How can I break that mental barrier?

I can't go to my gym even I want to. period. It has been almost 3 weeks since last time I did a workout. last time, I saw the same group of people that I used to see every evening, and I saw CHANGES... that lady is getting slimmer, that guy who used to workout next to me, is getting more muscles.. my point is they are progressing. To make things worse, I was very well known in my gym as a very active and determined person. many trainers, the receptionist, even the manager know me very well, I wanted to disappear last time I was there.
to be honest, I am ashamed. very ashamed of my relapse. with all the inches I have gained, I am a different person now.
But I feel that all what I need is some support and extra push from you guys.
I think going there in a different time will help. or maybe freezing my membership and forget about the gym for a while until I feel better ?I am so sick of this feeling. any suggestions, ideas?

I pay $140 a month out of my pocket for nothing. I also refuse to quit completey because that means I will never go again.

There are a lot of replies here, and I didn't read them all, so forgive me if I'm repeating, but...

I suggest, if you know the people at your gym (the receptionists, trainers, etc), then make an appointment to chat with one of the trainers for a while.  Just be honest and explain to them what is going on with you, and they will understand. Understanding blocks like this is part of what they do, and they can help you with it. 

As for me, I am just impressed that you go to a gym.  I have to work out at home because I can't stand the 'comparitive factor' of the gym.  So you're not as weak as you perceive yourself to be.  Go there, talk to them.  It's part of what you pay for. 

You'll be fine.

wickedsam, thank you very much. I haven't been there in about 21 days :( It is also hard to find a support system.

21 days?  That's not so much! Three weeks!  I can tell you want to do this, and I promise you - no one there is going to give you a hard time! Go on in, speak to someone, tell them what's up - they'll help.  Heck, talk to a trainer on the phone if you feel too bad to go in - let them talk you into it.  Support IS important, but it's really obstinance that makes you lose weight.  Plain old hardheadedness.  Think about the things you're stubborn about - are any of them as important as your health and your desire to be the person you want to be?  Seriously - wanna talk about no support? My husband keeps chocolate and donuts in the house.  Argh! But I have a goal, and I will reach it.  Last year, I weighed in at 175lbs. I'm 5'2", so that was pretty hefty.  And I decided that at some point, I would weigh at 40 what I weighed when I was 20 (120 lbs).  It's been slow going, and I turned 40 in December - but I only have 15 lbs to go! I'm dieting harder than ever, I feel better than ever, I still despise exercise with all of my being but I do it anyway - because I'm obstinate.  I'm hardheaded.  And when I do it, I'm going to throw myself an awesome party!

Get in touch with your inner stubborness!

And call your gym.  :-)

Sam

My second reply, because I'm enthusiastic.  :-)

My friend Wes (who is a smart and very good looking guy) wrote this in his journal, and I will quote him directly.  The reason why, is that I want you to understand that attractiveness has nothing to do with cottage cheese thighs or anything else that's physical (as long as you smell okay, lol!).  It's all about confidence, and the guys worth having know that.

And I quote:

"You know, I thought we, as a civilization, had moved on from waif culture. You know what I mean -- the late nineties, Ally McBeal, Bridget Jones, can't-be-too-rich-or-too-thin, crash diets, near-skeletons on Cosmo covers, unwarranted insecurity, etc.

Today's woman, I figured, is totally past all that. She looks back on such antiquated ideas with derisive laughter. She then pops a chocolate bonbon in her mouth, still chuckling, and walks out into the world, where her glowing confidence attracts all men, some women, and a few precocious children. Total strangers nudge each other and whisper "Who is that goddess?" as she struts by.

Well, I am informed that I am wrong, and waif culture is still with us... and that I haven't done my part to fight it.

So -- if you are female and struggling with this kind of thing, or even just female and not struggling -- I humbly propose this simple, five-step plan:

1. Each week, take off some or all of your clothes.
2. Photograph yourself using a digital camera.
3. Send the photo(s) to me.
4. Don't be shy. I'm a professional. It's nothing I haven't seen before.

In return, I promise that

5. I will respond with many, many prompt and flattering remarks.

These remarks will be both sincere and convincing. You will come away from the experience refreshed and radiant, surer of yourself and your sex appeal -- a new, strong, confident woman.

Just do it! It's all about the new you!"

See what I mean? :-D

I get in that mind-set too....I'm always wondering if people are staring at me and I don't want to go, I can think of a million reasons not to walk in that gym door. But I do it because I want to feel better about me. At the end of the day, it isn't about anybody else at that gym, or anyone around me, it's about me. And I want to look good for me, I want to prove to myself that I can do it no matter what. So I keep going. I pay an ungodly amount of money for the gym and a personal trainer and it is totally, completely worth it. You need to get your butt in that gym, it will conquer so many of  your fears that reside in your head. You will realize that you can do it, that nobody cares what you look like, they are only focused on themselves. That took me awhile to realize because I thought everyone was staring at me, with nasty thoughts and all that. But they aren't. They are totally into what they are doing and they could give a rats hiney what you are doing. So go in there, put on some music, and run/lift weights/whatever it is you do. Focus on yourself, find that spot in your brain that wants you to look good, and concentrate. It's hard, you will struggle at first, but I promise you will get into it. After that first time, you will realize it wasn't that bad and you will go back a second time. Then a third. Try switching up the times you go...early morning or afternoon or evening, whatever you can fit in. And if those trainers/receptionists/anyone else say hi? Say hi right back, give a smile, and continue on your way. I swear they will all be rooting for you. My trainer gets personally hurt and offended if people don't continue training or treat it like it's not important, so I know they will all be so proud that you are walking back into that gym. That is all they want to see.

Wow got a little long-winded there but I hope it helped you. Go for it and let us know how it went! I promise you the world won't end :)

Safina1, my story is not the same but it is a story of a mental barrier related to my appearance that kept me from going to the gym, and in retrospect I see it for what it really was: an excuse.

When I first started trying to get in shape, I was working out at the YMCA near my house.  They had great equipment and cheap trainers on staff, but I would only go once or twice a month, and I tried to go when no one else was around.  Although I wasn't as skinny or toned as all the other women there, what really kept me from going was, of all things, shaving my legs.  I hate shaving my legs, and since I don't wear shorts that often I usually only do it about once a week, but since I prefer gym shorts to gym pants (which make me feel completely overheated), I felt like a slob going to the gym with hairy legs.

Like I said, in retrospect it sounds really, really dumb.

It took a major realization for me: no one, no matter how skinny or toned or gorgeous otherwise, is going to look great while they're working out.  More to the point, no one who's working out seriously is really going to look at me while I'm working out, because they're concentrating on something else.

Finally, you might have gained back some weight, but the important thing is you're not letting it stay on.  I know some snarky people, and not one of them has ever said anything bad about someone who came to the gym again after gaining some weight because ultimately, they're doing what they need to be doing.  If anyone does judge you, or if that's not enough to get rid of your mental barrier, I recommend snagging an ipod or a CD player and an audiobook.  If you're caught up in someone else's world (I listen to Harry Potter ), it's a lot harder to worry about what people might* (*read: only-in-your-head) be thinking/saying/wondering about how you look.

nevarren, thank you so much. I love Harry Potter. I went to the gym today after a whole month of absence. I was like MY GOD, I want to disappear but it was quite and I enjoyed my workout.

I think I managed to break that mental barrier but emotionly I am a bit blue over this weight gain.what are good strategies to feel better?