

- you're carrying a baby. I have no idea how old you are, how far along the pregancy is, what your economic resources for raising a child are, what your beliefs are or where you are in life. This is no longer just a question of you and your boyfriend. You are bringing a child into the world.

- you may have made a mistake checking his mail, but the information you now have is not going to get any easier for you to hide. Is it not better to confront BOTH situations as soon as possible so that you both have the time to figure out how you truly feel about the relationship? Not to mention how you feel about becoming a parent?

- No one can make this any easier. But pretending like nothing happened won't work either. And you will only be able to hide the fact that you're pregnant for a short while. I think you need to get as much information into the open as possible. I also think you might need to accept the fact that regardless of what your boyfriend says, you can only trust yourself right now.

Good luck!

Even though you've found out about his secret through covert means, you do need to confront him.  You had to be suspicious in order to read the e-mail.... if you trusted him it wouldn't have occurred to you.  This is going to be something that nags away at you now and forever and personally, I think that once the trust has gone from a relationship (for whatever reason), it's never the same again.   Being pregnant doesn't change that.   It just means that you end up with a baby and a man you can't trust.... worst of all worlds

I agree with the others who advise that you confront him.  Since he is in another country it may actually be easier to start the conversation than if he were in the same room.  Infidelity causes much pain and grief and trust is a hard thing to repair once it has been broken.

Also, think positively of your baby!  Even if the father is a jerk, that baby is a part of you and can be a great comfort at this difficult time. 

Many prayers going your way, and best of luck to you!

Sweety, you don't want to confront him about this but you HAVE to. He knows how you feel about fidelity, and he's ignoring it. I know it's tough being apart, but that is no excuse for his cheating on you! He probably thinks that by sleeping with somebody who's already married he can have his cake and eat it too... but it's a very immature (and selfish) behaviour. Do you really want your child's father to be somebody like that?

I know how hard a long-distance relationship is - my husband and I spent four years at opposite ends of the planet before we were finally able to be married... but there would have been absolutely no question of either of us cheating on the other! If he had, that would have been the end of our engagement right then.

But how do I tell him that I went into his email account?

Of course you can tell him the truth about why you checked his email - for that, you have nothing to be ashamed about. Do you think he should be ashamed of checking your email?

That's a question for your own relationship, but it's pretty much irrelevant. Don't worry about a trivial thing like email privacy - you're pregnant with his child.

You should speak to him immediately about it, and have it handled immediately as well. If you talk to him, you should try to ask him directly about what you learned and not press guilt onto him - guilt won't help you decide what you want to do.

Whether he feels guilty or not isn't the issue - it's whether you can save your relationship and change his behavior. You shouldn't hold anything back when talking to him - this is very important and you should discuss everything you need in order to make your decision. Good luck, and hope the best for you.

hmmm....op joins calorie count today and first order of business is a drama thread.

odd

Original Post by bagga:

hmmm....op joins calorie count today and first order of business is a drama thread.

odd

While it shows experience to assume that this is odd, you might see that the poster wouldn't have had a reason to make an account until now, or that they didn't want this post associated with their real account. We should treat this as an issue that anyone might experience, or one someone might search for in the future and find an answer to. This issue isn't exclusive to kathy, right?

Original Post by kathy789:

But how do I tell him that I went into his email account?

 Attack is the best form of defence.   The 'attack' is roughly.... 'never mind why I went into your e-mail account....this isn't about me going behind YOUR back...  what the hell are you doing posting ads so that you can screw people behind MY back?!!'

A relationship without trust is doomed to failure.

I'm a newb and even I know that.

I'm wondering what kind of answer you are looking for.  He can't deny that he did it.  He probably won't tell you the real reason why.  Either way, you have to think about what you are going to do for yourself and your baby now.  What is the healthiest and happiest world you can create for your baby to come into? I don't think it is ever healthy to raise a child in a home where there are two parents who don't love each other. 

If you are willing to work it out with him then you have to start the healing process now.  If not then go ahead and start moving on.  Reading his email is the least of your concerns.

You could just say that you searched his name or e-mail on a search engine because you were *bored* and found his "shady" ads.

You definitely need to confront him about this. If you are pregnant then this is a very serious situation. Even if you weren't it still would be, but now there is a child coming into the world that is half his. He needs to know and you need to know why he's doing this to you. You guys need to have a long talk and if it doesn't work out because of his ways, then you deserve to find someone better for you and your baby...but don't let this a**hole get out of paying child support!

I wish you good luck and I'm so sorry to hear about this situation. Many women/and men go through stuff like this. You are never alone. Know we are here to support you! *Hugz.

Original Post by kathy789:

But how do I tell him that I went into his email account?

Did you see where he was making the ads? Tell him you saw it. Basically what Silent said. I'm not a fan of lying but it'd at least be a step to get it out there, since that is the main goal.

Original Post by bagga:

hmmm....op joins calorie count today and first order of business is a drama thread.

right. there has been a veritable cornucopia of these troll droppings.

lorik?