Boyfriend trouble

OK. One of my friends has told me something about my boyfriend going to brothels (with his friend to ‘hold his hand’) now I trust my boyfriend; but now I’m not so sure after what my friend told me (basically he said he (friend) was talking to another friend (who’s gone to the brothel with them) and he basically laughed when he was told I trusted him and that I believed he wasn’t doing anything he said something like “ohh yeah right”

My dilemma is I cant say anything about this because everyone is all close friends. How can I word it so I am asking him but without mentioning. I know its stupid but I feel so sick (I just threw  up at the though of it) We’ve been together for 4 years… I need to know.

desperate...

A brothel is not a place for anyone to be going to if they are in a relationship of any kind. You need to confront him about this, because it is a serious issue. I am sure you guys are sexually active as well and you need to make the situation clear that it is unacceptable for him to be going to these places, even if its just with his friend. Your safety is important.

 

I don't know how to tell you to bring it up to him, but you have to. If the information is all third party info then don't be do pushy with the topic. Just ask him if he has gone to one, and you know this man pretty well I am sure after 4 years. You will know if he is being honest with you. If he says he has been going but not doing anything, then you need to make it clear to him that it bothers you, rightfully so.

 

Best of Luck 

OMG. I don't know what to do seriously. I know its hard to help but I'd like something.. can't talk to many people around me.

THIS BLOWS 

talk to him. if you feel you can't because of the 3rd party nonsense, i personally wouldn't give a crap about it and would say whatever i had to say... you're too important, and this is too important to worry about a 3rd party. in my sellfish opinion.

Asked him flat out. SAid I get to thinking AND realised he never said he hadn't. He said he hadnt and swore on it. But still seems sketchy. Gonna talk to my friend
 

 Um. If you asked him directly flat out...  He swore on it that he hadn't, yet you still believe it seems sketchy....

There is a deeper seeded relationship problem.

Seriously now. If you have to talk to your friend in order to get to the bottom of things, just cut your loses.

    Nah. I know it sounds bad. But his friends are really bad influences; one of them goes to brothels and pays for stuff there even though he has a gf. I do believe him, I just don't know about his friend. You know?

what is a brothel???

i understand. their freinds can be such horrible influences.

monkey08us,  a brother is a whore house basically, So instead of picking a prostitute up off the street you can go to a brothel instead, girls there tend to take better care of themselves, looked after better than someone roaming the streets with no protection from getting abducted, killed, or attacked.

Ashlee_88

If your boyfriend swore he didn't how much do you trust him? I find when i know someone well enough i can tell when they're lying. Whats your gut feeling about the situation?  

If you feel something isn't right, then your probably correct. your intuition is very accurate in most cases. I would go and get myself tested and see what comes back. At least your protecting your own interests.

I would tell your boyfriend that you feel uncomfortable being around his friend and especially his girlfriend, you know he can't respect her if he treats her this way and you don't think that he's a good person to be around. I have problems with my boyfriend having friends that are a bad influence, but i made it clear to him that i don't accept any behaviour like his friends and that i don't like waht he does.

OHHH My. I would probably freak out if I was in this situation- I am so sorry that you are dealing with this!

That is NOT NORMAL! Do you have an open sort of relationship? If not, there is NO reason under any circumstances why he would need to visit those places. No guy needs his HAND HELD when he is going to get his business done in a brothel. Honestly, that is the worst excuse I have ever heard.

Besides, do you really want to be with a guy who would "hold a guy's" hand, or basically encourage another guy to visit a brothel? It is pretty bad behavior to begin with... and the fact that he would step foot into them to begin with says enough about his character.

Think good and hard, I think there is trouble there!

Hi there Ashalee,

I understand how you feel, in the past...I had that nagging little bump in my stomach telling me that something was wrong.  To chime in after so many, if you feel something is wrong, it is. I will be brunt: he is lying to you.

There is no room in your relationship for him to even walk past a brothel (not that I don't respect the women within).

You deserve more. Respect yourself more. You deserve to know that your sexual (and thus overall) health is secure and you are not exposed to any risk.  Moreso, you need to know that your partner is true, and what you have, this partnership is real, and worth working toward.  With one lying, I dont believe it is true.

Please Ashalee, for your own sake, investigate, but do not believe the lies.

Well, this is a bit complicated.  Your BF has kind of incriminated himself in hanging out with someone who frequents brothels.  That however does not mean he's been going there personally.  He might have actually gone just to check out the place.  Humans are curious about things they should avoid.

If he said he didn't, then he didn't.  Doing more checking up would indicate, to me at least, that you don't trust him, but I'd understand why you need to do so.  Now...when you say 'hold his hand', do you mean like backing him in case something goes wrong?  That I can buy.  If it's anything literal, I'd have to call straight BS.

Now that you've gotten it out, and he's aware of your concerns about the situation, if he goes again, with his friend or whatever, I'd kick his ass if I were you, and tell him to never go anywhere around the brothel / drop his friend if his friend can't stop going / get dumped.

I can't really say he's wrong or that his character is bad if he did in fact go (go to the Brothel, not partake in sex).  People do stupid things all year round.  That's where forgiveness comes in.

Personally, I'd be pretty ticked off if my GF suspected me of those activities.  Again however, if I hung around with a friend who did such things, I'd be pretty dumb to not expect my character to come into question.

…..I'd be pretty dumb to not expect my character to come into question.

Exactly Matic

 

 After 4 years of being in a relationship you would think your bf would know that you would not condone this kind of behavior. In a serious relationship I would (and) have enough respect for my partner to know that even being near a brothel would put their trust in me into question. Where is his respect for you? That said he could be telling the truth, but it seems you may doubt his trustworthiness?

   We all make mistakes. If your Bf went to the brothel just to be with a pal and “Hold his hand”, he should fess up admit his mistake, and assure you that he can be trusted and not do it again. If he lied, and has lied to you before, kick him out, or leave, and cut your losses. Life is too short to spend with somebody you don’t trust.

How reliable is the friend and would there be any motives?Interested in your BF maybe?Wouldn't matter male or female.Well,this friend needs to find out where he goes or some more info when he's went ect ect and figure it out if you don't wanna ask him..but you gotta think about your health as well,you gotta ask him straight up this is what you heard and not from who...gay straight you don't wanna be cheated on and catch and std or worse because you're embarrased and let it carry on do you??Maybe you shouldn't trust him if he couldnt tell you...that's weird.

Are there any other signs of deciet, or any "gaylike" behavior whatever that is.....not trying to bash just saying gotta add it up

He could be a totally nice person trying to help his friend but I would think if it's a regular thing he does is not a good sign at all....

Um, why don't you ask your friend when this has happened, where were you? Do they do this often? If so find out when and follow him.

Yes, following him might be a little crazy, but so is sleeping w/ hookers!

Lol, Badbeck 

Anything that someone feels the need to hide isn't a good sign. It's important that you know whether or not you trust him. A relationship is based on a foundation of trust. If he's broken that in some way, or hasn't given you enough to trust him... Than your relationship may have a shallower bottom than you think.

You can only excuse someone so long on account of their friends. Friends aren't given to you at birth. He hand picked them.

Your friends/ partner are a reflection of self.

Whatever you do, wear a condom! Just in case! Don't let yourself catch something because of his possible indiscretions.

Are you in love?

I know you said you've been together for four years but are u still/ are in love?