My boyfriend isn't making this easy...

Hello everyone :)

I'm not sure this is the right place to post this, but here I go... I just started counting calories and I've been trying to workout (not with much success, but one at a time) and it's been going pretty decently; there has been just one problem my boyfriend, bless him... hasn't been much helpful.

I don't think he's doing it on porpouse, but he's been making me get off my calorie count. For example, yesterday he came to pick me up and surprised me with some chocolates. Which I think is very sweet and cute and I appreciate the effort so much, but I shouldn't be eating chocolates... or when we go out he always end up going to places that generally serve greasy, heavy food... and we tend to go late at night.

Do you guys have any ideas/suggestions on what I could do? How I can balance dieting and going out with him?

I completely understands, it seems everyone around us just doesn't get it. You're really trying to improve yourself and they don't seem to take it as serious as you do. Even people in my family who understand how much I want to lose weight, they seem to forget the very next minute, or when there's bad food around.

My advice is to tell him what you're trying to do and how important it means to you. If he wants to continue dating he should take it seriously and try to support you. Maybe he hasn't realized how serious you are about this and telling him will let you know for sure. If he decides he wants to stick around and be supportive tell him how it works and what you have to do. If he understands the ropes maybe he'll start to be helpful rather than burdensome.

Try to introduce non-food related romance, and fun to the relationship. My hubby and I wused to love to make a huge food stash and go to the drive inn, now we, well, just watch the movie.

Perhaps do something physical instead of restaurant, like dancing, or hiking, or something you both like! Go to the beach and make a nice picnic with healthy food for you that you can track. Offer to make him a nice dinner (that you can count), give him a massage, which will burn calories. Being accomodating burns...

Haha, maybe get him into the habit of buying you nice perfume, and tennis bracelets. I think that would definitely help the calorie count and the glamour ratio!!!

Original Post by dezine3:

I completely understands, it seems everyone around us just doesn't get it. You're really trying to improve yourself and they don't seem to take it as serious as you do. Even people in my family who understand how much I want to lose weight, they seem to forget the very next minute, or when there's bad food around.

My advice is to tell him what you're trying to do and how important it means to you. If he wants to continue dating he should take it seriously and try to support you. Maybe he hasn't realized how serious you are about this and telling him will let you know for sure. If he decides he wants to stick around and be supportive tell him how it works and what you have to do. If he understands the ropes maybe he'll start to be helpful rather than burdensome.

Jeepers, I totally disagree with this! why cause strife when he is trying to be nice???

I'm sure your boyfriend isn't making life difficult on purpose.  In his eyes the logic is... she likes chocolates ... I buy chocolates... she'll be happy.  And the restaurant thing just tells me that he likes heavy, greasy food. I suspect you don't feature large in the decision making process! 

I agree with the suggestion to talk to him about what you're trying to do.  And be specific about it....  anything vague about 'counting calories' or similar can get misinterpreted so you have to be very clear about what you want.    Some men genuinely think 'oh no, she's on a diet, next thing she'll be making me eat nothing but lettuce!!!'    But if, for example, you say 'in future could we eat out earlier and in the xyz restaurant where you can still have a steak but they have lighter choices for me?'... that's a reasonable request.  If you say 'the chocolates were lovely but, in future, if you want to get me a present could you make it flowers instead?'.... that's another.

Of course, if he ignores your requests then you've got a different kind of problem.  Be assertive... being someone's girlfriend doesn't mean you have to drop your standards.  Best of luck

Communication is the key, as cliche as that is. My boyfriend has about as high a metabolism as they come. I'm trying to lose some weight and tone down and he's trying to put on 15 lbs of muscle, so our eating habits are very different right now. We still make healthful food in our home that we can both enjoy but that are also able to tweaked based on what we both need in a meal.

As far as going out, we used to eat out quite a bit and we always overate. Now, we go out maybe once a week or once every two weeks. I'm trying to be more careful about what I choose while eating out, but still letting myself enjoy a little bit of the comfort foods I used to indulge so freely in.

