boyfriend's comments

so i'm 5'5" and my weight varies anywhere between 98-105 pounds. it changes a lot it seems. probably just depending on how much food or water i drink in a day and things like that.

i have had an eating disorder and i still really struggle with it. i'll go into these manic periods of restricting and then into depressed states where i "overeat" (sometimes i actually do overeat but really that just means i eat around 1300-1500 calories consistently for some days.)

anyway today was a "good" day i suppose. i ate-

breakfast- whole grain cinnamon raisin english muffin, coffee w/ splash of rice milk

lunch- snack bag spicy thai kettle chips w/ 3-4 tablespoon hummus, 3 smart dogs, plain without buns (only 45 calories each and fat free!!!), a couple sheets of nori (seaweed)

snack- shake (10-ounce soy milk blended w/ 2 tablespoons crushed pineapple and ice), silk key lime soy yogurt, couple handfuls of air popped popcorn

dinner- sloppy joe on marble rye bread w/ 2 tablespoons veganaise

it comes out to about 1600 calories.

well my boyfriend made comments twice today saying stuff like, 'wow, you sure are hungry' and 'you're still hungry?' and a few days ago he said the same thing. he knows that i struggle w/ food.

how should i go about talking to my boyfriend about this. i don't want to make him feel like a jerk but it really affects me when he says stuff like that. suggestions?

If he's making you feel bad, let him know, in my opinion you SHOULD make him feel like he was being a jerk I mean, I know guys say crap like that without realising how much it can get under your skin.. but if he knows you struggle with food, he should be more sensitive! 

I have a boyfriend who doesn't support my diet at all, and pretty much thinks I'm an idiot for trying, and yeah it sucks and makes me want to injure him.

I eat about the same amount of calories a day, only I'm on the opposite end, trying to get less fat. But good luck, you can do it, and if your boyfriend does it again, smack him upside the head hahaha!

 

:> Deebo

haha. thanks. i don't want to make him feel bad because i know he just doesn't realize how hard it is for me. but what he says really matters. he can really make me feel wonderful or really terrible.

i hate it when people aren't supportive of their significant other's weight issues/goals. my dad's girlfriend is overweight and she always says that she so fat.  i feel really bad for her because my dad will just say nothing afterward. i want to tell her that she is one of the nicest people i have met and that she can lose weight if she really wants to. that she is capable of anything she puts her mind to but she's a beautiful person either way.

Honestly, just let him know how you feel, and how hard it is for you. As a guy, I know we pick on girls, and we can be kinda oblivious, at times (ok, some will probably argue that it's all the time, but that's an argument for another thread). He's probably just used to you eating so little, that he thinks that's what's normal for you. He may even worry that you're overeating now, which, of course, you're not. Just explain to him that you know what you're doing and that you're finally being healthy, and that it was the "old you" that wasn't healthy.

And about your dad's girlfriend. When a woman says she's fat, we're kinda in a catch-22. Obviously, we can't say "yep", 'cause that is mean, but at the same time a woman won't believe us if we say, "no, you're beautiful" and will just keep going on and on, and it's really annoying to us. I mean, if she's really trying to lose weight, or be healthy, sure he should support her, eat healthy meal with her, and so on, but if she's not trying to do anything, what are we supposed to do/say? (Seriously, I'd like to know, 'cause my mom's like that)

I hate, absolutely HATE when people comment on my eating habits.. it just makes me want to flip out and be like "you are telling a recovering anorexic she EATS SO MUCH? what the **** is wrong with you!?" (few people know about my ED, so I refrane from saying such things) but it bothers me so much. ugh.

I know where you are coming from and how triggering such comments can be, especially from the ones who are supposed to not put you down.. although i'm sure your bf never meant offence... heck, from experience most guys seem to LOVE it when a girl can eat! no guy wants a girl that he takes out for dinner and gets a side salad with no dressing and a glass of water...

but on another note... why are you still so very underweight and not eating enough? These negative, triggering thoughts I find almost completely vanish when you eat properly and give your brain enough nutrition to function properly... your boy friend would most likely not complain either if you were a couple pounds more. Guys like a little something to hold, not skin and bones.

My husband NEVER comments on my eating, except to ask if I got enough to eat when he is about to take the last piece!  He comments on food or on me

"mm, this is good."

"mm, need some ketchup."

"mm, you look good."

"mm, wear those jeans I like."  :)

There are guys out there who do not comment on your eating habits.  Go date one of them.  If you have had this conversation with him before and he still does this s***, then he is never going to change.   It's f'd up that your man is making those comments even though he knows you have had an eating disorder.  You deserve better. 

I know exactly how you feel when it comes to people commenting about what your eating or how much you are eating.

The other night, I had just gotten done with my dinner, but I was still a little bit hungry, so I went into the kitchen to get a little snack. My husband just happened to walk in the kitchen as I was looking in the cabinet, and he made the remark, "You are still hungry???". I know that he didn't mean it in an offensive way like I took it, but at the same time he knows I have issues with food because I have talked to him about it a million times. I ended up shutting the cabinet and walked away.

Then just this weekend, I was with my mom and I was eating a couple of pretzels, and my mom said "I am so glad to see that you are eating." Again, I know that she wasn't being rude or anything, but when it comes to food I rather people just not talk about it with me. I ended up telling her, "Can we please not talk about that."

