Boyfriends. If they got fat, how would you feel?

I knew a lad and really liked him.  The next time I saw him he'd put loads of weight on, and I didn't feel anything for him. Do you think women would go off an overweight bloke, as we expect men not to like overweight women?

if a guy really likes you, your weight won't matter. =)

but, enough of the saint-speak =P

if my boyfriend gained weight, I would just force him to eat healthy and exercise with me! easy solution!! =D

maybe you just didnt like the guy anymore, cause his personality changed. people like confidence in others, and maybe after he gained weight, his self-esteem lowered. that might be a total turn-off. otherwise, it might have just sheerly been a shallow crush.

I agree with anaxandra - I probably wouldn't be attracted to someone if they were overweight from the get-go, unless we were friends for a while first and I really liked their personality.  If I was dating someone and they put on weight though, it probably wouldn't bother me - I would just want them to get healthy again, and hope that I wasn't the cause (SATC movie, anyone?).

I usually end up dating really skinny guys though - it's weird.  In theory, I want a guy who's bigger than me, but in practice, that doesn't always happen.  My boyfriend of 2 years was a distance runner - barely taller than me when we started dating (although he grew a few more inches), and weighed less than me when he was in season!!

*nods* before you get into a relationship with a guy or before you get to know him well, a large part of your evaluation of him will probably depend on physical attraction. you might find him attractive because of certain facial features that give you a warm fuzzy feeling when he smiles, or maybe because he has amazing biceps or pectorals, or something along those lines. These things (physical attraction, charisma of the person)  tends to filter/determine the way we interpret the actions of people (like 'he helps old grannies cross the road! that's so awfully nice!' or  'this very annoying guy volunteers at orphanages on weekends. what a hypocrite.') so if say you found a guy attractive when he was skinny, and skinniness contributed to his attractive factor, then yes, you'd probably 'go off' him when he gains quite some pounds. on the other hand, if you found him cute because of his twinkly eyes and dimples (which he retained despite gaining 25lbs), then you'll probably still find him attractive nonetheless. (and vice versa for guys.)

i do know a girl who has been 'happily in a relationship for the past 5 years'. and the girl is seriously the belle of our department (every single guy either has liked her before or at least finds her extremely attractive). So when she introduced us to her boyfriend, the guys in the department all looked like this -->O_O cause he's this fat hulk (gained 25lbs since he first knew her) and she's a petite little thing that looks like she could be crushed if he just too a swipe at her. But they're so in love, it's sweet. personality, etc. also come into play once you are in a relationship with someone and get to know him better though. the initial filters of physical attraction tend to fall away when you're in love. (:

Original Post by starbunny:

 

 

if my boyfriend gained weight, I would just force him to eat healthy and exercise with me! easy solution!! =D

 

force...?

if i were him, i'd dump you if you forced me to do anything.

It's all about personality. I used to think I was only attracted to fit, lean types, until I met the guy I'm seeing now. He could stand to lose about 25-30 pounds, and I DEFINITELY would not have approached him in a crowd, but the way he talks to me and makes me feel overrides all of that.

Now, I know to let myself get to know a person before basing everything on first impressions.

Obviously, this doesn't apply to everyone, but it should be noted that the "rules" aren't written in stone. You might surprise yourself.

it's funny you ask.  This was something I asked my lady somewhat early in our relationship.  "Baby, if I got fat would you still love me?"  She answered yes.

We're engaged to be married now.

Original Post by starbunny:

if my boyfriend gained weight, I would just force him to eat healthy and exercise with me! easy solution!! =D

Force, huh?

No, there is no easy solution. As a guy, trust me when I say.. we don't want you to change us.

Would you be willing to allow your boyfriend to "force" you to do.. well.. anything?

I find this a rather shallow subject!

I guess those who would dump or force (change) there partner to lose weight because they didn't like it, clearly is lying about loving that person in the first place, so good riddance!

my boyfriend in highschool quit wrestling and gained about 50 pounds at minimum in about two months. it was actually kind of scary how fast he put on weight.

i dumped him for it, but that was when i was seventeen. i'd like to think i'm more mature now and would try to help him out. no matter how you shake it though, there is nothing good or healthy about that much weight in such a short time.