Talk about it with him! Make an effort to learn to cook together and have fun while eating in rather than eating out. Anthony and I are in the kitchen together every night and it's one of the best parts of our day!

i think that eating healthy around non-health concious eaters is really the same as eating vegetarian around people who eat meat at every meal.

you have to make a commitment to yourself that you are not going to eat certain types of food and when people offer, you politely decline.  when you go to greasy food places, get a salad or soup or a small appetizer and eat something more filling at home.  when people offer you chocolate, you tuck it away and offer it to friends and co-workers.  or you eat small moderate amounts of the high calorie food and you work it in to your calorie plan.  people might put up a fuss or try and convince you to eat with them the same way they eat and are used to you eating at first, but once you stay consistent with your new dietary habits, people get the hint and accept that is the way you eat.

i'm kind of against the whole idea that other people "sabotage" people in to eating bad foods simply because they continue to eat and do things they always did.  the real world is always going to have high calorie convience foods and snacks readily available so you just need to stick to your guns!

Thank you so much guys for the answers :) I don't really think he's sabotaging me... guess he just wants to make me happy, and well I can't complain about it. Guess I will just have to be a bit a more specific about what I can and cannot do/eat. Maybe I can give him a tour of the site so he gets it...

And I guess eating out, is just his way of spending time together but the cooking together tip is actually a good idea. Lets see how well this goes... :) Thanks for the support guys!

I agree with a lot of the suggestions that the others have stated... especially if you haven't been counting calories for that long.

My bf weighs the same as I do on one of my "skinny" days and can eat a mountain of food.  (I'm so jealous!!!).  He'll buy me candy or treats and since I've been counting calories for a long time and have changes my eating habits, I can eat a serving or two... and fit it into my calorie count for the day.

If we go to a greasy spoon, I can get some soup and splurge on french fries(cuz they're my favorite) and not feel bad.  On those days, I go over my goal calories, but only by 1 or 2 hundred calories.

Basically, it will get easier to incorporate your new lifestyle with everyone around you!

Just something to add.... 

Some restaurants have their menu/nutritional information online so I've been picking out what I want before I leave the house. I know that non-chains and smaller restaurants probably don't have their info online but I enjoy knowing what I'm eating since I have no idea how they prepared it. 

I know it can be frustrating, but I'm sure you'll figure out a way to make it work, if the food thing is the only thing getting in the way.

Eating together and preparing food together tends to bring people closer, as food is such an important part of life. I think that food can be a great part of romance, and still not sabotage weight loss or healthy eating. I'd repeat what some other have said, and go to restaurants where you can both get something you want off the menu. If you're making food at home, be prepared with some recipes for things you want to eat (and hopefully things that he does too.) 

Good luck and try not to stress about it!

Thanks apricotbunny, the problem is that I live in Italy so the situation is a bit different. I don't know, people don't seem to pay so much attention to calories and such. And as you can imagine the food in restarants are fantastic, pizza, pasta, lasagna but they're anything but low fat. But I think I'll be able to find a way to balance it out.

Tonight I'm going out for a dinner and a movie, let's see how it goes. I would propose to cook at home because like you said it's pretty romantic, but he already reserved at the restaurant... meh, guess this is a good time to talk to him hehehe

In case you want to check it out, I love myrecipes.com. It's the online counterpart for Cooking Light magazine. They have a ton of delicious, full flavor recipes and basic nutrition info for a serving size is included at the end of each recipe. It's great for trying out new recipes!

Original Post by mandyvzla:

Thanks apricotbunny, the problem is that I live in Italy so the situation is a bit different. I don't know, people don't seem to pay so much attention to calories and such. And as you can imagine the food in restarants are fantastic, pizza, pasta, lasagna but they're anything but low fat. But I think I'll be able to find a way to balance it out.

Tonight I'm going out for a dinner and a movie, let's see how it goes. I would propose to cook at home because like you said it's pretty romantic, but he already reserved at the restaurant... meh, guess this is a good time to talk to him hehehe

 You live in Italy? I am jealous. If you go out, you could just eat SOME of your food and take the rest home in a doggie bag...in the case of chocolates...just share them with everyone and have ONE.

Love is great...but I swear the MINUTE I met my DH....I gained 30 pounds. Eating out together was fun...but I am not to thrilled about how all that looks on me now. We are finding different activities to do, rather than eating out, drinking beer or sitting there watching a movie every other night !