The only suggestion I have to you is to sit your boyfriend down and express your feelings honestly. Just let him know again, how you struggle with food and maybe offer him some suggestions of maybe how he can help you deal with your issue. Don't worry about making him feel bad or anything, because in all honesty, he needs to know how you feel. If he truly loves you, then he will want to do anything he can to try and help you.

I wish you the best, because I know how hard it can be. Just stay strong. :)

Im afraid, Im your boyfriend.  LOL  My husband has a perfect answer to the do I look fat question.  His answer is, Do I look stupid?   LOL  But, when it comes to asking questions about food.  Im the one that does it.  I asked my mother if she didn't think it was time she started eating again when at 46 or 47 she had gotten down to a size 4 and was starting to look a bit like a hungry street urchen.   And I ask my husband, "You realize its an hour past when you should be asleep?  Are you really going to eat that now?   Do you realize how many calories are in that?  Can I make you something more healthy?   Are you sure your hungry? 

Well, I did until someone suggested I might want to up his caloric intake to around 4000 calories.  Now its, Have you eaten enough?  How many calories do we have to go?  Can I get you something else?  Have you drank enough water today?   That has High Frutos corn suryp in it.  You really need to drink/eat something else.

And yeah, Im being a b**** about it.  But, Im entitled and he wouldn't dare say a word or take offense to it.  He has figured out its my coping mechanism.  Im still trying to wrap my mind around how my father could die at the age of 55 from heart disease we barely knew he had, and his father is still going strong having had at least 4 heart attacks. 

 

im recovering from an ED as well...I struggle with it daily but I am doing a lot better. my hubby is generally very supportive-he knows everything about the situation-but sometimes he makes comments about my still being too skinny. to me, that says "i'm fat". now rationally, you and i know that "youre so skinny" doesnt mean the same thing as "youre too fat" but the little pesky ED voice tells me otherwise.

i sat down with him after he made one of the comments so the situation would be fresh in his mind and told him how much i struggle with everything, and that even a very innocent comment like "youre too skinny" could be construed as something negative. he, at the time, was trying to reassure me that even since i have gained a lot i am still thin. he thought he was helping...lol...silly man...but now he understands and curtails the commentary.

my father, on the other hand, whom i have been staying with for a few weeks, doesnt understand how i eat so much and stay small. he is only partially aware of the situation im in, and while hes supportive, cant understand how i constantly eat and dont weight 300 lbs. yes, hes actually said that. he tends to comment a lot when i eat late at night or snack throughout the day. i like having fruit at night-lets say i grab an apple-he tends to really get on my case about it. why...? its only an apple. but to him, night snacking means weight gain.

 

i did try to talk to my father but he doesnt understand how that could bother me. some men understand and some dont. its really us where the problem is, since our minds take things personally-the people who are saying the comments are not meant to be hurtful.

 

id suggest sitting down and talking with him and explaining how hard it is for you. ask him to help you stay at a healthy caloric intake so you can beat this once and for all :) good luck! (sorry for the essay lol)

Original Post by carmenxox:

but on another note... why are you still so very underweight and not eating enough? These negative, triggering thoughts I find almost completely vanish when you eat properly and give your brain enough nutrition to function properly... your boy friend would most likely not complain either if you were a couple pounds more. Guys like a little something to hold, not skin and bones.

 Yup! I definitely second this. It's kind of astonishing, really.. after the obsessive period comes this sense of freedom, and relief.. at least it did for me, and it was fabulous!

As for your situation.. my parents used to be EXACTLY the same way. They were the ones who really pushed me into recovery, and yet they were commenting on everything about my eating: when I ate, what I ate, how much I ate. I didn't even bother arguing about it; I just got over it and assured myself I knew what I was doing.

My boyfriend, though, is exactly the opposite.. always trying to get me to stuff my face and "c'mon, just get some more rice!" haha.. although we didn't ever talk directly about my ED he was the one who really helped my physically recover, because we'd always go out to eat/I'd go to his house for dinner and he'd always say he'd get mad [or at least pretend to] if I didn't eat more than a salad. And the whole "Am I fat?" thing.. I've been guilty of asking that more than once, and I urge my boyfriend to be COMPLETELY honest with me [none of this "no, you'rea stick" crap]. He's told me I'm curvy. He's told me I have extra meat on my bones. And he's told me he LOVES it. And I wouldn't have it any other way, because I know I'm NOT overweight, and appreciate honesty more than anything in life.

Original Post by bettypage4:

My husband NEVER comments on my eating, except to ask if I got enough to eat when he is about to take the last piece! He comments on food or on me

"mm, this is good."

"mm, need some ketchup."

"mm, you look good."

"mm, wear those jeans I like." :)

There are guys out there who do not comment on your eating habits. Go date one of them. If you have had this conversation with him before and he still does this s***, then he is never going to change. It's f'd up that your man is making those comments even though he knows you have had an eating disorder. You deserve better.

haha. i wish my boyfriend said stuff like 'wear those jeans i like'

thank you everyone for you comments and ideas. if it happens again i'm just going to come right out and talk to him about it.

well i feel very sorry for you. if anything you need to put weight on

not lose it. i think 150 pounds is a good weight for most people.

i weigh in at 268 pounds im trying to get to 150 pounds for my self

not any one else. do what is best for you not any one else.

 

 

so, what happened? did you talk with him?