I don't think it's because men want non-overweight women, I think it's simple biology. We are programmed to find a partner that is healthy and being overweight isn't healthy.

If my BF would put on heaps, I probably would tell him to change his diet and do sports and if he'd refuse, I would consider a breakup. Simple because I wouldn't be attracted anymore.

But luckely I have a very slim, very health-aware BF :)

My boyfriend and I were both slightly overweight when we first met. But I've always tended to like more solid guys, and he's always liked curvy girls. So it works.

He's maintained about the same weight in the three years we've been together, but now it's more muscle than softness. I've gained quite a bit of weight and have had many starts trying to get rid of it. He's been incredibly thoughtful and supportive of all my healthy lifestyle attempts, which is greatly appreciated.

I don't think how much either of us weighs is much of an issue between us. And I don't think it ever really would be.

I'd be concerned about his health first and his change of habits or change of other circumstances of his life that were the cause of his weight gain. I'd encourage him to adopt a healthier lifestyle.

as i was finishing my undergrad degree, back in '94, i was dating a really good guy. he was a few years older than me, was mature and confident. he'd been working in construction for years but had gone back to school to do his architecture degree.  we had so much fun together, and the sex was great.  he was a keeper.  but he was a little chubby, and i was still a skinny little thing.  he wasn't fat by any stretch, and he was tall enough to carry it, but he'd been sick for awhile and had gained the weight while he was inactive.  i had this vision of him getting bigger and bigger and couldn't imagine myself being attached to a fat guy.  so i dumped him.

ten years later, i was the fatty.  it's one of the few regrets of my life.  {sigh!}

I find this to be pretty shallow thinking if you would think weight matters in a true relationship.  If that were the case I think the divorce rate would be 99.9% - most men seem to gain weight after they marry - maybe not a huge amt but I think they do tend to gain and we all get that "middle aged spread" regardless.  If men thought like this there would be lots of women without boyfriends either. 

And if you think you can force someone to get healthy you are in for a real awakening.  I've been married to a diabetic for 24 years and although I buy healthy foods and suggest he try using "this" instead of "that" he's a grown up and is going to do what he wants.  He may regret not listening to me due to some complications that have arisen but there isn't anything me or his dr can do to force him to eat right. 

Original Post by dbackerfan:

I find this to be pretty shallow thinking if you would think weight matters in a true relationship.  If that were the case I think the divorce rate would be 99.9% - most men seem to gain weight after they marry - maybe not a huge amt but I think they do tend to gain and we all get that "middle aged spread" regardless.  If men thought like this there would be lots of women without boyfriends either. 

And if you think you can force someone to get healthy you are in for a real awakening.  I've been married to a diabetic for 24 years and although I buy healthy foods and suggest he try using "this" instead of "that" he's a grown up and is going to do what he wants.  He may regret not listening to me due to some complications that have arisen but there isn't anything me or his dr can do to force him to eat right. 

 No, all you can do is encourage it and be there if/when they ask for help. People only change when they want to.

my fiance has put on weight since we started dating and I still love him! We both put on weight, I've lost most of it now. But he has gone through 2 surgeries, which prevent him from doing all the weight lifting that kept him in such great shape. His hsoulder has been so painful for the past 3 years or so that any sort of activity caused more pain so he's been extremely limited in what he could do. He's tyring to lose it though now that his shoulder is startign to get better. I think that if you love someone, you love them no matter what their physical appearnace may become.

Original Post by lippygal:

 No, all you can do is encourage it and be there if/when they ask for help. People only change when they want to.

My husband went from 175 when I met him up to 223 this time last year and is now 185 again. Why? He got into body building for a while until he blew out his knee, then he kept eating the same way as he was when he was going to the gym every day. It was because of me he lost the weight again, when I started counting calories, he got to count them by default.

I control the meals, he eats what he is given, therefore I "forced" him to lose the weight. He never made a conscious decision to make a lifestyle choice, it was just a by-product of mine. Although after he had lost about 15lbs he got quite in to it and boggled at how easy it was and decided to cut out the extra snacks he was getting in to speed up the process.

So no, I don't like it if my husband is fat as he isn't as happy when he is heavy because he doesn't look or feel as good about himself. Yes, I "forced" him to lose weight. I guess that makes me selfish and means I don't love him very much.