I know how you feel! My boyfriend is also dieting... but he can lose more weight than me by eating 800 more calories than I should in a day. So we'll go out and each only eat half our meal, or split a meal, and then I'm over my calories for the day while he's eyeing the dessert menu or having another beer! Like you, I know he's taking me out to dinner because he's an awesome boyfriend and he wants me to have a good time with him.

Maybe you could ask yours to bring you flowers or a book or make time to give you a back massage instead? Or if he really wants to feed you, if you have any fruits you adore that are rare or special...

Original Post by mandyvzla:

Thanks apricotbunny, the problem is that I live in Italy so the situation is a bit different. I don't know, people don't seem to pay so much attention to calories and such. And as you can imagine the food in restarants are fantastic, pizza, pasta, lasagna but they're anything but low fat. But I think I'll be able to find a way to balance it out.

Tonight I'm going out for a dinner and a movie, let's see how it goes. I would propose to cook at home because like you said it's pretty romantic, but he already reserved at the restaurant... meh, guess this is a good time to talk to him hehehe

Oh goodness. I've spent time in Italy and I would have trouble eating better too. I think I had gnocchi with a spinach cream sauce and half a bottle of wine nearly every night I was there.  Oh and the sandwich shop and dessert place... gelato.... uh oh. 

I definitely agree that communication is key.

You have to be careful here though. Being too open about it can open a whole other can of worms. I told my boyfriend how I was trying to lose weight and counting calories and such, and the next thing you know he's saying "are you sure you should be eating that", "I thought you were trying to eat healthy"... let me tell you, that does NOT help. He says he is only trying to help and wants to be a part of my weightloss, but he doesn't get that when he says things like that all I hear is "You are fat", "I want you to lose weight". It's ok for me to want me to lose weight, but I don't want him to want me to lose weight. Ugh. Men! lol

I definitely agree with suggesting he buy flowers or something other than chocolates. Ultimately, both end up as waste. Or maybe buy something that will last, like a cd or dvd!

Going out to eat is always going to be a part of life, so just try to keep it down to once a week or something, and then maybe cook for him or ask him to cook for you once in a while. Try to fill the other time you spend together with non-food related things... we spend a lot of time watching movies in bed :)

You brought up quite a few problems here.

The problem with him eating out at greasy restaurants late at night--simply tell him that you already had dinner. I tell this to my boyfriend when he goes to McDonald's at 10pm, and he just tells me that he enjoys my company. :)

When eating out, for Italian food, avoid heavy or creamy sauces--go for tomato or vegetable based. Also avoid cheese and, if possible, choose healthier sides than bread, such as veggies or soup.

If you plan to discuss this and make weight loss a point to your boyfriend, I think you should tell him that you would like to start eating/becoming healthier rather than losing weight. That way, he may think of restaurants with healthier items on the menu to treat you to.

Oh my! I hadn't even thought about the fact that he might keep track of what I eat, Sonini! hehe I would feel exactly the same way, I bet your bf doesn't realize  how it makes you fell... men can be so clueless sometimes, and we can be a bit... well, sensitive hehehe

Well I talked to him and he said that he didn't realize that I wasn't helping, that he just wanted to make me happy and that he has never considered me being fat, so he really hadn't digested the whole thing... he just thought I was going through a phase.

Hopefully things are clearer now, and we will be able to balance both our needs in the food department, and we will still have a great relationship.

About the food Apricotbunny... I know! It's so hard when you sit down and see the menu with all those yummy things, that you know are FANTASTIC and you have to pick a salad, but oh well... hehehe I'm originally from Venezuela so Italian food is still wow-ing me...! But I think I'll manage it's all in the quantities and frequency :)

Thank you all for the support guys, hopefully all will work out now... I live here alone... my family is on the other side of the world and my friends live about an hour and something away, so having the support from my bf is really important. :)

eat at subway with him and get a half sub. also point out to him you are losing weight, most guys want their women slim

also it doesn't matter when you eat a calorie, 50 calories is still 50 calories either at 7:00 am or 12:00 pm